Help, I'm lost in a pink fog.

[Jannis]

I have been CDing for A very long time. I am still partially I the closet, but have ventured out from time to time dressed. Sometimes andogenous, but others unmistakably femme. I often have long periods of time, months, when I do not dress and it kills me as I think about this 24/7. I really believe I wat to transition but am scared to take the first step.
Today, I ventured closer to the edge and went to an MRI exam fully dressed. Outside of a sidelong glance from the receptionist, no one made a comment or seemed as if there is something wrong. I want to tell my doctor about my plans, but have not done so. However, his nurse who really likes me as a guy patient called with the results of the test. I was busting inside to tell her, but in the end, I did not.
I also made another bold move by changing the gender marker on my DMV photo card to female. I am hoping it goes through the photo stage unnoticed. I don't care if it causes a problem. I will get my pic taken while enfemme. My concern is, am I going overboard in the fog. Help , I'm lost.

[Emogene]

While I don't know you or your situation I would suggest taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

As you have cross dressed for a very long time, there would seem to be no urgency in coming out totally unless you are ready. Like all words, once they are spoken they can not be recalled or undone.

I came out to my doctor during my last physical, he simply made sure that I was ok with being transgender and that I was in a safe mental state and environment. I somehow suspect that I was not his first patient, nor most probably his last, to confide such news. I would suggest that your physician is your best option if you positively have to tell someone as anything you tell him/her is protected by federal health laws, Hippa is the acronym, I think. Besides, if you doctor reacts poorly, you may wish to find a new provider who is experienced in dealing with us. I personally wouldn't see a doctor for a specific procedure who has never performed it before; give me a provider who does what I need done several times a day or week.

You didn't say why you don't dress for lengthy periods, if you are in an unsafe or threatening environment, then you may wish to reconsider your living arrangements if at all possible. Most providers will require that you start the medical process (drugs) and live the life for about a year before surgery. This is another argument for proceeding slowly or at the very least thoughtfully.

Above all, know you are loved. There is nothing inherently wrong with us, we are how we were created by a loving Father! The Fog is a manifestation of the whole, personally, I was at a Ross outlet a couple hours ago shopping and know the fog well. Very fun! So Honey, shoulders back, head up, small steps, forward, march. Now strut it! Looking good girl.

[stefan37]

I would imagine Pa laws regarding gender marker change are similar to Nj. You need a therapist or doctors signature on a form allowing you to make the change. You should contact a gender therapist to help you sort out your issues.

[Kate Simmons]

The comments so far seem to be sound advice. I would only add that sometimes it helps to have blue fog lights if the pink fog is too dense.

[WhisperTV]

If you're breaking the law because of your CDing (which you are by lying on your driver's license) it's probably time to see a therapist.

I don't know where State College is, but I know from talking with a transexual friend there are good gender therapists in the Philly area. If you want to get a contact, PM and I'll see what I can do.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jannis,

I don't see this as being lost in the mythical "pink fog" but more so a questioning of where you want to go with all this. You have ventured out and got a taste of the vanilla world "en femme" and it is logical to want to taste a bit more. Now if you were going out with reckless abandon and potentially placing yourself in harms way or those you love then yes you might be a bit deep in the foggy netherworld. However IMHO this sounds like questioning. I would broach the subject with the GP and see what she/he says. Perhaps this might be a good time to begin seeing a gender identity therapist who might be able to help bring order to chaos. In the end you might be TG/TS but then again you might only be TG/CD. I was kind of in your place some months ago and my therapist has helped me immensely.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Have you sought out professional help? It seems you're trying to back your way into this.

[Beverley Sims]

Possibly,
I would ask a professional opinion before you destroy your mind completely.

It is easy to get absorbed in the pink fog as it is described.