"Must be gay!" What part bothers you?

[Rogina B]

Is it the label itself,the ignorance of the labeling person,or the [possible] repercussions that bother you the most? I will add in that by my own experiences,feel that women are usually more reserved in their judgements. Sometimes I play up to those people that want to label! Often,when describing my work in the LGBT community on behalf of the UU church,I will just tell them that "I do all the queer things as ambassador for the UU church"..They don't know what to think as I beat them to the label! In fact I am doing a benefit race for the "queer kids" tomorrow morning! So,do the possible labels bother you?

[Tami Monroe]

I do not care what people label me as, considering I am not a gay man. Just bcause I like dressing in women's clothes, it does not mean I want to have sex with men. I am sure this is the same case with a lot of the members here.

[mechamoose]

It you are a het CD person, I can unerstand why this view upsets you. You are being lumped in with folks who are similar but different.

The mundanes don't have any way to tell us apart

Gay? You like bois and men? (hot & sweaty *grunt!!*)

Please stop being so hung up on expectations!

-MM

[kimdl93]

The implication that I might be gay was one of many things that afflicted me at one time. As though there was nothing worse. What a narrow world view I possessed at the time.

[sanderlay]

For me it's "the ignorance of the labeling person" that bothers me. Again why assume? (See my post on ass-u-me from yesterday.) Why this stereo type?

To be honest in the last year or so I've kind of given up worrying about being labeled Gay. I still remember The Flintstones opening song. At the end they say... "Will have a gay old time", gay meaning... lighthearted and carefree, nothing to do with a person's possible sexual orientation.

[Eryn]

At one time it bothered me, but these days I could care less. If folks think I'm a member of a highly creative, talented, empathetic, friendly, and wealthy subset of society why should I discourage them?

[Beverley Sims]

Gay,never worried me, that was for others who liked each other, I was weird I liked girls and shared their clothes and makeup.

[PaulaQ]

Geeze, life would've been so much simpler (and a helluva lot cheaper!) if I'd been born gay, rather than transgender.

[DebbieL]

When I was 16 years old, an older gay person told a group I was with "Your sexual preferences are based on your sexual fantasies, if you are a man who fantasizes sex with women, then you are heterosexual and that will probably never change. If you are a man and you fantasize having sex with a man, then you are homosexual and that will never change". In my fantasize I was always with a woman, but I was always a woman as well. I almost blurted out in the meeting "Oh my God, I'm a Lesbian!".

Many times, because I have always been effeminate (since at least 2 years old), in Jr High and High School, people often assumed I was gay. I would tell them the truth, I'd give them a little chuckle and say "Yes, I'm a Lesbian". Only the women with whom I was sexually intimate ever knew the truth, and they were very good at keeping my secret. Even they didn't realize how much I wanted to be a girl.

By college, I would have bisexual women as lovers, but usually about 2 years apart. I was still curious about "normal" sex, and when I finally did experience it, I still found that I enjoyed "lesbian style" more. Those women kept their bisexuality a secret almost as well as I kept my transsexuality a secret.

[Tina G]

For the past 3 weeks i have been slowly letting all my friends know about my crossdressing and that has been the main question asked which i have been prepared for. So far it's just been curiosity on their part and i've told them i am not, I guess i just have some really great friends that i should have told a long time ago. I'm just done Hiding for the most part, I am going to wait till my children are older and I feel they can handle it better since they are having to deal with me and my wife getting a divorce.

[Wildaboutheels]

The trouble with your Q is that it's impossible to know if it's simply a matter of "Ignorance is Bliss" and/or just a convenient excuse to stay in the closet? And claiming to know what others think/are going to think makes for a nice Catch 22.

Massive response to certain topics here indicate that many here might be bi [at least under the "right circumstances"] but very few are admittedly Gay.

I think most Gays are still in the closet for a # of reasons and I think CDers for the most part do not know more/understand any more than J D Public about Gay people. Gay men DO sometimes post to these type Qs and almost always say Gay men want MEN. NOT they want men dressed up as WOmen.

I posted a thread about 24 hours ago asking people's opinions about Gay portrayal in Media [in the Media Forum of course] but it was deemed an unsuitable topic and dismissed after an hour or two...

This one VVV [very similar] did manage to get some useful input from members less than a year ago.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/......&highlight=

[Joanne f]

Hello Rogina B,
I would think that there has been very few of use that has not been hit with that comment (are you /you must be gay) it does not bother me as I can see why they would have this reaction in a lack of understanding , I have found that most of the time it has been an abusive comment so I just ignore it but occasionally my daughter will walk in with her boyfriend and for a bit of fun will say " are you gay" and I always reply " no but think my boyfriend is " she knows I do not have one

[trisha kobichenko]

Huh??
Gay, nope!! Hetero, yep!! A little kinky and beyond the expectation of 'normal', absolutlely!!! The part that bothers me is the need for most folks to drop me into a bucket that does not have any relationship to who I am.

[AllieSF]

It doesn't bother me one bit. It is no different if someone asks you if you are Irish or Italian, or Catholic or whatever. If you are, you say yes. if you are not you say no and add any clarifying details that you want. People here and elsewhere get upset about being asked that question and go into to these super denial hissy fits and get all upset about it. That I do not understand. Is it true that those who deny the most are actually what they are denying? I do not know. Being straight is no better nor worse than being gay, lesbian, gay, TG or whatever. No need to take offense.

[noeleena]

Hi.

I escaped all that and no one said or asked, because i got in first and said this is what i am plus about our family as well. and this was done long before any one would think to say are you gay when they all knew i was intersexed,

People at least 95 % had accepted who i was with out other ? s being raised, and people have been good to me as well.

...noeleena...

[sometimes_miss]

The problem I have with being tagged as gay, is that it's difficult enough to get a woman's interest, without adding anything else that might turn her off. I work with women, and overhear a whole lot. Regarding one who was seeing another guy 'suspect' as a closet gay, the women at work just all assume he's just denying it to himself, and eventually he will turn out to be gay or 'a tranny'. Before I took the job I have, I would overhear both men and women refer to any guy in this field as just playing around, and should get a 'man's job'. Behind our backs, most assume we are gay, either in the closet, denying it to ourselves, or both. It's just another big reason I am not out, I don't want to encourage the stereotype any more than it actually is. A crossdresser? Everyone would automatically jump up and yell, 'SEE! I knew there was something queer about him! I knew it!'. Any guy working in any predominantly female profession is automatically assumed to be gay until proven otherwise. Hairdressers, nursery school teachers, nurses, flight attendents, fashion designers, salesmen of any female beauty or make up or any other female specific products, the list goes on. People just assume we're all gay. Now remember; any woman who might connect herself to us is also seen as perhaps less of a woman by not just men, but other women as well, because they assume that she can't attract 'a real man'. So, I stay deep in the closet. Why invite problems? Why make life more difficult than it is already? I can really do without all the drama.

[Katey888]

What part bothers me..?

Only the inaccuracy of it - and therefore the implicit ignorance of whoever is thinking it or saying it... and then beyond that, the fact that it is still used as a damning pejorative by many...

The other part that surprises me, is that you - Rogina - say that you play up to people who want to label, by reinforcing the incorrect belief that CD/TS folk are queer or gay... Tell me I'm misinterpreting that, please...? I'm sure you follow that up with a fuller explanation of how we're different to the LGB folks...?

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Other peoples' labels don't bother me because they are their labels, not mine. Labeling like talk is cheap and meaningless. Besides the fact that I have nothing to prove to anyone.

[Cheryl T]

As the saying goes, "call me anything, just not late for dinner".
Someone once asked me if I was gay. I quickly responded, "I'm not even happy right now!". That shut them up.

[Adriana Moretti]

i cant be bothered with other peoples ignorance..........

[I Am Paula]

Having been of both sides of the sexuality fence, and both sexes, makes it hard to even define homosexual. I can, but most people just imagine what they want, and I don't care.

[Marcelle]

Ah . . . labels again.

I personally don't care what people think of me. If they know I am TG and ask if I am gay as well, I will tell them the truth . . . "no" and that is where it normally ends. If they don't want to ask and run around thinking I am gay then that is their business.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rogina, It's like others have said before , Labels are for soup cans.

[sandra-leigh]

I used to get called "fag" on the streets (or walking through university campuses) or the corridors. Outside of school, it was people I did not know, people I did not recognize as ever having seen before, complete strangers who developed a revulsion to seeing me so quickly that they felt they had to say something in a disgusted tone of voice. Complete strangers who took at look at me and were revolted at my existence. I would be wearing the same kinds of things as everyone else, typically jeans and a shirt, so it wasn't based upon what I was wearing, but they would take a look and hate that I existed. People who didn't know a single thing about me other than what was right immediately in front of their eyes. I was scum, on sight. My existence was apparently a blight on the earth. Everything I had done, my hard work, my struggles, my good grades, my never getting into trouble, all worthless. No matter what I did, I was (and, given the time span, apparently would always be) subhuman garbage.

If they were people who knew more about me then they might disagree with my actions or priorities, they might conceivably have reason for hating me on sight, but they didn't know me. I was offensive just by existing.

Thus the problem with being called "gay" was that the people that did that were trying to hurt me just for being. Whether I was or was not gay was not especially relevant. I would mentally say, "And they aren't even right."

[mechamoose]

After reflecting on this thread more I find myself asking:

"Why does it matter if they DO think I'm gay?"

They don't know me. They don't have a clue about much of anything about me. Sure, they make assumptions based on my appearance.. but does that change ME? No.

Approval is something we all want. But I'm much more concerned with the approval of people I give a damn about than a random stranger. Why *should* I care what some stranger thinks? (Unless that stranger is chasing me with a stick, then I care.)

Why do you *care* of someone thinks/assumes you are gay? Are they gonna revoke your right to be Het?

I have to admit, I can no longer understand monosexuals. I like the person, regardless of parts. If I like you that much, I will play with whatever you have because it is *yours*.

<3

- MM