There've been a couple of threads about "feeling vulnerable" while dressed. So I thought I'd tell this story for its cautionary value. I have had misgivings about telling this at all on a public forum, I'll be honest with you about that. And I'm pretty sure, by the time this thread is done, I'll probably regret telling this. But I hope I don't, but more importantly I hope someone else will take a lesson from this, and be more careful than I was.
I was chairing a late night AA meeting a couple of months ago. I did that frequently at the time. I have a key to the AA club, and frequently open and close the place, because people who come to an 11PM meeting generally really need a meeting. For some it's that, or the bar. So I feel some responsibility to my fellow drunks - at times I was the only one to show up with a key to the place. The club itself is, conveniently enough, really close to a large number of gay bars - the nearest is about 2-3 blocks away.
There was a newcomer that night. He spoke up in the meeting, and said he'd just arrived from another city, to stay with a friend until he got on his feet. But he arrived at his friend's place, and discovered that his friend had fallen off the wagon, and was drinking and drugging again - in fact there was quite a party going on. So he fled and went to the AA meeting, having no place else to go. It was hard to see him in the meeting - the 11PM is a candlelight meeting, and he was wearing a hoodie. At the end of the meeting, I gave him a newcomer packet, with a list of names and phone numbers he could call for help. My name and number was on the packet, of course.
After the meeting, I was locking up, and one of my friends asked me "hey, that guy makes me nervous, watch me while I get to my car!" He was talking about the newcomer, who was just sitting alone outside of the meeting. I felt bad for the guy, and asked if he had any place to go. I told him about the Salvation Army - which was nearby, but he didn't want to go there. He was new in town, it was his first day here, and he was scared, hungry, and tired from being on the bus for the past couple of days. He had no car. He asked if I could help him.
At this point, I noticed two things:
1. This dude was seriously scary looking - he had a *lot* of prison tattoos, face, neck, arms, you name it.
2. I was seriously alone with this guy, in a really isolated location. NOBODY would be in the area until morning, and nobody would hear me.
I began to get scared - this seemed really risky, but it didn't seem like a great idea to tell this guy "no, I can't help you." I felt threatened by him. He scared me. Still, I ought to be sort of safe - I mean, almost all the men who go to that AA club are gay. None of 'em are interested in a girl like me.
So reluctantly, I offered to buy him a meal. I'd done this before, for other AA newcomers, although never alone, but I hoped this time it would be OK. He started out talking like a gay guy anyway - his story was pretty typical of what I had heard in countless other meetings. So I let him in my car, and showed him where some of the gay resources were in the area, and who he should contact.
At that point, his story started to fall apart, and two things became apparent:
1. Yeah, he'd been here a whole lot longer than one day. The whole bus and friend story was a total fabrication.
2. He wasn't gay at all. Or at least he didn't like men. No, he really, really liked trannies. That's all he had sex with. He named off all the places he'd met us - he obviously knew right where to find us. So what a coincidence that he showed up at the LGBT AA meeting where a transsexual regularly attends! At this point, I got really scared. This guy was a chaser, a crazy looking ex-con of a chaser. And he made it very clear that he wanted to have sex with me.
I spent the next couple of hours certain that I was going to get raped at any moment. Somehow, I managed to keep the guy from doing that - I took him to Denny's and fed him. I gave him some money, and bought him a cheap, cheap motel room, and in the end, I guess he decided that a hot meal and a bed were more what he needed than a piece out of me. (I really was surprised nothing happened - he talked pretty graphically about sex a lot.) I have no idea how I got out of this - but I did somehow. I think I was lucky as hell, because at certain points, if he'd attacked me, there was very little I could've done about it.
I spent the next day in bed - pretty much in a full anxiety attack. He called me every 30 minutes or so. He had my phone number from that newcomer packet.
So I escaped somehow with nothing but a good scare and a wakeup call. I was out $80 or so - really cheap for a life lesson. There are any number of things I should have done differently, most importantly not being in that situation, alone with a stranger, in the first place. (Do give me some credit for being surprised that someone would stoop low enough to prey on people from a support group though - I knew people suck, but Jesus, that's low!)
So if you feel more vulnerable en femme - GOOD - because you know what? You ARE MORE VULNERABLE! Please ladies, be careful out there, if you venture out in the big wide world. I know being solitary places, alone, at night, feels safer, but it just isn't. Be mindful of your surroundings, and don't let yourself get cornered. Stay in public places. Don't trust people if you don't know them.
I'm really embarrassed and ashamed to tell this story. I feel like it's all my fault.