Having split feelings

[Erica Thorn]

I'm currently having issues with some split feelings about myself... About 18 months ago I was on the verge of getting burnt out from too much work among other things and my doctor prescribed me some antidepressants. Not sure if it was the pills or just mind at that point but I basically stopped CD'ing.

My gf have been pushing me to get back to it again, she says she misses how I was when being Esme, gentler, more at ease etc.

So, I've started some again and it can feel all good at first but then suddenly I start feeling silly, ugly, uncertain if she really think it look OK and then I usually just hurry to change back and then go on feeling stupid about myself a couple of days.

I really wish I could get back to my feminine me... That's about the only time that I really can relax and just be... To leave all the demands from my workday behind me and just enjoy it.

I bet some of you here have experienced some like it... Any suggestions how I can get back on track?

[NicoleScott]

Many CDers report a decrease in stress when they dress (and the flip side - bitchiness when they can't dress). I believe that stress relief (for those that experience it) is a by-product of dressing, not a cause.
I have had a couple of long periods (long ago) when I couldn't/didn't dress. The desire never left, though. It's there, so you might as well embrace it.

[shwana]

I have had that feeling befor. just wait it will pass some times going shoping for some thing on sexy side helps a lot for me. New heels will all ways do the trick.

[Amanda L.]

Hi Esme
This seems to be a common pattern that many of us have gone through. I have had periods where the idea of dressing doesn't enter my head and then for no explicable reason....BANG! I'm back in and the desire to release the feminine side hits strongly. Up until recently I have been in denial about this side of me but have now come to understand and more importantly accept that this is not going away. So hang in there, try not to overthink it and Esme will be back and from what I have learnt the return will be stronger.
You gotta love rollercoaster rides
Amanda

[DonnaT]

Antidepressants have been known to change one's desire to crossdress, in a few people.

I suggest dressing, and when you start filling silly, ignore it. I don't suggest stopping your meds.

[kimdl93]

Stress at work can express itself in a number of physical and emotional issues. There is, however, a lot of good clinical evidence that you can improve your mood and reduce the feelings of stress by getting regular and moderately vigorous exercise. It can even improve your sex life...and maybe you'll enjoy dressing more too!

[Kyrianna]

Hi Esme,

I was on antidepressants for 4 years after the birth of my daughter. I found while i was on them dressing did not have the same effect.
You have to remember that anti depressants are a tool not a solution. They help you adjust to normal so you can focus on the root issue. Ask your self what was causing the unhappiness. IT took me some soul searching and finally admitted to myself that I am a CD. It was not the complete solution but it helped and i am off my medication.
Ask your self some deep questions and at your pace talk to your GF. She sounds very supportive (so lucky btw!). Remember to go at your own pace do what makes you happy...It may take time to figure that out but above all else be true to yourself!
Kyrianna

[Beverley Sims]

Esme,
Don't rush into it or force yourself, it should come back slowly with your gf's encouragement.

[Erica Thorn]

Oh thanks for all the lovely replies, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! I wish I could have a "thanks" button or +1 but I can't reply to all of you, selected some but I hope the rest doesn't feel neglected!

Many CDers report a decrease in stress when they dress (and the flip side - bitchiness when they can't dress). I believe that stress relief (for those that experience it) is a by-product of dressing, not a cause.
I have had a couple of long periods (long ago) when I couldn't/didn't dress. The desire never left, though. It's there, so you might as well embrace it.

hehe, yeah that's the same as my firlfriend says Nicole... when I dress I just get much more calm, cuddlier (hmm, that should be a word) and more sensitive to her feelings!

Hi Esme
This seems to be a common pattern that many of us have gone through. I have had periods where the idea of dressing doesn't enter my head and then for no explicable reason....BANG! I'm back in and the desire to release the feminine side hits strongly. Up until recently I have been in denial about this side of me but have now come to understand and more importantly accept that this is not going away. So hang in there, try not to overthink it and Esme will be back and from what I have learnt the return will be stronger.
You gotta love rollercoaster rides
Amanda

Bah Amanda, rollercoasters are fun to watch but scare to go on! Nah I get what you are saying and the most irritating part for me is that right now I'm in a period when I want to dress but I can't get over my own feelings about myself when I'm doing it!

Antidepressants have been known to change one's desire to crossdress, in a few people.

I suggest dressing, and when you start filling silly, ignore it. I don't suggest stopping your meds.

Oh no Donna, I'll stay on them and just try to follow you advice and ignore myself when I start getting silly!

Stress at work can express itself in a number of physical and emotional issues. There is, however, a lot of good clinical evidence that you can improve your mood and reduce the feelings of stress by getting regular and moderately vigorous exercise. It can even improve your sex life...and maybe you'll enjoy dressing more too!

Ah yes Kim, excercise is on my to do list... do you have any suggestions what kind of excercise is best for feminizing the body some... I'm guessing more cardio workouts and running?

Hi Esme,

I was on antidepressants for 4 years after the birth of my daughter. I found while i was on them dressing did not have the same effect.
You have to remember that anti depressants are a tool not a solution. They help you adjust to normal so you can focus on the root issue. Ask your self what was causing the unhappiness. IT took me some soul searching and finally admitted to myself that I am a CD. It was not the complete solution but it helped and i am off my medication.
Ask your self some deep questions and at your pace talk to your GF. She sounds very supportive (so lucky btw!). Remember to go at your own pace do what makes you happy...It may take time to figure that out but above all else be true to yourself!
Kyrianna

Yeah I feel exteremely lucky that she's so extremely supportive. Some days it feels like she's more comfortable with my CD'ing then I am actually!

[Ashley Wray]

Hello Esmeralda,

I'm just a beginner but when I'm stressed I tend to dress more as it is my escape and everyone needs one. Try not to over think it your worried about work now worried about CD'ing a lot more stress and feeling a bit different from the meds. Ignore the feeling stupid if you like it and it makes you feel good then enjoy it. Sounds like a pattern you may need to change it up a little like something you haven't done before dressed to bring some excitement back and remember why you started in the first place.

[Katey888]

Don't sweat it Esmeralda...

I'm sure it happens to all of us at one time or another and for all sorts of reasons...

Just go with the flow, do a little, see how you feel... sometimes for me the best is little and often; other times - like this morning - I have to go the whole transform thing...

Variety is the spice of life, so they say..

Katey x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Esmerelda, It really sounds like you are between a Rock and a Hard place.
Have you talked to the Dr. about cutting back on the meds. ??

[Erica Thorn]

Hi Esmerelda, It really sounds like you are between a Rock and a Hard place.
Have you talked to the Dr. about cutting back on the meds. ??

hehe, no actually I didn't think of that... would be fun tough but since my GF is the only one to know I can't do that!
-Hey doc, I need to change my meds some!
-oh, why's that?
-It's making me ignoring my crossdressing!

[LelaK]

I always favor natural treatments, like herbs, diet etc. Much fewer negative side effects, or none.

[Erica Thorn]

I always favor natural treatments, like herbs, diet etc. Much fewer negative side effects, or none.

Yeah absolutely Lela, and Im starting to think that just more crossdressing might have had the same effect but now I'm stuck with the pills so I have to do the best of it!