Getting back on the horse

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

For those of you who read my post a week back, you will remember I suffered a bit of a panic attack while at the mall. My intent was to go to another mall (city core) and conquer that fear. In the end, I figured the best thing would be to return to the field of defeat and come out swinging.

So I took the bus back to the mall and went jean skirt shopping a second time. Things went well and with the exception of an odd giggle from some teen girls and the odd WTF stare from some younger men, I went about my business unscathed. I went to the place were all the benches are as I find that is where most of the men sit while waiting for their wives as that is where I met that hateful gaze last week.

I slowed down and purposely met every gaze I could. Now I did not receive any hateful stares like last time (more curious glances) but, I did get a rather annoyed looks from an older guy (well older as in my age). So . . . I sat down beside him on the bench and began checking my e-mail on my phone. He promptly go up and moved. The lady sitting across from us smiled at me and said "Well dear, I dare say you will be the topic of conversation tonight"

I have to admit I was a bit miffed by the bolting reaction of the guy but the lady put me at ease. In fact we talked for a half hour about CDing as she was genuinely curious.

BTW still did not get my skirt as I all I could find in denim was mini skirts and this gal is a bit past her prime for mini skirts . . . oh well there is always next time.

Hugs

Isha

[Shirley Anne]

Well done Isha, its just a pity the majority cant have the same attitude as the lady opposite you.

[Renee_B]

Glad you were able to conquer your fear!

[samantha rogers]

Isha, that is so inspirational! I am so proud of you for doing that. You rock, honey!

[kimdl93]

That's the way to do it. I particularly appreciated the finishing touch of sitting down next to the apparently disapproving male. If I could talk to him, I would ask why he lets his assessment of others bother him so much. I imagine he walks through life upset and angered by all sorts of things he finds disagreeable.

The lady's reaction may well represent the more common attitude I encounter. Sympathetic and curious.

[Teresa]

Well done Isha I'm sending you a medal, where you pin it is up to you ! I knew there would be a next time ! I can't believe you passed over on the mini skirt, you don't need a special license to wear one, mine is a special treat to soak some sun up in the garden, when I've ticked the jobs off the wife's list.

[Sophie Yang]

Isha,

I assume it was the hips that came out swinging. Curious as to what kind of questions the lady sitting across from you asked, did she come over to your bench to have this conversation or was it across the open space between the benches?

When I was in SF I rode many different forms of public transportation. My expectation was always if there was going to be an issue, it would have been on the bus and not the malls. Fortunately never really had an issue.

Finding that denim skirt is just another reason to get back on the horse and go out again.

[Jackie7]

Way to go, Isha. You're battling for all of us. You must have been a terror of a platoon leader in the military, I bet your team would follow you into the very jaws of hell.

[Marcelle]

Isha . . . Curious as to what kind of questions the lady sitting across from you asked, did she come over to your bench to have this conversation or was it across the open space between the benches?

Hi Sophie,

She started on the bench opposite but moved to my bench once we started talking. Most of her questions related to the typical "Do I consider myself a woman?" "Am I gay?" "Did I always know I was a CDer?" She was surprised that I was married and my wife was accepting. Some of the conversation was just pleasant chit chat as well.

Hugs

Isha

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Isha ... Great job in facing , acting upon & resolving your fear. I have nothing to add other than I truly respect & enjoy you . Peace , mel

[PaulaQ]

Hey Isha, I just wanted to tell you that you are super brave. I know trans women who are on HRT who'd have trouble going back out after something like that, and it's life or death for them. Much respect for your courage honey, you really are so brave.

[Jenniferathome]

... The lady sitting across from us smiled at me and said "Well dear, I dare say you will be the topic of conversation tonight"

I have to admit I was a bit miffed by the bolting reaction of the guy but the lady put me at ease. In fact we talked for a half hour about CDing as she was genuinely curious.

...

This is a fantastic outcome. I'd bet she knows a cross dresser....

[Katey888]

Nice Isha - very cool, you...

As Mr Punch says: "That's the way to do it..."

Katey x

[Persephone]

Awesome, Isha! You rock!

BTW, I have two denim skirts that are rather short/mini and wear 'em often when out with my other senior friends and have not had a single negative comment. And believe me, I'm definitely in the "old broad" category! Don't be shy, try one and see if it works for you.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ReineD]

Isha, if you don't mind I'd like to ask a question. Why did you sit next to the guy who seemed to disapprove of you the most?

I read your post last week about the panic attack. I didn't respond, but I do sympathize. None of us enjoy seeing disgust in other people's eyes for who we are. I've run into similar things. I've done things in the past that others found objectionable and some of the parents of my children's school friends could not forgive this. Their prejudice stood in the way of any desire to get to know me if only to ascertain that my current behavior was not disgusting.

I learned over the years that not everyone feels as they do, and to just leave it alone. Nothing is to be gained by trying to convert a disbeliever.

Did you sit next to the man to shock or make him feel uncomfortable, or in the hopes that he would strike a conversation so that you could convert him? Or are you trying to inure yourself against those who do not agree with cross-gender expression? You seem to have adjusted to this pretty well already.

I think you should just accept there are some people who will never be OK with this, and move on. Let those people be. I'd hate to think that one of them would react in a violent way.

I do think it is wonderful that you returned to the mall though, and I'm sorry you didn't find a skirt. I have the Not Your Daughter's Jeans denim skirt in a darker wash, and it looks fabulous!

http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/womens-n...e=&segmentId=0

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

well done isha you are a credit to the transgendered community sis

[Genny B]

Wow, I think I missed last weeks post and to be honest, I'm afraid to go look for it right now. I am glad to hear the 2nd time out went well! I can't imagine sitting down next to someone I don't know while dressed! You are very brave!
Genny B

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ishha, That was a great story especially the part about the little old lady.

[Melissa18]

Hi Isha,
Good on you for getting back out there!
Hugs Adelaide

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks very much for you kind comments and replies. I do want to note that my decision to sit beside the gentlemen had nothing to do with being antagonistic. I did it mainly because I needed to in order to bring closure to a minor setback earlier.

I will admit . . . I hate to loose. The stare I got from the gentlemen a week ago was hateful and it threw my game off . . . I was not liking that feeling and it was affecting my interaction among the world while "en femme" (I started to avoid crowded venues where I might have to sit next to people or come in close contact). I needed to sit beside this gentleman to prove to myself I could if push came to shove sit next to someone who does not like/tolerate what we do. I find the more I go out, the more I have to interact up close and personal with people (say for example public transport). Some people may be accepting, some may merely tolerate, others will not like it one bit. However, I feel have the right to sit where I need to sit just as I would if I were dressed "en boy".

Hugs

Isha

[Shellycd12]

Isha,

That is a great story. Sorry you could not find the skirt you want but your confidence really inspires me. Thank You.

Shelly

[ReineD]

I feel have the right to sit where I need to sit just as I would if I were dressed "en boy".

Yes, of course you do. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't have the right to sit anywhere you want to, sorry if this is the way it came through.

Thanks for responding. I do understand the need to overcome unpleasant experiences.

[Christen]

Well done Isha!! Can't think I'd ever be that brave.

Christen x

[sanderlay]

Good for you Isha!



A clip from the movie... Galaxy Quest (1999)

Hugs,
Debbie/Steve

[trisha kobichenko]

Way to go girl. you inspire me.
hugs, trish