What didn't stop you??

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think at first it was a curiousity, and kind of a turn on. Why did some women have short nails, some medium length and some really long? Why did some women paint them red or silver or clear?

I knew it was wrong. There was always an omega (bottom of the social order) boy who was picked on by everyone else. I didn't defend him, because I didn't want to rescue an omega only become the omega myself. One of the tough kids came to school one day wearing red nail polish, the same color as his younger sister. He was razzed to no end at the bus stop. He claimed it was only crayon, but I didn't believe him. If one of the tough guys was brought down a couple of notches for wearing nail polish, what would happen to someone like me was in the middle. This tough guy could physically defend himself, but not me. My dad was also a homophobe, so that wouldn't be so good either. So, I knew if I wanted to do this, it had to be a big secret.

But at that age, crossdresser or transvestite was not in my vocabulary. It you wer a guy and wore women's clothes you were gay, although we used a different perjoritive word back then. And I didn't want to be gay, so I spent a lot of time thinking about whether or not wearing panties made me gay.

I used to have forced fem fantasies, which were acceptable, because it wasn't my fault. I got to dress up without being blamed.

The first time I "borrowed" one of Mom's panties, my equipment was fully functional, and I got quite a rise over it, if you catch my drift. And for the longest time, that's what is was, an alternate arousal mechanism. It pretty much went away during my later teens when I discovered a much more socially acceptable arousal mechamism. That's one of the reasons I didn't tell my fiancee before we got married. I just thiught it would go away once I was married and had as mych sex as I could handle.

So I didn't have many of the classic symptoms. I was all boy, with a slight quirk. I played baseball, football, hockey, basketball, and I wasn't the last one picked. More often than not, I was the one doing the picking.

So, Analyze that!

[flatlander_48]

At some point, boys realise these are not their clothes and they feel wrong wearing them. My H felt this, yet he continued anyway. I've read many here saying they knew it was wrong, they felt it was wrong, yet still they continued until one day wearing the clothes felt right.

Understand that the reason "they felt it was wrong" came from external sources. We were told, whether directly or indirectly, that we should not want to have anything to do with girls clothes. Otherwise, without that messagem life would have been very different.

[AKADonna]

Tink: All I know is that the first time I ever tried on Mom's lingerie, at about age 11, was the very same day that I experienced my first orgasm. I guess that wearing a bra got me so very excited that I couldn't hold back. At any rate, I must have mentally linked crossdressing with sexual satisfaction. Now, here I am more than 57 years later, still getting a thrill out of crossdressing. I love it, it is not harmful to me or anyone else and I have no plans to stop for any reason!

[Dena]

I agree with Cheryl T's post.

I have 5 older sisters and still don't know what influence that had on me other than there were always clothes around should curiosity strike. The first item I wore was when I going ice skating with my sisters and my long underwear was in the wash. My Mom had me wear a pair of my sisters' tights, I raised hell but wore them and found I liked wearing them. About this time I discovered the Dept. store catalogs and was fascinated by the lingerie section (not realizing that I was surrounded by the clothes). I began having dreams about it. The first one was I was looking through a catalog and came across a picture of 3 men in t shirts and half slips! I don't know how long I looked for that catalog before realizing it was a dream. Then I would have dreams that instead of being naked, I would dream I was in public wearing only a full slip! This went on until I had my own clothes.

I was 10 years old before I tried on a pair of nylon panties, and loved how they felt. I never felt anything like it!

I would try on my sister's clothes, feel guilty and vow to never do it again. I enjoyed it so much, I was unable to stop.
I was also unable to quiet my mind from thinking about it until I put together my own wardrobe,

[Deborah]

I figured out really quickly it felt right and wished i could dress and be all the time.... a GG

[VickiTheGamer]

I know that when I started I was somewhere around 5 or so. I know this because I was not yet in Kindergarten. I was very much like a girl emotionally, but I could never let anyone know it. Dressing let me achieve two things. I did it in secret though out of fear of my Parents and Brothers. Now that I am older though, I think I understand more of why I started. Dressing up let me express the girl inside of me, and it was a secret escape. I didn't like myself, hated myself to be more precise. So dressing up let me escape who I was and let me be who I felt I wanted to be. Like a mini-runaway from home and me (but in secret).

As I got older (High School), it turned into an odd Safe Place to go. I was not me, I was able to be the person I wanted to be and on top of that, I was comfortable, secure, and hidden.

After I was done in college, I found it to be sexually stimulating as well. No idea why that happened so late in my life but it did. So, not only was it a place of comfort but of pleasure too.

Once away from family I was able to dress when I wanted to because I was in my own home, where no one could see, judge, or punish me. Over the years the dressing let me express the feminine side of which, developed emotionally. Once I was away from family long enough I was able to be "me". I found that I was a great deal more feminine and that I wanted to express that feminine side both emotionally and physically. Personality wise, I became more feminine. Now that I am an adult, I am the "Me" I wanted to be when I was a kid.

[Judith96a]

By the time I was 7 my parents, family, friends etc had all very effectively conveyed the message that boys wear boys' clothes (and since we were not highland Scots boys clothes did not include kilts!) and girls wear girls' clothes (which at that time included anything remotely trouser-shaped only under extreme duress!). And forget makeup or jewellery! However, that didn't stop my fascination with all things feminine. But this fascination had to be carefully concealed because teenage boys do not accept "difference" - you conform or you suffer (unless/until you're big enough to inflict significant, legitimate, pain on the rugby field). Combine a fascination with all things feminine and zero success with girls...? And yes, all of my peers rebelled, it's what teenagers do! For the majority the instruments of rebellion were sex, drink and ciggies. For me it was (secretly) skirts & dresses!

By the way, my brain may be far too 'male' to 'get it' but it seems to me that trying to understand 'why' borders on being futile. I'm not convinced that any of us REALLY understand why (especially why we started). There is a sense in which asking "why did you start" suggests that if you had a functioning time machine you'd go back and "fix" "it", whatever "it" may be! If I ever were to be in the position that my wife knew about my cross dressing and was even tolerating it (that would be incredibly fantastic), I'm not sure that I would WANT to be "fixed". I might want to go back to when we first met and tell her about Judith THEN but I'm not sure that I'd want to be changed.

Just my 2d
Judith xx

[dana digs sweaters]

Ignore all the social clues?
You mean like reruns of Uncle Milty?
Flip Wilson doing Geraldine every week?
Klinger from MASH?

I dressed because it was fun. My sisters laughed with me, Not at me.
So did our mother when we were goofing around with our characters in front of her.
So I did not crossdress in front of other because the clothes were too nice for riding a dirtbike, playing football & hockey, fishing and all the others things we did that got us dirty/sweaty.

To be a rebel, I would've started a gang for boys in girl's clothes.

[Byron]

So my first question is: Why, at such a young and impressionable age (most here were children, I believe) did you ignore all the social cues that it was wrong and kept dressing anyway?

I never really struggled with any guilt, it always felt right to me right from the beginning. What I always struggled with and still do occasional to this day is the "Why do I do it?" That can be just a frustrating when a self examination of ones experiences in life offers no obvious reasons for it.

Second, do you think it's possible you kept crossdressing because it was considered socially wrong?

This is most certainly a possibility. there has always been a level of "I don't care what society says" when it comes to most things in life, and dressing being a part of that.

[AprilMayy<3]

I really don't know why I didn't stop. I knew my entire family would be against it, and I would have to hide it. I honestly don't know why I continued. Whatever my subconscious reasoning, I'm glad I did continue, lol.
I don't think I kept doing it because it was wrong. I knew it was, but I kept doing it, but not BECAUSE it was wrong. I think that's every CD'ers biggest question to themselves, "Why did I start and continue doing this??" haha!
Awesome questions Tink!

[Katey888]

I think I'm just building on a lot of similar answers here, but anyway...

Firstly - it never felt wrong then - at a very young age it was just something I wanted to do... I had no exposure to sisters so trying on the girls' hats at school (yes, it was as innocent seeming as that...) was something I had to try... at school, and in secret... I don't think as a really young child I cared much about social cues (but Zylia is right too - my memory is far from complete around those details...)

Secondly - how could I be rebelling if no-one knew about it? As successful a rebel as the People's Front of Judea suicide squad... I think I kept doing it because it didn't feel wrong, and then when the sexual thing kicked in (surprised the heck out of me when it did, I seem to recall!) I might have thought or realised it was wrong, but by then it was just too good...

Katey x

[DonnaT]

I knew it was something I shouldn't do, but was compelled to do anyway. Even before then, I saw a neighbor girl my age (6) and her younger brother playing in the basement of their house, and he was fully dressed up. I immediately wished I was in his place.

I didn't have the chance, or even think about it, later, until I was 9 or 10. I found some of my mother's old things in the basement, and without hesitation, tried them on.

I haven't stopped since then.

I never felt it was wrong, but I knew I'd be embarrassed if caught. 4 brothers.

Why then did I keep dressing? The 60 million dollar question. The only answer I have is - because I am trans in some degree. Some people are left handed, some right handed; some people are trans to some degree some are not. And for the same reason, I kept right on CDing, even if I didn't know why, I just had too. And I enjoyed it.