Becky,
You may be tall but you don't look "blokey" to me at all. You look like a very pretty woman to me.
Becky,
You may be tall but you don't look "blokey" to me at all. You look like a very pretty woman to me.
All I see is a girl with her brother, relax and be your self like you are in the picture, hugs.
All I see is a rather tall woman who jumped into a picture. Neither person strikes me as unusual.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Thanks Randi, it's a nice compliment but in a way its little insulting. I have had/have the same mental struggles as everyone here, you make it sound like its somehow easier for me when it really isn't.Originally Posted by Randi_TGFM
You are so pretty. If I could look half as pretty as you, I would start transitioning today..
I am tall and I know my face can look ok, but that brings even more scrutiny and stares, I still have to work on my voice, my mannerisms and I've had the same fear and doubt and anguish as the next person.
What I feel of myself in the mirror is probably the same how you feel and the battle is no less. It's taken a lot to get to this point.
People have said that to me a few times when seeing a picture, but a picture is just half the story.
And my story reads the same as everyones here, I don't get by on looks.
I have a wedding in September, going to wear heels. That will make me about 6'3, I know full well people will be whispering about the tall tranny. I get attention more so because I'm so tall that extra attention gets me read.
So I'm still labeled the same.
Thank you very much, I know its meant kindly but think about what you are actually saying.
Becky, it is indeed the added scrutiny that our height brings that makes us readable at times. On the mannerisms though: have your ever thought to be just thoughtlessly yourself and observed what that looks like? Are you trying to behave feminine or are you? I don't mean that question in any way as a challenge, I spent much time with it. I discovered everyone around me thought I was inappropriately feminine before transition rather than after. Ultimately, I simply stopped restraining myself in how I behaved and that was enough.
I wrote about it some time ago here It's just a few things.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
To be honest its quite minimal, mainly to put shoulders back and stop slouching, which I have done subconsciously to hide my height most of my life, but as you know this doesn't help.
It actually hurts to put them where they should be showing how badly I let me posture get. I try harder to correct this now as it can't be good for me long term.
Also I have to unlearn some stuff I did to hide my feminine mannerisms, just have to remind myself I can let go now and just be. Otherwise I'm reasonably relaxed, there is no point faking it, the whole point is to me myself?
Last edited by becky77; 08-03-2014 at 03:40 AM.
Tall girls try to make themselves smaller in many cases, particularly if they were born in an era when "petite" was considered more desirable. I always felt that a woman was most attractive when she stood tall and proud; it makes me wince when I see someone trying to hide themselves.
Taller women used to be referred to as "statuesque"; perhaps if you think of yourself as that, it may help dispel those self-doubts.
I think everyone is self critical; it's just that we pay much more attention to ourselves than others do.
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
I have a dear friend, assigned female at birth, who is 6'3" and carries it proudly. She's lovely and does tend to attract a lot of very positive attention. Unfortunately there are few men who are confident enough to date a woman who towers over them (especially in heels!), and she doesn't seem interested in women who you'd think would be less sensitive to that sort of thing.
For a trans woman the challenges are a little different. Getting attention can certainly mean scrutiny but the usual rules apply. Relax, stand proud, and get good advice on what to wear. If you feel comfortable and look like you're used to being treated well then you will be more often than not.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
My advice would be to get this crazy idea out of your head that you are too tall. Right now, today, I could introduce you to six normal everyday women, GGs, who are between 6'4" and 6'8". They are not basketball players or any type of sports persons. As hard as it is to believe, there are some very tall women in this world. You are one of them. Own it and go have a ball.
37 years is a long time to just change so easily, I'm working on it.
My height issues are far less now but I live in flats, heels though I love them, will put me out of my comfort zone.
Rome wasn't built in a day
Ok I had to edit this as I am pretty sure my height wasn't an issue as a baby lol, but even so let's say 25 years.
It's like slowly removing the taint of living as a man and that's aside from height issues.
Last edited by becky77; 08-03-2014 at 12:51 PM.
Becky, you look fine. Nice hair, pretty pink blouse, nice casual denim skirt, sandals ... you have the complete package! You go, girl! You've got a loving brother there with you, I don't see a real problem (well, aside from reading whatever that is in blue).
Yeah, you're thinking everyone is pointing and snickering and they're going to break out the torches and the pitchforks to hunt you down... Girl, been there, thought that. Go stroll through a shopping mall - you're just another GIRL that's shopping! Now if you were wearing furs and a ball gown in that mall, people would turn and stare - why? Because then you would be OUT OF PLACE. I'm JEALOUS of your height - I'm 5'6", Mom was 5' even. I'm short even by guy standards, but as a girl? I'm average...
WOW
U look great and Yes I over analyse also.
But again,
If I looked as good as u I would transition.
You look great and so natural ... I am tall I am 5'-11 1/2" u look shorter.
How tall at u?
GOD I hate that comment.
Without a doubt, looking good is the very best reason to transition. Yup, that's it.
Lea
classic crossdresser view of transsexuals... we are marginalized and sexualized all the time..its part of the deal
I recently attended a small "TG oriented" gathering that was mostly crossdressers and mostly it was a lot of fun
... however over the course of the evening I was asked "are they real?" and told things like "if I ever transition I am going EE boobs minimum"
god forbid that I don't consider myself in the same cohort as them..
Adopting a shared designation isn't the same thing as tacit approval of everyone under the umbrella, nor is it erasure of individual variation. There are plenty of people, women, lesbians, transsexuals, Americans, and software developers I disagree with on similarly evocative subjects, but I'm definitely all of the above. In short: I don't think what you describe is a defining transsexual / crossdresser divide. There are shallow, clueless people in all walks of life.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
Kait knows this Kimberly. She actually went to a TG event (something I do every year @Sparkle!) so she clearly doesn't mind consorting with the part-timers.
You live here in the SF Bay so I know you've encountered a goofy CD or two. Shallow and clueless would be a polite description of some of them.
Prene probably (say that 5 times) had good intentions, but as you well know, nobody who transitions thinks they look good at all, so that idea is a fallacious one.
Exactly, its a real mental struggle but most people who make these comments don't have GD.
They don't understand. Recently my confidence has taken a nose dive, I think its because the time to tell work is closing in.
I keep seeing myself how they will see me and its not good. I know (back to title) I am over analysing it but I can't help it, this is such a big deal in my life and I'm scared. Scared of being a laughing stock, scared of losing my job, the fear won't stop this happening but its still ripping me apart inside.
Yesterday when out, for the first time in ages I felt all self concious again, some guy just stared at me making it worse.
I wish I could just switch off sometimes.
This thought is so prevalent, especially among older people. It is incredibly damaging but it is one of the stark realities for many who have suffered through years of sitting on the fence. Framed differently it is: "is it realistically possible for me to transition".
The real danger is though that the standards of appearance we set for ourselves are so beyond the pale measured against the reality of human existence that our impression of what we must achieve as we transition is plain wrong. The realization of how unreasonable we are in our expectations (and must bes and must haves) is often a first step towards gaining confidence. Anyone remember the day you stepped in front of the mirror and for the first time Kaitelyn, Misty, Lea, Kathryn etc truly looked back at you....
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Lol, I'm still waiting for Stephanie to look back at me!
"When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes
"Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation
"A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W
Some days I have seen me, most days I just see 'him'!
Do you think it in some ways it's similar to what anorexics go through? Everyone else can see they are too thin but they see themselves as fat?
We are our worst critics. Many days I only see him, but as I interact with people daily i get much different feedback. My ex once commented am I the the only one that sees you as male? The best advice I can give from my experience is just be you. There are many things out of our control, so change those you can and go about your life. You will be pleasantly surprised how comfortable you will be.
Last edited by stefan37; 08-22-2014 at 12:48 PM. Reason: spelling
"When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes
"Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation
"A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W
This is an interesting thing, I think there is something to what you say. However, remember that anorexia is a mental health problem of significant proportion. I did not see myself as having body image issues beyond what I consider to be normal. In my view this is more a question of emotional hygiene. Like so many other aspects of self reflection we have to discipline ourselves not to go down these paths towards emotional collapse which is inevitable if we do.
Once I saw me for the first time I decided that I would say to myself at least once a day: I am Kathryn and I am beautiful" because I had experienced it. In my view it is really important for us to be very positive about ourselves. That opens us up for the potential of who we are, rather than restrict us in our perceptions of self. It generates confidence which is the one garment we so desperately need to become fully authentic. In this sense I became very disciplined in not allowing myself to see myself as "him" at all.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Kathryn
I remember the "first time" vividly...
I had lost weight, I had a professionally made wig...I took makeup lessons... one night I put the wig on, I fell just right, and I felt a very strong sensation that I didn't understand but was so strong that I actually said "Wow" out loud...
its funny because post ffs I wear a lot less makeup and have my own hair... I look at myself and I don't see a her or him, I see a me..one thing transition did for me was eliminate "gender thinking"...
i'm not saying sometimes I don't see masculine and think "ugh" or see feminine and smile... its just that I never think about it, and those moments are just passing moments in my day..
Kaitelyn,
I experience the same thing. I just don't think about anymore. Even if I am unsatisfied with my appearance which sometimes happens "man" is no longer my default position, but rather "you gotta do something with your hair", "you look old today girl", "you ate too much yesterday" or some such thing but the context is me not some fictitious guy who never really existed except by biological accident.
And yes that "wow" moment when everything truly falls into place. For me it was congruence in the sense that my outside matched how I perceived myself and what a powerful emotion that is.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
Just read some of the posts on here and judge for yourself
Susan in Phoenix
MALE BY BIRTH.......
FEMALE BY DESIGN
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