Wanted ! Ways to distract my mind from CD thoughts

[jessica wai]

I have stopped crossdressing for nearly 2 years now.
Still, I have thoughts to crossdress DAILY.
I think about it as soon as I wake up. Such thoughts just keep recurring throughout the day. Almost daily, I visit CD and Tgirl websites and these give me some respite.

I have grown a moustache and a beard. This is the way I keep myself from CD acts.
It is working well.

However, I just cannot distract my mind from CD thoughts.

Any tips and experiences to share ?

N.B. Sorry for asking this question in a forum that is mainly for sharing the joy of CD. I agree that CD is a part of me and should be celebrated. However, I hope other girls know that each person has his/her own circumstances and might not allow CD in his/her life for such unique reasons.

[Kate Simmons]

The obvious answer from me is to work on making it a conscious choice rather than having it remain a compulsion. That is accomplished by really getting to know yourself and taking ownership of your feelings and no longer being ashamed or afraid of them. This puts you at the helm and not the process(of CDing). It takes work, however, and doesn't happen over night. Good luck.

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I fear I have no answer to your question. I just felt the need to offer my support.

Hug
Rita

[jessica wai]

The obvious answer from me is to work on making it a conscious choice rather than having it remain a compulsion. That is accomplished by really getting to know yourself and taking ownership of your feelings and no longer being ashamed or afraid of them. This puts you at the helm and not the process(of CDing).

Thanks.

I am actually quite conscious and accepting about my CD. I know I just need to avoid it for a few years for personal reason. I know in the end CD is what I enjoy in life (although not necessarily the greatest enjoyment for me).
I just need to stop those thoughts which are quite disturbing.


The problem is:

The more I THINK, the STRONGER is the CRAVING
The more I try to avoid such thoughts, the GREATER are the COMPULSIONS

Any practical tips on what to do precisely?

[Melissa_59]

Whenever CD thoughts enter your head, think "Margaret Thatcher in a string bikini in the winter!" over and over.

[Jane P]

I feel I am somewhat in the same situation right now . I know I am a duck , I have admitted to being a duck , I think I have always had feelings that I am a duck , but also know that it would be easier for the rest of the world if I were to not look like a duck.

I question this constantly and I only wish there was a simple answer other than getting through another day. I know that he world would not end if I were to start quacking and flying about , but there is a much better chance of being shot down in mid flight.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jessica, You say it's not the the greatest enjoyment for you. I get that!
Can you do whatever it is that you get more enjoyment from on a daily basis? At least often enough to take your thoughts off of CDing for a while? Stop visiting web sites that remind you of CDing! Thats like dangling a carrot in front of a horse! I wish the best, It certainly wont be easy.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Emi_]

Well, first of all, dwelling on anything is only going to make your fixation about it worse.

Secondly, it sounds like you have some serious reasons for refraining from cross-dressing. It seems that you would do well to consider if those reasons are really worth your efforts. It sounds like you are in an agonizing position - I would argue that agony is not really a virtue. If the reason for not cross-dressing is powerful enough, any agony is bearable in the long run. But, if not cross-dressing doesn't really have a great reward at the end, then the agony is just painful.

We didn't choose to be this way, but we certainly have to make some choices in our lives because we are this way. As in any choice, we must way the rewards against the cost and determine for ourselves what is really worth doing or not doing. Only then can we have peace about our decisions and the resolve to see our way to our goals.

[heatherdress]

Jessica - you keep looking for something here that is more likely attainable with a therapist. You mix your dreams and desires about the admitted joys of cross dressing with requests for help to avoid dressing. I feel for your struggle but can offer little. Obviously something important has prevented you from crossdressing the past two years and I hope you feel good about your success. You are right, however, by recognizing that this is a forum of crossdressers, not individuals who are committed to not crossdressing. Good luck. I do feel for you.

[Rachelakld]

Tried self flagellation? I don't think it ever worked but lots of Christians believed in it.
I tried giving it up,
and also breathing under water like aqua man (I passed out).
Parachuting was fun, but then thought more fun in a dress - so no point trying that.
Paintball - I wish I could have worn that girls camo outfit, she was hot - no point trying that either
Going bush for a few weeks - but in the snow, I wore 3 pairs of stocking to keep warm - so that didn't work
White water rafting, a one piece bathing suit would have been nice.

Sorry - I got nothing, best of luck to you

[Launa]

Martial arts, try any discipline that works for you.

[NicolaF]

Hi Jessica

I feel I somewhat know where you are coming from. I feel I have spent a lot of my life wishing I wasn't a crossdresser, I know in so many ways it would make things an awful lot easier.
I guess if you don't want to dress there must be a clear reason for that, so I guess the best thing to do would be to concentrate on why it is that you don't want to/can't. I myself haven't dressed for over a year and a half now and to be honest a huge amount of the time that desire isn't there. I have had a reason that I didn't want to dress for and focusing on that reason has made it a lot easier. Sometimes if I drink a lot the desire is there more, and I do let my "inner girl" out a lot more if in a group of women and I'm drunk, so maybe avoiding drink could help a small bit.

But that's probably just me, everyone is different so that might not work for you!

[Jane P]

Hi again Jessica
I just want to say don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't visit here if you don't want to dress. I think it's all part of learning who we are. If we can accept ourselves for who or what we are then the clothes shouldn't matter. At least that is what I try to tell myself sometimes.

[Sc0rp10N]

I'm no expert, but have always found a vigorous workout routine can distract me from a lot of things that bother me, make me anxious, stressed or angry. Something involving plenty of weightlifting sort of gets the testosterone flowing and makes me feel more masculine, which tends to put any less masculine thoughts to the backs of my mind. Also, working on very technical things like budgeting, repairing or tinkering with mechanical stuff, etc. Just ideas.

[jessica wai]

Thanks for all the feedback.

I suppose, life is not meant to be easy.

If I could just be able to CD whenever I want to, I guess today I would be doing it 128 hours a week. I would be travelling around whenever I could en femme. I would be meeting new friends as a girl.
Yet, here I am, due to personal reasons which are totally justified, agonizing over how to control my urges to CD.

To me, CD is the most enjoyable thing on earth. (I said its not the most enjoyable thing earlier since I know the joy is short lived. Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male).
However, acting out on my CD urges will cause more harm than good for me today.
Thats my dilemma.

Thanks again for the useful advice.

[Butterfly Bill]

Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male)

So find places and times you can do it, and do it.

[CrossJess]

Whenever CD thoughts enter your head, think "Margaret Thatcher in a string bikini in the winter!" over and over.

Yummy! that's such a picture, feel really sick now.....lol

To the topic in question, can I ask why you want to stop cding? is it that much of a bad thing? the more you try to suppress these feelings the more they will thrive, you can't open Pandora's box and expect to close it again trust me I've been there and have the TShirt to prove it, I've been so much more happier now that I've let my mind have complete freedom over everything

[NicoleScott]

So find places and times you can do it, and do it.

I agree. You were vague about why you don't crossdress, citing "personal reasons". For most of us, it's because we have people in our lives who we think would be unaccepting and we don't want to risk life turning ugly. So, go find some private time and place, and do it. Or you can continue to fight off the actual act of crossdressing - how's that working for you?

[Confucius]

Several ideas to reduce the cross-dressing compulsion.

1. Biologically: Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing (or just the thought of it) as actual contact with a female, and it releases the neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of gratification. The neurotransmitter associated with the urge for gratification is dopamine. If you want to reduce your urges for cross-dressing then you need to reduce your dopamine levels. For instance, when you masturbate your brain releases prolactin which inhibits dopamine following orgasm. http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pull...after_sex1.htm

2. Psychologically: Most cross-dresser suffer from a case of female envy. They think females have it better in life. What you need to do is reprogram your brain into believing that men have it better in life, and that society favors males over females. You have to love and relish your male side. Consider the social construct of male privilege - males are given advantages and rewarded simply for their gender. Females are judged and valued solely for their appearances, and if their appearances don't amount to much, then they are garbage. I'm not saying that's right, it simply reality. So relish your maleness, and be happy to be a man.

[Georgia_Maine]

Jessica, I feel that you and recovering alcoholics have similar stuggles. Like them, you have to accept that the urge to CD will always be there to some extent and just say "not today". I wish you strength and my love.

[jessica wai]

Several ideas to reduce the cross-dressing compulsion.

1. Biologically: Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing (or just the thought of it) as actual contact with a female, and it releases the neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of gratification. The neurotransmitter associated with the urge for gratification is dopamine. If you want to reduce your urges for cross-dressing then you need to reduce your dopamine levels. For instance, when you masturbate your brain releases prolactin which inhibits dopamine following orgasm. http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pull...after_sex1.htm

2. Psychologically: Most cross-dresser suffer from a case of female envy. They think females have it better in life. What you need to do is reprogram your brain into believing that men have it better in life, and that society favors males over females. You have to love and relish your male side. Consider the social construct of male privilege - males are given advantages and rewarded simply for their gender. Females are judged and valued solely for their appearances, and if their appearances don't amount to much, then they are garbage. I'm not saying that's right, it simply reality. So relish your maleness, and be happy to be a man.

Confucius : you have it absolutely spot on. You're brilliant. You advice fits exactly what's in my mind. Thanks a million. Georgia : you are right too. It's like a compulsion for me. Thanks too for the other feedback.

[Tina_gm]

When an addict 1st stops doing what they are addicted to, it obsesses in the mind. They will think about, crave, even dream about whatever it is they are addicted to. Eventually though, those things will reduce in time and become much easier to deal with. When people are addicted to something, it is an external stimulation of some sort, gambling, smoking, drinking, or other drugs. None of those things are who we are. They are things we do, often to great detriment physically and mentally.

When it comes to CDing, it is what we do because we have internal feminism that when dressing becomes a connection of the internal and external. You have quit CDing... and that is ok, but you cannot quit the femininity, sorry.

When it comes to any given situation, work, family or some other social event where you do not want the distraction, it is a matter of training your mind to focus directly on what you are doing. When it comes to long term in general, you have decided for your reasons to not dress, but that won't cure you of your feminine side. So, are there any other ways in which you can find some sort of outlet for your feminine side? Doing so will likely not cure the desires to CD, but having some sort of connection to your feminine side might make them a little less distracting.

[Beverley Sims]

Find yourself a girlfriend...
That sure kills it dead........ For a while.

[suzy1]

Some here liken crossdressing to an addiction and they make a good point.
But this need [and I did say need rather than an addiction or compulsion] is to me the same as needing to drink or eat or breath. O.K. you are not going to die if you do not crossdress but its still a part of you and an important part.
If there is one thing I have learnt since coming here is its impossible to eradicate this need in most of us.
So I think you are on a ‘hiding to nothing’ if you are hoping to distract your mind from dressing. Try going without eating anything tomorrow and see not only how much you start thinking about food in the end but notice the similarity with that and your thinking about dressing.

Its who you are and your stuck with it Jessica.

[ScarlettLox]

I, unfortunately just have support to offer and no answer.
What I would do to distract myself from something is play a game or get a hobby though I feel those would be a bandage over a gaping wound so to speak.
Hugs