Update

[MatildaJ.]

This has crossed my mind and I am sure hers as well Jess. But there is a lot of history here and still a lot of love. I think it is worth trying to preserve. No, I know it is.

That goes for me too. I have no intention of getting a divorce; I love my husband and we live well together.

But my statement about preferring amicable separation to one person feeling trapped was addressing Kim's comment that even considering divorce is a step which may lead to getting one.

[PaulaQ]

@Sammie - I hope things continue well for you and your wife. The type of relationship you describe with her now is pretty typical of those of other trans women I know who's marriages survived their transition. I think what the two of you have may very well be sustainable. Just know that it may get harder as you transition. Over time, the man she knew will vanish bit by bit before her eyes. Some women can handle that, some can't.

But I am hopeful for you both, because what you are doing is what seems to work for the few who stay married.

Best of luck, hon, for the both of you.

[GretchenJ]

Hi Sammie,

Read your post in my hotel last night, needed time to digest it, plus I didn't not have my tablet and can not type for crap on my cell phone. Also made me cry a little bit, to be honest.

I can tell from the brief time you have been posting that you have a good heart, and that you put your family first. It also sounds like your spouse is the same way. Me and my wife were friends way before we became involved, and that it the foundation of our relationship. It appears that through the trying times that you and your wife have gone through, the friendship is still solid.

i will keep both of you in my thoughts, and hope things work out so that all of you are happy and content ...

If you need to chat, always feel free to IM or PM me

Gretch

[Maria in heels]

Sammie....what a wonderful day. I remember that initial feeling, the uneasiness and wanting to answer questions that she didn't want to ask. You have spent many years together, and hopefully there will be many more between the two of you. It is very difficult for her, and as long as you both understand your respective boundaries and agree, things may just still work out...

keeping the hope up!

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Hi Sammie,

Wow, what a grand journey you are on gal. It seems that maybe you, like a lot of us that participate here, are steering you life’s course into uncharted territory, not quite knowing what direction it may take but knowing in your heart of hearts that it must be done. Some things we do to preserve our own health and sanity but it can be hard for friends and loved ones to comprehend and appreciate how necessary they are to our very existence.

It’s great that you and your wife are communicating and working out the relationship “day by day”. It can’t be easy given the situation so you must be doing things right. We know you are doing it with grace and beauty, it just shows.

So smooth sailing Sammie, and keep the trip reports coming!

Hugs,
Steph