My Motivations

[Gocaps14]

I realize I use this forum as a vent and a soundboard, I hope I am not being too selfish..... Lately, I have been wondering why something that I used to enjoy so much has lost its luster. What used to be enjoyable now seems dark and not fun. What I want to say is this, I see women as having alot of power, they get alot of attention, I want alot of attention. I frequently say to others that any attention is good attention, I pass it off as a joke but deep inside I believe it to be true. The fact that there are alot of lonely women out there doesn't matter to me. I have always had self esteem issues that may or may not be related to CD'ing. I seem to spend alot of time feeling bad about myself and I shouldn't.I am a kind, honest, hard working person, I care about others and others care about me. I have stopped dressing and developed a fantasy life where I end up feeling bad about myself. I am not sure why I do this, I just know that something I have done my whole life isn't fun anymore and I want to take the power back. I feel that once I take the power back back, I will begin to understand who I am on the inside and feel good about myself, no matter what I am wearing.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you are looking at it all the wrong way.
Women who exude power are not really that attractive personality wise.

Try the softly softly approach and let others help you....

Then you can pounce on them if necessary.

Draw them in and make friends first.

It can be lots of fun and you do get more attention.

Just look, girls with big boobs get attention, but girls with small boobs get "lasting" attention.

[Katey888]

I think you've answered your own question, in a way...

I can empathise with your bad feelings... I think I'll always have those however hard I try to accept this part of myself - but at least I know that they'll come and go.. we do go through phases, I think - but you've hit a lot of important and positive points to remember about yourself.... and that this is a fantasy world we occupy, however much we may interact with the real world, the core of it (for CDers) is fantasy...

If you don't feel good about it - stop it for a while. Go do some new things that will absorb your energy - stretch your imagination... Come back to it when you want to, and if you want to...

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Do positive things for others to generate positive energy. All self pity does is generate negative energy which is self consuming eventually. Doing things without expecting anything in return is also a positive boost that naturally returns to us in a good way. The bottom line is think happy and you will be happy. Works for me.

[Lynn Marie]

So if you're just venting here, are you going to be looking at these comments? If this is just a vent or soundboard to vocalize your problems, then are you finding enlightenment in your own posts? With only 81 posts in 3 1/2 years, it doesn't seem like you're doing a whole lot of participating. You're stuck in an endless loop of looking at yourself! You want attention? Start giving attention to others with an unselfish heart. Give love and friendship to others and especially to the less fortunate. It will totally turn your life around.

[Gocaps14]

What I seem to believe all of you are saying is: Relax, take a step back from myself and spend time giving to others, whether it be toward friendship, giving help to someone or just participating on this forum, without expecting anything in return and I will begin to see life in a new light. I do give alot of time to others, I believe it is the unselfish heart part that I need to work on.

[Lorileah]

I think you are looking at it all the wrong way.
Women who exude power are not really that attractive personality wise.

Maybe a "truism" but really? It sounds like you are saying to be liked you have to be a bimbo.

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We should be working to break that cycle. Smart women rock, intelligent women are sexy

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gocaps, I think that you need an alternative hobby.

[bobbimo]

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH MOST RESPONDERS HERE.
Life is a cycle, somedays its pink and others its not. Thats the fun of just being a cross dresser. we can be boy or girl as the mood strikes us.
I would not worry about where the feelings went just enjoy the day and the now. Its the only true bit of experience we have.
It may be useful to write down your thoughts, and look at them every few days to see if they are still true or why the heck you wrote it down. after awhile the right path will bubble up, and then you need to take action.
Bobbi

[Jolene]

Do positive things for others to generate positive energy. All self pity does is generate negative energy which is self consuming eventually. Doing things without expecting anything in return is also a positive boost that naturally returns to us in a good way. The bottom line is think happy and you will be happy. Works for me.

It seems that true happiness does come from doing and giving of yourself to others. Something I have to work on a bit more around here, but I know it does work. I enjoy dressing as much as anyone, but sometimes it is not as much fun as others, but I am always a girl on the inside.

[Jane G]

Do positive things for others to generate positive energy. All self pity does is generate negative energy which is self consuming eventually. Doing things without expecting anything in return is also a positive boost that naturally returns to us in a good way. The bottom line is think happy and you will be happy. Works for me.

Very true kate, I guess that's one of the reasons bringing up kids can give such rich rewards. Years of love, attention hard work and not inconsiderable cost, in return for another persons happiness the odd smile and an occasional thanks dad. But it makes you feel so good, to know you made them smile, you just keep giving.

[Alice Torn]

I agree with Katey a lot here. I also struggle with "the dark side" of dressing, the fantasies of wanting admirers, and to meet them. So far only three times! For some, stopping for a while may be a good idea, if other things replace it. The isolation, and lack of interacting with others, and living in fantasyland, is a problem many CD's face

[KellyJameson]

It has been my personal experience that the attention you talk about always comes with the risk of being objectified, used and exploited.

Physical beauty seems to have the ability to bewitch people. Perhaps men are more likely to be affected by physical beauty because of their sexuality but women are not immune to its affects.

The ownership of physical beauty also threatens to leave the person in ownership of it emotionally shallow and having a character that is morally questionable because of the abuse of the power that comes with it and from making relationships "to easy" to obtain and keep

Try to look into your heart and mind for why you crave attention.

Could this attention be misconstrued for love, acceptance, social standing and opportunity ?

Are you willing to pay the price for what your physical beauty buys you?

Being beautiful has nothing to do with being a woman, only an object.

You can dress yourself up to be an object, sexual or otherwise but if you do not understand fully why you want and perhaps need to do this you will never confront the deeper aspects of who you are and what has made you into that person.

[Alice Torn]

Much insight and food for thought and consideration Kelly.