It seems that most of us here continually wax poetic about wanting to get in touch with our feminine sides, living the "female experience" first-hand, and emulating women in every way possible. Those of us who are out and about are also typically obsessed with either "passing" (usually a long shot) or at least "blending in".
At the same time, we profess our profound admiration for women in general, see them as having desirable traits so often missing among our male brethren (empathy, nurturing personalities, ability to freely express their emotions, placing a high value on relationships along with a sense of community i.e.the ""sisterhood", etc), and in general see them as superior, more developed creatures compared to the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals (a.k.a. "jocks", "alpha males") that we so often have to butt heads with in our male lives.
We also desperately wish that our wives and SO's would accept and appreciate this feminine side to our personalities and if not support -at least tolerate - our crossdressing more, and not be totally freaked out about it. Some of us here appear to have reached this state of Nirvana with their families and partners, some are on their way, and for others, well, - ain't no way that's ever going to happen...
But with all that admiration, and maybe to some degree - even fetishizing - this version of femininity that we have created in our minds, have we lost something in the process?
Yes, I consider myself to be 100% heterosexual. Yes, I am physically attracted to women, as well as emotionally. But it's come to the point where on first noticing an attractive woman, I am immediately drawn to what she is wearing, her make up, and overall presentation, and my initial gut reaction is to ask myself how I would look in that outfit, and if it would suit me as well as it does her?
A "real" man in a similar situation would likely be first drawn to the size/shape of such a woman's breasts, her rear end, how short her skirt was (or how tight her pants), how much cleavage she was displaying, and how "sexy" she looked overall. He might even notice her hair and make up and think that they were "nice", but all of the subtleties surrounding how that total "look" was created would be totally lost on him.
Yes, the "male" in me gets to that point of sexual attraction in due course as well, but my initial focus invariably is how the woman presents herself overall, how that compares with "Leslie's" usual presentation, and what, if anything, I could learn from that.
Maybe this is some version of the "pink fog", and I'm sure others here share similar sentiments. Still, it worries me...
Am I starting to become too obsessed with my crossdressing? Is it starting to affect my view of women in a way that I am not totally comfortable with? Am I beginning to objectify them in a way that is not too dissimilar to what our uber testosterone-fueled brethren typically do? This saddens and shames me, but at the same time, it is what it is, and it takes a concerted effort on my part to suppress these feelings and not react initially in such an emotionally shallow way.
More to the point, are we sometimes subconsciously "competing" with our wives and SO's to see if we can be just as "feminine" or "girly" as we perceive them to be (or in those cases where the partners are not particularly "girly" in a "Barbie" sort of way, leave them behind in the dust as we pursue our own version of "femininity")? Do our partners sense this, and is that one of the main reasons why our crossdressing is such a huge turn-off for some of them?
Do other here feel the same way sometimes? Thoughts, anyone?