So i'll cut right to the chase, I think i'm having a really big problem with my self identity in direct correlation with cross dressing. Simply put, I am very confused. I feel like one half of me is pulling me towards being feminine and cross dressing etc. While the other side is tugging me back to my masculine side. I just dont know what to do about it.
I have fallen into this vicious cycle where every once in a while ill get the urge to cross dress again and ill go and buy clothes and a wig and makeup and a whole bunch of girly things to fuel this semi-recurring "addiction" but a few months later ill go and purge it all, only to restart cross dressing after im over this purge ( I am lucky enough to live alone, So I have alot more freedom with this compared to someone my age). I really want that to break the cycle but i find it so hard to accept myself for some reason, even though I really do enjoy cross dressing and getting all dressed up and looking like a beautiful girl (at least attempt to lol). So, here I am again. At this weird point in my life where I just don't know what to think of myself as a man or a cross dressing woman. Also i think its taken a while for me to admit this, but I do have homosexual thoughts when im cross dressing, but don't get me wrong i don't solely cross dress for the aspect of sexual activity because I do genuinely enjoy getting dressed up and trying to look pretty. It just exites me to think of doing things with another man while dressed....but i have not thought of the same sex the same way while in guy mode, its very odd to me. This is all very odd to me, i have never felt such strange emotions.
Anyway, I know my thought are all over the place on this thread and im sure I sound like a wreck but if you can help me or offer any kind of advice or even your own past experiences with a situation like im in I would greatly appreciate it....It would mean the world to me.
Thanks,
Jess