The following is my opinion.
What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails
And puppy-dogs' tails,
That's what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.
When growing up, some of us are taught this or heard it. I know I did. Today, this morning to be more precise, I came to realize how true this can be but with a different selection of words. Words that today, helped me understand Vicki better and helped me understand why I really love being Vicki.
What are men made of?
What are men made of?
Violence, strength, power, and control,
That's what men are made of.
No, this is not necessarily all true, BUT, it is what is instilled in me as a male. It is instilled in me this way because to survive, it is necessary. Men are brought up that WE are the protectors. We are the front line against any danger. Be it to us, to someone we love, or to anyone else. So we are brought up to be strong. We grow up wearing this thing on our shoulders that say, "F_ _ k with me and I will kick your A_s". Sure, we can be scared, but we are really expected to be brave, tough, and ready to fight. Not be "Sissies". We are brought up with the idea that WE are in control, and as such, our egos tell us to take control and exert our Power over others so they know who is boss. Who to fear. We might not be like this, but look around. Look how boys grow up with the idea they NEED to be tough. (Football, Rugby, and so on in sports). CEO's who are Sharkes ready to eat the competition. AND, we are brought up to accept violence as a part of who we are. We might not be violent, but it's seen more as a Male trait than not. (In movies, who is traditionally the killer? In the Military, who is traditionally expected to do the killing? In any environment, be it fantasy or reality, who is expected to be the violent one?). Or here is one some of you might remember happening. Your mother saying (in an angry voice), "What till your father gets home", because that meant you were going to get your ass handed to you.
Is this what makes a man? No, but, it's what being Male is about. It has to be so that you, as a Man will have the necessary power over others who will try to cause trouble. You don't have to be violent, being a man means it is assumed you can be (with little to no effort).
Yet, then you have women.
What are Women made of?
What are Women made of?
Kindness, Caring, Warmth and love.
That is what Women are made of.
Again, this may not be the truth. But in the world I grew up with, it is. I grew up in a world where to be a women you are not violent. If your husband beat you to help you understand who is boss you just took it, and make sure you were kind, caring, warm and loving to him and the kids. If you were in the military, you didn't go to the front line, you helped take care of those that needed care, warmth, love and kindness. You might have been trained to use a gun, and you might even have to use it, but you were last to get sent to the front line to fight....to kill.
Instead, in my world, women grew up to be the Teachers, the Nurses, and anything else that had to do with Love, Care, Kindness, and Warmth. The soft fluffy stuff.
For those women who didn't grow up that way, often it was due to themselves having to train themselves to defend themselves. Most that are tough, had it tough enough that they HAD to bring themselves up and in so doing, became hard (hard like a MAN).
I now understand why I feel better being Vicki. Why I really want to be Vicki. At least, I understand a major factor.
As Vicki, I don't have to carry the weight of having to be tough. I don't have to be ready to fight, walking around with a semi tough quality to me so that people don't mess with me or those I am with. I don't have to be willing to hurt others just because they are looking to start trouble. Instead, I truly got to relax and not care. I got to instead smile, be happy and the LAST thing in my mind was having to present a Tough, Violent (if needed), Controlled, powerful male. Instead, I was me. A person who is soft, caring, loving and tender. I got to be ME.
Now, the only thing I wonder is, if I were to become Vicki for good. If I were to go from Cross Dressing to Transexual to fully female. Would I carry the Male side with me AND would it eventually come back out because of it being instilled in me. Will I still step up and be the Male or wait to see if some other (Man) does it?
Again, this is my opinion and what I experienced. I would be curious as to your opinion and what you experienced in relation to all this?
Love you all,
Vic