had a great opportunity, but didn't take it

[SweetAlexis]

Hi everyone. Today, I wore I cute black skirt, with a violet top, tights and cute patent flats. I'm still trying to learn how to apply makeup well, but thought I looked okay. (covering facial shadow successfully is my biggest challenge) . I also wore a short black wig, and my favorite clip on earrings. My wife and I were sitting in our den, reading, when she suddenly asked me if I would like to go shopping at a grocery store with her. What surprised me, was that she wanted me to come with her dressed as I was. At first I was super happy for the opportunity, but when it finally came time to step outside, I saw my next door neighbor mowing his lawn, and new that he would see me the moment I left the house. For some reason, I panicked, and told my wife that I changed my mind. She seemed a little disappointed, and went shopping without me. It was a great opportunity to finally go out in public as Lexi, and I chickened out. I don't understand why I was suddenly so afraid. Has anyone encountered anything like this?

Thank you so much,

Lexi

[Nyla F]

Not that I would ever have this opportunity, but I definitely would be afraid to go out in public. Especially broad daylight! I take it you don't have an attached garage so you can hide in the car while your wife drives out of the neighborhood.

I've imagined it would be fun to go dressed to the movies. You could catch the late show at night, your SO could buy the tickets ahead of time so you could quickly enter the theater. Minimal exposure!

[Kate Simmons]

I remember one night several years ago when I wanted to leave en femme for the club before dusk and neighbors across the street just refused to stop working in their yard. I finally said the heck with it got in the car, drove past them and waved. They waved back. Never heard anything about it really. Sometimes we just need to make the move.

[Badwolf]

I can't blame you for being nervous. I'm not sure what type of community you live in or what real restrictions you have on coming out.

Still as most people say the biggest barrier is yourself in the end. Once you're used to hiding it it's easy to continue to do so. It's also not worth worrying about it that.

In particular though, your neighbors (being busy as they were), may not have noticed much.

[Mollyanne]

Its not uncommon for the reaction that you had. You and the wife could go out "after dark" with you dressed. I think the most important thing here is NOT to panic, but just walk naturally to the car and be as feminine as you can.

Molly

[MarcyRex]

Yeah, I've chickened out a few times also. But last night, there I was, outside dressed comfortably and normal for a girl, simply taking out the garbage for me and neighbor(80yo widow). I was viewed by neighbor cyclist doing rounds and folks coming home. I live in a cul-de-sac of 98 residences of which I am an association board member and the resident handyman. People know me. My number gets passed around. Yet I observed when dressed, seem to be unrecognized (or perhaps just unremarked). Some folks know because of wife's disclosure to them. Don't know how far the gossip has spread. No angry mob, no recall petitions have yet arrived on my front step. I still freeze and change out more often than not but that is changing.

[Eringirl]

Hi Lexi ! I find that your story is quite common. We are all initially nervous. Baby steps. The suggestion of starting by going out in the evening is a good one. With your SO along with you, it will probably go very smoothly. Sometimes the key is confidence. Acting like you belong and not self conscious seems to help us gals blend in. I know that the first few times I went out, it was dark. However, as I gained experience with mannerism and better makeup techniques, I became more confident and relaxed. I was at the point that I would be able to go out as Erin during the day and take the city bus, go to my office on weekends (which was empty), do a bunch of work, circulate to other buildings that were not empty just to go for a walk and get more experience, and no one would so boo, expect to Nod and smile and say "good morning", etc. The fact that your SO is so supportive is awesome. I am sure you will be more comfortable over time. Just take your time. You will know when you are ready.

Hugs,

Erin

[deebra]

Chickening out when it's the first time to walk "on stage" or even more-so in public for a CD is perfectly normal. Now correct the missed opportunity. Tell your wife it really ment a lot to you for her to ask you to go with her and you would like to give it another try, say the mall, a movie, grocery store, a bite to eat; I'm sure she will say yes knowing that she'll be showing her love and understanding for you in this way. Once you've done it you'll feel so good about it, I'm sure it'll lead to many more outings as two women sharing and enjoying each other doing the feminine things that girls do.

[Krisi]

Going out (as Krisi) with my wife is something I would love to do. Doing it in front of the neighgbors or anyone we know is something I do not want to do. Unless you're ready to be known as the crossdresser who lives down the street, you made the right decision. It's a big step, coming out to the world as a crossdresser, and it's something you can't take back..

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I would have gotten cold feet, and chickened out as well. Just stepping out into the world on the fly, especially with neighbors around is not talent or ability I've developed yet.

[Rachael Leigh]

Wow Lexi I do understand having a neighbor see me but wow I would be so happy my wife was willing I would not care.
It's so great she seems to understand.
Hope you can next time

[Jacqueline Ersatz]

I would really be scared that the neighborhood would find out. I think your wife is super for not caring at all about it. She sounds great, you are lucky

[Colo Deb]

I, too, had butterflies the first time I went out as Deb. I was shaking as I reached for the door knob. It would have been easy to say not yet. I was out of town staying in a hotel on the 4th floor. I took the stairs which opened up to the outside next to my vehicle, went down the road a few miles and filled the car with gas (self-service) and headed back to the hotel. There were a few people at the station, but no one seemed to notice me; even at the stop lights no one really looked at me. By the time I got back to the hotel, I had gathered enough courage to walk in the back door to the elevator, but was very nervous when I found that they were both busy. The gal at the desk looked at me, smiled, and continue about her work. The elevator door finally opened and those that filed by me really didn't pay any attention. Thankfully no one else got on the elevator, so I got back to my with no negative reactions from anyone. As nerve wracking as it was, it turn out to be very exhilarating. Looking forward for another opportunity some day.

[carrie2014]

had a great opportunity and took it a little baby step. went outside at 4:30am to get the newspaper and check for mail in the mailbox at the curb, wearing a see through baby doll nittie and blond wig, who would be out at 4:30 in the morning no one rite. wrong! standing about 20 feet away was my neighbor walking his dog. I turned around headed for the house. what will he say next time we meet?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alexis, That's the great thing about having a car in an attached garage.

[Amanda L.]

Took my first plunge to go out dressed in a small seaside location at a very brave 3.30am when there was no chance of being seen. Car was parked outside so in stealth mode walkedvthroughnthe garage and opened the car door to discover all the interior lights hadn't been turned off. I thought I had planned this better. Drove off and drove to a car park to discover early morning fisherman getting ready to go out.mended up going to the main street, checked for activity, parked and got out.i walked up and down with a cool breeze and the striking sound of heels on concrete for ten minutes or so.
It was such an exhilarating feeling. I got back in the car with the intention of going somewhere else when out of nowhere a cop car appears. I ducked down under the steering wheel and waited for them to come and knock on the car but they couldn't have seen me and drove off. I got my ass out of there quick smart, went straight home and had a stiff drink but was so wired I didn't go to bed.
All I can say Lexi is I can't wait to do it again.
Cheers Amanda

[lingerieLiz]

Marcy Rex, I fully relate to how you are perceived. Neighbors call me for help and I go over in whatever I'm wearing. Funny how neighbors treat you when you are helping them. I've been to HO meeting wearing a woman's sweater with bra projection. Even up in front of everyone. I keep getting elected without asking for the position. Even had women one night say they had seen my top at a woman's store and liked it.

[Lynn57CDer]

When I was single, I use to like to dress up and drive late night around the I 64 Loop in Hampton Roads Virginia. I would always take male clothes with me in case of a problem. Loved riding in a mini skirt and sheer blouse with my D cup forms. Feeling the air up the skirt above my thigh highs and below panties. I could not pass in the darkest of closets. Just always loved the feel of lingerie, skirts blouses and dresses.

[ptp009]

Like the tittle say its hard to go out publicly the first time. But having your wife ask you is some assurance that you pretty much pass or close. Her attempt may also be a way for her to test the waters for her also. Maybe you can talk to her and let her know about the fear and too close to home and ask her if you could go on an outing a little further from home so you would feel more confortable. Whatever You Do, Thank her for being there for you, don't let the moment go passed so she understands how much you appreciate it so she dosen't feel hurt by offering it.

Consider yorself lucky to have an SO thats willing to do that. My wife allows me to semi dress as a guy but with underneat bra hose and girl type shoes and takes me shopping but not fully dressed. I've gone pass the stage now I go out of my community dressed fully and meet other C'D's and we go out as a group or I go out my self and shop and eat.

So take a moment and Thank your wife for her understanding, you can't thank her enough, ask alot of CD's that don't have an understanding CD, and give her a hug!! Jenn

[JocelynRenee]

Today my wife and I went shopping and while walking through our complex we passed by our neighbors. They both said, "Hello ladies" and the husband chuckled, like he always does. After an afternoon of shopping we planned a dinner with our son. I wanted to go as Charlie, so after a quick change we were heading to the car and, you guessed it, here come the same neighbors. This time the both chuckled a bit and said, "Well hello, again." That's it. No burning torches; just a mildly amusing encounter.

That's me today, but I got here by chickening-out literally 100's of times. The good news is your wife is in your corner. Believe me, there is no way she would invite you out with her if there was any doubt in her mind that you could pass. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her gesture and try again when you feel comfortable. Baby steps. You're at the start of a beautiful journey.

[Beverley Sims]

Definitely a missed opportunity but discretion is probably a good point to take as well.
Try again next time.
There will be one.

[HelenR2]

I would say get dressed and made up the best you and just step out. The biggest part of fear is in the expectation. The first time I went out, on a dark evening, I was very surprised to find that most of my fear disappeared the moment I closed the front door behind me. I don't pass but I walked some busy streets and felt fine, normal. Wear low heels or flats or you will spend the whole time worried about the way you walk and the possibility of twisting an ankle and the long painful limp home (done that too).

[JillyJones]

Without reading the other responses...I'd say you did the right thing... for YOU! If you weren't happy or ready to go out then so be it. I think most people in your situation are better venturing out for a walk at night when there are fewer eyes likely to catch you out. If you do go out in the daytime, choose a sunny day and wear sunglasses. Sunglasses remove the problem of eye-contact. If you can't make eye-contact with someone who looks at you, then there's no need to react when they see you, after all, they do not know that YOU know they spotted you. No eye-contact = no contact at all. Just my tuppence

[Claire Cook]

Hi Lexi,

I'll bet most of us have had a similar experience -- I know that I have. There was a time when I'd be going out, see a neighbor and duck back inside. Finally I decided that if I am going to be serious about this, I just have to bite the bullet. I've told some of my neighbors about me, and I'm still the neighborly guy next door.

So go for it the next time your wife wants to go shopping!

[~Joanne~]

There has been many times now that My SO has wanted to go somewhere right after I have dressed. I always tell her "ok, let me go grab a purse" and she always says she doesn't have a problem with it but I always chicken out. I am not there yet but one of these days I will call her on it. It may seem like a missed opportunity but I am sure that it will come around again when you are ready