I Knew It Would Happen One Day

[Joanne08]

I have wanted to tell my wife that I am a Cross Dresser and tell her on my terms. Well she figured it out herself. When I got home yesterday she was in a weird mood and I knew something was bothering her. After a while she says, “We need to talk about your feminine side.” Gulp, gulp! Caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”, I asked. She said that she knew I was hiding something and that she thought it had to do with my feminine side (her term). With a big breath I said that I am a Cross Dresser and have been since I was 10 years old. She acknowledged that she thought that it is something that one is born with and not a just a whimsical hobby. She says she is not sure how she’ll handle it and asked if it’s a thing that wives get involved in. I just said YES, however, no response to this. She said that she knew I wasn’t gay but wanted to know if I went somewhere to dress or went to clubs or just what goes on behind her back. I explained that I do not dress very often and that I mostly enjoy thinking about it often. I dress on the occasions when she is not at home for extended periods. I don’t have much more of an opportunity as she leaves later than I do and is home usually before me. I assured her that I don’t wear her clothes behind her back, even though she has many items that I’m sure would fit me. I did admit to trying on some shoes and one particular bra and panty set. She thanked me for my respect for her things but said she probably wouldn’t want to share her clothes. I believe she is still digesting her thoughts about me and this aspect of my life.

What she was really mad and disappointed about was that I hid it from her not the cross dressing. I explained that I didn’t intend to have this as part of our life but I now realize that it is something that I cannot make go away. I tried to give it up after my divorce. I purged all of my girlie things of over 20 years worth of dressing. I grew a beard and just quit involving myself in my past habits. For about five years it went OK but then I came across a pair of shoes that were my size and, open the flood gates!!!, my feelings came back big time. Last night I told her that I kept all this to myself because of several reasons but mostly to protect her and because I didn’t want to lose her. I love her very much. I didn’t want to have happen again what my ex-wife did. My ex-wife agreed to keep my secret and that it would be just between us. Well she outed me at a therapist’s office and after the session she screamed it to everyone who was in shouting distance as we exited the building, a crowded one at that. I was very embarrassed to say the least.

I regret not having the guts to start the conversation and to trust that she could handle it. I not sure if she going to handle it well but I have spoken with her this morning and again this afternoon and she was in a good mood.

I would like to thank all of those here who have talked about this situation because without having had read and learned about what to say it would have been much more awkward than it already was. I would also like to encourage all those who are in a similar situation as I am to find the courage to discuss this and be open about it. I am actually very relieved that she now knows and it can only get better from here on.


Love, Jo

[Fallen Angel]

WEll im glad that you opened your self to her and was honest.Belive me being foward always works out much better! After she absorbs this all Invite her to look at the forum who knows she may even become a member. good luck to you and my thoughts are with you xxxxx

[NinaV]

that she was rather upset about you hiding it from her than crossdressing itself is a good and less good thing. It seems you can continue openly to crossdress but you have to work on gaining her trust in general that is somewhat shaken now.
It sounds thou like you have good cards in your hands over all.
good luck

Nina

[paulaN]

I wish you the very best of luck. It sounds like your wife is cool with it so far but only time will tell. keep on talking and keep on gurlin.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Joanne

I hope this goes well for you two, sounds like you're off to a good start. One suggestion that helped us out, now that the truth be known be honest and open about everything, hold nothing back. Once you knock a wall down it's best to clear away the rubble, you might trip on it later.

GypsyKaren

[DonnaT]

I too believe she is handling it pretty well so far.

She's asked about getting involved, so unless you made posts on here you don't want her to read, ask her to join the forum and talk to the SOs here so she can get a feel for how other SOs participate.

Good luck.

[Joanne08]

Thank you Ladies, especially to you Karen for the good advice about holding nothing back and to you Donna about the forum. I'm not sure I want let her read all my posts though, I will have to think about that, but I would like her to join and discuss this with other GG's.


Love, Jo

[Julie York]

Good luck to you. It is one of those situations that simmers away with little breakthroughs and she does sound a sensible woman acting like anyone would. Now is the time to be totally open and honest and then let her digest it all. The main thing to keep stressing is that you have not changed one bit. She just knows more about you. You are still the person you always were, good bad, warts and all, but still the same.


Good luck.

[SandraInHose]

As a matter of fact, we had the same conversation last night on the way home from dinner. (I was discovered about two years ago after 17 years of marriage.)

1. "Why didn't you tell me?" Answer: I don't know.

2. "Why did you lie to me for so long?" Answer: I didn't lie...I just kept a secret. (wrong answer, by the way)

3. "I probably would have left if you had told me early in our marriage."

and

4. "If I had come home and found you all dressed up, I probably would have turned around and never came back. Answer: Well, there's your answer to question #1.

5. "You should have told me." Answer: didn't say anything...just shook my head in exasperation.

Thankfully, we have reached a compromise with which we both can live. As I stated before, it can be a 3 steps forward, 2 steps backward, but it usually stays on the plus side of things.

[MsJanessa]

good luck

[AprilMae]

I had been mulling spilling the beans recently, but just this week she beat me to it! The found my stuff and just point blank asked. I told her and she said fine. Clothes are clothes, if they make you happy, fine by her. We haven't had time to discuss it in length, but she appears to be willing to participate at least to some degree. I figured she might,as I have been dropping hints over the past few years and she has responded positively. But that's another story for another thread I'm sure. the best part is I was trying to figure out a way to sneak off to see Transamerica, but know I can take her.

[Miss Lulu]

Wishing you the best, to you and your wife. I guess it was just a matter of time for her to find out. From what I understood; I think your wife has somewhat accepted you as a CD and just need some time to come out of shock. And the fact that she was in a good mood this morning and afternoon looks promising.
Good luck!

[TGMarla]

Seems we all come to this cross-roads sooner or later. Seems like a lot of us do, anyway. My thoughts are with you and I hope for the best for both of you. Keep us posted.

My wife has been more loving towards me since I disclosed everything to her. Yet it is still a subject that we have not brought up or spoken of since then. I cannot ignore her reaction, as I was expecting a real cold shoulder for a long and extended period of time. But she was nothing of the sort. If anything, she has been calmer, closer, more content, and just better with me since then. I have wondered it it is because in spite of the contents of the letter I wrote her, at least she knows now that she finally has the truth, and all of the truth. Or perhaps I'm only imagining that.

So I'm not through with my cross-roads yet, and yours is upon you, too. I'm with ya, sister!

[RenaCD]

Joanne take it slow very slow on her terms and be truthful, think about your answers very carefully. Don't take anything for granted. Even the fact that she may already have visited this forum. She was smart enough to marry you so don't sell her short now is the time for truth and Respect!

Thinking of you both Rena

[HaleyPink2000]

Joanne

Thanks for sharing this with us all here. I am sure that this will help many other Girls on here. As you did indicate, it takes us pulling for each other.
I'm pulling for you my Sister. I so hope all goes well for you.

Haley

[KateW]

Hi Joanne,

I found that it really helps to explain that you are still the same person, and the clothes helped shape the person that she has already grown to love. Reassurance and trust are definately key.

I wish you the very best of luck!

Hugs,

Kate

[nancy58]

I understand your wife's reaction of feeling hurt that you kept your crossdressing a secret from her. For me, that was the biggest part of the guilt, and getting rid of it was one of the best things I ever did. Wives don't want you to have secrets other than what's for their birthday, and a wife who is worth keeping is worth giving your complete trust to. If you turn the table around, you don't want your wife keeping something as big as this is a secret from you.

"Participation" by wives can mean several things, and you need to be careful to understand what you and your wife mean. One kind of participation is having sexual relations while you are dressed in feminine garments. Another is accepting your wearing feminine clothing around the house or in bed, or tolerating your wearing make-up, shaving your legs, etc. And still others are helping you select clothing, do make-up, or venturing out into the real world with you en femme. Your wife may accept, or even be into one thing and not another. Be sure you respect her comfort level, whatever it is.

You've crossed the threshold into improving your relationship with your wife. You still may need counseling jointly or separately, but you're on the way. And please tell your wife she's welcome here. We'll help her understand you and us, and she'll help us understand genetic women, too.

[Rachel Morley]

It's a bit early to say, but I'm getting a feeling that there is a real chance of a positive outcome here. I mean to say that she seems like a very smart lady who has a tolerant attitude. Add to this the love between you and you know....I think this is going to work out.

A little bit of undersatnding of both of each other's point of view and....well, you never know. Good luck and here's hoping!

[Janelle Marshall]

Thanks for sharing your story. The advice to go slowly is also sound. But do go forward. Your story is very much like mine to this point. I would only remind you that you have had many years to grow comfortable with your dressing, whereas she has had days! One of the lighthearted comments my wife made after our early discussions was that she needed to get prepared for her "outing". This really made me realize more of her perspective with my dressing, but I took it as a positive sign. Give your wife lots of chance to ease into this. Good Luck! Janelle

[Sweet Susan]

Thank you Ladies, especially to you Karen for the good advice about holding nothing back and to you Donna about the forum. I'm not sure I want let her read all my posts though, I will have to think about that, but I would like her to join and discuss this with other GG's.


Love, Jo

I actually think you'll be okay. You can delete your posts, you know. Of course, if you tell her about the forum, then you'll never be able to tell us things that you may not want to tell her. Then again, if you tell us stuff and don't tell her you'd be keeping secrets, so it's the old catch-22. Of course if you don't tell her about the forum, you're also keeping secrets. Damn! You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Damn it. Good luck to you. I think it's gonna be A-O-K. Just between you and me and everybody on the net, I try really, really hard not to keep secrets, but I've been on this forum for about 14 months, and I don't discuss it at the dinner table.

[Joanne08]

Thanks everyone for your replies and welcome support. To kept you posted, nothing has been said since our discussion the other night. It's kind of an uneasy feeling because I've wanted to gush it all out, but I will take it slow. One thing though, she has been very loving and touchy feely towards me since the other night. I think she is very relieved that something bigger (what could be bigger than this to me?) wasn't at the root of our problem.


Love, Jo

[Julia Cross]

[QUOTE=Joanne08]I think she is very relieved that something bigger (what could be bigger than this to me?) wasn't at the root of our problem.

There's an interesting point, that you feel nothing could be bigger than crossdressing. If you put that into context of everyday life, and truly think about it, there are many far bigger issues, we and our partners need to view crossdressing far less critically and accept it for what it is.

Yes, easier said than done, but it really isnt that big a deal.

Julia

[spaskinstyle]

I've think you've got yourself a Keeper!

Good Luck Hon, it'll work out.

Love, Theresa

www.SpaSkinStyle.com

[Charlene Marie]

Wonderful for you Joanne. I've been there and done that almost 23 years ago.
The relief of her knowing is great peace of mind for you, nows the time to discuss it once in awhile with her. When she realizes that it's not something kinky or sick but a genuine need of yours and many others, perhaps she can have fun with it too, or at least have a better understanding of this thing we love. Bes wishes to the both of you.

Charlene Marie

[simonep]

Good luck, telling my wife was about the best thing I did, apart from marrying her. It has got the secrets out of the way. Secrets lead to lies, distrust and the end of relationships.

Love

Simone