I've spent the past five weeks on a business trip, getting lots of chances to dress up. I had told my wife a long time ago (6 years) that I crossdressed, then when she asked about it 3 years later I told her I quit (which I had, yet another purge ). Well, this last week I had been feeling guilty because I hadn't retold her, and really we had never talked about it even after I had (she cried a lot and didn't want to talk about it later).
So, rather than try conversation, I decided to write a letter. I wrote it, left it upstairs, and had her read it while I put our kids to bed.
I won't put all the details here, but it was structured like this:
- First I put a quick paragraph that this wasn't a "Dear Jane" letter, since it was 5 pages long. The last thing I wanted was my wife picking up a five page letter awaiting the line "I'm leaving you."
- Then I wrote a page and a half about all the great things I love about her. It was detailed, perhaps a bit sexual, and completely focused on her and how much I love her.
- Then I wrote about my more feminine side, and the fact that many of the traits she likes about me (enjoying shopping with her, watching girly shows, etc.) come about because I'm a crossdresser.
- Then I gave her my crossdressing history. Nothing graphic, but just the big facts: that I started in middle school, quit/purged/restarted a few times, and eventually came to peace with it. I also talked about how it gave me balance when I work a very male-heavy job, and how when I stopped I became a less-nicer person.
- Then I answered a bunch of questions I figure she would have: that none of this had anything to do with her, I didn't plan on becoming a woman, I didn't use her clothes or makeup (she is no where near my size, so not an issue), that I didn't plan on telling my family, and that I did talk to other crossdressers and they were normal people.
- I ended with asking her to find me after the letter and just tell me that she loved me.
So after reading the letter, she came downstairs, gave me a big hug, told me she loved me, and that was that! We spent the evening talking a bit about moisturizer, and I ended up getting some of the Goldbond moisturizer I use on my feet for her. We didn't talk about my clothes, forms, or anything like that...but honestly, if we never do, I don't care. I told her that she can ask any questions and that I won't push any of the issues on her if she's uncomfortable.
In the end, all my worries were for not. I highly encourage folks to tell their wives, lest they find out by coming across your stuff. I find a letter was best, realize that I rewrote it about 10 times and it was 5 pages long. Most importantly, the letter focused on my wife, then on the aspects of me she likes that are linked to crossdressing, then on the fact I want to be her husband.
If anyone wants help with writing the letter, feel free to PM me.