So recently I've really been wanting to 'come out' as a cross dresser / transgender to somebody other than my wife and my therapist......and all you wonderful ladies
I told my wife about crossdressing 5 years ago, 16 years into our relationship. This was about a week after I discovered this forum and figured out there wasn't anything 'wrong' me me, but rather this was just part of myself. My wife did not react well and we've been in essentially in DADT mode ever since. I have never fully dressed (wig, makeup, forms) in front of her. She has never expressed any hint of a supportive environment for these activities.
Over the past few years, I have become more at peace with my gender identity and find some general comfort in generally appearing metrosexual. My wife tolerates this and small acknowledgements of my feminine side such as hairless legs, women's 'boy short' underwear under my clothes. I try really hard to stay in the middle, definitely not a manly man, but not frilly girl either. I'm pretty sure that I pass 100% as a gay man, which is ironic since I'm not interested in men sexually and I have a difficult time relating to other men in general.
I have multiple female friends from our neighborhood or from yoga. I've often thought about opening up to a couple of them. Unfortunately, I am terrified about building a close friendship and emotional attachment to another woman at a time when my wife and I are struggling so hard to find any emotional and physical connections.
I realize that my wife has a much better support network of friends than I....co-workers, longtime girlfriends, book club, and even her gay boyfriend. I honestly don't know if she has shared my gender identity with any of these people, and I guess I don't really care. What I know is that I need to talk to somebody else.
So I'm coming out to her gay boyfriend. While sexuality and gender are different things, I keep thinking that there may be some real utility in talking to somebody who had also struggled with keeping a full expression of himself secret for so long. Since he is already a family friend, I also wonder if he may be able to help build back some emotional bridges in my marriage.
Has anybody been in a similar situation? Any worlds of wisdom are much appreciated. It seems easy enough, but I'm terrified nevertheless.