To be? Or only half to be?

[Mishell]

I'm going to start this by saying my girlfriend (known here as Miss Kitty), is more accepting than I am about my dressing.

A few weekends ago, we decided to have her do my make up. I was nervous but she was sweet and turned it into a role play event to help me feel more comfortable. Like a transformation salon. It was fun even though I don't like anyone doing anything around my eyes. (Damn I love this woman.)

After the make up application, I finished getting dressed and put on a wig. I then looked in the mirror. I got freaked out, (but maintained). I was weirded out seeing myself in makeup and by her seeing me in makeup and a wig. (I've never done makeup before to that extent and she's the only one to see me).
We agreed that some experimentation needs to go on to find the right look. She has a pale complexion and I have, I guess, an olive complextion so her makeup gave me a death look. I looked really pale.
I wound up taking off the wig later because it gave me a headache. Before bed I washed off the makeup.
Ever since I've been weirded out about dressing, as well as makeup, and its driving me nuts and making me feel uncomfortable. I've been getting strong urges to purge again.
I explained to her about my weirding out. I'm not sure if I want to do makeup again, but we talked about getting darker makeup. But I'm still weirded out about dressing. Although I have to admit its been too warm here lately. (I'm waiting for winter. I like the cool).
It's not as bad now that some time has passed but I still have some of those weirded out feelings. Mostly about the makeup, but also dealing with dressing.

Has anyone else with an accepting SO experienced this weirded out feeling with makeup?
Does anyone who dresses with their SO, not wear makeup and a wig around them? If so, do you feel more comfortable? Are you and your SO comfortable with you not wearing makeup, just the clothes?

In a way, I kinda feel like I'd be weirding HER out, by not going the full route with makeup and a wig.

Just trying to figure this whole thing out. Thanks.

[Dana M]

Mishell,
Just take things slowly. Since doing full make-up with Her freaked you out. maybe you could talk to her about.

[shwana]

Wearing makeup makes me feel more fem but do what makes you feel good

[Confucius]

If you are just cross-dressing in the safety and privacy of the home then there is no need for make-up, wig, shape-wear, or other stuff to help you pass in public. The only rule you need to follow is to seek your comfortable place, and do what makes you happy.

[Princess Grandpa]

Usually dressing at home I don't wear make up. Right now I sit here in my faux leather skirt, pink top, and the cutest pair of lace up fish nets. I have my forms on and a wig but no make up. I don't really know how to do it. It's not really something I need to satisfy my compulsion. I an quite content sitting here ugly as #%?' feeling pretty.

When we go out Julie does my make up. It is really a very intimate experience we share and enjoy. We have talked about how much easier things would be if I learned to do it. I probably will but I will miss that experience of her transforming me.

The most important thing is that you do what your comfortable with. If your weirded out about something, don't do it. Be happy with who you are and comfortable in your own skin.

Hug
Rita

[DonnaT]

I don't wear my wig or makeup around the house. It doesn't weird me out either way. My wife is more comfortable with this arrangement, however, she wouldn't stop me if I felt the need to wear them.

[kimdl93]

I really think two things happened. The makeup won't work right if you use her so lros...it's just an incongruous appearance. Get the right colors and your appearance will be 100 times better. The mother thing is inside your head...part of you wants to dress, to be made up and present well as female, but you have these ingrained fears of losing status in her eyes. And maybe you're not quite fully accepting of yourself.

My advice...get the right make up for your coloring, keep the dressing within the context of role playing fun for now, and work on your self acceptance. Some conversations with your gf will help, because it seems she is readily accepting and her support may help get you to the same point. If not, consider a gender therapist.

[Kate Simmons]

Actually I work wonders with make up and it doesn't weird me out in the least. Pulling off the looks is done with makeup, smoke and mirrors the way I see it.

[cdterri]

I don't wear makeup or wigs and the wife prefers it that way.I know she wouldn't care if I did but we both feel better without them.

[Lori Kurtz]

Whatever you do, dear, don't purge. Just don't. Put the stuff away if you need to abstain for a while. But I bet you'll be back. Don't worry about it, don't dwell on it, don't make a big deal of it. If I'm wrong, that's okay, you can leave the stuff stored away. If I'm right, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble and expense.

[Badwolf]

Yup put it away....store it far away if you need to but purging (unless you don't have much) will just end up wasting money if you do it over and over again.

I collect lots of nice pieces for when I feel like dressing, and spend plenty of time in guy mode when I want to, or situations are different.

[Beverley Sims]

I would try darker makeup, forget purging and just get on with the experimentation.

Being weirded out like you have been is quite natural and it happens because you see another you and it is a bit of a shock.

Believe me you will want to come back.

[Zoe B]

I got weirded out the first time my wife did my makeup. It was also too light but. I think it hit me when I looked in the mirror.

1) I saw this girl looking back at me
2) I realized that my wife was looking at a mostly hidden part of me (I felt vulnerable)
3) It dawned on me that this is where my CD journey had led me

It took a few conversations for me to reconcile all this to myself. Now I know who I am and how far I was willing to go.

It may take a little time but don't purge, just take a step back.

[sandie]

My wife bought me a make up kit that consists of various shades of make up including eye shadows etc this allowed me to try different shades this kit was fairly cheap and now i can buy the more expensive make up without wastage.
I mostly wear make up when dressed but wigs when SO is away

[Miss Kitty]

Well the thing is, she won't be weirded out. She wants this to be a positive experience for both of you and she IS very accepting. I think you both should keep talking, keep experimenting, and keep it playful and fun. Please don't purge, I think you would regret that. Also, you should know that she is being patient and is willing to go at your pace. It has been hot, she probably kinda figures that is why you haven't dressed for her

[Tracii G]

Don't be a big baby and try to find make up that matches your skin tone.
The right make up does wonders trust me.
I kills me how some here just give up when one thing goes wrong.
I can't do eyeliner *cry whimper sob* so I will purge and never dress again.
Make up takes practice with a lot of trial and error along the way.

[Miss Interpretation]

Don't give up. It takes a while to get the right look. Think about it this way: there are genetic women who have used makeup all their life and some still don't have it right. I only recently figured out how to get rid of most of my beard shadow, and I wasted a lot of money and garbage makeup to get the right foundation. Even now, I'm having a ton of trouble with eye makeup. Just practice some more and you'll nail it!

Also, thank your girlfriend a lot. She is super awesome for doing this with you and being so helpful. I'm sure it must feel weird now, but I bet it gets easier with time.

[Teresa]

Mishell leave out the makeup and wig for a while and get use to doing things around the house dressed. When you're ready to try makeup again do it yourself maybe with her guidance, that way you'll see it build gradually and it won't freak you out . I always find the wig can blow your mind because the guy finally disappears !
You'll regret purging because it will always come back given time.

[Mishell]

Thanks everyone. Your feedback has really helped. I honestly appreciate it.