I did not mean to stare

[Jackie F]

So I was in Raleigh North Carolina this past weekend. In the hotel I was staying at I saw a cross dresser in the main lobby. My wife who knows I cross dress and is not happy about it smacks me in the head and tells me to quit smiling and staring.
I was so happy to see someone en-fem. I could not help thinking how nice it would be to be so free.
This person was talking to other people and I was with my family so I did not go say hi. (I
really just wanted to say hi and I thought she was wonderful.)
If you were in Midtown Raleigh N.C. this weekend in the lobby of the Hilton I just wanted to let you know you looked beautiful.

[deebra]

Jackie I thought it was great that you wanted to say hi and compliment her on how nice she looked, many members on here say don't do it because they feel it would scare her but I see it as just the opposite; it would validate her, improve her confidence and let her know you both shared something really special. Wouldn't more of this bring more acceptance to both cd's and society?

[Jackie F]

Thank you deebra,
To tell you the truth I don't know what would have been the acceptable or polite thing to do.I know I wanted to however being as I don't dress in public I have never given it any thought.
People don't normally want to be called out. The only true tell was her voice which she did not try to disguise. I do think just walking over and saying how nice she looked then moving along would have been ok. Maybe??

[DeeDeeB]

I am inspired by my wife who will compliment a stranger on her shoes, dress, or whatever. It is what women do, so why not us?

DeeDee

[GenieGirl]

That's awesome Jackie. I am sure I know who the girl was too. Did she seem really lively and friendly and blonde by chance? The Clarion is a normal hangout spot for a lot of TGs in Raleigh. I have been there a few times in the past to hang out with some girls. I was a few blocks from there last night actually at one of the gay bars down the road.

As far as approaching a tg in public...I had a long conversation with a really nice gay couple last night about this. As they both have been curious if a girl they know at a bar they visit is TG. I gave them my approach if I were to be curious to know. (While this convo was going on a TS was sitting right near us. She was quiet and shy and looked out of place. She was completely passable and beautiful, they didn't know she was TS but I did....I didn't reveal her secret of course. I avoided even going up and talking to her because I thought she might get a bit embraced as she looked like she wouldn't want to be outed. We did make eye contact a few times. I just smiled.) Anyways I told them I would never approach a girl unless I knew for sure in a safe environment for them. This being as "one of them". As an outsider I would avoid the question all together but IF I was curious enough to ask I would first start off with a big compliment to her/him. Follow that up with a friendly way of asking as in a curious way. Then ending with another compliment of how they great they look and let them know that you are supportive and positive about it....Shortly after that convo me being the silly girl that I am I compliment one of them saying that you were just in your 20s a few years ago when they said something about their age (while I was giving them about 20 years courtesy)...then I had a brief pause....stared straight at them...smiled...and asked "Would you by chance be transgender?".....well they got the joke. We all busted out laughing. Not in any discriminatory way of course. I had a great time talking to them.

Hope you enjoyed your stay in good ole NC


Ginger

[jjjjohanne]

I think the right thing to do is to say something including the word, "ma'am". Never acknowledge that they are a crossdresser. Confessing that you have a similar pair of shoes might be OK... But if she is a GG, then you just ruined her shoes for her!!

[RenneB]

I have seen my share of GGs that look like guys. I have to look very hard at the visual cues to make sure. I've said this before, the vast majority of GGs and GMs, at least in this neck of the woods, don't present in their assigned gender. It's mostly, sweat pants and t-shirt grabbed off the top of the dirty clothes pile.

A few, relatively few, actually dress nicely.....

Anyway, I've been approached by a TS out in public and she went right for the "hey you look great... are you TS". I stated, no I'm CD but thanks for the compliment. We chatted for a few minutes and then she was off on her way.

On my side, if I'm in the right environment (ya know when you know it) I'll just say, "you look great"... or "where'd you get those shoes". If the conversation develops, I go with it. If not, I move on..... Never, do I ask about current "status".....

Renne.....

[Jamie Lynn]

Sorry Jackie, I laughed at the visual of your wife smacking you! Did you duck down to avoid the next one and say..............."Whaaaat? I was just admiring her shoes!" ?

[deebra]

All of the above said, that is why we need something such as a "ring" we could take out of our pocket and slip on so the other person would know we are both wearing panties and enjoy something the rest of the world is missing. Now for my little joke; instead of the ring I would love to unbutton and open the front of my jacket and show her my 40D boobs under a nice soft formfitting revealing pink tee.

[Rileyaz]

Every now and then I run into a bitchy GG sales associate and just want to say to them "Oh, and by the way, you look completely passable as a woman". But then I realize that would make me bitchy as well.

[I Am Paula]

Deebra, The reason for not approaching transgender people is not about scareing them. In the world of 'out, and about' girls there are only two rules:
1) You do not out someone. EVER. Approaching them to say 'Hi, I'm like you' IS outing them.
2) See rule 1

[Badwolf]

Complimenting people is never a problem.

I don't always go for the completely discreet approach, since I believe the world is better when we talk about who we are, but Genie Girl's approach is about as sweet as you can make it. I might lay the compliments a little less thick to not seem patronizing, but yeah.

On the other hand I normally don't worry to much about other people. So I'm rarely driven to ask that sort of question until we're already acquainted, and they hopefully don't feel that unsafe around me. I behave the same way when someone is probably gay. I just know I'd rather know the person before any of that matters anyways.

[Beverley Sims]

Probably a smack in the head was a good thing.
It is not polite to go over and say Hi! anyway.

I do understand your situation, I have paused and stared on occasions, then I hit myself in the back of the head.

[Krisi]

I don't know where all you folks go to see crossdressers in public, but I never see them. Either they don't come out in my town or they pass well enough that I don't recognize them. The only crossdresser I've ever seen in public was myself as the reflection in a store window.

If I did see someone I thought was a crossdresser, I would not approach or speak to her. If it was really a crossdresser trying to pass, reading her as a crossdresser would be dissapointing to her. If it was really a large ugly woman, that would hurt her and embarass me.

[mariehart]

Think about it another way. If it was you out dressed. How would you like to approached? A smile or a compliment or be completely ignored?

I think there's a difference between someone who is obviously trying to pass and someone who isn't.

I think I'd like a validation that someone approves of what I'm doing rather than having to imagine that I've been read and that person thinks 'yuck'.

To be honest I've very rarely being in that position in either sense. Recently I've only ever seen what might be more accurately called 'Ladyboys'. But if I did see a bunch of obvious CDs I think I would smile and says something like: 'Looking good girls'

Compliments are always good. We all love them.

[Teresa]

I've seen a couple of CDers, one in San Francisco who was loving the moment and would have responded to a pleasant hello !
The other was in a grocery store in the UK lake district, she was getting so nervous waiting at the pay till, I thought about catching her up outside but I was too far back in the queue. I just wanted to reassure her she looked great, I really put myself in her shoes for those few minutes !
MarieHart has a point about turning it around and thinking how would you react to someone approaching you ? I usually talk and joke with most people so they may regret it because they couldn't get away !!

[Rachelakld]

If you ever see me out, dressed pretty (or drab), please come over, politely interupt whatever I'm doing and say "Hi how it going, I like your dress/leggings etc".

If you want to talk about my cross dressing, that's okay (I'm a cross dresser and it's obvious anyway - I out myself with my voice, face shape, body shape etc - can't help that)

I like interacting with people.

[JennyT3]

I agree with Paula.. Dont out someone because of your selfish curiosity. Just smile and move on...