Does everyone over analyse things?

[becky77]

Last weekend I went away for a caravan weekend with my brothers, 4 days and it went pretty well to be fair. I'm sure my brothers are still adapting but they never made me feel anything other than things where normal.
I had a good time but I did notice a few stares and it started to make me self conscious, it was hot and I wasn't in jeans so a bit out of my comfort zone.
Didn't help that I jumped into a picture (I usually avoid pictures) and I just can't see anything but all the bad bits, I tell my self I have a right to me be me and I shouldn't care but it's that constant battle, usually it doesn't bother me.
Here is the picture I put it on just because how I see things isn't always how others see it, I see my big feet, horrid facial expression and I seem so damn tall and blokey. Btw my brother that is in the pirture has autism, so please no comments about him.
Attachment 228620
By Monday I have to return to work and it's like an avalanche of all my demons and anxiety hit me hard, I just want to cry. I felt so low and yet I had actually had a good weekend.
Going through the week the doubts creep back in, doubts if I can face a life of constantly being different and being stared at, yet I could never go back again. I can't be that person ever again those of you that are at this stage and beyond will know what I mean by that.
Once again my hang-up about my height drives me crazy, so Saturday I go to the hairdresser with my ex and just sit and wait for her, convinced the world thinks i'm an odd bod. The girl that brings me tea looks uncomfortable like she doesn't know how to speak to me, I get bored in the end and go to the shop. You have to shrug this stuff off and carry on, there is no other option. I try on some stuff that actually fits nicely and that helps my mood.
Anyway i'm digressing, my ex comes out (I agreed she could tell them I'm TS, I don't ever like to be outed but I didn't care for this).
Her hairdresser said, your friend is lovely and tall! When my ex told her I was TS she couldn't believe it and the tea girl was new, so probaly felt unsure of herself.
I tell this story as I believe it highlights maybe that it's not always what we think, how much of it is in the mind? How much do we analyse stuff and it's just not happening? And is being tall a problem then?

[stefan37]

Why would your ex feel compelled to tell people especially strangers you're trans. I don't out myself unless people specifically ask. We are our own worst critics. Many times I am sure I have been clocked only to find they think I am female.

[kimdl93]

Becky, it's human nature to see the worst in oneself, unless one is truly a narcissist. It's especially so when making such a big change. You look great, relax!

[becky77]

Why would your ex feel compelled to tell people especially strangers you're trans.

She can't seem to explain quite why, something to do with me having been in there before as her husband and heading off any questions. She has gone through a lot with me, if that helped her in this situation then I can make some concessions for her. She has never done it before.

[I Am Paula]

Becky, those are not stares of distaste. They are simply saying to themselves, 'I wish I were tall' or the like. We are our worst critics, and that takes some getting over, but remember GG's come in every size, and shape. People size you up in a millisecond. If they see any sign, lipstick, breasts, skirt etc their mind had already said 'girl'. If they continue looking at you, it is because their mind has gone into screen saver mode, and they are essentially comatose, still looking at the last thing they saw.

[Anne2345]

Do I over analyze things?

Hmmm. Let me analyze this.

<<twenty hours later>>

Yes. Yes I do.

But not nearly to the degree I used to. For me, it's been a function of time and experience. I have found that the more *real* I become and feel, the less over-analysis I perform. In other words, things just become more natural, things flow more easily and with significantly less effort and thought, things just become, and things just "are" the farther and deeper into this I go.

It's part of the evolution of the TS life. It's a pretty big f'ing deal going through it. And it's an amazing thing when you learn to just let it all go and leave all the crap behind. That's what confidence, comfort, and a good, healthy sense of "normalcy" is all about.

[PretzelGirl]

This is one of the reasons why it is called Dysphoria. Keep at it Becky. If you are getting therapy, it should be a regular topic if it is working at you like this. But keep getting out and taking pictures as repetition may help personal acceptance (it works for me). And I agree that you don't need to tell anyone your trans. There are some that will figure it out and that is too many to deal with already. So you don't have to start stacking the deck against yourself and adding to it.

You are beautiful! You will realize it at some point.

[emma30]

Why have so many cares when you look like you do, i am so jealous. You are a woman and i thought nothing else at your pic. You are gorgeous.
Emma x

[LeaP]

Me? Over-analyze?

Nah ...

[Leah Lynn]

Becky, I just see a lovely woman out with her brother. BTW, I have a granddaughter who's autistic; I am fiercely defensive of all with autism...

Hugs,

Leah

[Aprilrain]

How tall are you? I'm 6',at least that's what I tell myself, probably more like 6'1"
Anyway you look good especially considering how early on in transition you are. Cute skirt BTW.
This is a process that will take years.
How's your hair?

[Badtranny]

Listen, everyone. This shit takes time.

Transitions are measured in years, not months or weeks. My name change was ratified on July 12 2012 and I started transition in the summer of 2010. It was just the other day when I realized that putting on makeup every morning had begun to feel completely normal. It's not something I have to plan for any more, it's just a regular part of my normal running late routine.

How long did that take? That's more than 2 solid years of putting on makeup every single morning before it's as normal as getting dressed. (don't get me started on getting dressed!)

Give yourself a break. Follow your heart and relax, this is gonna take awhile.

[Sallee]

I think the simple answer is YES we do over analyse things. The bottom line is most people 98% probably just don't care they are to busy analysing their own problems and self doubts

[Frances]

Listen, everyone. This s*** takes time. Transitions are measured in years, not months or weeks.

I have a friend who is post-op, but who transitioned really quickly. She was remarking that her legs and arms were really muscular. She was upset about it, and commented on my build, which she thought was slighter and more appropriate. Her entire transition from starting HRT to surgery was a year and a half. I showed pictures of me from 6 or 7 years ago, showing my big arms and apple shaped build. She got even sadder and lamented that she was already 52 and that she did not have enough time left or something along those lines. I respondly rather coldly that she should not have done it then. She realised that complaining about it had no value.

Transition is a process, not an event.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hey I'm 52!!!!! And I'm 6'2". Whoops.

And yes it takes time.

And it only fixes ONE thing. But it's very effective at fixing that one thing

[Patty B.]

You look fantastic, and yes it is easy to overanalyze, but you look great, love the skirt and your hair looks great also.

[Frances]

Hey I'm 52!!!!! And I'm 6'2". Whoops.

You did not transition at 52. The point, though, was that it takes years for muscle to atrophy and for the body to change, not weeks, or months. You cannot start a process with tons of empical data to support the expectations and then complain about the results even before they can manifest themselves. Well, you can, but it's annoying.

The height thing is tricky. I lost an inch, but height reduction is not common and should not be expected. Post-ops keep telling early transitioners about this stuff, but the information is rarely believed. You look good Becky. You are tall Becky. Do these propositions cancel each other out? We do over-analyze and project our internalized transphobia onto others. Eventually, we stop.

[becky77]

You are tall Becky. Do these propositions cancel each other out? We do over-analyze and project our internalized transphobia onto others. Eventually, we stop.

Just something to deal with, but it was interesting to hear it as a positive from someone neutral, having had issue with it my whole life, btw i'm 6ft.
I'm not sure of the messages relating to time in transition as I am very much prepared for the long run, I don't believe I mentioned any impatience? I was just relating the thought processes and potential misconceptions.
On projecting internal transphobia I think you are spot on, i'm not usualy guilty of this but it rears it's head every now and then. Something that will only disappear when it becomes my everyday way of life, as for expectations I would say it's more about managing my ability to cope to continue as normal life as possible. I have little expectations of horomones, for my mental state they are achieving what I hoped for, physical is a bonus i'm not depending on, that way anything positive is welcomed and there isn't any disappointment. I reckon I have realistic expectations but that can be clouded by negativity. Perhaps Melissa was correct in a previous thread, that you need a little delusion to keep you pushing ahead.

Sue, I'm out all the time and i'm pretty stable generally. It's possible I was a little hormonal Monday, but the contrast in feelings was worth exploring here. I see it as part and parcel of the process, i'm going to have bad days. I don't think personal acceptance can come while I am still working as a guy, all in good time.
I think of it as 'i'm a work in progress'

[Wildaboutheels]

Some of the members that water here at this site want labels [of some sort] and some don't. Regardless, one thing stands out at this site. Most all members, regardless of flavor are their own worst enemy.

NGC's Brain Games resumes this week with new episodes. It should be required watching for CDers of every flavor. It shows in every single episode what our Human Brains do constantly EVERY day dozens of times to protect us...

From OURSELVES!

And being tall is not a problem unless you make it one.

[Bria]

Just looks like a guy and a girl in the picture to me, nuf said!

Hugs Bria

[arbon]

I can be very insecure about how I look and in some situations where being ts is known by people I am around.

[Starling]

...it takes years for muscle to atrophy and for the body to change, not weeks, or months. You cannot start a process with tons of [empirical] data to support the expectations and then complain about the results even before they can manifest themselves. Well, you can, but it's annoying...

I'm really old, and I still look better as myself than this dude whose life I borrowed more than sixty years ago. My only problems with transition are practical, as one does need to make a cost/benefit analysis. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have been born when saying you were really a girl would land you in the psych ward for electroshock--which doesn't even remove hair--and, if you persisted in your disgusting "delusion," would relegate you to what was once called the demimonde.

Lallie

[Randi_TGFM]

You are so pretty. If I could look half as pretty as you, I would start transitioning today...

[LeaP]

Randi, that is one loaded answer. I'm sure you focused on the compliment, which is well-founded and with which I agree, but the phrasing smacks strongly of typical fantasies. Transition need isn't based on appearances, even if some of the angst over it is.

That typical form is: "If I only had/was/in a position/looked/... I'd transition in a heartbeat!" Two things - 1) there aren't a lot of ifs in the transition decision, and 2) BS.

[Michelle789]

I overanalyze everything too. I am the queen of overanalyzing and overthinking. My boyfriend told me that it's normal for trans people to overanalyze and overthink. I wouldn't be surprised if overthinking and overanalyzing is more common in people in general.

You look pretty to me. Btw women come in all shapes and sizes. Many tall woman are drop dead gorgeous. And tall women can get away with wearing more than short women can, at least this is the opinion of my therapist.

It's hard to tell sometimes what someone actually thinks. Just because someone appears dour and gives you a cold shoulder or looks nervous around you doesn't mean you've been clocked and they're transphobic. They might just be in a bad mood. They might be sexist or racist. They might just have a nervous or unfriendly disposition.

I feel like lots of people are more accepting and honest than we think. The ones who are transphobic stand out more, because they make more trouble for us. The troublemakers always stand out. The good, decent, honest, friendly people who accept us don't stand out as much, unless they're like extremely supportive of us.

And not everyone clocks us either. Many people just take what they see at face value. People are often too busy and self-absorbed to clock us. Lots of people actually don't even know what to look for. Even me being trans didn't know we can get clocked on our brow bridge (if we have one) until two months ago.