Point and Laugh

[Sarah L]

I have found that people will try to make you feel bad about yourself if their lives totally suck. Somehow bringing you down to their level of existence (or trying to) makes them feel better about themselves.

That comes from my own personal experience. If it wasn't a TG peson, they would find something else. They want you to feel as bad about yourself as they do themselves.

When someone does something like this, it's like a sign over their head saying "I am a miserable human being and I have nothing going on in my life. I am completely worthless."

But then again, who knows? Maybe if you were to run into one of these people without the other, they might apologize for their actions.

If they see they can't stop you from living your life and being happy, they will probably move on to the next person. Maybe someone with a disability or of a different color.

But this is one way to make progress, we need to show people that we aren't going away.


They can only have an effect on our lives if we let them.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Eva, I too am sorry you're having trouble dealing with this. You got some great feedback in this thread. But ya know, even in drab I've had people snicker around me. Maybe it's my mannerisms or the way I vocally express myself. Screw 'em! I'm just being myself. Imagine being in rough redneck territory.

Here's another thought -- How would you like to hold a public office position? Living in a smaller town I've seen politicians get skewered to no end and that includes people managing service offices like building inspector. A certain selectboard member's name was on many lips in a negative way. He really got his back stabbed. Your incident was small and brief but I realize it affected you in a big way. Imagine what public figures go through. Maybe a bad comparison but it's only my perspective.

Cheryl

[Farrah]

I can imagine the hurt. The ignorance of some people. You should've smiled and waved at them.

[Alice Torn]

Knuckle draggers everywhere, sadly. Eva, your idea, about looking around, when they point, is great! "Hang them by their own petard" Or their own words and pointing!

I went to an auto junkyard last wee, with shorts on that go below the knees, and a cowboy shirt on, The guys next in line, were snickering at me, and i was not in lady clothes! Jerks are all over the place. Civility seems to be in decline.

[Aly Cat]

Im feeling better today. I just meet my new neighbors and it looks like they are going to be awesome! They are a lesbian couple who are the sweetest people ever. We chatted for about a half hour and I think we all clicked really well. My roommate was like... You have no idea how happy it makes me that we have lesbians living next to us. She is straight, but loves diversity and is one of the most awesome people I have ever met. I like our new neighborhood. I see good things in my future.

[kathrynt21]

Eva-
I am so sorry to hear you had to deal with that. However, it says more about them than it does about you. Making someone else feel less than is covering their discomfort with themselves.
When feeling bad or low the best thing some people think they can do is make someone feel worse than they do. Keep being you. You are lovely and authentic.

[tightsplease1986]

Hi Eva, firstly can I just say how pretty you are I'm amazed anyone figured out you were a crossdresser. I have been out in public dressed as a girl many times now and I do get some stares, a few silly comments and occasionally some idiots laugh (usually because they don't understand the concept of it) but all of the people near and dear to me have been so amazingly supportive of me and more than anything else I get told I have great legs. I'm 6'2'' and have long legs but this doesn't always mean nice legs but some have even said they are jealous of them! It is so wonderful to be able to go out and about as a girl, don't mind anyone who laughs etc because they are just fools who can't handle different.

Gracie xx

[Kate Simmons]

When others point at us, three fingers are always pointing back at them. "Nuff said!

[Eryn]

The next time that happens try what I do when someone seems to be paying me too much attention: Move closer to them. At a distance you are an object. Close up they have to acknowledge your humanity. The confidence you display does wonders for passibility!

[Aly Cat]

Because of where the car was located, I had to walk right past them. As I passed, I looked at the person in the passenger side. It was a girl and she was just staring and laughing. I had noticed them obviously earlier when I was in front of the car, but I never once acknowledged them. I looked at her with a blank face. I am very good at hiding my expressions. After I passed the car, they drove on. Im good at not showing emotions but I'm not so good at not feeling them.

[Amanda22]

Eva, I'm sorry you experienced that rude and hate-filled behavior. You know you don't deserve that (no one does, of course), but it doesn't mean you don't feel terrible about it. Thank you for going out in public. I thank all of us who have the courage to dress outside the home. Doing so really brings awareness, although it's painful around idiots. I'm reminded of the bravery of African Americans in the 1960s who, for instance, had the audacity to sit at the diner counter beside whites. I recently saw film of whites surrounding them and yelling/pointing at them while they tried to eat. I can't imagine the courage that took. That's what I think of when I'm out in public and someone notices a tall, big, masculine "girl." I have it pretty easy if the worst that happens is getting laughed at. It's the least I can do to bring about social change. I'm not trying to minimize your experience, Eva, but rather trying to give you perspective and a tool you can use next time.

[Nicole Erin]

Notice they were in the car when they had to be smart asses.
I am surprised that woman said anything or laughed honestly. Some GG's who have no problems running their mouths at males tend to cower if there is another GG about. Reason is, If there is another GG around, the smart-ass woman might find her head bouncing on the pavement.

[Eryn]

Because of where the car was located, I had to walk right past them. As I passed, I looked at the person in the passenger side. It was a girl and she was just staring and laughing. I had noticed them obviously earlier when I was in front of the car, but I never once acknowledged them. I looked at her with a blank face. I am very good at hiding my expressions.

Rather than a blank face, try a smile! Whatever they are laughing at (and it might well not be you!) grab a bit of their happy mood for yourself and make off with it!

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Who really cares what a couple of strangers think? You're out, you're having a good time, and it would be foolish to let a random event spoil your time.

I've felt the same sort of thing when others reacted to me in ways I thought negative. I learned to smile at them and was surprised that it sometimes altered the behavior I thought negative. Apparently it is harder to give a confident person a hard time.

[Aly Cat]

Eryn, thats good advice! Ill have to try that next time!

[Nicole Erin]

Eva, I forget who posted they did this but here is something that you can do if it is just guys laughing -
Put your arm around your room mate and say, "laugh all you want boys, I won't be sleeping alone tonight".
I mean even if your room mate and you are platonic (and she knows it is kidding), their egos will instantly disintegrate. Make sure and note the looks on their faces. You will then shed tears of joy.

Me, I am not real good at standing up for myself but I tend to go bat shit if I see someone else get bullied.

[Aly Cat]

Nicole, my roommate would totally do something like that. If she had noticed it, she would have done something similar. At the very least put her arm around me or hooked her arm in mine. She said she didnt notice and said they are glad she didnt. She got bullied a lot when she went through cancer having lost all her hair and everything and so she doesnt take crap from anyone. She is truly an amazing friend and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Her outlook on life blows me away. She holds such a high value on life and happiness that she wont even kill insects. She will scoop them up and release them in a different environment. Her words of encouragement make me wanna cry with happiness to have such a wonderful friend. The other night she said that I was so nice and wished she could be more like me. I was blown away. I told her that she is my example that I try to live by every day. Her very existence brightens any room and I feel like the luckiest person alive to call her friend. She would tell me to shut up and stop spreading lies if she knew I was writing this, but it is all 100% the truth. Along with all of her amazing qualities, she is also very humble. I try to spend a lot of time with her and hope that her value for all things good rubs off on me.

[Desirae]

It's really a shame you had this happen to you. This is one of the biggest fears I have that has kept me from getting out. I don't know if my skin is thick enough to handle it. I think by reading this post, and others like this post, my skin has thickened up somewhat from what it was when I first joined here. You seem like you did handle it well in the end and I applaud you for that. Keep doing what you're doing.

[Beverley Sims]

Aly,
It is cruel but an isolated incident, hopefully you will learn how to handle it.
Support from your GF is tantamount in this instance.

[Wasia]

I found out, that if someone is trying to make me uncomfortable (for whatever reason). The easiest way to shut them is come closer, look in their eyes, and smile. Just stand near them and smile, no talking necessary. In a minute or two - the would be abuser is ready to run away him/her-self.
Your own confidence is the key.

[KiwiKate]

Some people can be complete idiots.They somehow think it's OK to act towards or to say to people want they want.I can understand why it upset you cos it sure would have devastated me.I think you are very brave for being able to go out en femme in the first place and I think you look very pretty.Glad things are looking up and awesome news about your new neighbors!

[CrossJess]

Awww hun dont worry abouy them, just pick your self up and carry on, if i took on board every coment and finger pointing i get i would be a wreck, just do what i do now and just play with them. Ive mastered the art of making bullies feel very alkward using my gay ways and simple words, works every time

[typhoidmary]

poeple laugh at me occasionally. usually young men, never when they're alone and always when my back is turned. I don't know what is so funny, or what about me is so threatening that they can't do it to my face considering I look like a strong wind could blow me away, but whatever. they're the insecure ones, not me. I guess they never grew out of the playground bully phase or something.