How did I distract myself from gender identity issues?
Alcoholism, black rage, anger, clinical depression, figuring the military was a great place to get killed and resolve all problems, punishing the snot out of my body in high impace martial arts.....
Didn't work terribly well all in all
Hi girls I'm new here and this is my first post but rachael.davis said it all, the more I tried to put it off, "giving in", the more depressed and punishing I got too. I became "Lonesome, Hon'ry and Mean" (good song title). How many times did I purge my "stuff", wasted a lot of time and money to buy it all over again.Originally Posted by rachael.davis
Hi Jessica, I think that Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit it.
I think that that's why you keep coming to these forums.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Can't be done !
Hello Jessica,
I wish I could offer you some time proven ways to get it out of your thoughts, only one problem, as others have said, there isn't a way to do it. Well, not one that works for too long. I thought it was just me who always had CD'ing on my mind but a thread I put up just proved to me that most of us think about it constantly. In the end, like Kate Simmons said, once you accept that this how it's going to be you can put it further to the back of your mind. Must say, once I was offered aversion therapy as a help to stop crossdressing, but you know I couldn't think of anything worse.
Maybe you just need to 1) accept your needs/desires, 2) give yourself some boundaries, so that you meet your needs but don't go overboard, 3) be kind to yourself, you are not making yourself do this, a need to CD is not created by choice.
Good luck,
Christen x
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.
I totally agree.
Acceptance is essential (I have done that !)
Set limits, say only CD in certain conditions and under control (That's reasonable but not practical for me. I am in a Zero Tolerance situation)
I agree CD is part of me and its one of my greatest passions. Stopping CD is certainly my choice and I am not forced into it.
I do not think CD is an addiction like alcohol, but it is coming close. The cravings are there and they cannot be controlled but they are not yet overwhelming.
Could you be having gender dysphoria instead of enjoying crossdressing ?
CD should not be that bad, its just not accepted by some quarters of the society and certain family members / S.O.s
I am not saying about quitting cold turkey.
I have made up my mind about stopping CD after caring balancing the pros and cons.
The pros are there but the cons are more significant, in my own case.
With that decision in mind, quitting is not hard.
I have lots of facial hair and stopped waxing my limbs.
My problem is just that these thoughts about CD still creeps into my mind daily, especially when I wake up.
I can ignore them if I were busy. But when I am by myself, the urge could blow up a bit.
I think Confucius' comments sum up the rationale behind my experience.
Last edited by Sandra; 05-31-2014 at 03:27 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts, you could have used the multi quote function, please read the rules regarding multi posting
Well Jessica, you could try a BFH (Big Friggin' Hammer) but you are only going to get a severe headache that way. Otherwise, I think you are stuck with your thoughts.
1) find a therapist that specializes in gender
2) get a rubics cube and keep yourself occupied
- Still Choosing an "En Femme" Name
Ya Think?
I suggest carpentry. Every so often you'll hit your thumb with a hammer and your mind will be off CDing.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
That's a classic sign of addiction. You may want to see a therapist.
Become addicted to not CDing. And do a 12 step program and wear a t-shirt with a picture of a dress with a red circle and line through it. Give lectures on the evils of CDing. Lobby congress for antiCDing legislation and circulate petitions to ban CDing within 1000 yards of a school zone. Oh, and by all means, join an organized religion so you can get the group hate thing going. Surround yourself with other elevated nonCD'ers and create a great anti crossdressing society!
Like yourself, I'm tired of women wearing ball caps and pants.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
No, it's serious Carla. Putting on a dress is not going to do more harm than good. But for some it can lead to other activity that does.
A therapist or a group for sex addiction should really be considered.
When what you're doing causes more harm than good yet you struggle to stop doing it, you're probably an addict and should seek help.
Last edited by WhisperTV; 05-31-2014 at 06:37 PM.
Sorry to be the "devil's advocate", but here it goes:
The problem is not your desire to cross dress. The real problem is the inhibitions you feel toward cross dressing. Your inhibitions could be related to shame-based conditioning you experienced from your nuclear family and your cultural milieu.
Confuscius' theories are adamant attempts at rational analysis, but they don't apply to me because of my sexual orientation. I certainly do not have "female envy", and recently I have had little desire to have physical contact with a female.
phew, i feel like i am in the same (or a similar boat) as you, Jessica... and the waters can get rough (yet at other times they seem very still). great replies from the other members, too; very insightful and varied.
my feeling is, ultimately, no one can tell anyone what is wrong or right. so it may come down to what it all means to the individual, and advice and recommendations can (and should) be taken or left at one's choosing.
so how to distract the mind from CD thoughts?
i do believe that if one can pour themselves into another activity, then the mind will be so occupied with that other activity that there will be no room for any other thoughts. personally, meditation and physical exercise (such as yoga or running) can sometimes allow me to distract my mind.
but there is so much in the world, whether it is clothing stores, or media that shows the female form and femininity that it is difficult for the thoughts to not be triggered and to not insert oneself...
even so, doing it in mind and doing it in body, IMHO, are a different thing. so if "acting on CD urge" is "more harm" then just thinking about ("CD thoughts") should be "less harm".
of course, the question may be will it (thinking about it) and repression lead to eventually doing it anyway?
maybe it will, maybe it won't.
personally, sometimes i am scared. i feel like the more i abstain, the more i am building up for an immersion, excursion, what have you... and my fear is that if i go over the edge; will i actually be able to return?
idk maybe if we can just accept this part of us whether active or inactive, practicing or non-practicing; this is a good starting point.
if the urge tips the want from desire to a need, so be it; it may be out of our control by then.
perhaps professional help is needed.
then again maybe, to quote the Vedas which say something to the effect of, the way to squash one's desire is to do it (whatever the desire is) so much you don't want to anymore (kind of how you said "Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male").
maybe to be in the middle of male and female is fine, too; maybe we don't have to be so much one... or the other?
Last edited by LICutie; 06-18-2014 at 01:33 AM. Reason: grammar
life is a work in progress... but not all work, there is always potential for play, too!
Quitting is one the most difficult things to do. CDing is a part of us. Its almost like getting rid of our desire to eat or sleep. It is a part of you and probably will never go away. I've made conscience efforts to quit many times for the last 32 years. Needless to say, I'm still CDing. Good luck!
The ONLY way is to find something you enjoy more and become so obsessed with it that it over rides the CDing. Otherwise you are like all the CDer's I know and that is for as long as you live.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
It's worth something just being around to Fuss!
Very true words indeed, Farrah.
Although quitting and reducing (or taking a break) may be different things, imho.
And when you say "it is a part of you" that also rings true whether we feed it or starve it pay attention or ignore it, it remains but perhaps if it becomes our modus operandi than it is out of proportion and needs to be checked.
That's why i am on the fence because thwarting it may make the thoughts stronger and conversely indulging may decrease.
So to fill up the mind as much as possible with something else at least delays the process for the time being.
That said if it never goes away, we can always return
life is a work in progress... but not all work, there is always potential for play, too!
Fran, thank you for that; it is short and sweet... and makes sense.
But perhaps reframing CDing is in order in that there doesn't have to be guilt and shame involved. It shouldn't be. Of course when other people are involved then then it gets more complicated.
Also it is said that if we periodize activities they can be more powerful so maybe taking breaks may be useful, too, in that our eventual enjoyment can increase instead of decrease with time.
life is a work in progress... but not all work, there is always potential for play, too!
Jessica, I respect your choice to stop CDing, but outside of practical reasons like you don't have the opportunity or ability to actually do it, I just can't imagine why you would suppress it. Suppressing things just makes them worse.
I also don't buy this cding being a proxy for contact with a women, or that it has anything to do with female envy. Way off base for me, although I would consider myself trans* so I am coming at this from a different place than some of you.
However, if you do want to stop CDing, the first step would be to refrain from looking CD related material online. It's just going to provide a trigger. A therapist would be VERY helpful as well.
Do volunteer work helping other people. This will get your mind off of yourself and your problems. Just make sure the job isn't helping women shop for clothes!
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
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