Do you think an unaccepting s/o is missing out?

[claire_hollinger]

Am I crazy, or have you ever thought that maybe an unaccepting s/o is missing out on a whole other side of you that they may love? I know women tend to be more comfortable in the company with other women, and i wonder if they're missing out on a deeper connection.

[Rachael Leigh]

It's funny you ask this, my non accepting spouse and I just talked about this and I really couldn't think of something that would benefit her. I mean I think we really just want that freedom to buy clothes and dress whenever. So is there a benefit to them? I'm not so sure

[Melissa_59]

I think so. I think this other side of us has so much to add to a relationship and unless someone is willing to even try, they have no idea how much they're missing out on. I know I'm only seeing this from my point of view, but I don't understand how people can be close minded about this.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Claire, coincidentally, I just responded to one of your responses in the loved ones section. Your wife is most certainly missing the joy , comfort , peace, love & laughter of Claire. She was once accepting of you. Something obviously changed. Is there any way that you two can bring everything out to the table in order to get a better understanding of why she has changed ? You are a cd for life. She must know that. You both need harmony in your marriage. I truly hope that you both can come once again to experience Claire together . Much peace & harmony to you both , Mel

[sanderlay]

Sure they would be missing out... but there is more going on than just this issue. It's not that simple.

[Teresa]

Hi Claire,
No your not crazy, my family are missing out on the best part of me. With their acceptance my tetchy guilty side would get better. The last talk I had with my wife I pointed out that as things are, part of me is always going to be a stranger to the family.

[Jenniferathome]

No, this is purely a cross dressers wish. The simple fact is that cross dressing is weird. No woman wants their husband or boyfriend to be weird. We are not "women" and not a "girlfriend." My wife who is totally accepting of my cross dressing and even goes out with me but would prefer I was not a cross dresser. It's a complication that is easier to NOT live with.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

Jennifer like yourself my wife is supportive and I couldn't say it any better than you did sis

[MatildaJ.]

I'm not more comfortable with women; I tend to feel there's a lot of judging and competition going on in a group of women.

I accept that my husband dresses, but I feel awkward and morose hanging out with "her." It's a lot like having an insecure teenager in the house, and I find myself wondering when she'll leave already.

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe, but looking at it from another perspective are they missing out on the male macho side that they thought they married.
There must be some disappointment there.

[suchacutie]

The advantages of transgendered/crossdressing spouse comes from the fact that we have a feminine self. I suppose that we could proceed to crossdress for a couple of decades and, having learned a lot about ourselves and at least the basics of growing up as a girl, we could then take all of that experience to a marriage without actually exercising that feminine side...but I doubt that is likely.

So, the practicality is that we need to exercise our feminine selves regularly, keeping current as with anything we do in a serious way.

My experience is that Tina brought a lot to our relationship. First, what crossdresser with a supportive spouse isn't going to reciprocate in an incredible manner to show his appreciation. Then there is the everyday understanding of what our wives go through to live their lives, both physically and emotionally. We really understand what it feels like to be frustrated by a broken nail or a terrible tube of mascara or "having nothing to wear". She can actually have a conversation with her spouse about anything, and her spouse is genuinely interested! We never say" I"ll never understand women!". We can comment intelligently on all manner of feminine topics that most husbands wouldn't have a clue about and wouldn't care! We literally can be girlfriend and husband at the same time, providing an emotional understanding and security most men would not even fathom could be a part of their marriage. .

I'm completely convinced that Tina makes a positive difference!

P.S. Thought I should add that not all spouses want the advantages that a relationship with a crossdresser can bring. It's their choice and we need to be up front about it so they can make that choice.

[ReineD]

You're saying that you and others like you are women (when dressed?) and that GGs who tend to be more comfortable in the company of other women miss out on something when they do not accept their CDing SOs?

This is confusing because unless you are transsexual (unless you believe that your body is not congruent with your inner gender identity), then you are not a woman. You are a male who crossdresses. You may be getting in touch with feminine proclivities, but this does not a woman make.

Are you TS?

I love to hang out with women and I fully accept my SO, but I do not see my SO as a woman. My SO is not transsexual. Also, my SO is the same wonderful person whether dressed or not.

[Karren H]

I will never find out the answer to that question.....

[Wildaboutheels]

You might be assuming that just because so few women are VISUAL creatures [like the vast majority of men are] that your "appearance" when dressed should not bother her in the least?

We all like what we like.

Your wife did not "find out" till 3 months into your marriage.

Would you be Ok if your wife decided she wanted to putter about the house, wearing undeniably guy clothes? Maybe beat up shoes, well worn clothing and possibly underwear with holes? And of course possibly keeping her breasts bound and sporting a "package". They would "just be" clothes/appearance items right? Surely you would get used to them.

Obviously SOME women will and do accept. Others set limits of some kind which IS their right btw. Others will tolerate DADT to some degree and some will flatly declare the marriage over and act accordingly.

Maybe YOU are missing out because your wife is not a CDer?

[RayanneA]

Being unaccepting and not understanding (this applies to almost anything, not just dressing in women's clothing) is why I got divorced a lot of years ago. But for her to be accepting when she discovered my "hobby" would have meant she was a totally different person than she really was. And I've been a better person without her.

So I guess she really is missing out. She doesn't have ME.

[Sandra]

But for her to be accepting when she discovered my "hobby" would have meant she was a totally different person than she really was.

Hmmm as an SO I'm not a totally different person. I'm more understanding but I'm no different

[LexiMD]

In my experience, this is very true. My S/O and i have been together for more than 25 yrs. She's known of my crossdressing since day one but refuses to accept it. Things were good up until i had to move in with her in 2008. Of course my wardrobe came with me and she's decided to ignore it, as long as she doesn't see me wearing it. As i write this, she's out and I'm dressed. She want's to get married and i've refused, not just because of the dressing issue but a serious jealousy issue she has. If she were even remotely accepting, i might be able to look past the other issues.
Lexi

[kimdl93]

That would depend on what you bring to the relationship and how it conceivably might be of value to her. I get the impression that accepting spouse do get some things of value: a deep intimate connection and sense that their CD partner trusted them enough to share this dimension. Some accepting wife seem to even have fun with it.

While I agree that this may be wishful thinking for many CDrs, at least a few couples here are making it a positive part of their relationships.

[PaulaQ]

In my case, my wife is definitely missing out on me, and I really wasn't an awful person to be around - quite the opposite, or so I'm told. On the other hand, I'm a woman, and she really doesn't like most other women, and she almost assuredly will NOT like me should she ever get to know me better. I am nothing like the type of woman she's ever befriended, and in fact I think I am the type of woman she doesn't like very much. That sucks. Plus, well, she's straight.

So yeah, I don't think she's missing out on anything. Money, mostly I guess - I make a lot of it, she doesn't.

It's a lot like having an insecure teenager in the house, and I find myself wondering when she'll leave already.

A lot of us really are like that - insecure teenage girls. I have to remember this whenever some of my friends complain about my clothes - they complain I dress like someone's mom...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I'm not missing anything, expect perhaps being married to a husband who doesn't crossdress. And if I did prefer the company of women, I wouldn't enjoy the company of a crossdresser now, would I. Or are we meant to pretend?

Jennifer said it perfectly.

[Eryn]

Everyone misses out on many things every day. I missed out on skydiving today and don't think I'm too distressed about that.

I think that an unaccepting SO is missing out on perhaps understanding her SO better. She may be missing out on social opportunities that are opened up by being TG. OTOH, she may be gaining some "me-time" for herself.

Every relationship is different. I am very thankful that my spouse is accepting and open to my TG status and friends. It is wonderful that she is herself is accepted by the TG persons with whom I associate.

I don't think that every spouse can be as tolerant since there often are many outside influences that shape and limit that tolerance.

[KristinH]

As far as I am concerned they would be missing out because this is a part of who I am. Im an awesome person and, to be honest, I don't have time for someone who cant accept me for who I am.

[mechamoose]

My vote is "yes"

If you have 'her' out there and she isn't accepting or reinforcing you, she is missing an opportunity.

We aren't bad or wrong. We are different. We each bring something special to the table.

<3

- MM

[Sheila11]

The unaccepting spouse is missing out only on what she has chose to miss out on. She has seen, heard, felt, touched, discussed, and pondered. Her decision is that she wants nothing to do with "it". If you ask her she will say she is missing out on nothing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Claire, I think that all the time but some things are chiseled in stone, AKA >> DA-DT.