Feeling a little down

[Amylou2014]

I have read soooo much in here.

However. I hear sooo much about how much things are hidden.

I do understand that not all wives, or SOs are as accepting and understandin as I am.

It just makes me sad,

Since me husband told me he was a cder, our relationship has grown soooo much, we spend soooo much more time together.

There are no more lies, no more pretending.

From a wives point of view.....I would want to know.

[Erica Marie]

Kudos to you Amy. It takes a special person to accept crossdressing with an open mind.

[Rachael Leigh]

Thank you Amy for being open and honest in that way.
I don't hold it against my wife because she can't deal with me as a CD I just try and look at it from her side and it seems to help. I wish I wasn't this way and many times I try to put it aside as I did most recently but it's never easy

[Paula_Femme]

Since me husband told me he was a cder, our relationship has grown soooo much, we spend soooo much more time together.
There are no more lies, no more pretending.

Congratulations Amy, to you and your husband, you're very luck to have found each other!

Wishing you both all the very best
Paula

[BillieJoEllen]

At first my wife was very accepting but then something went haywire and all of a sudden she wanted me to be 'cured'. All I can say Amy is thank you for being you!

[bridget thronton]

It seems that you are affirming that the secrecy is the worst part. Glad you and your spouse are doing so well.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Amylou, I'm used to telling people that are feeling down around here to go fix their makeup, and put on something pretty.
Seems to work most of the time, maybe you should give it a try too!
Those of us that are keeping things hidden have our reasons for doing so. We all have lead different lives, and are in our own current situations. Revealing everything for some is not as big of a deal as it may be for others.
So many variables come into play, no one can say whats right for any one of us.
Give your H a big hug for being open with you, and do what you can here to help other wives and SO's help find a way to be more accepting.
Thanks for joining in the forum and being such a caring person.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[stephNE]

Hi Amylou! You sound like you are a wonderful wife. Thank you for accepting us. Steph.

[Kate Simmons]

Never be afraid to ask about anything here Amy. Enjoy your time with your husband.

[Jaylyn]

Amy enjoy your time with the SO because two can make a great team and have more fun in life than anyone trying to hide things from each other. My wife knows and had accepted me also. We both have little things that we share and we both are proud of each other. It is so great to have a close friend, SO, and best of all being so intimate that we know each other's strengths and weaknesses and can help each other thru them. Life is tough enough by itself but a helper to bear the crazy things in life that are thrown at us is way more bearable with two. Thank you for your understanding heart. Hope y'all many years of continued bliss. Don't be saddened by what you can't control.

[Amylou2014]

At first my wife was very accepting but then something went haywire and all of a sudden she wanted me to be 'cured'. All I can say Amy is thank you for being you!

Billie, I think you just over stepped her bourdaries. My husband knows not to push me.

Lol it's kinda funny, my husband knows when I say "your werid" or "I can't believe I'm doing this" to back off lol

Hell on heels, (btw I love that song)
I know everyone's situations are different, I'm just putting it out there that feeling lied to hurt worse than finding out he liked to wear my cloths.
For over a yr I knew there was something wrong with my husband, he wasn't acting right, he wasn't his normal happy self. That put a terrible strain on our relationship, almost to the breaking point, I thought he was cheating on me, I didn't feel like I was good enough.

Women have a tendency of assuming the WORST. Most women have things going threw there minds nonstop, that they never say.

It could be tearing apart a relationship and you may never even know.

So all I'm saying is from a wife that's been there. I would rather be told.


All others thank you for the support, I've been working hard to understand, accept, and not judge.

[PaulaQ]

You are a rare woman Amylou. It is sad, isn't it, to think of couples that break up over a CDing spouse. It's sad to think about marriages that break up over a transitioning spouse too, although that one is easier to understand. (That was my situation.)

I hope you are feeling better today.

[Amylou2014]

I'm sorry to hear that Paula. I do understand about transitioning, I couldn't say I'd stay either, which I'm sorry to admit that but it's the truth.

Honestly, when my husband first told me, I thought he was gay.....and that is what was on the verge of tearing our relationship apart.

I was misinformed like a lot of other women. I had to take the time to listen, and really understand what my husband was saying to me. I has to process it all. I feel like most women would jump the gun in the situation so to speak. If I would have acted on the first thoughts that came to mind, we wouldn't be together today.

Because I took the effort to reaaAallllyyyyy understand my husband, we are sooooo much happier. I cherish everyday we have together, btw we just got home from shopping, had a lot of fun.

[PaulaQ]

It's OK Amylou - most spouses don't make it through transition, my wife didn't make it until I started. Four months after I came out, she wanted me gone. So I left. Some of us make it through with relationships that survive. It's the breaks.

[Amylou2014]

I also think it's when your SO finds out to be honest,

If I was married to my H and 15 yrs down the road he told me, I'd be pretty freakin up set.y

My H told me two yrs into marriage, which I was even upset with that, I told him he should told me idk maybe sometime while we were engaged.

[PaulaQ]

If I was married to my H and 15 yrs down the road he told me, I'd be pretty freakin up set

Well, that was certainly an issue with my wife - we were 17 years into marriage, and had been together as a couple for 20 years. I was really deep into denial when I met her. I did NOT want my gender issues to be real, though they'd bothered me since childhood. I lied to myself, and didn't understand that I really was a woman. This wasn't some desire, some fantasy - I'm a woman. Didn't want this, didn't ask for this, and tried to deny it my entire life. I did pretty well at that for 50 years, but in the end, I was miserable and suicidal - something had to give, and it was, unfortunately, being a man.

I told her everything else about my past, including my alcoholism (I've been sober 24 years now.) I never told another soul about my gender issues - even when I was in rehab / AA. I think I'd have taken a bullet before I'd have told about this. I was terribly ashamed of these feelings.

I know she feels betrayed and lied to. She'd never have dated me had she known that I'd crossdressed in the past. (I hadn't done it in several years when we met. I never intended to do it again.) I knew though, that awful March night last year when I came out to myself that I'd lose her, and probably everything and everyone else I had.

I haven't seen her since November of last year. The last couple of times she saw me, I was in boy mode. I wonder if she'll even recognize me now. I have my doubts I'll ever see her again, so it doesn't matter I suppose.

[Zoeeee]

Its upsets me a lot how we can be viewed by others ..... when i told my GF she was very distant with the subject and she still hasn't come round, so i find my self now having to do it behind her back. I can only hope one day things will get better because nothing would make me happier to be able to share this side of me So glad that you two are having a great time and i wish you all the best!

Zoe x

[Amylou2014]

Paula,

That story makes me really sad.....I'm sorry for all the things you have gone through....


Zoeee,

I told my husband I'd rather him only do it with me and now he said he hates the thought of doing it alone.....so maybe try that approach with your girl.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy, You are one of the special wives for sure.

[Beverley Sims]

Amylou,
It is very hard for some wives to understand.
Their upbringing has a lot to do with it.
It is hard to change a leopards spots.