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Thread: Acceptance

  1. #1
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Acceptance

    So, what is it anyway? I believe it is highly subjective. I do believe that there are many members even some of the gg'a who struggle with the concept. IMO, it is not about liking


    I also feel that an expectation that our s/o'a family, friends or anyone else should "like" it. They likely won't, and that is ok
    For me when I came to the realization that my wife isn't likely to ever truly like it but is still planning a lifetime future with me I began to not feel so conflicted about just being me. I accepted that she and most others will find CDing, difficult, award and perhaps uncomfortable.I I believe that by not adding anew expectation or pressure on my wife to like it has made a difference and easier to deal with.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  2. #2
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    There are subtle (and maybe not-so-subtle) differences between acknowledging, tolerating, accepting, encouraging, embracing, liking, and being attracted to a CDer. I could use the first four to describe my wife's reaction to my CDing, but if I had to choose just one, it would be accepting. She knows what I do, why I do it, what look I like, and none of that bothers her. She just lets me do my thing. She accepts but is otherwise indifferent, and does not participate.

    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    I accepted that she and most others will find CDing, difficult, award and perhaps uncomfortable.
    [you meant awkward, right?]

    You used that word (accepted) again, and this is important. How many stories have we read of CDers who just can't understand and accept that some people can't fully embrace their CDing?

    Even if our wives barely tolerate our CDing, we ought to accept that. It's more than some CDers get.

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Personally, I don't concentrate on what we do so much as I do who we are.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Acceptance,
    It is something that always needs a work around.
    You just have to accept it.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Great points Nicole. Such subtle differences at times. And yes I meant awkward. Those who struggle with us or our gender issues can and often are accepting. If they truly did not accept or at least attempt to they wouldn't struggle at all.

  6. #6
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    I agree that a definition for acceptance is subjective. For me, in terms of cross dressing, I think it means, that if someone accepts their partners cross dressing, they are willing to not be upset with the cross dressing and stay in the relationship and be an active partner,

    And I also agree that it does not mean that the person has to like it. I think we pin our hopes onto others around us. If they like it, then they will suggest we do it, and if they suggest we do it, then we don't have to feel guilt over doing it. And conversely, if they never suggest we do it, then they must not like it, now I feel guilty about doing it, and I am resentful at my partner for not being more accepting.

    Cross dressing is one thing, all of the weirdo-wacky thoughts and behaviors that come about from feeling bad/shameful/guilty/wrong is what causes problems for many of us.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    Great points Nicole. Such subtle differences at times. And yes I meant awkward. Those who struggle with us or our gender issues can and often are accepting. If they truly did not accept or at least attempt to they wouldn't struggle at all.
    Hey, even as a GG, I have my issues and questions! In high school I thought I was bi because I felt myself attracted to females. I have always found more feminine and slender guys attractive (big muscles are gross to me). I enjoy seeing my husband in cute skirts and clothes, love that he shaves his legs and armpits because I don't like body hair. I love that he naturally has no chest hair (being Asian helps with that lol). But it's a fine line for even me too, because if he became full female, I know I wouldn't want to be with him. I enjoy the feminine aspects of him, but also really enjoy the male aspects of him. Though if he decided to quit cross dressing (not that I'm wanting or asking him to!), I would be okay with that. It's not something I need. But if he were completely to get rid of his male self, that I do need and want. After high school, I had realized that yes, while I do find some women sexually appealing, and find more feminine men appealing, I still want a relationship with a man, not a woman. It's hard to even explain that to people because it seems like such a fine line, right?

  8. #8
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
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    Im on the pathway to acceptance. I joined this forum to kinda help me out. I have been recently coming out to people i can trust. My gf knows and many of her family members know, I can dress up in front of them and be me, and there is no judgement But i could never tell my own family of who i am... they would hate me for it. They are very old fashioned. It has been hard for me and confusing. I am also bisexual, and being a crossdresser on top of that... well its been crazy. But i need to finally accept who i am and be happy for who i am im about 75% there i believe acceptance is feeling comfortable and being able to be who i am. To go dressed up and show people who i truly am. I am a crossdresser. I love being in womens clothing. I love having a female persona, doing girly things. But i also love being a manly man. Going cutting stuff down, building things up. Its confusing. But im learning to deal with it. And ACCEPT it i can be both just gotta find the right balance

  9. #9
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I think that the level of acceptance has a lot to do with a spouse's definition of what is the CDing. We don't live in your skins and unless communication about this is detailed and stellar (and there is unimpeded trust in all aspects of the relationship), a lot of noise can get in the way of coming to the exact same understanding of what it means to you and to what degree, as you personally define it for yourselves.

    This is complicated by the fact that a lot of CDers cannot perfectly define it for themselves.

    Another complication is the fact there is such a stigma associated with the CDing or being trans. We've all grown up with the stigma and so much of it is subtle (tacit) that it is difficult to separate fact from ingrained societal beliefs that are based on people's general uneducated impressions rather than on what it really means for a male to have a desire to express femininity ... which is further complicated by the vast spectrum of motives, needs, and intensities for feminine expression among CDs/TGs/TSs.

    For example, if wives have an ingrained belief that the CDing is mostly generally engaged in for sexual or fetish reasons, they may not be able to understand it in any different way, even if they don't see their husbands experience sexual gratification when crossdressed. Add to this different people's definitions of fetish and it complicates things ... some people feel that a fetish is unacceptable in their relationships while others see fetish as being just one of many different, valid sexual preferences that a person may have. And again, there are varying degrees of alternate sexual preferences and if they don't match between husband and wife, it complicates things even further.

    If a wife sees her husband get into a different head-space when dressed (he seems inordinately happy or euphoric, even if he doesn't think it shows), or she feels there is a preoccupation with the CDing above other things, she will likely not understand why and she will take it that he prefers to be dressed over expressing his maleness, which may lead her to come to conclusions that are not true.

    Also, another ingrained belief might be that a CDer secretly wants men, even if a wife knows that her husband is hetero and is faithful to her. She sees him dress in ways that she might dress when she wants to be attractive to men, so it can be difficult to separate this belief from her husband's stated reasons for the CDing. And another complication is if the wife fundamentally believes that men who present as women have a secret desire to become a woman (whether part of the time or all of the time), even if the husband professes otherwise. I can tell you that it is very hard for the average person to look at a man who feminizes himself and NOT believe that he wants to be a woman. The behavior seems to contradict any stated reason for the crossdressing.

    So yeah ... it's complicated. I really can see why so many women just can't get this. I have a hard time getting it too sometimes.

    Oh ... and the last thing. If she's a member here or even if she is not a member and reads the main sections without logging in (or other forums), she may become extremely confused when she reads transsexual responses in the MtF CD section. She will not know who is TS and who is CD, and it would be easy for her to believe that all crossdressers secretly have gender dysphoria, or alternatively they are all fetish CDers, even if they don't want to admit it to their wives.

    It does take A LOT of intense communication and trust and belief in a partner for full or even partial acceptance to develop, I believe. Yet, in how many marriages are detailed, open, and honest discussions engaged in? How many people prefer to live their lives sweeping the CDing under the carpet?
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-12-2014 at 12:40 PM.
    Reine

  10. #10
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Thank you Reine fot such a thoughtful post and so rich with incite. Very much what I am looking to convey.

  11. #11
    Careful I bite <3
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    Super well written!

    I've felt that this was the case without being able to put it in such simple words.

    Yes you did go through enough different scenarios which makes it feel complicated, but that's even more simple than most people could ever see or explain.

  12. #12
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    My SO accepts the way I dress. She is quite an open person and doesn't mind my feminine behavior (she likes it). I don't seek acceptance from other people than her only that much.
    I dare not to go out public like this, as I live in a small town and don't want to get beaten up. So it's ok for me to express myself online and at home only. I use my voice trough elections and voting. And public petitions.

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