A woman at the office got engaged recently and was showing off her ring yesterday. She went around to other women getting plenty of oooo's and ahhhh's. When she got closer to me and another guy one of the women piped up while looking at me, "Don't bother with them, the boys don't care."
Heh. This was an odd slap in the face. Kind of ironic too hearing it directed towards me. I know it shouldn't bother me but it was once again the world reaffirming my maleness and associated stereotypes. It hurt.
Strange how such small comments can cut so deep.
On one level I'm mad at her for making the comment but how could she know? She may have just been trying to be funny.
Frankly I'm more disappointed in myself for not saying anything to challenge the comment. Instead I did as I normally do and passively played along as if the offending comment were true. I never did see the ring and apparently care too much.
Later that day, after work, I went to the vet with a few coworkers to pick up one of their cat's who got neutered. The two other guys with me were extremely sympathetic to the cat who is now without his "boys". The vet commented guys often respond like this. The girl with us commented, "that's normal for guys though isn't it? I don't think any guy wants to lose his parts." The two guys (one very gay the other very straight) were both quite vocal in their agreement. I stood there in silence and merely nodded.
It's going to be very interesting when I finally come out to these people...
In other news, I've been in HRT for 18 days now (actually it's been 18 days, 451.5 hours, or 27,097 minutes. But hey, who's counting?). There is so much to report but I'll try to keep it short with a visual exercise.
Picture, if you will, an open field with the sun high in the sky and birds circling around overhead. My HRT experience thus far is represented by that dead tumbleweed rolling along in the wind....and are those birds actually buzzards?
Ok perhaps there isn't much to report. Nothing actually. Absolutely nothing. *sigh*
Now I realize in the grand scheme of things, 18 days is barely anything and I'm on what appears to be a small dose. I understand changes won't occur until perhaps a few months in. But even still I was expecting...something. Anything! Some sort of indication that my body is acknowledging the sudden decrease in testosterone and increase in estrogen.
I've come across a few accounts saying that starting HRT was like turning on the light-switch in their head. Sure hope my switch isn't broken.
The GD is as strong as ever, perhaps stronger now that I'm on HRT and have to learn to accept its limitations. I'm concerned their effect will be minimal at best (it's a crap shoot after all) and I'll end up always being a man in a dress.
This tunnel is long and dark. There is a small prick of light far off in the distance but I don't know how far or what the light will reveal.
I kind of feel like Wile E Coyote who just ran off a cliff and is just floating in mid-air before gravity takes hold and sends me plummeting down towards...something. Am I about to fall to my death or is there a tiny Acme trampoline down there that will save me and allow the hunt for the roadrunner (womanhood, I suppose) to continue?
Although come to think of it, the coyote never caught the roadrunner, right? Perhaps this wasn't the most optimistic analogy.
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Originally Posted by stefan37
