I have wanted to tell my wife that I am a Cross Dresser and tell her on my terms. Well she figured it out herself. When I got home yesterday she was in a weird mood and I knew something was bothering her. After a while she says, “We need to talk about your feminine side.” Gulp, gulp! Caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”, I asked. She said that she knew I was hiding something and that she thought it had to do with my feminine side (her term). With a big breath I said that I am a Cross Dresser and have been since I was 10 years old. She acknowledged that she thought that it is something that one is born with and not a just a whimsical hobby. She says she is not sure how she’ll handle it and asked if it’s a thing that wives get involved in. I just said YES, however, no response to this. She said that she knew I wasn’t gay but wanted to know if I went somewhere to dress or went to clubs or just what goes on behind her back. I explained that I do not dress very often and that I mostly enjoy thinking about it often. I dress on the occasions when she is not at home for extended periods. I don’t have much more of an opportunity as she leaves later than I do and is home usually before me. I assured her that I don’t wear her clothes behind her back, even though she has many items that I’m sure would fit me. I did admit to trying on some shoes and one particular bra and panty set. She thanked me for my respect for her things but said she probably wouldn’t want to share her clothes. I believe she is still digesting her thoughts about me and this aspect of my life.
What she was really mad and disappointed about was that I hid it from her not the cross dressing. I explained that I didn’t intend to have this as part of our life but I now realize that it is something that I cannot make go away. I tried to give it up after my divorce. I purged all of my girlie things of over 20 years worth of dressing. I grew a beard and just quit involving myself in my past habits. For about five years it went OK but then I came across a pair of shoes that were my size and, open the flood gates!!!, my feelings came back big time. Last night I told her that I kept all this to myself because of several reasons but mostly to protect her and because I didn’t want to lose her. I love her very much. I didn’t want to have happen again what my ex-wife did. My ex-wife agreed to keep my secret and that it would be just between us. Well she outed me at a therapist’s office and after the session she screamed it to everyone who was in shouting distance as we exited the building, a crowded one at that. I was very embarrassed to say the least.
I regret not having the guts to start the conversation and to trust that she could handle it. I not sure if she going to handle it well but I have spoken with her this morning and again this afternoon and she was in a good mood.
I would like to thank all of those here who have talked about this situation because without having had read and learned about what to say it would have been much more awkward than it already was. I would also like to encourage all those who are in a similar situation as I am to find the courage to discuss this and be open about it. I am actually very relieved that she now knows and it can only get better from here on.
Love, Jo