I haven't been on the site for a LONG while due to shame of myself I guess. but my gf has come to accept me and who I am and she even helps me buy clothes.
1 of the more interesting stories that happened about 3 months ago was I decided to walk around the shopping center 3 block from my house. So I got all dressed short sleeve tshirt, shorts, t strap sandals.. (dressing to fit in) and ponytail. it was about 11 pm here in florida and so I left the house walking down the road toward the shopping plaza as I entered the parking lot, the first place that I see is the bar (that I used to work at and I know 90% of the patrons there) so I slid threw the edge of the parking lot to the back side of the long L shaped building. The back door of the bar was closed where they always go out to talk and smoke their bud. So I kept going. Making haste, I kept going around behind the grocery store and I just stopped for a moment under a street light noticing that I was out in public at night dressed as a woman. no where to run, no where to hide. "I am a woman" I said out loud. This is who and what I was suppose to be. but I was somehow cheated and now I have to live the rest of my life covering it up and hiding it even from my own bigot mother who wasn't a bigot until she married a bigot! go figure... So I kept walking relaxed a little more now that I know that no one else is back behind the shopping center. I was also keeping a sharp eye out for hiding spots if I did see a car or someone coming. I got to the far end of the back of the spopping center and came around toward the front. Just before I got into the light, I noticed a woman in a car at the pizza place. I noticed that she saw me but I just kept scanning the big parking lot with my eyes and kept my ears tuned for any sounds. I could hear that woman talking to herself saying "come on, you can do it", "come on". another woman did not bother me for some reason. but the though of a guy catching me would create problems. I kept hearing he voice coaxing me out but I never looked back at her. my eyes just kept scanning. So I slowly stepped out into the light and started walking back. I saw a few cars at the cvs and some at the taco bell but I just kept going. They were too far away to see any details of me even though I was walking right in front of all the stores with lights on right above me. And soon I crossed the pizza place that had all their lights on and lit me up like daytime. I could still hear that woman do it... do it... you can do it... I glanced over and none of the employees noticed me as I walked past. So I kept going. my heart was pounding so at the middle of the L shaped building, there was a passage to get to the back of the building that I took and then made my way back home. this was all VERY hard for me because there is a 2 bars, a jym, a cvs, and sweetbay, and a mcdonalds all in the same parking lot.
This was one of my first outing when I know other people saw me. I am (when brave enough) walking to the shopping center about 1 mile from home but still at night. I need to build confidence. I want to be able to go into a store and buy something.
