Mistakes CDs make.

[falcongts]

Mistakes CDs make ?
For me I have been trying to find someone to help dress up and have a good friendship with online for awhile now We all have styles we like So I hope I will not hurt any ones likes or dislikes
this is what I shared with a person who asked me for help online As well as share this site is a nice place to meet people , G rated where people going through the same thing as I am

First find someone to emulate , Keep everything appropriate everything that looks out of place ordinary will be notice = non pass remember it is impossible for people to notice your flaws or problems for that matter if they are looking at something else on you

I said about a dress or skirt to 2" above or 2" below the knees is best to far above the knees makes you look bigger in the mid section and to far below the knees makes your feet look bigger
is the range that is best

High heels classic Pump close toe and heel round toe is the best choice to hide a males BIG FOOT
a strappy gladiator shoe makes feet look even bigger and ankle fatter but if you want to show skin a peep toe or sling back at best

dress your age . have Class and be sexy at the same time without looking like a man in a dress

[Simone_40]

Great list, love it! Re: "Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look":
I've seen some CD's that dress like Hookers, looking cheap and easy. Their entire wardrobe is nothing but 'Streetwalker' attire. Their skirts BARELY cover their junk.
*I reckon we can all guess WHAT they are looking for. It's like the song, " Lookin' for Love in all the wrong places".

[Ressie]

I actually like those cheap blonde halloween wigs, but wearing one in public would be a mistake, at least for me. I'm sure we can think of lots more that could be considered blunders.

Trying to talk in a fem voice without practicing enough first.
Overdoing female gestures such as trying too hard to walk like a lady
sitting with legs open (like a man haha)

BTW, I'm perfect at emulating a lovely female…. Not!

[Nadya]

There is a difference between dressing how you want and dressing to pass. This list would be good for those of us who want to pass in public. You want to blend in rather than stick out like a sore thumb. The style I like is a bit more flashy so if I want blend in public I'll have to tone it down. For those that just want to dress how they want, who cares what anyone else thinks? This is your life, do what makes you happy. I say that knowing it is easier said than done and attitudes can change drastically in public depending on where you live.

[Erica Thorn]

-Not being truthful/hiding Cding from their SO, if your in a serious relationship your SO should know about your hobby and you should respect their feedback.
-Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.
-Having their wig too far forward, it should be around where your hair line is or used to be.
-Trying to be sexy or over the top, moderation is usually a more presentable look.
-Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.

I think it's a great list and can't see any problems with having one... I recognized a couple at once that I've been guilty of! I hid it from my GF for a couple of years and when she found out everything went fubar. Now a few years later I absolutely wish I had told her at once instead of having to live with the guilty feelings!

Totally agree on the purging part, since my SO is ok with it I've just kept everything in my wardrobe, untouched but still there!

I realized I have to get more colors in my clothes to, my GF was going to borrow something and complained that the only color I had was black and I guess that's true, same thing with the heels... I don't think I have more then 1 or 2 pairs that's lower then 4"

Great list, keep them coming!

[Wildaboutheels]

Not very shocking that your list ruffled some feathers...

I can only assume though that you [and likely many others] participate at this site on a cell phone?

And/or seldom look at pics at the P&V gallery?

You left out the most egregious of them all.

Maybe it's just a Florida thing?????????? I have lived here 55 years and have yet to see a female over ten sporting a "Trucker's Tan" and wearing a short sleeve or sleeveless top... and yet TT is par for the course in the P&V gallery.

In Florida you might as well carry around a giant 3X5 foot sign proclaiming "I'm a CDer"

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Another big mistake is telling people that you are a CD who do not need to know even if you're very good friends. Friendships can sour. You might have an old or new friend you felt you could trust and then find out differently. That smiling face doesn't mean you can trust them with your secret because of the strong possibility that person will share your secret with others. I've had some tell me that I could tell them anything. RED FLAG! Maybe they had suspicions? Best to tell only other CD friends, spouse, relationship partner if the relationship is going somewhere and ONLY on a "need to know basis"

Cheryl

[Adriana Moretti]

Hi Candice, The whole program is a total learning experience forever.

I like this...cause it is true...you never stop learning

[Erica Thorn]

Maybe it's just a Florida thing?????????? I have lived here 55 years and have yet to see a female over ten sporting a "Trucker's Tan" and wearing a short sleeve or sleeveless top... and yet TT is par for the course in the P&V gallery.

In Florida you might as well carry around a giant 3X5 foot sign proclaiming "I'm a CDer"

Oh that's not just a florida thing... exactly the same even here in Sweden... and looking on my own arms I realize I need to go topless from now on

[reb.femme]

Have you not heard of the ISO 4344 "Alternative Gender Expressions" a.k.a "Pink Book" series?
I believe that ANSI is going to adopt them as ANSI 6566. IETF didn't think that issuing them as a series of RFCs was appropriate.
I think that the relevant parts are:-
ISO 4344-1, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Emulation Protocol MtF" &
ISO 4344-3, "Alternative Gender Expressions - Presentation Layer MtF".

Spot the computer bod! Takes one to know one though .

I'm taking the thread as intended. I think everyone can do with a mentally waved red flag now and then (allarme rosso as they say in Italian.....apparently) and just to be mindful of our all round presentation. I had to take one photo down after posting, when I noticed a stack of foundation blotches all over the black settee I was on. Looked like a right grubby tart! Tried to cover an arm tattoo, but the settee took it well....oh and cleaned up nicely.

Whether people tell or not though, is in their prerogative and not for us....but lets not derail either. My big one is on the list though....the untidy room. Eeek! I've even hoovered and dusted before taking pics.

All in Candice, a good post but if I discover any of the list applies to me......I'll soon find out where you live and I'll be armed with all my boring holiday pics .

Rebecca

[Michelle789]

The new Schick hydro five blade razors, a hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin has solved that for me.

I second this one. I use a Gillette Fusion 5 blade razors, hot shower, and shaving gel made for sensitive skin. Wetting the beard with hot water makes a huge difference. But what is really necessary is a 5 blade razor, hot shower, and shaving gel for sensitive skin.

Sorry, the electric razor and cheap 2 or 3 blade razors have got to go. Btw, a good 5 blade razor can last you for 1-2 weeks if you shave every day, and 2-3 weeks if you shave every other day. I don't need to spend more than $12 a month on razors.

-Purging, why spend all that money just to throw it away? Get a big plastic bin put everything in there and put it some where that's an inconvenience to get to.

8 years ago I left California to take a job in Virginia, and I threw away all my clothes, wigs, forms, and accessories. I thought I could give up CDing, and within a few months I was longing to buy women's clothes again, only to find out that there was no CD specialty store in the DC area, and that stores just outside of DC, like Alexandria, were not as CD/TG friendly as stores in L.A. were, so I got a few rude remarks when trying to buy clothes out there. I ultimately moved back to L.A. less than a year later, and am much happier here, and I learned the hard way never to purge. I found that the desire really never goes away, so if you feel like not dressing for a while just hide the clothes in a box somewhere and pick up when you're ready to use them again.

-Stripper heels, having a pair is fine but due to how impractical they are they should not be your go to shoe.

I agree with this one. I find that you can most certainly push the limits of CDing and wear skirts, dresses, hose, and heels in public, but I would avoid heels that are obviously not what other women would wear, like 5, 6, or 7 inch heels, platform shoes. 2-3 inch heels, and even 4 inch heels, are totally appropriate, just remember that walking around in 3-4 inch heels for long periods of time can be taxing. I personally wear skirts or dresses, hose, and flats in public. Flats are totally feminine, totally in, totally cute, and totally acceptable.

-Taking hormones with out medical or therapists advice, self medicating is very dangerous.

I couldn't agree with this more. Hormones are intended for permanent body modification, and they also have strong mental effects. They also can have side effects too like any medication. They are intended for TSes, and to be taken only after consulting a therapist and endocrinologist. I am going for my hormones appointment on Thursday, after months of therapy. The clinic is going to show me a mandatory video that everyone must see before a doctor will prescribe hormones. Then again, I am TS.

-Under dressing in public, it won't be long till your outed better be prepared to own it.

I'd say it depends on the situation. If you're going to be sitting at a desk all day, then you probably won't be outed. If you're going to be doing lots of lifting and bending, then you risk you're underwear being shown.

A few more things I'd like to add.

- Never, never buy a wig online. Always buy your wigs in person at a wig shop. I've suffered through a few wig disasters to learn the hard way. You have a much better feel for how a wig looks on you when you try it on in person, and a S.A. at the shop can give you their opinion too. The only way I'd ever condone buying wigs online is if you live in a remote area, and there is no way you can get to a wig shop easily - like if you live in Mississippi or Idaho. If you live in or near major cities like L.A., San Francisco, Dallas, New York, or Chicago you'll have options. I'm not so sure about Washington DC, given my bad experiences out there. Maybe Alexandria is the wrong place to look.

- Know that the size difference between your man's and woman's shoe size may vary for up to 2 sizes. But it's not a hard, set in stone rule. Always measure your feet first at a shoe store, they can give you a Brannock Device. If you're too shy to ask for one, Naturalizer has one that you can print out, and it is as accurate as any device used in a shoe store. Just make sure you print it at the right size, you may need to adjust your printer settings. Their printable device has markings on it that you can line up against a ruler and make sure that 1 inch on the device equals 1 inch on a ruler. I wear size 10 in men's, and size 11 in women's. Some shoes I might fit better in a 12 or a 10, but usually I wear 11.

- You're always better off buying clothes and shoes in an actual store, and trying them on first, to make sure they fit properly, look good on you, and that you can walk comfortably in your shoes. If you must order online for whatever reason, such as you live in a remote area, CD/TG unfriendly area, or you require larger sizes than any local store can get you, then learn the return policy, and be patient, since it may take a few days or a few weeks for you clothes or shoes to arrive. I would try exhausting every other option before shopping online, though. Sometimes a store's online catalog offers you more options than shopping in person. This is especially true for larger sizes.

- When you dress, it is important you are happy with yourself. Make sure you are comfortable in your clothes, and like the way they look on you, and you wear what makes you happy. Don't wear uncomfortable 6 inch stripper shoes just to show off, but be struggling to walk in them. Don't wear jeans when you really want to wear a dress or skirt with hose. To me, wearing what you don't want to wear just because you're worried about what others in public think can make you more miserable. Plus if you only dress every once in a while, why not wear what makes you happy?

- We clock ourselves first. We really do. Passing is much more than physical appearance, in fact physical appearance is only 1/3 of passing. Confidence is another 1/3, and behavior is the other 1/3. So even if you have too many masculine features, you can compensate by "owning it" and being confident about yourself in public, and by acting like a lady in public. No need to overexxaggerate feminine mannerisms, as that might get you clocked, but observe how women behave and carry themselves, and try to mimic that. More importantly, just be yourself.

- CD/TG acceptance also depends on geographic region. Remember that on this forum we come from a wide variety of geographic regions, some being more CD/TG friendly and others being not so friendly. Remember that you matter where you live, there will always be a transphobe in a generally accepting big city, and accepting people in not so accepting small towns. Some small towns might surprise you and be more accepting than you think - I personally know of two transwomen who transitioned living in small towns.

- Accept yourself, where ever you fall on the TG spectrum. Whether you are an underdresser, fetish dresser, dress fully from head to toe but dress in private only, dress fully from head to toe out in public, or are TS and need to transition, it is okay to be who you are.

-If you are TS and need to transition, there is no right or wrong way to transition. No one says you need to do all the surgeries. You need to find out what is best for you. Some TSes elect to take hormones and do hair removal, but no FFS or SRS or breast augmentation. Others really need SRS or FFS. Some transwomen just live as women in public but never get hair removal or take hormones.

- Only transition if you need to, but if you need to then let nothing stop you. If you are TS, don't let anyone tell you you are not TS. You know yourself better than anyone else, and self discovery about where we fall on the gender spectrum is part of the process.

- Most transphobia doesn't come when you're in a public venue like a grocery store, shopping mall, restaurant, movie theater, or clothing or shoe store. Everybody in crowded places is really too busy and self-absorbed to care if some crossdresser is nearby. Most transphobia comes from people we interact with on a regular basis, and especially true if they knew us as a male. 99% of transphobia comes from work, our families, S.O.'s, and friends.

- It is okay to be genderqueer, a "dude in a dress", androgynous, bigender, genderfluid, or any other gender identity or gender expression.

- When it comes to dating, men are generally more accepting of dating CD, TG, and TSes than women are, but generally men want one night stands with us rather than actual relationships. When it comes to friendships, women are generally more accepting of having CD, TG, or TS friends than men are. Your wife might not accept your CDing, but your female friends likely will.

[NicoleScott]

There is a difference between dressing how you want and dressing to pass. This list would be good for those of us who want to pass in public.

A great point, one that many miss, thinking that all CDers have the same objective to pass, blend in public, appear indistinguishable from GG's. It just ain't so. Many of us dress for reasons other than blending. If that's the case, one by one nearly all of those "non-judgmental suggestions" (HA!) are shot down. If the list had been prefaced with "mistakes CDers who want to blend make", most of the suggestions are pretty good.

[Badwolf]

I agree all of them can be mistakes, but some of them really aren't ALWAYS mistakes.

1. You can't be open to everyone in the world so when you just starting to date that isn't always a mistake.
2. Agree on this one. I am not a fan of purging, although the same logic applies as above. There are cases where the option for long term storage isn't available.
3. Depends on the type of CD you are.
4. A lot of GG's wear a size or cup size smaller to push the girls together. This is only a small exception, especially since you also mentioned the straps. The straps being tight is a folly even for young GG's since a lot of people think that's where the support comes from. The band should be doing most of the work,not the straps.
5. Patterned bras that show through tops can be a style choice. There was just a really cute picture of a pink lacy bra through an unexpectedly sheer pink top that I think looked good. There is a different issue which is not being as well educated in the rules of transparency as GG's. Especially with whites (don't wear white under white being the easiest rule to put out there.
6. Somewhat agree, but quality can make a huge difference. I couldn't afford them until recently, but I purchased mastectomy breast forms with adhesive backs, and while the re-usable adhesive doesn't really hold them up on their own it does help the push up bra do more of it's proper job.
7. I agree with you and the person who posted why we should support them. I even disagree that breast forms are best bought there as well though if your looking for the best quality. There are a few full chest prothesis that are designed for us that are normally really high quality, but they are an exception to the rule in breast forms.
8.Agree completely, there is a secondary issue which is that many wigs don't cover the hair on the sides of the forehead that are sometimes too far forward compared to women's. So I understand the limitations.
9. Agree IF pass ability is the goal. Still a lot of GG's will get over dressed (to a point), just to do it. Normally classier goes over better or the "searching for love in all the wrong places" idea should be expected.
10. Women always tend to have some thought into looking sexy. There is one big difference though, doing it ALL your life tends to demand comfort quite a bit as well. That combined with the fact that many men still find women sexy, even in what they consider casual clothes is not purely by mistake. Women still look for things that flatter them even in casual clothes. So while I agree we may be overdressed for many occasions, it is what it is.
11. There are fetishes for larger women, so to each their own. A ranking system would help us not look at the ones we don't want to look at, but on the other hand it'd go against the support of the community so I wouldn't recommend it.
12. If you want to be passable sometimes this would be the opposite. I would say a healthier lifestyle is all around better, it doesn't make it a mistake when it's needed. When it's needed is entirely subjective though, so this is one of the few I'd argue isn't really worth putting on the list.
13. Stripper heels are a big NO NO for passing, but your passing judgement on what people post on here. I wear almost exclusively heels en-femme, but pretty much none qualify as "stripper" heels.
14. Self medication is a BIG problem, but this one is a complicated one that falls in-between CDing and Transitioning. For now most of the policies that allow for medical aid is based on full transitioning as a goal. This means that labeling it a CD problem actually falls outside of the current medical definitions, and while plenty of people transitioning make this mistake, it's based on entirely different reasons than anyone who is by definition just a CrossDresser, since they actually are accepted within the medical community as candidates for the treatments.
15-19: Being outed by our actions is a conflicted set of issues. For one we want to feel like we don't have to hide, but we also don't want to face the negative effects. I think the bigger mistake (since it's something that can be fixed), is the lack of acceptance that there CAN be real consequences and owning up and planning for them. Waiting for the consequences without planning for them takes all control out of your hands and leaves you only the opportunity of being a victim.


Michelle789
All of Cali is more LGBT friendly than 99% of the world. If that's your benchmark you won't find too many places that will work for you. It's good that you can stay out there though - enjoy it!

[Princess Chantal]

Was this list of "mistakes" composed mainly on your observation of others or by self experience?

[Michelle789]

3. Depends on the type of CD you are.

7. I agree with you and the person who posted why we should support them. I even disagree that breast forms are best bought there as well though if your looking for the best quality. There are a few full chest prothesis that are designed for us that are normally really high quality, but they are an exception to the rule in breast forms.

9. Agree IF pass ability is the goal. Still a lot of GG's will get over dressed (to a point), just to do it. Normally classier goes over better or the "searching for love in all the wrong places" idea should be expected.

10. Women always tend to have some thought into looking sexy. There is one big difference though, doing it ALL your life tends to demand comfort quite a bit as well. That combined with the fact that many men still find women sexy, even in what they consider casual clothes is not purely by mistake. Women still look for things that flatter them even in casual clothes. So while I agree we may be overdressed for many occasions, it is what it is.

Michelle789
All of Cali is more LGBT friendly than 99% of the world. If that's your benchmark you won't find too many places that will work for you. It's good that you can stay out there though - enjoy it!

3. Also what do you define as moderation? Is moderation once a month, or once a week, or something in between? Some CDers can get by dressing only once a month, while other CDers need to dress several times a week, and are still CDers and not TS.

7. It depends on the store too. My experience with Suddenly Fem is they always somehow manage to run out of stock, and takes forever to restock their items. They will advertise items on their website that are out of stock for four months, and others that are being permanently discontinued. Glamour Boutique is far better. I bought my breast forms and bras from them, and they're very reliable. I don't buy anything else from CD specialty stores, although you are more than welcome to buy from them. I buy most of my clothes and shoes from Target and Ross. I buy my makeup from MAC and Target. I get my wigs from Godiva's Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks. It really depends on your needs - how accepting is your geographic location to seeing men buy women's clothes, or seeing CDers en femme shopping? Do local stores carry clothes in your size? Maybe you really like a specific item from a CD specialty store.

9. There are lots of things you'll get clocked for aside from your clothes. You can still dress up but not too over the top. No one says that you must go casual to pass or blend in. You can also try to find venues where dressing over the top is more appropriate. Nighttime venues, nice dinner, and TG events you can dress more "over the top" and fit in fine, while daytime tends to be more casual. But it is your perogative on how you are going to dress. I am not the fashion police, nor do I care what the fashion police say.

10. If a CDer dresses only once every two weeks, why go with jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops, when you can wear that in drab. GG's often dress only for special occasions, so if you're CDing is only occasional than why not dress as if it's a special occasion?

I agree that California is far better for CD/TG/TS than most other places. Some of my opinions may be biased because of where I live, so please forgive me if I sound too positive sometimes, and my apologies to those who live in less accepting places.

[Tina_gm]

Trying to hard. Feminine and masculine differences are much more subtle than most people think. Chances
are you already have them. Just be yourself

[Rhonda Jean]

Even after decades of doing this, I have to frequently remind myself that over-emphasizing (or over sexualizing) what we (I) perceive as feminine does not diminish the masculine. Just the opposite, in fact. I'll make an exception for cleavage (probably because I just love cleavage so damn much!).

The first time I ever knew I had been read I was in my early 20's. I promptly bought an electric blue spandex mini dress, thinking that there would be no way anyone would suspect I wasn't a girl in that. That backfired big time!

Now 30+ years later I tend more so than ever to wear short skirts and dresses. I know better, but I love 'em! Some of these other "mistakes" I do intentionally. White bra under a white shirt? Guilty, and love every minute of it!

[Krystenw]

I totally agree.
Since I quit dressing up like a guy, my daughter keeps telling me that "Less is More".
I still have a tendency to wear too much makeup to just go to the mall.
And at 65 she thinks my skirts are a bit too short.
So although it may not always be possible, I try to ask how I look before I go anywhere.
My wife has been great at being honest with me when I get carried away.

[laurie01]

I have done most of these mistakes when I first started CDing. Now I know what body wear and clothes work for me now. When i do get outed its mostly compliments from GGs in the general public.

Another thing is that CDs should have a good style like dress like what other GGs wear when in public.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Another one: Using the exact same pose in all of your pictures. You're a person, not a dress-up doll.

Hey, Hey, Hey, always doing the same exact same, pose, in the exact same room, with the exact same chair, steps, bed, with the exact same hair style, make up etc, does have it's merits, think a CD edition Barbie Doll.

[Badwolf]

You bring up some great points, some of which I didn't address in order to not drone on longer than I did.

3. Agree.

7. I tend not to buy from them personally but I understand the GM's point of view that viewing it as supporting the community is a good thing.


9. Feels like a reworded version of my point with the addition of some hopelessness since we'll get clocked anyways (which theres some truth to).

10. You can fem up jeans and a t-shirt quite a bit. I agree though, there's no reason to force yourself to ONLY dress casually. The part about pass ability I was focusing on is to make sure that you dress appropriately for the venue.

For going to the movies, I tend to a simple dress, and heels at most. I go a hours and to places where people can guess if I was doing something before or after. I've grown up in Florida as well which has some higher proportions of acceptability than most, but overall it transports well here, and I can see it transporting well to most large city centers (except those that are crumbling).

3. Also what do you define as moderation? Is moderation once a month, or once a week, or something in between? Some CDers can get by dressing only once a month, while other CDers need to dress several times a week, and are still CDers and not TS.

7. It depends on the store too. My experience with Suddenly Fem is they always somehow manage to run out of stock, and takes forever to restock their items. They will advertise items on their website that are out of stock for four months, and others that are being permanently discontinued. Glamour Boutique is far better. I bought my breast forms and bras from them, and they're very reliable. I don't buy anything else from CD specialty stores, although you are more than welcome to buy from them. I buy most of my clothes and shoes from Target and Ross. I buy my makeup from MAC and Target. I get my wigs from Godiva's Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks. It really depends on your needs - how accepting is your geographic location to seeing men buy women's clothes, or seeing CDers en femme shopping? Do local stores carry clothes in your size? Maybe you really like a specific item from a CD specialty store.

9. There are lots of things you'll get clocked for aside from your clothes. You can still dress up but not too over the top. No one says that you must go casual to pass or blend in. You can also try to find venues where dressing over the top is more appropriate. Nighttime venues, nice dinner, and TG events you can dress more "over the top" and fit in fine, while daytime tends to be more casual. But it is your perogative on how you are going to dress. I am not the fashion police, nor do I care what the fashion police say.

10. If a CDer dresses only once every two weeks, why go with jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops, when you can wear that in drab. GG's often dress only for special occasions, so if you're CDing is only occasional than why not dress as if it's a special occasion?

I agree that California is far better for CD/TG/TS than most other places. Some of my opinions may be biased because of where I live, so please forgive me if I sound too positive sometimes, and my apologies to those who live in less accepting places.

[Davida Kay]

Adriana dear, I'm new here. Please help a girl out. What then, pray tell, do I call my panties? . And what do I say if I get them in a wad?

[Miss Interpretation]

Great ongoing list! I definitely suffer from some of these pitfalls, though I hope to get better, especially in regards to fashion and what fits me well!

[Ally 2112]

Also even if you do have to hide your stash find time to wash it if you can .It does feel so much better lol

[jenny_cd]

The makeup thing was the toughest for me...not that I WANTED to overdo it, but having never done it before, all the youtube vids in the world are no substitute for just practicing and getting better...something that I have yet to accomplish!