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Thread: Mistakes CDs make.

  1. #1
    The non-GG next door.... Candice Mae's Avatar
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    Mistakes CDs make.

    These are not directed at anyone, its just constructive criticism and helpful suggestions. Its hard for us to give direct criticism on here, as we like to support each other and not be the bearer of bad news. Although there really is no right are wrong way to CD, just as long as the clothes/accessories you are wearing are intended to be worn by a woman you are a CD.

    -Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.
    -Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.
    -Don't over extend yourself, dress in moderation. Spread your time out over other hobbies.
    -Wearing clothes that are way too small, that little top looks great stretched across your beer gut. Clothes are made in a range of sizes for a reason, dress to your body type/shape and age.
    -Wearing a bra band that's too small with the straps as tight as they go, and complain about "red marks" Measure and trail and error make huge differences.
    -Wearing patterned bras that show through tops, they make nude colored bras for a reason.
    -Forms and push up bras, if their glued on you might see some lift. But other wise its a waste as forms to not react to a push up bra like real breasts do.
    -Stores that cater to CDs are great but are often have higher prices and lower quality, only buy things you can't get else where example being forms.
    -Having their wig too far forward, it should be around where your hair line is or used to be.
    -Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look.
    -Posting bikini pictures, if you got the body for it great. If not keep it private, same goes for lingerie pictures.
    -Too much shape wear, use only what you need and don't rely on a girdle. Be active and get in shape, at least you will be healthier.
    -Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.
    -Taking hormones with out medical or therapists advice, self medicating is very dangerous.
    -Leaving pictures on computers or browsing history, its not hard to delete and put good pictures portable hard drive.
    -Freaking out when they think they outed themselves, but yet they do everything but shout that they CD from the roof tops.
    -Under dressing in public, it won't be long till your outed better be prepared to own it.
    -General photography, take pictures in clean uncluttered places and clean the mirror if your taking a selfie.

    That's about all I can think of off the top of my head.
    Last edited by Candice Mae; 07-11-2014 at 08:29 PM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member Katy120's Avatar
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    A brilliant list which applies to some degree to all of us. Thank you for putting it together.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Jessy Jamz's Avatar
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    These are all good. I have definitely been guilty of some in the past. Poor wig wearing technique drives me crazy!

  4. #4
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    Wearing my wig too forward was a big one for me.
    Now after I put it on I remember to lift it up some; I could probably notch it some more though.
    Thanks for the list.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    Great list, now all I have to do is remember it!! Thanks for posting!

    Hugs, Bria

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Genny B's Avatar
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    I need to know what a stripper heel is? I had a GG share with me that my heels where too thick as I was after support for my weight and was informed the narrow heel is more appropriate for social gatherings...

    Genny B
    Dani (Genny before Transition)
    All Girl!

  7. #7
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Nice list, mind if we make some additions???

    How about...

    Treating pantyhose like they're one of the four food groups.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  8. #8
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    -Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.
    You're right but this one doesn't work for everyone. I know a CD that's been married for close to 50 years and knows that if the wife finds out (about the crossdressing) the marriage will end in divorce. But there are plenty of threads on that so don't let this cause the topic to stray.

    Here's a few -
    Too much make up or just lack of skill in applying it.
    Washing lingerie in the washing machine.
    shaving to close and getting razor burn
    Limited fashion sense (not knowing how to put together outfits)
    Not knowing how to effectively use bobby pins

    Just guidelines. After all, we learn from mistakes don't we?
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #9
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candice Mae View Post
    Although there really is no right are wrong way to CD...
    ..followed by a long list of right and wrong ways to CD.

  10. #10
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    I will add one for the wig wearers.
    PLEASE take care of your wigs. Wash them every so often and comb or brush it out when you are done wearing it.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 07-11-2014 at 09:59 PM.

  11. #11
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    It's a good list. I'm sure there are many more. One, though, that I take a little exception with is:

    -Stores that cater to CDs are great but are often have higher prices and lower quality, only buy things you can't get else where example being forms.

    Generally, I do believe that to be true, but I think there should be another consideration. For the ones that are owned/run by CDs (or TSs), I think we should be patronizing them all we can. I say this because we all know how much discrimination our little clique encounters in the real world. Oftentimes, even in today's world, CDs and TSs who come out have a hard time finding a job or keeping a job. You have to really admire, at least I do, and especially those of us who are not out, CDs who put themselves out there in the real world. I think we should support them as best we can, and if that means buying some slightly more expensive items from them at their stores, well that's what we should do then, IMHO.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Candice,
    You are practicing for serious and I wish you well.

    I also have made most of these mistakes except the technology ones.

    Most have been for comic effect and worked well.

    I do tone it down a great deal when I am serious about life too.

    I like your list, it is good advice.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  13. #13
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Being able to see the bra through the top is a fashion choice, not a CD problem. However, it should be a deliberate fashion choice, rather than something not thought about. For example white bra under white top can really show up a lot, which does not fit our intuition. So feel free to do it deliberately but avoid doing it accidentally (and if you do it deliberately don't complain that other people noticed your bra.)

    Underdressing in panties in public does not seem to be an issue in practice for most people. In 9 years, the only person who has ever said anything about mine was my SO. However, if you wear panties with ruffles at the top and you are a plumber who suffers from the traditional "Plumber's crack" problem, then Yes, people are going to notice. But SpongeBob Squarepants panties... even if the pattern is noticed, people are less likely to pay attention to whether they are men's or women's. Something like a microfibre solid color can be found in men's as well as women's. ("I was having some skin problems, so someone suggested that I switch to microfibre underwear; that's been working pretty well for me.")

  14. #14
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    You're right but this one doesn't work for everyone. I know a CD that's been married for close to 50 years and knows that if the wife finds out (about the crossdressing) the marriage will end in divorce.
    Absolutely. For a lot of us, there will never be anyone if we wait until finding someone who likes a guy who crossdresses. The closet is often the only option. Either that or spending our lives alone waiting for a relationship that will never happen. As the old saying goes, better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. At this point, short relationships will have to do until something longer becomes possible. In the meantime, I will keep feeling out the potential for a GF being accepting of crossdressing.

    Now then a few solutions.

    Washing lingerie in the washing machine.
    I've had success with the gentle cycle, keeping everything in lingerie bags, slow spin, and then hanging to dry. Handwashing everything drove me nuts.
    shaving too close and getting razor burn
    The new Schick hydro five blade razors, a hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin has solved that for me.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #15
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    Another one: Using the exact same pose in all of your pictures. You're a person, not a dress-up doll.
    Last edited by Katey888; 07-12-2014 at 04:36 AM. Reason: References not really related to dressing removed...

  16. #16
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    Great List !!!! I cant stand tacky....it urks me....racoon eyes get under my skin ( easy on the eyeliner) ....lace pattern stockings......the word panties...... posing and putting your hands in front of your beer gut for a photo ( we can tell what you are hiding), cheap party store blonde wigs, i could go all day...hmmm ...

  17. #17
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I get this but you can never get that good. Believe me, over the years I've made most of these "mistakes" plus a lot more. The problem is that is how we learn by doing and finding out what works best for us but not some "pie in the sky" impossible ideal. Having fun along the way doing that is what makes us who we are as individuals.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  18. #18
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    How about not making Do's and Don'ts lists? As someone said above, we usually learn better by making our own mistakes, and what may be a mistake for one may be a success and right choice for another.

  19. #19
    Member Emi_'s Avatar
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    The "Dos and Don'ts Lists" seem to be some of the most popular content on sites like this. Every CDer wants to know exactly how to "get away with it." There is almost this notion that there is some kind of magic recipe for being able to dress fabulously, look convincingly female, and have a happy life. Likewise, there are just as many people who think they have the perfect magic recipe and are extremely eager to make the rest of us aware of it.
    REBEL WITHOUT A CLOSET!
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  20. #20
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Candice - you know I think you're a gorgeous person... but.... nice as it might be to have a check list before we all go to the mall, lounge in our back garden or just get ready for that selfie in the bathroom (complete with overflowing laundry basket, radiator and novelty toilet roll cover in the background...) doesn't this all smack a little of the 'you're not doing it right' feeling?

    I'm right with Ressie and Lexi on the 'not being truthful' stance again - that's a moral perspective, not a simplistic mistake in most cases, so 'nuff said...

    We all dress for different reasons even if we fall into a few categories or boxes (let's leave labels until Isha's back ) - many of us do dress to emulate so your fashion tips are well judged and reasonable... but actually, if you dress for a different reason and you want to wear a bikini complete with beer belly, but you do so in the privacy of your own pool area, isn't that a personal choice...?

    And even if you insist on posting albums of pictures featuring plumber's cleavage, frilly pink knickers (the preferred UK nomenclature), furry legs (that'll bring Moose out of hiding..) and 6" FM heels, we're still under no obligation to either look at them (although I admit it's hard not to indulge in a little voyeurism sometimes) and certainly not to pass judgment unless someone's asking for it... that's literally, not metaphorically...

    Honestly... it's not like there's an ISO standard for us... is there...?

    So, thanks for the tips, although I think we all should have a reminder of what you said yourself in a recent post... "But I'm not really a CD..."



    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  21. #21
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    Hi Candice, The whole program is a total learning experience forever.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  22. #22
    New Member CDhusband-Coping2014's Avatar
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    I just came out to my SO a few months ago so a few tips are always helpful. Thanks for the post.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Violetgray's Avatar
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    Some of the reactions here confuse me. Every single one of these tips is a good idea individually, but someone posts them all at the same time and she's being judgemental? It's a list or a reference guide not an indictment. You don't look at a dictionary and say "How am I supposed to remember all these words?" No one is expecting you to, because you're not going to need every single word in the dictionary. similarly, no one cd is making all the mistakes on this list.
    Last edited by Violetgray; 07-12-2014 at 08:15 AM.

  24. #24
    Pooh Bear Judith96a's Avatar
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    Wink Standards

    Quote Originally Posted by Katey888 View Post
    Honestly... it's not like there's an ISO standard for us... is there...?
    Have you not heard of the ISO 4344 "Alternative Gender Expressions" a.k.a "Pink Book" series?
    I believe that ANSI is going to adopt them as ANSI 6566. IETF didn't think that issuing them as a series of RFCs was appropriate.
    I think that the relevant parts are:-
    ISO 4344-1, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Emulation Protocol MtF" &
    ISO 4344-3, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Presentation Layer MtF".

  25. #25
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    I disagree with the nay-sayers. Most of whats on the list is reasonable. Some is opinion and some experience. But some a really new to CD and may want some tips. Some havnt gone in public yet (like me) and appreciate all the tips they can get. Some may not have SOs who can help.
    Anyway, i think a sticky of common "mistakes" might be useful with a huge disclaimer that feel free to ignore all of it.

    Edit: btw Violetgrey you look great. I just happened to glance at your avatar and had to pause
    Last edited by hope springs; 07-12-2014 at 08:00 AM.

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