Where do they go?

[heatherdress]

I have been a member of this site for several years now, and do find a continued attraction to check in, read, learn, comment and enjoy. There are many members that I looked forward reading their insight, spirit, wit and humor. I feel I began to know them as they share their feelings and experiences. And then they disappeared. I wonder - what happened to them? Sounds odd, but I miss them.

[Emi_]

i can well imagine that there are any number of reasons for people leaving. There are personal issues in people's lives sometimes. Other times people get tired of other people. I know that I'm wearing very thin on some of the topics around here. For the most part, online forums are temporal spaces. While the forums themselves may last a long time, the members tend to come and go all the time.

Also, while many seem to be consumed by the whole cross-dressing thing in their lives, there is a limit to how much we can talk about it. This shows in the way topics come around again and again asking the same questions or expressing the same ideas but in different terms.

In short, forums like these are great places to meet up but they don't often make for strong and lasting bonds.

[Robinsinclair]

I imagine some of them are still here and simply not writing as much as they might have previously.

I participate in a bunch of different forums, but the amount of writing I do varies from one month to the next, depending on time, work and travel.

[Beverley Sims]

Heather,
I have only been here a short time and some of the insightful posts I have expected to see have gone into hiatus.

I say that because some do reappear after a short time out.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I miss a bunch of folks, too, Heather. I don't k now any of them personally, so I don't even know how to find out what they are up to. You can try sending PMs to them; if they still have the email they signed up with, maybe that will work. Some people just get tired of seeing the same threads, over and over again. Others probably give up dressing and stop coming here, much like recovering alcoholics stop going to bars.

Wherever they are and whatever they are doing, I wish them well!

Deedd

[Kate Simmons]

I've changed my name several times on here as I've evolved as a person. I don't see the need to comment on every thread like some do( which is fine). I will, however, answer someone by PM if they would like my input on a certain issue. Some of the subjects on here have come up multiple times over the years as you may guess.

[Raychel]

Just like in real life, people come and people go.
Some good friends you may not see for years,
some you see every day. I have made some good friends here that have moved on with their lives.
And some friends that have passed on,
They are good people and I wish them well in life. Sure I hope our paths cross again someday. and I do miss them.
But I am grateful that I have had them in my life, even if for a short time

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Heather, I too have made so many friends here and some times they just seam to fall off the end of the Earth.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Sometimes the circumstances in life changes. When I first joined, my work scheduled allowed me adequate time to post and read every topic daily. As of now between my normal 16 hour day of work, chores etc, with maybe a day off here and there which everything else that is neglected on my work days needs tending to. I'm too exhausted/brain dead to spend much time here, let alone give a proper coherent post for anything.

[jennylou]

Unfortunately I am what is referred to as a lurker. You won't see many posts from me as I usally don't have anything constructive to add.
Even though I visit regularly I am not missed due to my lack of visibility.

[Jennifer W]

I too have been lurking. Due to a large fight with my wife all my clothes got purged including almost 200 pairs of panties and thongs. We had a talk and I thought we were back on track and she decided she accepted the fact that I have a female side but hates "female stuff" which I'm taking to mean clothes. I'm back to hiding my underwear again. Lucky for me I do the laundry. My stuff is in plain sight in my bureau drawer should she decide to look. I'm up to about 40 pairs again. We are not as close as we were. But we both find it hard to throw away 30+ years together. So I continue to be here just not as I once was.

[suchacutie]

I came upon this site within hours of first discovering Tina. There were some members who posted often at that time who reallymade a serious impact on Tina, and who now post much less or not at all. I do miss them...

[Megan Thomas]

One aspect not touched on yet is transsexuals who once they've had their surgeries tend to leave the trans community behind for various reasons, perhaps because they no longer feel an affinity or don't want to be a flag bearer and prefer to fade into the background.

As stated before, we often never know the reasons. We just notice they're gone sooner or later.

[Jaylyn]

Emi said it best there are only so much on here that can be discussed or even allowed to be discussed. I had several friends that when I first joined I would read every post that they made. We then would go private message with each other and further visit. Two or three welcomed me with open arms and helped me learn the ropes about what I could talk about and what was not accepted. I am now friends with several from here on Yahoos IM and we have some very deep chats about what we love and do. I know a few that have gotten tired of all the same questions us newbies ask. There only so many ways one can answer how to hide what your doing from a wife or so many comments you can make about someone's new dress and look. Many I feel have moved on due to age and some as Robin stated may glance at the forum from time to time. I had one friend and we chatted Dailey for almost a year but I can't even find a trace where she disappeared to. I have wondered many times why they just seem to fall off the earth.

[Jodi]

This same thing happens in support groups. In this situation, you usually know them only by femme name and appearance. Some will become very active, then drop completely out of site--Never to be heard from again.

Jodi

[stephNE]

I think about this too. There have been a few girls who I have friended here and traded messages. You sort of feel like you are getting to know them, and then you realize they are gone. For the girls I am thinking about, I hope they are all doing OK, and have gone for happy reasons.

[Rhonda Jean]

I was gone for a couple of years. I had just become consumed by it all and needed to pull back to gain a little perspective. That's harder for me to do as a single person. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Sometimes that's exactly what I do! This board tends to feed my imagination and my hedonistic side. I have to exercise a bit of self control, and I tend to do that in big chunks

[Lorileah]

Some leave because they get tired of the same questions over and over. Some outgrow the site. Some find a new passion. Some get angry with the Mods and Admins. Some transition and don't need to be associated with the TG community. Some lurk.

[Karren H]

I've been going through a couple years on intensive remodeling of our house and my daughters..... plus I'm now "the boss lady" of a group of minions which is making my life way more busy than I want.... and my Droid is not real happy with the new forum format ..... I am on You can find me on FaceBook full time..

[okie zoe]

I think like most people have said already personal lives have alot to do with it, but I've seen alot of forums like this one where things tend to be more moderated and on-topic, and unless you have new stuff coming out every year (like a car forum for instance) I can see how it's easy to cover everything that needs covered then there's not much to talk about after that. I've got a good 50,000 posts racked up at another forum but it's kind of a mad house and there's a lot of off topic discussion to break up the monotony, but we all enjoy talking about what we have in common (the on-topic stuff). I can almost without a doubt say if that place was strictly on topic I probably wouldn't have stayed as long as I have (almost 10 years now).

[Desirae]

As far as the "new" ones who show up here and then disappear, the ones with post counts of, say, less than 20 or so, I think most of them aren't CD or trans. I think they're just curious onlookers, probably teenagers, who stumble across this site and want to see what it's all about. They ask a few questions and then move on.

Some of the other ones who are here and then disappear, possibly with slightly higher post count, who ask "certain" types of questions, I think, in some cases, are college level students researching papers, perhaps for psychology or sociology. They do their research and then move on. Perhaps, there are even a few graduate level students who do the same thing.

Some of the others who disappear, I believe, as others have stated, just get tired of reading the same old thing day after day. They discover they're not getting anything out of it.

Others probably go into another deep denial, probably a cyclical thing.

Still, others show up "once in a while" to "show off" their "youthful, convincing good looks" in the picture section for all to envy.

A few have probably died.

I would say that a lot of "part-timers" probably have other life circumstances that come up and this ends up becoming a second priority.

[Linda Stockings]

Heather,
I'm glad you asked because I've had the same question for quite awhile. I found out a few things. When I looked in the member list, most are still members. When I clicked on "visit recent posts", I found many are still active, it's just that some are more active in areas I have not even plowed much yet. When I sent them messages, they were, in general, responsive. I haven't felt avoided, but I agree, some find new friends, and some are not as interested in what I may have to say - at least for awhile. Have you checked to see if they have posted or responded to anything lately?

Best,
Linda

[Desirae]

Linda................I think once you're e member here, you're a member FOREVER, or until the site ceases to exist. Your account cannot be deleted or removed. That's what it says in the "rules".

[heatherdress]

I've been going through a couple years on intensive remodeling of our house and my daughters..... plus I'm now "the boss lady" of a group of minions which is making my life way more busy than I want.... and my Droid is not real happy with the new forum format ..... I am on You can find me on FaceBook full time..

Thanks Karen. You are one of my heroes.

Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies. I understand why some of us come and go. But I do wonder what happens to some of us who are long-time,steady contributors as well as the individuals who discover this site and unleash a flow of questions, comments and emotions - and then rapidly vanish.

[CrossJess]

I wonder - what happened to them? Sounds odd, but I miss them.

It's just life sweetie I'm sure people just get phases and once that wears thin and other things take their interest then contributing to forums may not be first port of call anymore, I've been coming and going on this site since 2008 I'm not a massive poster though I came back a month ago after a few years away lol I done more posts in this month than I ever have here lol, but I'm off again now will probably be my final post here for a while