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Thread: Normal is a Vanishing Point

  1. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    If I can boil it down for you Lea ...
    What a chef!

    Question - WHEN did you find (or start feeling) it was no big deal?
    Lea

  2. #27
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    hmmm...
    I don't really remember except to say that it was incremental and it was after I started living full time.

    It all seems like a blur

  3. #28
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    There are some who say they are too intimidated to post here and others who describe that as shameful, but I cannot agree.

    I actually can relate to that timidity..i took a long time before I was comfortable posting here...
    but I didn't blame anybody else...

    Shameful? No way.. I will tell you what's shameful.

    People that pour their heart out month after month getting told they are doing something wrong because somebody can't find the courage to post....or because somebody is so desperate for somebody else to tell them they are transsexual but fear a different answer..

    In this world one of the thing that bothers me the most is people that don't take responsibility for their own selves. its always somebody else's fault...
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 04-18-2014 at 12:13 AM. Reason: removed quote of deleted post and substituted a context

  4. #29
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaP View Post
    ......or you could be those whom I met in my dreams.
    “I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours” ― Bob Dylan, 1962

    Lea, I love your mind, but some times I think you are way over thinking things, which is normal. I certainly did before I made that "final" decision to transition. I can't say how my mind changed 180 degrees overnight, but when it happened I knew I was going to live the rest of my life as female. Prior to that moment, I always thought I could never live daily fulltime, but when it happened, I just knew I could. Actually I can't imagine going back. There is nothing to go back to.

    It's obvious you are in deep struggle about it and I don't know how to fix that, other than to say that it's OK to keep struggling and it's OK to never transition. But, if and when you do, I believe you will know that you need to with all your heart and you will have a peace about it. It will still be hard to tell others who are close to you, but as you tell them, it gets easier. And then the time comes after you transition fulltime, that it turns out to be "no big deal". After I got my drivers licence, when I was 16, I kept waiting for the drama of having my licence and driving to hit me. It never did. It just became "no big deal".

    I just want to encourage you that you are exactly where you need to be right now and when the time comes, if it does (and that's not to say that I doubt you, at all), you will know it with all your heart. And then you will be ready to move on with your life.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  5. #30
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    Joni, thank you – really – but in this case the concern is entirely misplaced. I am neither overthinking nor struggling. Quite the opposite! The struggle is long over. I made the decision that I would transition some time ago. The thoughts that I have expressed are largely a recap of advice that I recently gave to someone else. But since they tied so many recent thread topics together, I thought I would toss them out here.

    Some of the ideas are familiar and common. If there is anything novel here, it is bringing together the ideas of an increasing knowledge of normalcy and synchronously receding sense of separate gender identity, then using that to make an inference into the meaning of transsexuality. A bright mirror, as Kathryn put it.

    I have arrived at an apprehension of the peace about which you speak. That is, I may not live it yet in every respect, but its effect on me is already profound. There is not only no struggle or identity crisis, but identity itself has (in my own phrasing) receded to the vanishing point. All that is left is work to do. Normal, whether positive in it's implications or not.

    There is a corollary, which I have not mentioned. And that is that normalcy is founded upon doing things that are right and real. All I need do to bring on the storms is to stop or divert. This gives me an entirely different view as to what it means to be compelled to transition. To not stay the course is to revert to what I have lived. There is no peace there…

    The reference to dreams doesn't mean what you think ... but I think I prefer not to explain it.
    Last edited by LeaP; 04-16-2014 at 07:06 PM.
    Lea

  6. #31
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaP View Post
    All that is left is work to do. Normal, whether positive in it's implications or not.

    There is a corollary, which I have not mentioned. And that is that normalcy is founded upon doing things that are right and real. All I need do to bring on the storms is to stop or divert. This gives me an entirely different view as to what it means to be compelled to transition. To not stay the course is to revert to what I have lived. There is no peace there…
    I love what you said there Lea. When all deliberation comes to an end and you are who you are what is left is work to do. Remember the gates we talked about a year ago and when they fall open? Then there is nothing left but to walk, with purpose.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    In this world one of the thing that bothers me the most is people that don't take responsibility for their own selves. its always somebody else's fault...
    I agree, and this actually relates to the topic, some of Becky's responses, and my comment on control. I felt intimidated before posting in the TS forum also. I admitted it in my first post! I was also royally PO'd for a long time at you (Kaitlyn) for a comment I attributed to you that you did not actually make! (To everyone else ... we've discussed this.) All of this is symptomatic of wanting to have things the way I would have them. Control. My message. Stroke my needs (fear). My reactions, justified, and, mind you, I'm not talking about simple disagreement here, but the substance of responses.

    Is that normal or pathological? Substitute dysfunctional for pathological if you like.

    What IS normal? ... to take things as they come, and maintain your equilibrium. If you want to do those too intimidated to post here a favor, tell them to feel the fear and do it anyway. OMG is this place a cakewalk compared to what's going down elsewhere.

    I want to go back to my comment about doing what is real and right. How do you know what that is? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. But I can tell you this: somewhere along the path, as sinking identity passed rising normalcy, I stopped thinking about it! More accurately, I stopped obsessing over it and simply started dealing. My posts here are now mostly focused on conceptual and philosophical topics, like this one, or oriented around practical advice. No more weeping psycho self-analysis. (I save that for my friends… lucky you) I care very little what others think of my decisions and path. In fact, I know that some question some of the steps I've taken. How? LOL!! Because they told me …

    This is normal – to be open, vulnerable, and strong at the same time. Two years ago – never. Now – most of the time. Normal. Even when life sucks.
    Lea

  8. #33
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    I love it in here, and I consider it an obligation to add whatever I can to the general conversation, even when I make a fool of myself by punching above my weight. But I know that every experience can have meaning and value, and even when I'm at my lowest point, there may be something about what I share that could help someone else in a similar situation. I have gained immensely by being part of this "community," and would probably be worse off in every way if I'd never had the courage to sign up, and then speak up. This is where I can come to feel normal, even as my real life falls terribly short. It's another sort of normal from that which is under discussion in this thread, but it's a huge consolation.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    or because somebody is so desperate for somebody else to tell them they are transsexual but fear a different answer..

    In this world one of the thing that bothers me the most is people that don't take responsibility for their own selves. its always somebody else's fault...
    I don't think its something you can be told? You know from day one. The rest is finding the courage to be true to yourself.
    I met two TS that made me feel worse of, both lived full time but they would have me believe the world was against them. I decided I was better of on my own, the only person against you is yourself. Your just a stranger to everyone else, they have no interest to be against you.
    How you proceed in any walk of life will differ if you concentrate on negatives over positives and visa versa.

    Since being on hormones a certain part hasn't bothered me for a couple of months now, no more horrid sensation in the morning. I'm very content about that, the sooner it disappears the better. Someone else who was fulltime for years still struggled with the fact that her parts didn't work so well now. I don't get that myself, but does it make me right and her wrong?
    I only know what's right for me.

    This does raise a question I wonder at though.
    Im the kind of person that once settled will just live my life normally, as a woman (in whatever context that is lol). I have never been into the scene, always felt I don't belong.
    However, do I owe it to others to support and champion transexuals?
    How do you balance the two, does not one effect the other? Probably the route of my confusion.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 04-18-2014 at 12:21 AM. Reason: Reinstated part of what I had deleted

  10. #35
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Right Becky. You are not carrying water for people that don't post (for whatever reason)

    Some people come here to be transsexual. They have an idealized view of transition because its something they want to do.
    Sorry, but that can bother people that are making permanent life changes, many against very long odds.
    This is especially true when advice gets bandied about...and its far from shameful, in fact its appropriate and right to put experience up against somebody's idea of what it should be like

    The idea that the world is against you is just a fact, its not a question of negativity, its a question of being prepared for having experiences similar to what many transsexuals have experienced.
    It's not about telling a person what to do. It's about sharing experience to hopefully prepare someone to best get through a very difficult time.

    So I am saying to you Becky that concentrating on "positives" and "negatives" is not a mature and constructive way to approach things. Trying to do it alone is a big mistake.
    You actually should understand and concentrate on every possible negative. You should mentally, physically and emotionally prepare yourself for every possible outcome. You should try to find pockets of experience and support wherever you can.
    One of the biggest things you should be ready for is people NOT supporting you. This can be active in the case of people that disown you or usually its passive as people will drift out of your life..

    I met a lot of people that made me feel worse, I met a lot of people that were a total and absolute mess...and I said no way, not me. I agree with you on that one. But I learned a lot from them, and if I could help them I would.


    I don't believe I owe other transsexuals anything more than I owe somebody else. But I have a lot of information that I share. That information empowers me to help other people, and so I choose to try to help. I know a lot about finance as well, and I post on some financial message boards where people trade advice and thoughts (and bicker and bicker!!! and surely there are people afraid to post there too, but they don't send PM"s to people whining about it) that hopefully people find helpful.


    +++

    and finally Becky I think your last question is right on point of the topic... I don't have to balance anything! I feel normal. I do what I want, and I feel like myself doing it. I do not separate actions here from other "non ts" actions... this distinction no longer exists (this is kind of Kathryn's point). I also give speeches at colleges and some churches about my transition. None of this makes me feel any more or less transsexual, or more or less a woman.... I just feel like I feel, it is not an "issue" in my inner life..

    the only time its an issue is when its a practical reality. An old lien under my old name that must be cleared up for example...it especially comes up taking care of my kids who want me to be dad(which i'm happy to do)

  11. #36
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    I was talking specifically about the two people I thought I had befriended. My point being they failed to see when there was positives. So I distanced myself and I'm better off for it.
    I'm well aware of the negatives, fully prepared for the hardships, I expect things to be hard, but when they go well I hold onto it. Who in their right mind does this without knowing what it entails.
    When I told my family I expected the worse, but its been an amazing experience I want to share that.
    I'm doing it alone as so far I haven't met anyone mentally stable enough, to be considered helpful.
    Three months ago I was in a real vulnerable place, I ended up pandering to insecurities of a so called fulltimer, too self obsessed to give me any support whatsoever. I have discovered the same thing with three different fulltime transexuals/women. I hoped for some guidance, since then I have just concentrated on living. Its going well for me, isn't that a good thing?
    Must my spirit be beaten down.

  12. #37
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    I want to say boring, but it is not the best word I am sure. But its like pre transition there was always this inner conflict going on and having all that depression and anxiety to fight with. Then going through transition all the fear and stress of coming out, getting hrt, hair removal, legal issues, everything that I was so driven to push through. Today though that stuff is mostly gone, the gender conflict or being transsexual is not the dominant / primary thing going on with or that there is about me. It more just getting used to feeling alright for a change. Its new. Its not boring but very different then living with all that inner conflict and all that came with it. Then the question for me becomes now what? I am free of all that so what do I do?

  13. #38
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    I’m Doing Me and Being Me in the Normal Way

    Most trans people are normal trans people. There is no other kind of normalcy that is open to us. If there were more cismen and ciswomen who actively participated on this site then they would disabuse us of our notions of being normal in any other way.

    The only question you need to ask and answer for yourself is how do you want to be trans in your personal and particular way? Once you have settled on the answer then you can forget about the struggle that led you to it. It might be gracious of you to observe that your answer and similar answers by other people who are more like you don’t carry any more authentic weight than the ones that trans people who are more different from you apply to themselves.

    You can divorce yourself from the idea of being trans, but you can only do it by divorcing yourself from the truth.

  14. #39
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Do we have to look at normal as being do we all fit in to socity in a way and there are no differences say for men most do normal things like sport, work if theres family take thier kids to sports and dad teaches the boys how to be like dad a caring loving father, and keeps Mum happy.

    or a woman who is a mom looks after thier kids and loves doing what it takes to keep the household together and dad happy. and teach's the girls to be like Mom role models if you like,

    yet allows for differences along the way. or even role changes .

    are we all normal lets face it.....no , im certinaly not and dont wont or need to be, i dont fit your role model because i embrace both roles allways have done apart from i did not know any different and i still do.

    Class me as you like a non conformist. male female what ever, it does not matter. yet i do conform in many ways that are quite lovely, and with this is it about fitting in being a part of joining in with others again male or female, .

    So really is it about being normal after all or is it more than that, i belive it is, its really about being accepted for you , you are not a preconceved idear of you must be this way or your out,

    I dont know how you fit in or are part of any number of groups as i am yet im accepted as not being normal and different, what others see in myself and who i am they well over 1000 members with in our groups accept who i am why would they put me on commitees and in charge of different aspects of our groups, .

    you know i think the real lack is not allowing others into your lives if not why not ???.....

    Okay im female so.... intersex yes so...... thats not what im about thats my state after that who gives a dam.

    so your a dresser or yea lables trans ,,,,, come on so.....is that all this is about no.. unless you make it so. stop calling your self by these names and just be who you are, are you a male then go for it. are you a woman same again go for it, im accepted as normal just a female who is a woman,,,, big deal. oh did i say im weird oh yes that too.

    Yet you know i have such a lovely neat life, and please understand this .....WITH....MY....FRIENDS......who have made me ...THIER.... friend.

    ...noeleena...

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    Kathryn, if you no longer consider yourself transexual, why are you here?
    By your reasoning, you are no longer unwell, yet continue to visit the doctors.
    Becky, this place is anything but the doctors office!! This place is what it is, an Internet message board. Most of wht is shared here is opinion. I come here because it's fun and I get to meet some interesting people.

  16. #41
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    Yeah I know. I was just playing with her analogy. No harm meant.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 05-12-2014 at 10:57 PM. Reason: No need to quote the entire preceding post

  17. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink Person View Post
    Most trans people are normal trans people. There is no other kind of normalcy that is open to us. If there were more cismen and ciswomen who actively participated on this site then they would disabuse us of our notions of being normal in any other way.
    There appears to have been a threadsurrection ...

    There is a natural "trans" normalcy in play here - but that's not my topic. Where you take the normalcy of the trans condition (I prefer "predictable variation" over normal for this usage) and accept it as permanent, I take it as, well, transitory, and focused my OP on the apprehension of binary gender.That I AM forever trans in some ways is a given, of course. And it is not only gracious to extend the courtesy of accepting differing answers, it is accepting the obvious because of variations in trans identities and conditions.

    We part, however, at binary gender identity, by whatever name you care to use, trans or otherwise. Under this condition and this condition only, the normalcy of one's inborn gender can transcend any of the various trans identities and become unremarkable as such. THIS was my topic - the normalcy of the binary, the means by which it is apprehended, and it's implications.

    Your point on cis men and women is mooted by my perspective, as I believe my outlook is becoming effectively identical.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 05-12-2014 at 10:56 PM. Reason: Quote trimmed
    Lea

  18. #43
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    The Binary Has More Than Two Parts

    Lea, I’m not sure I understand your point of view, but it interests me.

    If you believe that the gender binary consists of two essentially homogenous groups of people that include some people who have somehow transitioned or made quantum leaps from one group to the other then I don’t agree.

    I believe that there are two gender classes, but each class is composed of significantly different types of members who have different grades of characteristics. It’s possible to find comfort in the class identity you share with everyone else in your class but this common bond isn’t a sufficient indicator of the actual diversity of gender characteristics that occur in any human population.

    If it makes you feel better then close your eyes to subordinate gender diversity in the binary groups. However, if you happen to open your eyes to it then you will notice it isn’t invisible. It also shouldn't trouble you much.
    Last edited by Pink Person; 05-13-2014 at 11:43 PM.

  19. #44
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    "Classes" is a useful term here so I'll expand along those lines.

    I think there are three broadly useful classes to consider in context: Two binary gender classes and one gender variant class. None are homogenous. GV people identify in a variety of ways, including non-gendered. No need to explicate here, I think. And all but the most strident (or perhaps insecure) people in the binary classes will acknowledge characteristics in themselves, or with which they resonate, and with which they associate with the other gender. Nonetheless, they affirm they are men or are women.

    So, while how gender is experienced is not homogenous in the so-called binaries, identity itself is a clear differentiator and in a particular way. Not because identity is fixed - as it may be also for gender variant people - but because it is normal in the population sense. (Again, biological variation and "normalcy" is a different topic.) Someone whose identity itself IS male or IS female has the potential to reach the same level of psychological gender normalcy as a cisgendered person, once transition difficulties have been worked out to the point of real integration.

    The potential is realized and regularly reported by by people post-transition. Not all, of course, and that's a ripe topic in itself. But the unremarkable normalcy and integration surely explains phenomena like the lack of a substantive post-transition community better than conspiracy theories about stealth and deception. Or the quieting of GD as something better than permanent acquiescence to an abnormality.

    The reported reality is more prosaic. Binary gender normalcy is not only the antithesis of denying trans identity, but "boring" as Kaitlyn revealingly described it. Getting there isn't a quantum leap. It is a matter of treating the condition, one symptom of which may be trans identity itself.
    Lea

  20. #45
    Gender Outlaw! vikki2020's Avatar
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    I'm going to guess that we are all mostly normal---but, now, we need a new normal. Or, does normal change for most people? Everyone evolves,to an extant. Say you have a job for 20 years, and every day is normal, then, you find yourself in a new work place. You need to search for a new normal there, and it finds you, after a while. Maybe the same applies for transitioning. It finds you, if you let it. "Normal" is being comfortable in your environment. Life exists at the bottom of the ocean, breaking all of the "normal" rules----don't tell them they ain't normal! Love this thread.
    "And if you want some fun, sing Ob-Bla-Di-Bla-Da!"

  21. #46
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    One interesting thing i have found while reading this thread is how one single word can be used in so many different ways. What kind of normal are we talking about, and are we all even talking about the same kind of normal?

    I once read that there three parts of our identity. What we are, what we think we are, and what others think we are. With that in mind, i think our sence of feeling normal come largely from the differences between those three parts.

    I see transition as the process of bringing all three parts into harmony. The self discovery, introspection, self acceptance are all part of bringing the first two parts together. Then coming out, physical changes, passing, and the like are bringing the last part together.

  22. #47
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    I agree, we can have variations on that definition..

    to me normal basically means "common" and so in this simple way, we will never be normal... one big impact of this is that nobody understands us... they literally cannot comprehend us, and so they judge us....
    we are very rare...can't change that.

    We have a number of choices as transsexual women and its interesting because I would guess that the way you feel about the idea of "normal" will influence you in many ways and especially in how you handle being transsexual..

    you may find it hugely important for the world to view you as normal.. you may find it totally unimportant or you may be fiercely proud of not being normal..
    or you may be inner focused and have a zen like focus on your inner self...

    all these things impact the way you live your transsexuality.... I must say that I was very focused on being just like everybody else..perhaps I longed for that feeling because I knew in my heart how different I was...I didn't "feel" normal.. but to all outer appearances I could not have been more normal... and I didn't think about feeling "not normal" very much...I lived through my outer self...

    over the years I suffered my normalness, but that just made me try even harder to be normal...I lived two lives... a normal and not normal life... its funny you can't really lie to yourself very well no matter how you try... so saying "im ok" in my mind worked moment to moment but over time it was a very destructive way to live... that's not normal.... I believe Lea this is what you might consider the condition to be.. it's not a good thing...its the gender dysphoria...it was this (unnamed at the time) feeling that drove me literally crazy and I became obsessed with FFS and then slowly realized that I had to transition or else...the inner feeling is what got me!!

    But when I transitioned I was very focused on the outer appearance... I craved to be "normal" on the outside. I delayed and made excuses about transition but it was all about the idea that I couldn't pass or I was too tall or I have a big scar on my eye....I could never be normal on the outside...but I had to transition and so I proceeded

    Sometimes I was so focused on the outside people were critical of me but I didn't care..i drove people nuts talking about it and changing my mind over and over..

    I finally got ffs..I got an eyelift...etc etc..I lost weight and got myself to a point where I passed with no effort. I appeared normal.
    Even my srs was outward focused in a way... My deep feeling was about being stripped somehow and not having to worry about my body parts... that was a literal thought in my head...by ALL outward appearances I became normal..even naked!!!

    what I didn't understand prior to transition was the idea that I would become normal on the inside too....
    just like on the outside I look no different than any other woman, on the inside I also feel no different than any other woman(or at least I think LOL!!)

    I didn't really expect that feeling. Over the years i kind of lost touch with the idea of how wonderful it would be live without the "Condition"
    the condition totally and completely went away....its an amazing change

    It's not perfect... damage was done...I have residual feelings of shame that still hold me back sometimes... I have learning to do about how to treat my inner self better(that's actually pretty normal i bet)
    but that's on me... that's something the normal me can work on hopefully...

    I am sure that some out there will have experienced it the same way...the rest will be totally different and a big part of that is what you think normal means to you.
    This is especially true if you feel being normal is an anathema to you. (lots of people I bet!)

  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xrys View Post
    ... What kind of normal are we talking about...
    Psychological normalcy from a binary gender perspective.

    A dictionary definition:

    Psychology.
    a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
    b. free from any mental disorder; sane.

    Using some of the trait descriptors sprinkled throughout the thread, this includes not thinking it unusual to take care of yourself, taking gender as a given instead of an extraordinary focus, experiencing gender as opposed to searching for it and - perversely - being unable to define or locate it, to live one life instead of two.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    ...

    over the years I suffered my normalness, but that just made me try even harder to be normal...I lived two lives... a normal and not normal life... its funny you can't really lie to yourself very well no matter how you try... so saying "im ok" in my mind worked moment to moment but over time it was a very destructive way to live... that's not normal.... I believe Lea this is what you might consider the condition to be.. it's not a good thing...its the gender dysphoria...it was this (unnamed at the time) feeling that drove me literally crazy ...the inner feeling is what got me!!

    But when I transitioned I was very focused on the outer appearance...

    what I didn't understand prior to transition was the idea that I would become normal on the inside too....
    just like on the outside I look no different than any other woman, on the inside I also feel no different than any other woman(or at least I think LOL!!)

    I didn't really expect that feeling. ...

    It's not perfect... damage was done...

    I am sure that some out there will have experienced it the same way...the rest will be totally different and a big part of that is what you think normal means to you.
    This is especially true if you feel being normal is an anathema to you. (lots of people I bet!)
    Generalizing psychological and emotional conflicts over normalcy as one way of viewing the condition makes a lot of sense in context, as I've conceptualized reaching gender normalcy as a prospect. (I.e., because I'm already seeing aspects of it materialize.)

    Like you, I did not expect this. Were I to articulate my former expectation, it would have been lessened conflict, a better accommodation. A truce, even. NOT unremarkable normalcy, the sense of confident obviousness replacing fearful projection. There are consequences to change and action, of course, but again, these are taking on an aspect of work to do as opposed to unpassable mountains. Damage, too, to your point. But that doesn't invalidate normalcy, just as tragedy in anyone's life need not destroy it. The best case is that such things deepen and enrich perspective and empathy.

    That some will have (or want) a different experience is a given, which is why I describe this as potential. I will say this - I tried for DECADES to make a virtue out of my issues. That introversion was focus, aggression was realism, tactlessness was honesty, etc. That wandering in the gender wilderness made me more empathetic. (Comical, considering the preceding list.). Every bit of it was trying to reach comfortable accommodation with things that were wrong with me, that were coming from internal conflict.
    Lea

  24. #49
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    you will know normalcy when you experience it,.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  25. #50
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    The Sad Truth Becomes Happy by Comparison to the Alternatives

    I think Xrys has given us a good summary of the sources of identity issues.

    I don’t think that significant gender variation affects enough people to merit its own gender classification. It’s fair to speak of gender being binary because for the overwhelmingly vast majority of people it is binary. For a very small minority of people gender is in a sense binomial, or a soft binary. These gender variant people merit sub-classification or types, not any higher order of description.

    I think it’s possible to transition from being one transmasculine type of person to another, from being a transmasculine type to being a transfeminine type, and from being one transfeminine type to another, and in each case vice versa. However, the path of transformation always begins and ends in transgender identification by any reasonable measure of meaning.

    Peace of mind is important. Looking for it makes us prone to embracing pipe dreams. Transgender people have predictable kinds of pipe dreams. They often involve magical transformations. I’m tempted to snicker when I hear some of them but usually they make me want to cry.

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