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Thread: Making Progress

  1. #1
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Making Progress

    Something very cool happened last night.
    I recently acquired a lovely dark blue formal gown. I found it in my size on clearance and was delighted. I took a chance and, having located a picture of the very same gown online, I showed it to my wife.
    Now, for background, after years of dressing only on business trips, and secretly, I finally came out to my wife three months ago. It has been pretty bumpy at times (who am I kidding...some of it has been hellish). In the confusing early part of all this she staked out the position that she didn't care (not totally true) but did not want any part of it or to see me dressed. But over the ensuing weeks this has softened. We have had periodic discussions. I have kept her appraised. I have basically kept my dressing to overnight outings once or twice a month. I gently began to ask for advice on maintaining nails, a favourite area for her. She engaged with me on this and actually brought home a for me the next day product that strengthens nails.
    But it was still a big step to ask for advice about a dress.
    She did not get upset and commented that it was a beautiful gown.
    But......this is where it gets good....
    Last night we had just sent our daughter off to her senior prom. OMG she was so beautiful in her gown.
    We had some time to kill after dinner so we were walking around the mall. My wife casually walked into a store that specializes in accessories. The next thing I knew, she was helping me pick out stuff to go with my gown...a gorgeous white drapey scarf thing to wear over the elbows, and a wonderful little clutch purse in a dark blue satin that matches the color of the gown perfectly.
    My wife was helping me shop.
    I was, given how hard some of this has been, totally in shock. I didnt know whether to smile, laugh or cry.
    Later we visited another store and bought a couple of tops...one for each of us.

    Baby steps, communication, love and respect.

    Seems to be working... one day at a time, huh?

    Now I seem to be crying a little. Sorry. Happy tears this time.

    Hugs

    Sammie
    Last edited by samantha rogers; 05-18-2014 at 08:07 AM.

  2. #2
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Definitely progress, Sammie...

    I hope that continues along the same path for you - I can understand why that should be such an emotional experience...

    Perhaps a big positive we do have going for us is the natural propensity of most women to want to shop, to want to make things coordinate and to want to help their loved ones with that...? If they can just get over the weird art of this...

    Good to hear!

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  3. #3
    Member JenniferLynn0370's Avatar
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    That is so awesome Sammie; congrats girl, hope this trend continues for you!

    Hugs,
    Jen

  4. #4
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Thanks, Katey, and you are 100% correct. My wife and I have always enjoyed shopping together. She always liked the things I would suggest to her. But we were usually on different sides of the store in the past. Getting past the weird is exactly what she is struggling with...but she seems to be, maybe, just a little bit...making progress.

    BTW...here is the gown, in case anyone cares...and if you don't love it, please don't tell me...tee hee.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  5. #5
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
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    Rock on GF!!

    It is a good thing to share

    -d
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  6. #6
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Sammie,

    What a great story and what a great wife. You are right, communication, baby steps, love and respect . . . it is the only way forward once you secret is out. Love the dress BTW.

    Hugs

    Isha

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Samantha,
    Let your wife take the lead and follow her carefully.
    Of course don't smother her and if she seems a little concerned now and then just back off till next time.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  8. #8
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    Samantha,

    Just a word of caution, do not be surprised if your wife then goes way over in the other direction and rejects anything to do with your feminine side. She may be swinging like a pendulum trying to find her comfort zone. Just ride it out as best as you can and continue to be the lovely and supportive spouse you have always been.

    My wife went in cycles like this. One minute she's rushing to the store to buy me a new outfit and the next would never want anything to do with this again. I "never" figured out what the cycles were driven by and no it wasn't PMS!

    As you said, baby steps, communicate. love and respect will get both of you through this.

    Love,
    Linda W.

  9. #9
    Neanderthal in nylons Julie Denier's Avatar
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    Wonderful to hear, Sammie! And what a lovely dress

  10. #10
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Great dress - nice to hear some signs of acceptance

  11. #11
    Platinum Member
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    That's such good news, Sammie!
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
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    Hi Sammie,

    I really love the dress, and if i found one like it in a store in my size I would buy it for me.

    Grace

  13. #13
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by samantha rogers View Post

    Baby steps, communication, love and respect.
    All of these things, hand in hand, with each other. Good for you & her!!

    Oh and super cute dress.

  14. #14
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    That is terrific, Sammie! Make sure your wife knows how much her help means to you. Do something really special for her in return. And by the way, love the gown! Can I borrow it? ;-)

  15. #15
    Jamie jamie-upstate's Avatar
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    What a beautiful gown. Shopping with the wife is such a great step. I love it when we shop together.

  16. #16
    Member Sarah21's Avatar
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    That's a lovely story Sammie, it certainly sounds like progress, I am so happy for you! actually for both of you!

    The dress looks amazing by the way.

    Sarah.

  17. #17
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    Sammie, You have discovered that very special formula that can bring you to tears because someone is understanding and (a little more) accepting of your feminine side! Please continue to go at a comfortable compatible pace for you & your wife. BTW, please tell us who makes that fabulous dress, and what size are you? Enjoy.

  18. #18
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    I'm really happy for your progress Sammie - but I would also urge caution. My wife and I went through periods where she was sort of accepting - much the same way your wife is acting now. Then we'd go through hellish phases - which I know you know all too well about. I'm really hopeful for you - but be careful hon. It ain't over until it's over.

  19. #19
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Thanks girls!
    Make no mistake. I am under no illusions, just quietly hopeful which I will take over suicidal depression anytime, right?
    There is no way for me to know how this will all turn out in the end. For that matter, there is no way of knowing how I will turn out either, since so much has changed already just in the last six months. I cannot know how she will react as the situation unfolds, nor can I predict how I will. But we have two kids on the verge of adulthood who still need both of us to help them successfully launch their own lives, and there is still love between us. So, quietly hopeful is fine for now. I will take it. Day by day.


    Oh, its Adrianna Papell, Chari. I picked it up at Nordstroms Rack. I could not believe the only one they had was my size (10 )!!!! And, yes, I had a quick minute to try it on yesterday...and it fits perfectly!

    PS I should have added something...she was also talking about us needing to move things around in the basement where the kids won't notice so I will have some space to keep my clothing and other stuff. In many ways that is just as big a step, since she brought it up, not me.
    Last edited by samantha rogers; 05-18-2014 at 04:42 PM.

  20. #20
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    It is wonderful to read about happy events such as this one! Obviously, you have enabled her to feel more comfortable with your CDing.
    Hugs, Carole

  21. #21
    Member AprilMayy<3's Avatar
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    Very Nice Samantha! Progress is lovely!

  22. #22
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Slow and steady

    Sounds like very good progress Sammie.
    I think the wind blew a little something into my eyes
    about the same time I read of your tears if joy.
    I'm extremely happy for you!
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  23. #23
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Sammie, Ok now the ball is some what in her court, Now go easy and don't overwhelm her.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  24. #24
    Senior Member Farrah's Avatar
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    Im so happy for You!! That is progress! I'm sure it will only get better!

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member GenieGirl's Avatar
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    So happy to hear the great news Sam. Glad to see your wife coming around to your sweet side. Congrats and hopefully this will be a snowball effect!

    Ginger

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