Are you a hot guy??

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Okay, you all know I'm figuring things out here so don't hate on me yet, okay?? lol.

Seriously though, one major issue I have suffered with through all this is this idea (written all over the Internet, I might add) that crossdressing is the result of masculine failure and ugly guy syndrome. I personally feel insulted on behalf of my H and everyone here when I read this (often!) as I know my H is a good looking guy, he's also pretty good at being a guy, which he is most of the time. But this information does not help a girl feel secure. I've always been considered an attractive girl myself in the ways that society say are attractive (I'm cynical about external beauty as when you have it, few people want to know who you really are ) but when I think of my H's dressing I'm left feeling defective somehow, like other women would have chosen better. I know, I know...so horrible, right?!? But really, you all spend enough time in front of the mirror to understand such a comment. I know you get it.

So, forgetting how much I hate society's superficial idea of beauty, are there any hot guys here who can totally refute this nonsense that it's an ugly guy's pastime?? And for those here who assume they're ugly, is this because you think you're better looking as a woman (I'd personally like to be the judge of that) or have you truly been ousted by society? I'll just say now that this girl loves everything male, men in general are incredibly sexy (other GG's here would likely agree) so maybe you're not seeing yourselves objectively?

Anyway, another Tink thought for the week. I like to keep you all busy and you're all helping me HUGELY!! Ha, maybe I should start a weekly 'Tink's Thought-Provoking Question' section.

(GG's, please feel free to answer on behalf of your SO )

[Katey888]

So.... (rushing to confirm Hot Guy status by being first to answer.... ) weekly sounds doable, Tinks - daily Thought-Provoking would be a killer!

Have you looked through the 'Boy mode vs Girl mode' thread in the Gallery? Have you.....? What are your thoughts?

Even allowing for a slightly skewed sample (not everyone is willing or happy to post those pics together...) that thread tells me we're pretty much a normal cross-section of 'hot' ranging to 'tepid'... I don't get the feeling that many here feel 'ousted' by society as a male - in fact I think we generally have a bigger representation here from the more successful and better educated part of society (in general - not exclusively!).. So I think you may be barking up the wrong tree with that one...

Don't feel defective! I wish I could give you a big hug and send you on your way feeling normal - there's nothing wrong with you or your H!

It's other peoples' problems really.... We're like folk in wheelchairs (metaphorically) - people stare, don't know what to say... You're right to be cynical... but I agree we won't see ourselves objectively - that's why we come here... for the unrelentingly honest feedback..

Keep smiling Tinks - a lot worse can happen in life...

Katey x

[Donnagirl]

Hey Tink,

I reckon I was a good looking guy when I was 'wooing' the missus... I was ridiculous fit, 2:35 marathons, diver, swimmer, just out of the military. I had the muscles, six pack, even a little sun bleached blonde hair. I was working as a dive master at the local dive shop and diving for the navy as a reservist. But even then I dressed. (30" waist, 38 inch chest... I could fit into most everything).

Although I didn't realise it til much later, I was 'hot'. (I was useless at picking up on the signals from girls... Oh how many opportunities I missed!!!!).

Twenty years later it's a little different.....

[UNDERDRESSER]

Although I didn't realise it til much later, I was 'hot'. (I was useless at picking up on the signals from girls... Oh how many opportunities I missed!!!!).

Oh! how I identify with that comment!

My personality is to be reserve, introvert, contemplative, self-conscious, and analytical. I don't think the thought of whether or not I am "hot" has ever entered my mind. I can say without question that I am better looking as a male than as a female. As a female I look... odd.

I have never heard of the "ugly male syndrome" so I don't put any stock in it. However I have come across many cross-dressers who say that as a child they were introverts, with a low self-esteem, even an inferiority complex. They were often bullied as small children. Boys naturally play rough to determine dominance and establish a pecking order. Most boys want to be the alpha male, and most girls are attracted to the alpha males. In the early years of his life, the average cross-dressing male relinquished any aspirations of being the alpha male. He saw girls as having a better deal in life. Girls were not expected to be better than everyone else in sports, to win at all costs, to never give up, never to cry, to fight back at the bully, and get beaten in the process. Girls were valued simply for their appearances. In this way I can agree with the "masculine failure" concept.

There is possibly something there that I identify with as well. I'm not sure I agree with crossdressing being seen as "contact with a girl" at least, not as a primary causation. I still think that some of it comes from the fact that men "Aren't supposed to dress to show off their bodies" so, they become girls when they want to do that.

My SO is very attractive as a male, although he doesn't think so, even though like others here he has learned over time that women do find him attractive. But this is not something that he sees in himself. He does not have mirrors in his home except in the room where she gets dressed, for this very reason.

I've often wondered if (some, many?) CDers might suffer from something akin to body dysmorphia in guy mode, and perhaps a little reverse body dysmorphia in girl mode. It does seem as if CDers don't see their reflections the same way as others see them, in either mode. I'm not surprised that most will say the feminine image of themselves and other CDers is better than the masculine. And I've noticed the same thing you have, Tink ... in the Picture Gallery, they seem to pay attention to angle and pose with perhaps a smile to improve their appearance in girl mode, while they don't seem to try at all with their guy mode pics.

Because I'm a girl who finds guys and not other girls attractive, I have to say that in most cases I do think they look more attractive in guy mode than in girl mode even though many members here know how to present well in girl mode.

Again, more insightful comments from Reine. I didn't used to think of myself as attractive, though I realise that, these days at least, I am.

I've heard many women say that the number one attractive feature in a man is confidence. Realising that one has an interest, a compulsion, that nobody else seems to have (that you know about anyway) does NOT help with ones confidence. So maybe there's another route where this thread could have some meaning.

Nice thread Tinkerbell. I don't think you should feel inferior in any way because of who you're dating. I feel that a lot of us on here are better than "regular" guys, because at the very least, we are more empathic. People without empathy really don't connect well with others.

[Allison Chaynes]

Before Uncle Sam asked me to do his dirty work and I developed some medical conditions and got fat, yes I was what you might call hot, based on the number of attractive women who were after me. Now, maybe not as much, if I could drop about 100 pounds, probably. I still have women flirting with me consistently so I'm gonna say I'm still a 6.

[Wifeofdonna]

Hi,

I agree, back then he was hotties! I am very lucky got him. I was working at the dive shop and I grab him..

[Amanda M]

Me, hot? Not ugly, but hot - not really. My wife, however, would say otherwise! And,I might add, she is a good judge of most things, so I'm happy with that, Tinks!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have never considered myself attractive en drab. When I was younger I really thought I was ugly and disgusting looking... with age and wisdom not so much anymore, but I do feel I am really "bland" as a guy and not attractive per se... just sort of "ehh"... I have never really been told I am attractive as a man, come to think of it. The limited companionship I have had in my life was more out of sympathy than physical attraction (them to me.)

[Traceyjo]

I'm quite a good looking guy but not one to attract much female attention just due to my appearance. I'm slim, fit and have good muscle tone and I think these are good attributes to enhance my presentation as a woman. I've had so much more attention and admiration in my femme persona than I ever have had as a male and that is one of the great pleasures I have as a crossdresser. I'm much happier admiring what I see in the mirror when I'm a girl.

[Kate Simmons]

If you would ask my GF she would no doubt say I'm hot but she may be slightly prejudiced. Appearance is okay but my focus has always been on the person. In fact, my one rule for friendship or any relationship is to always just be yourself. If you can't appreciate yourself, what am I or anyone else going to do? No way do I feel that CDing is an ugly man's pass time. Quite the contrary. The attempt is to show the inner feelings in an outward way. That having been said I would say that most of us are pretty damn good looking. It's what we make it really my friend.

[PaulaQ]

I always thought of myself as just hideously ugly. I never thought I was good looking as a man. Many disagreed with that, but I could never see it. I hated myself though, so I wasn't a good judge.

(pic removed)

I dunno, what do you think?

edit: leaving the pic out. I hated myself as a guy. Katey888 had it right to delete it.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Ha, I still seriously love you Katie. Always with the common sense answers! And a daily Tink question would hurt my head more than yours. I would be asking what color your panties are in no time. Wait a minute....I think that's been done

And yes, I've perused the 'boy versus girl mode' photos and definitely seen some 'hot guys' in our midst. Of course, mentioning such a revelation is awkward here. How do you all feel getting told you're hot as a guy? Does this make the girl feel less attractive? So yep, I've avoided saying anything there as I figured it won't go down very well. I'll also be honest and say I think you all put more effort into your 'femme' photos than your male photos. The poor guy often just looks annoyed while the girl looks positively ecstatic. So I'm not sure how helpful that thread is. I have a feeling it's a wee bit biased toward the girl mode.

And I can always do with a hug

Hi,

I agree, back then he was hotties! I am very lucky got him. I was working at the dive shop and I grab him..

WifeofDonna, thank you! That makes two of us with hot back-then husbands!

Me, hot? Not ugly, but hot - not really. My wife, however, would say otherwise! And,I might add, she is a good judge of most things, so I'm happy with that, Tinks!

Amanda, I'm certain your wife knows best x

[Teresa]

Hi Tink,
We all look in the mirror male or female and see a few more lines, I guess a guy can call it maturity and girls call it old age !
I like many don't like the receding hair line or total hair loss and once body and leg shaving starts, possibly I'm like many prefer not to have it back. Only yesterday when I stepped out of the shower and saw how ugly my back hair looked, I thought does my wife find this attractive ?
As much as I would like to show my guy-girl pic comparison for you to decide, you would probably say nice looking guy but once you start to apply makeup and the wig the guy disappears ! Maybe you haven't gone from an ugly guy but the mirror is showing an attractive girl !
To feel that I haven't been ousted by society but strangely I want to be accepted by society in my other role ! It's just wanting to live out the other side of a Cders being. The hardest part to deal with is not wanting it full time but want the acceptance to do it as I choose ! That's when most of our problems really start !!!

[Sc0rp10N]

Just another quick reply- someone mentioned the boy vs girl pic thread saying that a better looking guy makes a better looking girl, and maybe I'm biased, being attracted to women, but I would say OVER half of the pic posts in that thread, the female versions look more attractive than the male versions. Just my 2 cents...

[Marcelle]

Hi Tink,

Naturally if you ask me "I am a hot guy" (just kidding). Well my mom always told I was handsome but then again that is what moms are supposed to do .

In all seriousness I would say I am average and I must have something redeeming or my lovely wife would have taken a pass on me so many years ago. I don't dress because I think I am ugly as a guy although I will admit that at 5'6" in the guy world that brings me below the height average so I might have a wee bit of "little man syndrome" . I also don't dress because I think I make a prettier girl (not by a long shot). I dress because it feels right in either gender. For the record, I like both sides of me but I think I do guy much better.

So am I a hot guy well . . . you be the judge. I posted a before/after picture (with a bit of fun) at the link below. It is the one set of photos which is more like a comic book story . . . me en boy and me en femme.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-a-secret-room

Hugs

Isha

[Tinkerbell-GG]

So am I a hot guy well . . . you be the judge.

Um, can I say 'nice guns!' without insulting Isha?? lol. Yes, you're a hot guy with one of those swoon-worthy, winning smiles and your wife is a lucky lady And honestly, I don't think height matters much to women if they're secure in themselves, so 'little man syndrome' is really just 'insecure girl syndrome' with the buck passed to the man!

Deedee, I don't agree either with the 'failed man' theory running around the Internet and that's why I posted this thread. When my H first told me of his 'kink', I was as shocked as your girlfriends. I would never have picked him to do this and had no hint that he had issues with being a man. I've later found out that sure, there were little things in his past like an absent father etc, but after reading here I'm not even sure they matter. I think this masculine failure theory is BS!!

I think we need to let the world know that ALL types of men crossdress, including the hot ones. Weirdly, I suspect this little fact would help with general acceptance. Look at Bruce Jenner in his hey day. Wow, now that's one hot man, and Kris herself clearly didn't care how he dressed in private, he was that hot!!

Okay, now I'm just being shallow. I fear you've all been a bad influence on me!

I have never considered myself attractive en drab. When I was younger I really thought I was ugly and disgusting looking... with age and wisdom not so much anymore, but I do feel I am really "bland" as a guy and not attractive per se... just sort of "ehh"... I have never really been told I am attractive as a man, come to think of it. The limited companionship I have had in my life was more out of sympathy than physical attraction (them to me.)

Vickie, I don't think anyone is 'ehh'. I think self perception makes us think this, but we're ALL attractive to someone if we would only let them see us as we want to be seen.

[Erica Marie]

I would not consider myself hot at all. I do my best to stay in physically fit condition and expressing my female side has brought forth alot of comments that I look quite a bit younger than I really am, but as far to say hot, never was and honestly Im ok with that.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm older than dirt and more attractive now than I've ever been! It's all in the presentation and self confidence. I know who I am and I'm quite happy with me. I'm no longer filled with doubts and fears. I've known beautiful women and have learned well from them. The old adages of "confidence is a powerful aphrodisiac" and "true beauty emanates from the inside out" have proven true time and time again for both men and women! The funny thing is, the older I get the less I want to get entangled in the complications of less than perfect relationships. Oh hell, I'm probably gay. Yeah, right!

[Hell on Heels]

Hell- o Tinkerbell,
So many of us have stated that this interest started at the age of 6 or 7, myself included, at that age there is not much chance of me seeing myself as an ugly guy.
Through my school years I had plenty of girls interested in me, Oh yeah I had "game" back then. Still had CD thoughts that would come and go.
With an SO today the "game" has changed, but I wouldn't consider myself an ugly guy.
So for me there is something else driving my CD desires, what it is?, no idea, doesn't matter. It's clear to me that it's not ever going away.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[StacyLynn]

I'm not very attractive as a man, if at all really. But it's not the reason I crossdress.

[Laura912]

Yeah, hot guy...but I take some estrogen and turn down the air conditioner and it's better. Sorry, sense of humor out of its cage again. Wife and a very close friend have said handsome. Was too much of a nerd growing up to test the "hotness" of myself. Had too much respect for women but that does not mean disrespect for men. Just more comfortable around the women.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I... never.... liked how i looked from age 10. and im coming up 67 and nothing has changed my thoughts on that, i would have not made a good looking man / male . and i dont make a good looking female / woman. stuck in the middle and no where to go. , that sums it up .

makeup not going to happen does nothing for me, yes im very... hard... on myself and with good reason im not a fool or stupid to even think i could look as a normal female / woman,
yes i can dress nicely like i say a woman can bring her clothes to life , i, just ... wear them....no more than that.

if you could meet me youd soon see why,


...noeleena...

[ronny0]

Me "Hot Not!"

Another aspect of your thought.......
The girls always get prettier at quitting time!
Saying that with another thought, and a put down on our real life world.
To some (or many) women guys being Hot can also equate to money and cars etc....
(see http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/p...l?iref=24hours )
Also PBS had a good program on this:
One of the test was showing flash cards of guys and asking the women to rate them 1 through 10.
Then the same photos were shown but included a income figure for each guy.
The tester was able to come up with a dollar figure that would bump a guy up in the numbers to compensate for his genetic shortcomings.

With those thoughts in mind:
IMO Another attraction to presenting as female would be. Most or many guys show their attraction to women regardless of how they rate 1 - 10, they still 'look'.
While women do not generally go out of their way to show their interest / approval of a guy.

[Ressie]

Yes.. ssssmokin'!

I had a cute face when I was younger and girls would say I was cute, but I never heard them say I was handsome. There are guys with a rugged look that are probably considered hot don't you think? I'm not tall enough to be uber attractive to women, and being shy hasn't helped either.

Men don't have to be good looking to be hot IMO. Confidence seems to go a long way in attracting women. So far, I haven't seen any CDs with a face that only mom could love.

[KatieGG]

My husband is very good looking, he had many girlfriends when we were in high school and still when we go out I catch a women checking him out now and then. The bad part is he know it too lol. I have looked at the boy mode vs girl mode threads here and I have to say there are some very good looking guys here.