thinking of quitting

[amyjacks2014]

^,^

I am with Pink Susan. I am not stopping dressing up. In fact, I am expanding
what I am doing. Not sure what I will do next ... probably a purse, and then a
necklace and something to start attacking the face hair more permanently ...
I have options.

My previous comments were to say that if you can stop dressing up and be
comfy with it ... especially if you have family obligations that are standing between
you and your dressing up, then there is nothing wrong with it, or you.


Amy M. Jackson

[Farrah]

Well, from experience, quitting is not an option. You may stop, but you'll be back. I know I'll never pass or look drop dead gorgeous, but the feeling is amazing. I hope you make the best decision for you and your family. Muah!

[Michelle789]

Gwen,

Purging is a BIG mistake. I purged once and REGRETTED it, because that means you have to buy your entire wardrobe all over again. Not only is it expensive, but you have to go through the headache of buying wigs, makeup, clothes, shoes, and accessories all over again. Now that I have a complete wardrobe, I just find that I buy a new item of clothing when I find something I like, or replace a worn out item, but it make shopping way more fun to be maintaining or improving an existing wardrobe than to start from scratch.

If you wish to stop CDing, just place your stash of clothes in a closet so when you want to start CDing again, everything will be there and ready for you to use when you start up again.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but your desire to CD will NEVER go away. It will only get stronger. You have gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual. You probably won't transition, but you do have a female identity, and a need to express that.

If I feel like I don't pass well or look attractive enough, I try to see what it is that gets me clocked or causes me to look unattractive, and I try to fix it. I find that wearing blue (lighter preferably), black, or red clothes suits me well, while white looks just completely awful on me (well, white tops do). I'm not so sure about tans or beige or neutral colors how they look on me. But I find that certain clothes look better on me, and for me that means more femme styles.

I find that clothes that fit me right are important too. Too tight and I feel uncomfortable. Too baggy and I feel like totally not feminine, like a "dude in a dress".

Passing is very much confidence. We clock ourselves first. I find that self acceptance of who I am is the most important part of passing, and is something I work on every day. Of course, I am TS and am transitioning, but this applies to CDers as well as TSes. We're all in this together. Oh, and FTMs are in this with us too, as they deal with a lot of the same issues as we do.

[ReineD]

When I'm at home I just don't feel like it.

You need to follow your heart and not worry about it. If the desire comes back some years from now, then you can crossdress again.

If you look at the statistics on the Index page, you'll see that 27,000 members have registered in this forum, yet there are only 5,000 active members. Of those, only a few hundred participate on a regular basis (you see the same members post in all the threads). I'm sure that a lot of members have moved on from the CDing, or maybe they only put on women's clothes a few times per year.

The intensity to do this is different for everyone.

PS. Congratulations on your baby! And don't worry, there is still a life after we have kids.

[Confucius]

Gwen,

There are many things in life that are more important than cross-dressing; (e.g. your wife, your children, your career, etc.) Yes, I know cross-dressers who give up cross-dressing for decades. You can get help from organizations like Thorin's http://healingcd.wordpress.com/

You can also use some substitute items that feel like lingerie: men's satin underwear, or men's nylon pajamas. Wear a couple pair of nylon men's pajama pants and they slide against each other and feel sensual. You can use your imagination and experiment with some other substitute items.

Relish all the good things about being a man. There are great male virtues that make being a man wonderful. Good men love, protect and respect their wives and family. Remember, you are more than your cross-dressing. Cross-dressing does not control you, or define you.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gwinnie,

A little late to the thread and there is lots of great advice here already. Firstly CONGRATS on the baby, that will be a great moment of joy for both you and your wife . . . enjoy it as they grow quickly (my daughter turned 28 this year). Rather than just quit, why not box Gwinnie for a bit of time and see how it goes. You may find that perhaps a few Gwinnie moments in a week or month might be sufficient but then again you might still be hit by a desire to dress more often. So rather than purge everything (not sure if you are planning on this) just store it away. I am assuming your wife knows about Gwinnie? If so, have you talked to her about your angst as she might be able to provide you insight from her perspective. As far as passing or going out . . . sweetie, it is not a race or a competition. Very few of us truly pass and even some the prettiest CDers never survive first contact. If someday you do feel the need to go out, the only advice I can give is accept the fact you will be read and own it.

However, you have a new baby on the horizon and this is a joyous moment and one that will require your full-time attention. Let Gwinnie stew a little on the back burner (don't turn her off - just on simmer) and concentrate on getting the next chapter in your life on the go. Gwinnie will always be there when you are ready to return.

Hugs

Isha

[devida]

Hey Gwinnie, don't feel too sad, having a baby is tons of fun, absorbing, exhausting, stressfull, and delightful, but it sure isn't depressing. Should you quit cding? I don't know. It kind of of depends on how important it is for your identity. Maybe being a Dad in a kind of conventional dad-like way is more important. But if you haaven't had the baby yet really this is all just in your mind. You don't have to make any big deal decisions right now. Just be the best husband and new father you can be. It really doesn't make a bit of difference whether you want to dress or not. Let it go. If you have to put your clothes in a box, do so, but really, being a new father and wanting to cross dress don't actually have anything to do with each other. Don't let your mind distract you from your real responsibilities right now.

[Maria 60]

You could only wish sweetly, if only it was that easy, I will never come close to looking fem or will ever walk out that door but I am afraid it's in our blood. I thought the same thing and now with both my kids over twenty I still don't look like a girl and I still didn't walk out that door dressed yet. I have been taking my wife's advice since the day I told her, she told me not to look into it to much and have fun with it neither one of us asked for this, so just enjoy this gift that I have been given. I am not going to lie to you they were not the easiest years of my life but one way or another the dressing was a part of it. So try to quit if you want or you can just take my wife's advice and just roll the dice and go with it were ever it may lead you and most of all, just enjoy it.