Are you a hot guy??

[Jaylyn]

My wife answered this..... "Yes you were a hot guy" In high school 6'2", 202 lbs, size 30 waist and a 46 chest. Played football and threw the shot put and discus. Had a full head of hair and always told my blue eyes just grabs a girl and won't let them go....
Now the only time I'm a hottie is after I mow the grass. I was 16 then and I'm 65 in two months.im just lucky cause wife says she still thinks I'm a hottie. Now that's love....... I love her for her acceptance of me and because she is a smoking hot lady herself.

[Sara Jessica]

First of all, Isha...what a cute picture thread. This is the first time I have come across it, thanks for sharing in the context of this thread.

Now back to our regular programing...

I've been accused of being a decent looking guy so my reasons for preferring to present as a female have zero to do with any so-called ugly dude syndrome. Instead, this is engrained in my being and much to the chagrin of those who know me, I have taken steps to bury the guy within.

Take my several-year stint with long hair. In guy mode, I look like crap with my hair pulled back. Even worse when it hangs down. In guy mode, I look my best with very short hair. Now with my in-between hair, it's kind of a hipster look in guy mode when I am able to keep it under control. It's even kind of cute that way but really, who am I kidding? A mid-40-something "businessman" trying to look like a 24 year old hipster???

I have also sabotaged my guy presentation by obliterating body hair, refusing any sort of working out or heavy lifting (lest we increase bulk in our arms). I am relishing some of the softness that comes with aging except for my tummy of course. None of these things makes me remotely close to being my best as the guy my wife thinks she married.

Were it not for love, I'd think that I am a woman's worst nightmare come true. I desperately wish for normal, be it on one side of the gender fence or the other. I know it will never happen.

[Confucius]

Hi Tink,
About "crossdressing is the result of masculine failure and ugly guy syndrome"

My personality is to be reserve, introvert, contemplative, self-conscious, and analytical. I don't think the thought of whether or not I am "hot" has ever entered my mind. I can say without question that I am better looking as a male than as a female. As a female I look... odd.

I have never heard of the "ugly male syndrome" so I don't put any stock in it. However I have come across many cross-dressers who say that as a child they were introverts, with a low self-esteem, even an inferiority complex. They were often bullied as small children. Boys naturally play rough to determine dominance and establish a pecking order. Most boys want to be the alpha male, and most girls are attracted to the alpha males. In the early years of his life, the average cross-dressing male relinquished any aspirations of being the alpha male. He saw girls as having a better deal in life. Girls were not expected to be better than everyone else in sports, to win at all costs, to never give up, never to cry, to fight back at the bully, and get beaten in the process. Girls were valued simply for their appearances. In this way I can agree with the "masculine failure" concept. However it must be understood that this (masculine failure) is established in the first 3-4 years of life, and as adults most of us have overcome these early challenges, but our brains are still hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female side. In our first few years of life our brain are establishing neural connects at a tremendous speed - 700 neural connections per second! All we needed was a trigger to get our brain to release the neurotransmitters.

[Jenniferathome]

Tinkerbell, I think it's harder for guys to judge their appearance than women. We simply have less pressure about our look than women. I spend only seconds a day looking at my face in the mirror. My wife spends minutes and me as well when I put on make up. The difference is profound. I KNOW I am not unattractive but it's just too hard to objectively state I am "good looking," let alone "hot."

So I have only anecdotal evidence if I am good looking. My wife says so, so that's nice. I've always had attractive girl friends growing up so I must be good looking enough to attract them. I think you recall my guy picture.

As as for the ugly guy syndrome you mention, an ugly guy makes an uglier woman. My wife would agree on that. The more attractive the man, the better looking the transformed female. Hence my wife says I make a good looking woman, FOR A CROSS DRESSER.

In 99% or more of my life I am a guy. I feel comfortable as a guy, I don't play a role, I AM a guy. I'm handy with tools, I am very physically active, I kill spiders, open jars, mow the lawn, fix things and build things. I am the quintessence of a guy. But most important, I am a good husband and an even better father. I am proud to be all of that.

I can' buy into the the "ugly man" syndrome as a reason to cross dress. There have to be easier alternatives. No, I fall back to the double helix and somewhere on that chain is the code for cross dressing. It is in our DNA

[CrossJess]

Not one for giving self praise but I just think I'm average looking, look after my body well and have good skin, teeth and a full head of hair. I do get chatted up in my work place and my bf openly says out loud that I'm a super cutie and always look very sha*able with my cheeky smile so lol I'm sticking with that as being cool, my bf on the other hand is proper gorgeous though 6ft muscle man that makes me look like a little girl, I always go weak at the knees when he looks at me with those eyes!! yummy!

[Secret Drawer]

While I don't disagree that it is somewhat subjective, we all know there is an actual social "scale" of sorts. In so far as the big picture socially goes, I have been chased by many women over the years while being cursed with the full "nerd pack" including social cluelessness and the "you really think I am good looking?" surprise every time. That is the long answer. The short answer is that I have gotten by pretty good without the need to play the alpha male, which sort of pissed off more than a few of them! I was crossdressing before any of this "looks" concept ever came into my mind anyway. The biggest problem is that the more attractive you are the more social pressures paint you into a corner. The very idea that I would crossdress becomes something like a waste of valuable real estate or something!

[mykell]

Vickie, I don't think anyone is 'ehh'. I think self perception makes us think this, but we're ALL attractive to someone if we would only let them see us as we want to be seen.[/QUOTE]

a lot easier said than done, whether "hot" one way or the other, most don't accept this.....

Well, Tink, how does one answer such a question ....
beauty, whether male or female, is in the heart, reflected through the eyes and given meaning through words.
The rest is just costume. :-)

so were basically just performers, portrayers......

so having found this place to be able to share ourselves i think we have debunked those other sites findings of who we really are.....
so stay away of those places tink, the answers to your questions are right here and were pretty honest about ourselves, we joined and accepted,
that was the start of our honesty of this journey for lots of folks here....

[PaulaQ]

I always thought of myself as just hideously ugly. I never thought I was good looking as a man. Many disagreed with that, but I could never see it. I hated myself though, so I wasn't a good judge.

(pic removed)

I dunno, what do you think?

edit: leaving the pic out. I hated myself as a guy. Katey888 had it right to delete it.

[Sc0rp10N]

Just another quick reply- someone mentioned the boy vs girl pic thread saying that a better looking guy makes a better looking girl, and maybe I'm biased, being attracted to women, but I would say OVER half of the pic posts in that thread, the female versions look more attractive than the male versions. Just my 2 cents...

[Rachael Leigh]

I know for me I've always had self esteem issues and it does go to my looks somewhat. I have a few ideas why that is but won't go into it here.
I do know when I get the makeup and all looking just right Im amazed at how nice I do look, not beautiful by any means but it's a very pleasant look.

[Brittany CD]

are there any hot guys here who can totally refute this nonsense that it's an ugly guy's pastime??

Well, women tell me I'm good looking, so yes, I can refute this simply by me being a crossdresser

[Dianne S]

I think I'm an average guy... some nice-looking aspects and some not that great.

When I'm dressed as a woman, my body shape is pretty good but my face is not very feminine.

[Cheryl T]

Hot? Maybe not, but certainly warmer than most in my time.
And all this began long before I even knew what Hot was, for either me or the girls I would eventually pursue, so the 2 are totally unrelated.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell- o Tinkerbell,
So many of us have stated that this interest started at the age of 6 or 7, myself included, at that age there is not much chance of me seeing myself as an ugly guy.
Through my school years I had plenty of girls interested in me, Oh yeah I had "game" back then. Still had CD thoughts that would come and go.
With an SO today the "game" has changed, but I wouldn't consider myself an ugly guy.
So for me there is something else driving my CD desires, what it is?, no idea, doesn't matter. It's clear to me that it's not ever going away.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReineD]

My SO is very attractive as a male, although he doesn't think so, even though like others here he has learned over time that women do find him attractive. But this is not something that he sees in himself. He does not have mirrors in his home except in the room where she gets dressed, for this very reason.

I've often wondered if (some, many?) CDers might suffer from something akin to body dysmorphia in guy mode, and perhaps a little reverse body dysmorphia in girl mode. It does seem as if CDers don't see their reflections the same way as others see them, in either mode. I'm not surprised that most will say the feminine image of themselves and other CDers is better than the masculine. And I've noticed the same thing you have, Tink ... in the Picture Gallery, they seem to pay attention to angle and pose with perhaps a smile to improve their appearance in girl mode, while they don't seem to try at all with their guy mode pics.

Because I'm a girl who finds guys and not other girls attractive, I have to say that in most cases I do think they look more attractive in guy mode than in girl mode even though many members here know how to present well in girl mode.

[PaulaQ]

Interestingly enough Reine, the dislike of her male image in mirrors that your SO experiences is one of the CLASSIC symptoms of gender dysphoria.

[Tracii G]

Tink I never thought I was handsome growing up but the girls I grew up around said I was cute in a different way.Being a kid/teen/young adult that confused me a lot.
I had my share of GF's in high school and college.They seemed to think I was attractive enough I guess.
I'm the least vain person I know so to answer are you hot? I have no idea.
I have posted in the boy/girl thread many times you be the judge.

[JamieG]

I've never felt particularly hot. I was a 105lb weakling in high school and college, and only really started putting on weight after I got married. I'm now at a healthy 145lbs on my 5'10" frame. Few girls in my lifetime have told me I'm attractive, although I have had a number say that I had "beautiful eyes." I still have a boyish face, despite being in my 40s. My wife has always considered me attractive, but now that I've taken up ballet, she's find me even more so: she says it has done wonders for my legs, rear, and posture. As far as I'm concerned, her's is the only opinion that matters. However, I think by traditional societal measures of attractiveness, that I am more attractive en femme, at least if I go all out with makeup, etc.

[Judith96a]

I've never thought of myself as "hot" and (until I met my wife-to-be at 30+) never had much luck attracting girls. My wife tells me that I'm her big handsome hubby (that's nice to know but then I do keep teasing her about needing new glasses) and on a few occasions that I've been for a makeover I've been told "you're a good looking fella so you'll look good as a girl"! Through one circumstance and another I'm reconnecting with some of the girls that I knew at school / uni and hearing indirectly that I was apparently something of a hunk back then (their word not mine!). So quite why I had such trouble attracting girls I really don't know. Probably too many rough edges back then!
Anyway, what impact had/has all of that on my cross dressing? I'm not sure. I suspect that the lack of any female companionship probably encouraged my cross dressing to a degree. But I've never had the sense of being ugly in boy mode or anything more than perhaps moderately good looking in girl mode.
Lots of words but no conclusions!

P.S. this might give you a giggle. Was told today by co-worker that I have a younger double in another unit within our department. Wonder if he cross dresses too? Now that would be interesting!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Although I didn't realise it til much later, I was 'hot'. (I was useless at picking up on the signals from girls... Oh how many opportunities I missed!!!!).

Oh! how I identify with that comment!

My personality is to be reserve, introvert, contemplative, self-conscious, and analytical. I don't think the thought of whether or not I am "hot" has ever entered my mind. I can say without question that I am better looking as a male than as a female. As a female I look... odd.

I have never heard of the "ugly male syndrome" so I don't put any stock in it. However I have come across many cross-dressers who say that as a child they were introverts, with a low self-esteem, even an inferiority complex. They were often bullied as small children. Boys naturally play rough to determine dominance and establish a pecking order. Most boys want to be the alpha male, and most girls are attracted to the alpha males. In the early years of his life, the average cross-dressing male relinquished any aspirations of being the alpha male. He saw girls as having a better deal in life. Girls were not expected to be better than everyone else in sports, to win at all costs, to never give up, never to cry, to fight back at the bully, and get beaten in the process. Girls were valued simply for their appearances. In this way I can agree with the "masculine failure" concept.

There is possibly something there that I identify with as well. I'm not sure I agree with crossdressing being seen as "contact with a girl" at least, not as a primary causation. I still think that some of it comes from the fact that men "Aren't supposed to dress to show off their bodies" so, they become girls when they want to do that.

My SO is very attractive as a male, although he doesn't think so, even though like others here he has learned over time that women do find him attractive. But this is not something that he sees in himself. He does not have mirrors in his home except in the room where she gets dressed, for this very reason.

I've often wondered if (some, many?) CDers might suffer from something akin to body dysmorphia in guy mode, and perhaps a little reverse body dysmorphia in girl mode. It does seem as if CDers don't see their reflections the same way as others see them, in either mode. I'm not surprised that most will say the feminine image of themselves and other CDers is better than the masculine. And I've noticed the same thing you have, Tink ... in the Picture Gallery, they seem to pay attention to angle and pose with perhaps a smile to improve their appearance in girl mode, while they don't seem to try at all with their guy mode pics.

Because I'm a girl who finds guys and not other girls attractive, I have to say that in most cases I do think they look more attractive in guy mode than in girl mode even though many members here know how to present well in girl mode.

Again, more insightful comments from Reine. I didn't used to think of myself as attractive, though I realise that, these days at least, I am.

I've heard many women say that the number one attractive feature in a man is confidence. Realising that one has an interest, a compulsion, that nobody else seems to have (that you know about anyway) does NOT help with ones confidence. So maybe there's another route where this thread could have some meaning.

Nice thread Tinkerbell. I don't think you should feel inferior in any way because of who you're dating. I feel that a lot of us on here are better than "regular" guys, because at the very least, we are more empathic. People without empathy really don't connect well with others.

[tryingtoblossom]

I have never really looked at myself as being ugly or hot as a male and though I do struggle and will until I am ready to tell my SO about what I like doing...Having said that I have always pondered why people look down upon or think negatively towards our choice of way of life...I mean there are people in the world with special needs, there are drug addicts, you have your cleptomaniacs, you have your kinky people and any other form of life...Yet those kind of people can get their family support to a degree until the family decides they cannot do anymore and give up...I cannot give a reason why I am a CD other than the fact it makes me feel good and yes I am scared of telling people as a few weeks ago I was making Victoria feel alive and the people I live with came home early from their day out and I had nowhere to go (hide) So I was seen...That friend has since hardly talked to me which then made me think...I am still the same person on the inside regardless of how I am on the outside and if the one person I expected to understand cannot...or chose not to want to deal or accept...then how do I tell someone who I just started a relationship with...we all have our demons and skeletons...Don't rush to quickly to cast aspertions or point the finger...Look at your H through his eyes and walk in their shoes and see the world from their eyes not your own...you will be amazed how much more you may understand if you truly step outside your own self.

Victoria

[Athena_]

Tinkerbell,

Interesting Questions. I would guess that my previous girlfriends and current wife would most likely agree that I was a good looking guy. I certainly was fit in my teens with sports and in my early 20's with the military. I certainly never gave my own looks much of a thought, except when crossdressing. I always thought that my connections with women were deeper than just looks. Looks certainly get people interested, but personality is what keeps then interested. I guess I always assumed that women were less about how a guy looks and more about how the guy treats and respects them.

I think tonight I will ask my wife if I am hot! She may very well ask me if I have a fever, or tell me to turn on the AC!

[Beverley Sims]

Apparently I was desirable, but always backward in coming forward.

[Lorileah]

I would not believe anything in the interwebs. If the answer was a masculine failure, I think we all know that a "cure" would have been instituted years agolincoln.jpg

[DonnaT]

Many of us were just kids when we started CDing. Questions of hotness (masculine failure and ugly guy syndrome) were not the cause of our dressing.

And since we were just kids when we started, then our SO's should have no reason to 'feel defective', because our reason for dressing in no way reflects upon our SO's attractiveness or womanliness (or what ever term one wants to use).

Would other women would have chosen better? If you were happy with your husband when you married, how could you have chosen better?

Many women considered Charlie Sheen to be hot, but I bet his Ex wishes she had chosen differently, for better or worse.