Am I crazy, or have you ever thought that maybe an unaccepting s/o is missing out on a whole other side of you that they may love? I know women tend to be more comfortable in the company with other women, and i wonder if they're missing out on a deeper connection.
It's funny you ask this, my non accepting spouse and I just talked about this and I really couldn't think of something that would benefit her. I mean I think we really just want that freedom to buy clothes and dress whenever. So is there a benefit to them? I'm not so sure
I will never find out the answer to that question.....
I think it's interesting that there seems to be a divide in responses based off of if someone is the CD or the GG S/O... I'd have to say I seem to agree with what most of the GG's have said on here so far. My boyfriend has tried to highlight the "positives" of his CDing- like we can go shopping together and paint nails together, etc, which are things I enjoy doing with my girlfriends. And I told him that although those are things I like to do, I don't need more girlfriends. I have girlfriends, and I already have friends to go to the mall with and paint nails with, so it's difficult to see these things as plus sides. I do think I'd be missing out on knowing the full picture of who my boyfriend is if I didn't get to know this side of him, but I was happy with how our relationship was before I knew also.
I think so. I think this other side of us has so much to add to a relationship and unless someone is willing to even try, they have no idea how much they're missing out on. I know I'm only seeing this from my point of view, but I don't understand how people can be close minded about this.
~Linebacker Melissa
Sure they would be missing out... but there is more going on than just this issue. It's not that simple.
Don't suppress who you are inside your heart. Let the world know how special you really are. Don't forget to smileas you share. It will come through in your beautiful words.
Your Sister/Brother,
Debbie/Steve
Claire, coincidentally, I just responded to one of your responses in the loved ones section. Your wife is most certainly missing the joy , comfort , peace, love & laughter of Claire. She was once accepting of you. Something obviously changed. Is there any way that you two can bring everything out to the table in order to get a better understanding of why she has changed ? You are a cd for life. She must know that. You both need harmony in your marriage. I truly hope that you both can come once again to experience Claire together . Much peace & harmony to you both , Mel
Hi Claire,
No your not crazy, my family are missing out on the best part of me. With their acceptance my tetchy guilty side would get better. The last talk I had with my wife I pointed out that as things are, part of me is always going to be a stranger to the family.
How does doing household chores equate to a spouse benefiting from your "Femimity"? I cook, wash
dry clothes, cook, bake, fold clothes, scrub toliets, the bathtub without being a crossdresser?
Me too Dana! Add cleaning floors, dusting (I HATE dusting!), cleaning windows, killing pot plants (innate talent I'm afraid) and repairing clothes...Originally Posted by Dana3
Implying those are all 'feminine' strikes me as a little chauvinistic - not that I'm upset about that, not at all - I'll leave it to the GGs among us to threaten a 'curling tongs at dawn' reprisal...(But I'll take an element of credit in highlighting it for them...
)
I think Steph just means that she spends productive time at home... (looking to smooth things over a bit..)
I can't think my wife is missing anything just seeing me dolled up - wouldn't that be a bit egotistical to think that? She's still getting me as me, just not a prettified me... (for whatever questionable value that has..)
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
I can certainly understand an SO who wants to keep a normal relationship. It's easier to associate with family and friends. So why should they want to accept a CD? Are they not your best friend? Don't they walk the same path?
Perhaps... But is it really because the public just perceives a CD as weird and so they, the SO, does not want to be perceived as weird by associating with a CD? What would their family and friends think?
Personally... I don't see myself as weird. I'm different and certainly not normal as I'm breaking with gender norms. I'm making a statement with my life that the gender binary is wrong and that may cause some to say I'm weird. That's an issue to some persons.
When I came out and dressed, as I do full time with my mixed presentation, I had one friend who did not want to be seen with me in a skirt. They were afraid of how others would perceive them out in public when I was with them. Over three or four years now this dynamic has improved some what but not completely. I have other friends and family who did not have a problem and I've been with them out in public many times with no problems that I noticed. They acted perfectly natural.
Not everyone, including your SO, wants to come along with you on your path. And for some of us, like myself, we must go down this path. It is not as simple as a fun hobby. It is a need to feel normal and be my true self. That's very hard for a SO or friend to understand when they don't feel the way I feel. And it is certainly devastating that your best friend, your SO, would not want to be a part of this side of you. So yes... we wish we were accepted.
Yes... they are missing out... but that is their choice and what they feel they need to do for their path, even your best friend. Your paths may cross but we never walk the same path because we are all individuals.
Don't suppress who you are inside your heart. Let the world know how special you really are. Don't forget to smile
Your Sister/Brother,
Debbie/Steve
No. The OP made no requirement that a couple go out. The idea presented was that ones wife/girlfriend could benefit by hanging out with their cross dressed partner. Public perception is not involved here. Cross dressers are not women. THATS the issue. Our wives and girlfriends are hanging out with their spouse who is basically in disguise. What if we wore a Batman costume and acted really brave. How would a wife benefit then? She'd likely think,"My husband is a bit weird." And she'd be right. I think one has lost all objectivity if they believe that wearing clothing and presenting as a women will make your spouse view you as a woman. Our wives and girlfriends do not suspend belief while we are dressed. Some are gracious enough to accommodate us and treat us normally! Now what can we cross dressers learn from that?
Many here are saying they are nicer, gentler, more open, more confident people when dressed - almost as though there are two people. Honestly, I think you're the ones missing out. You're not living as a whole person and I don't think it's fair on a spouse to only show your best side while wearing a dress. That doesn't even sound healthy (is this some sort of personality split??) and I would think therapy would be a good idea to try and bring these two sides together.
You guys need to lighten up! Obviously, a tongue in cheek comment does not come across in prose.
On the serious side, how many guys do you know that refuse to do any domestic chores because that is "women's" work as deemed by society? How many marriages do you know that are stressed because the working wife has two jobs; outside the home and then doing all the domestic chores in the home? Plenty I bet.
Anyway, my comment was done tongue in cheek. Lighten up!
No, this is purely a cross dressers wish. The simple fact is that cross dressing is weird. No woman wants their husband or boyfriend to be weird. We are not "women" and not a "girlfriend." My wife who is totally accepting of my cross dressing and even goes out with me but would prefer I was not a cross dresser. It's a complication that is easier to NOT live with.
Last edited by Jenniferathome; 04-19-2014 at 04:53 PM.
Jennifer like yourself my wife is supportive and I couldn't say it any better than you did sis
The advantages of transgendered/crossdressing spouse comes from the fact that we have a feminine self. I suppose that we could proceed to crossdress for a couple of decades and, having learned a lot about ourselves and at least the basics of growing up as a girl, we could then take all of that experience to a marriage without actually exercising that feminine side...but I doubt that is likely.
So, the practicality is that we need to exercise our feminine selves regularly, keeping current as with anything we do in a serious way.
My experience is that Tina brought a lot to our relationship. First, what crossdresser with a supportive spouse isn't going to reciprocate in an incredible manner to show his appreciation. Then there is the everyday understanding of what our wives go through to live their lives, both physically and emotionally. We really understand what it feels like to be frustrated by a broken nail or a terrible tube of mascara or "having nothing to wear". She can actually have a conversation with her spouse about anything, and her spouse is genuinely interested! We never say" I"ll never understand women!". We can comment intelligently on all manner of feminine topics that most husbands wouldn't have a clue about and wouldn't care! We literally can be girlfriend and husband at the same time, providing an emotional understanding and security most men would not even fathom could be a part of their marriage. .
I'm completely convinced that Tina makes a positive difference!
P.S. Thought I should add that not all spouses want the advantages that a relationship with a crossdresser can bring. It's their choice and we need to be up front about it so they can make that choice.
Last edited by suchacutie; 04-19-2014 at 01:31 PM. Reason: completing my thoughr
I second this. But I also dont think that CDing does anything "special" to Lucas personality. He is who he is regardless of what clothes he likes to wear. being a CDer doesn't make him any more loving, caring, or more fun. He is who he is regardless of in a skirt or pants. So even thought I know, and I am accepting, it doesn't actually mean that if i "didn't know" that I would be missing out on anything positive.
I'm not more comfortable with women; I tend to feel there's a lot of judging and competition going on in a group of women.
I accept that my husband dresses, but I feel awkward and morose hanging out with "her." It's a lot like having an insecure teenager in the house, and I find myself wondering when she'll leave already.
You're saying that you and others like you are women (when dressed?) and that GGs who tend to be more comfortable in the company of other women miss out on something when they do not accept their CDing SOs?
This is confusing because unless you are transsexual (unless you believe that your body is not congruent with your inner gender identity), then you are not a woman. You are a male who crossdresses. You may be getting in touch with feminine proclivities, but this does not a woman make.
Are you TS?
I love to hang out with women and I fully accept my SO, but I do not see my SO as a woman. My SO is not transsexual. Also, my SO is the same wonderful person whether dressed or not.
Reine
Perfect.
Maybe, but looking at it from another perspective are they missing out on the male macho side that they thought they married.
There must be some disappointment there.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
You might be assuming that just because so few women are VISUAL creatures [like the vast majority of men are] that your "appearance" when dressed should not bother her in the least?
We all like what we like.
Your wife did not "find out" till 3 months into your marriage.
Would you be Ok if your wife decided she wanted to putter about the house, wearing undeniably guy clothes? Maybe beat up shoes, well worn clothing and possibly underwear with holes? And of course possibly keeping her breasts bound and sporting a "package". They would "just be" clothes/appearance items right? Surely you would get used to them.
Obviously SOME women will and do accept. Others set limits of some kind which IS their right btw. Others will tolerate DADT to some degree and some will flatly declare the marriage over and act accordingly.
Maybe YOU are missing out because your wife is not a CDer?
Being unaccepting and not understanding (this applies to almost anything, not just dressing in women's clothing) is why I got divorced a lot of years ago. But for her to be accepting when she discovered my "hobby" would have meant she was a totally different person than she really was. And I've been a better person without her.
So I guess she really is missing out. She doesn't have ME.
Hmmm as an SO I'm not a totally different person. I'm more understanding but I'm no different
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
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