TS Reality Episode 11 - Kumbaya

[LeaP]

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Its such a heartwarming phrase, especially when uttered sincerely, repeatedly. It's especially gratifying to hear how, how very loved and valued one is, how close to our needs and feelings others are, especially when we foolishly, briefly, embarrassingly, and incorrectly assumed that, at best it was "professional caring" or, worst case, they just wanted your filthy lucre. How wrong we were! Wow. Just wow. Thank you for caring, Doctor, insurance company, mortgage guy, landlord, HR rep, politician, grocery store owner, et al! Sally Field put it best in her Oscar acceptance speech - "You really DO like me"!

"So GREAT, they love me, they care!" you say. But, but ...

"If that's really so," you reason, "then why is everyone putting me through hell!!!???" How is a poor T-girl to figure it all out?

What a great question!

One of the more entertaining things for which a good therapist will screen in a client presenting gender issues is dissociative identity disorder. Fortunately, most of us don't have multiple personalities! But feel free to be an exception! I confess that there are a few extra selves I'd like to have myself!

The bad news is that though there may only be one version of you - whatever that is - you aren't seen the same way by everyone. Everyone thinks they know this already. That's pretty funny!!! But, unlike Cis Flags Over Life, when you enter Trannyland, this is going to go from being a minor point, like not being tall enough for a ride, to the very thing that powers the rides! Trust me (you do trust me, right? RIGHT?) - you are in for one hell of a ride! What's that? You don't trust me? Don't worry your pretty little head about that - after all, I'm just the one supervising ride safety today. You'll do fine on your own! As for the "how you're seen" thing ... isn't it wonderful how friends and family like to watch you having a good time, or how you get your picture taken at the end of a ride ... right at the most dramatic point?! Guess what we're going to be examining??!!!

The heck with talking about it, though! To the rides!

Into Space Mountain - Far and away the tallest ride in the park, no one has actually ever reached the top! It's no optical illusion – the closer you approach the taller it really gets! It's really cool. You zoom in and out of the surface! You go round and round and round in circles until you don't even know where it starts or ends anymore! And your family standing there at the railing watching… what do they see? This one's easy! For a while you come in and out of view. Then, as you continue climbing – and you will continue climbing - they finally lose sight of you completely. Ever. After. Save this ride for last, because you never get off.

Harry Benjamin Railroad - This is fine, you think! Vintage. Old and familiar! I can travel in style and comfort. Nothing's changed since the good ol' days! Your family, as usual it seems lately, opted out. They're sitting in one of the shops. They can see you go by once in a while. Round and round and round in circles… (if this is starting to sound like a theme, keep in mind it IS a theme park). What they see is you riding around the periphery of life, as they see it, all on your own, going nowhere.

Glitterinda the Flying Fairy - Mild, sure, but fun in its own way! From your perspective you are just, well, YOU… sitting on a ride. Going around in circles! Looking at trees, enjoying the breeze. You feel at one with the world. Relaxed. At one with the ride. You close your eyes and murmur "mmm, fairy flight." Just as you do do, someone says "I think you're on the wrong ride." "What? WHAT?", you say with a start. Sad but true, you are actually on the Dorcas the Flying Elephant ride. And your friends think you are one with the ride, too ...

It's a Tall World - This one is all about seeing! Yes, you get to imagine yourself in every area of the world as you float along from culture to culture. The beautifully dressed and decorated dolls sing and sing and sing! Not just one with the ride, you feel at one with the world! You fit in! You're home – no matter where you are! Unfortunately, the snapshot taken at the end of the tunnel reveals a dismaying view. You are sticking out and up like a sore thumb and have, shall we say, a bit more presentation work to do. It may indeed be a tall world – but that's not the one into which you are heading …

Crash Mountain - You always did like exciting rides. Fast. Edgy. Every turn, every drop threatens! Danger, Will(a) Robinson! Yikes! Just one little whoopsie - remember the lesson of the Tall World ride? There's a reason they put those little signs about minimum or maximum height on these things. This is an example of the latter. Yes, I know what a great ride it is. Yes, I know how you yearned to go. You would have had a GREAT time, too, if you had only listened to the safety instructions for folks like you and me. Tsk. As it was, the photo showed you beaten bloody by every one of those close-to-the-edge things you were so looking forward to. But hey - you're alive! Mostly.

There are more great rides in Trannyland. Favorites like the Haunted Homestead and Pirates of The Retirement Accounts! Attractions like the Life On the Frontier Shooting Gallery, too, where you get to both shoot at targets and BE a target! Oh. My. God. Does it ever end?! (Insert own answer here - it's kicky!)

But by now you're wondering about what this has to do with "we're here for you." Simple Simon stuff, Bunkie! Just as you have a teeny little problem aligning yourself to other's expectations, they can't get past their needs to your reality. I know, I know - you knew that already. Except you didn't. Or something.

But now that you REALLY know, the NEXT time you go to Trannyland, you'll be ready and have a GREAT time! Maybe they even handed you one of those free return in a week tickets on the way out! Forget the safety supervisors like me, though ... the park administration really doesn't think its a good idea to come back again. Oh well - there's always Stealth Country Safari! Everyone will definitely be there for you there!

Yup. Seems that Trannyland wasn't the destination you thought it was. Get used to disappointment!

[GabbiSophia]

Ty this has been fun but can you point me to the exit please? I hate roller coasters

[LeaP]

We have provided a convenient park exit at every ride. Park Management will think no less of you for leaving early, and we appreciate your attendance. Please use caution in sharing your Trannyland experience with others, especially at the Cis Flags Parks. For reasons we've never quite comprehended, a lot of people are contemptuous of Trannyland fans.

Oh, if you decide to exit from the Into Space Mountain ride, please do so before climbing too high. That first step can be a bitch ...

[arbon]

great writing and thoughts about this but your kinda making me feel depressed again.

[becky77]

I think you've lost the plot this time!!

I mean no Aerosmith ride, what was you thinking?

[LeaP]

Oh no! But you've already exited! Aren't you contemplating a trip to Stealth Country Safari??

[becky77]

Where are the Tea cups, there's always Tea cups! This Theme park needs new management

[LeaP]

OMG - I can't believe I missed the tea cups opportunity!! T Cups! That's too good to be true!!!

[Anne2345]

Love your post, Lea!!

And it brings back some dusty old memories, too.

The Glitterinda ride I spent so much time way back in the day, though, seems impossibly long ago. I barely even remember the person I was who sat on that ride, and can hardly believe she even existed. But there are pictures of me going round and round and round, circle after circle after circle, always in a circle, on the Glitterinda ride, so I suppose it must've happened.

There are also pictures of me carrying around (as if it were a weapon-like club to be wielded against any who dared challenge me to a throwdown) and brutishly devouring (wild barbaric caveman style) a park staple and delicacy (although delicate it is not) - the Super Duper Megamammoth Collosal Gigantor Smoked Monster Turkey Leg of Ferocious Titan Machismo and Seething Molten Fire Virility 3000.

Of course, as we all know, the SDMCGSMTLFTMSMF3k can only be found and purchased in the Deny and Overcompensate Café (several locations can be found throughout the Park), for which proper ID (in the form of a man-card) is required for entry. But having had my man-card revoked by the Park Administrator, alas, I no longer meet the requirements for entry into the DOC.

All, however, is not lost, though, because I may now enjoy my snacks and take my meals at the Keep It Real Kafe (sponsored by Weight Watchers). Within the Kafe, all who enter may enjoy a wide assortment of carrots, broccoli, celery, carrots, carrots, and more celery. And on special days, if you have been a really really good girl, the Kafe sometimes offers patrons a very special and heavenly treat - chocolate!!! Mmmmmmmm . . . choooooocooooolattttttte!!!!

And thinking back on my own park experience, the funny thing is that as cool as I tried to convince myself and the world that I was by lugging around SDMCGSMTLFTMSMF3ks all around the park, I ultimately found it to be quite clumsy, unwieldy, and the cause of much heartburn and indigestion.

Interestingly enough, and much to my initial surprise, on the other hand, I have found over time and many meals since that I much, much prefer the healthy life diet offered by the Kafe.

So I give the Kafe a big thumbs up on Urbanspoon and Yelp.

I would be remiss, however, if I failed to warn potential would-be patrons that such cuisine is not for everyone.

First, the restaurant is not well-marked, and there are few locations, so it can be a very difficult place to find. I mean, you have to really look hard for it, and you have to actually swallow your "pride" and ask for directions to locate the nearest and most-convenient establishment.

Also, it is not an all-you-can eat buffet. So if you visit the Kafe often enough, you will surely and inevitably discover that there will be times that you leave the table fully unsatisfied, disappointed, and still hungry. And there will be other times that you may not be prepared to stomach the offerings, or if you do somehow managed to hold down what you believe the offending dish to be, you may become ill and require medical intervention and attention thereafter.

And also know that if it is your intent to become a regular, be prepared for some mandatory kitchen duty such as cleaning dishes and maintaining the restroom facilities. Because the deal is that your money is no good there over the long haul. Just the same as love, money, after all, can't buy everything. So at the Kafe, you have to earn your seat at the table if you are going to become a mainstay.

But don't worry! Because lemme tell you, when the Kafe is on it is on, and sooooo worth all of the trouble and work.

Particularly on chocolate night . . . .

Good ole Trannyland. Ain't it a hoot?

[LeaP]

By Georgia, Anne, I think you've grok'd the analogy! Well done! Perhaps you can write the Unofficial Guide! I'd love to read your take on the Castle of Unconscious Dreams, Missus Frog's Childhood Ride, Big Thunder on Madame's Mountain, the Autogynopia, Mission From Mars to Venus, and dozens more! And let us NOT forget the T Cups!

There are SO many things I left out! Not the least is the price of admission! HOLY CRAP!

[GabbiSophia]

As i have found each exit is different and labeled in its own unique way. I am dumbfounded why every time i go through the turn style i end up at the beginning of its a small world. The song is driving me crazy and I swear we all not the same... i feel like the person giving me directions is the gremlin for bugs bunny with his arms crossed saying "the exit is that way"..

[LeaP]

... I am dumbfounded why every time i go through the turn style i end up at the beginning of its a small world. The song is driving me crazy and I swear we all not the same...

What was it I said in that other thread? Oh yeah - "you will be assimilated." You'll know when that song becomes YOUR song! You are gonna just love it!

Just remember that apparent contradictions in Trannyland are just clues to commonalities. Except that we really aren't like Captain EyOw. Except for the surgery. And the ...

Damn.

[Kathryn Martin]

I am dumbfounded why every time i go through the turn style i end up at the beginning of its a small world.

There is only one real exit there - look for the "win some lose some" sign, step through and voila you're out.....

[Angela Campbell]

I seem to be stuck on the longest, costly, boring tour through electrolysis Island . it takes forever but each time you ride it it let's you off a little sooner than the last time. Funny how so many who visited the laser pavilion end up here.

[LeaP]

I thought those places were at ETCOT. (Experimental transsexual community of tomorrow) You know – where they tried to create an actual trans community and still failed??

[KellyJameson]

Perspective is an interesting thing.

All of my real world experience has been with transsexuals that worked or work drag or topless bars and a few who worked or work the sex trade. Many are runaways and homelessness is right around the corner if not actual.

I had to join forums or read books to learn that there were transsexuals with college degrees working in their chosen profession who had married and in some cases even started families and was totally clueless about there being such a thing as late transitioners.

Coming from the gritty underbelly, wrong side of the track side of things where most abuse drugs and alcohol to cope with the daily grind and occassional violence and a therapist would classify everyone as mentally ill from something, is its own haunted house slash amusement park slash house of mirrors and horrors all rolled up into one.

In that world you learn the wrong way to transition and it is a way that is repeated in most large cities.

Perspective always dances with the disappointment that best suits it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hey just because I come from the corporate well educated world doesn't mean I can't abuse drugs and alcohol with the best of them!!! The battle my face lost with a windshield is proof!!!

[Angela Campbell]

I thought those places were at ETCOT. (Experimental transsexual community of tomorrow) You know – where they tried to create an actual trans community and still failed??

that sounds more like fantasy land. I am on the other side looking for the exit to the real world, soon as I can get off the electrolysis ride and wait in line at the srs shop.

[becky77]

I'm a bit bored with Tranny Land, can I just go to regular Disney World?

[GabbiSophia]

There is only one real exit there - look for the "win some lose some" sign, step through and voila you're out.....

when do I get to win some? This park just sucks me dry ... I swear the emotional ring toss is rigged and I can't seem to hit the bottles on the I am a man milk bottle throw.!

[arbon]

Gabbi - when you are okay with yourself and stop rigging the game.

[GabbiSophia]

Arbon ... not much i can say to that...back to its a small world i guess

[LeaP]

Coming from the gritty underbelly, wrong side of the track side of things where most abuse drugs and alcohol to cope with the daily grind and occassional violence and a therapist would classify everyone as mentally ill from something, is its own haunted house slash amusement park slash house of mirrors and horrors all rolled up into one.

Perspective always dances with the disappointment that best suits it.

Hey just because I come from the corporate well educated world doesn't mean I can't abuse drugs and alcohol with the best of them!!! The battle my face lost with a windshield is proof!!!

I have to confess that I've never thought of either Kelly or Kaitlyn as carnies, but there it is…

Kelly, I love that closing line on perspective and disappointment.

... wait in line at the srs shop.

No, no, no! That's not a shop in Trannyland! That's Universal Surgical Studios!

Gabbi - when you are okay with yourself and stop rigging the game.

There is only one real exit there - look for the "win some lose some" sign, step through and voila you're out.....

Both are perceptive replies describing aspects of the same problem.

Personally, I don't want to keep visiting the place. I'm sort of getting tired of it, too, Becky. Unfortunately, there are still a few rides I haven't tried yet! I will tell you this – that I won't be one of those people forever wearing the T-shirt outside of the park or displaying a Trannyland tattoo.

Maybe it's time for a visit to See World to find out what the cross-dressers are doing in their park. Nah – I don't like dressing the part and I don't want people staring at me for dressing in jeans and a top.

[Xrys]

I am still scraping together the price for admission. Though i have heard about the C cups ride, where the cups are different sizes, but you always end up in the smallest one. The entire ride, all you can do is watch the others with the bigger cups and think if you could only get a bigger cup, you could enjoy the ride a little more.

[becky77]

I'm sort of getting tired of it, too, Becky. Unfortunately, there are still a few rides I haven't tried yet! I will tell you this – that I won't be one of those people forever wearing the T-shirt outside of the park or displaying a Trannyland tattoo.

Not even a souvenir photo of you screaming and crying as you hit the scariest part of the ride