What do you make off this

[Maria 60]

About a month back Maria made her debut, first time fully dressed in daylight but only driving around for a few hours. I wrote a post about it and how excited I was for the first time out make- up, wig and all. When I got home that day my wife was also happy for me mostly because I was so happy. Of course we always want more, so I went out two more times, the second time I came home she wasn't as happy and almost like I am taking time from her or why I am not doing things around the house, not upset but not happy either. The third time I came back, she went at me a little about I am taking to many chances, and I better get prepared to tell the kids because it's only a matter of time that someone is going to see me and why I am not happy in the closet anymore. I told her if she feels that way I will wait till Halloween to go out again and nothing has been said since. Tonight my wife is going to my sister in laws house, one of those sell cloths or jewellery parties from home and she asked me what I was doing tonight without her. I told her maybe I will just hang around the house or just relax and watch a movie. She turned to me and told me, "why doesn't Maria get fully dressed and go for a drive"? WHAT? Where did that come from, one minute she telling me she doesn't think it a good idea to do it again and now she's telling me to go. Not knowing what to say ,I answered her, it's a lot of work to get fully dressed. I can't figure it out, maybe a GG here or someone can shine some light on this for me.

[Adriana Moretti]

your asking us to try and make sense of women?? LOL....when have men ever figured that one out.? Sounds like a normal woman to me.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

Is it possible your wife is just trying her best to process Maria being out and about in the world? You have to remember from the SO's perspective this is not an easy thing to accept on several levels . . . the visual of seeing your husband going out fully dressed, the potential for safety issues should things go bad, accidental outings to family and friends and the fact that we come home in a kind of "high" state which you may not show when out with her "en boy". So it is likely that she may view your outings differently depending on her appraisal at the time. The good point I see in your post is that she is trying to make room for Maria's outing and not just shutting you down complete.

My advice would be to discuss your outings. You obviously enjoy doing so and while reticent she seems receptive. So, perhaps a discussion about how to approach this in the future would be a good idea so there is no miscommunication.

Hugs

Isha

[Erica Marie]

I think to a point she feels comfortable with the idea of Maria but not if it takes away from time you could spend together. She has free time so I think she feels you should have Maria time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, I think that she is just trying to come to grips with your going out dressed.

[LaurenS]

"Reticent" - I need to add that word to my vocabulary.

I agree with Isha. It really sounds good for you and her. I think she mentally processed it between your 3rd outing and the night of the party, and felt the risks outweighed the importance to you of going out.

Planning for a possible discovery would help strengthen her decision, I think, and it IS a valid point.

[Femdenise]

Based on what you are telling us, I think, YOU have a FINE WIFE!!! Work with her--talk--listen and keep in mind that you are in a relationship that is far better than many [maybe most] of us.

[JamieG]

There could be a couple things at work here. First, her acceptance of crossdressing can be fluctuating. This is quite common with SOs, as has been pointed out on other threads. The other is the different situations. You said you went out driving during the day. Now, she's suggesting you go out for a drive at night. Perhaps, she feels that you are less likely to be seen at night.

I agree with Lauren that if you are you are going on these excursions, you should consider how you will react to a "worst-case scenario." What if a neighbor sees you coming or going? What if you are stopped by police? What if your car breaks down? Are you confident enough to handle these possibilities? I rarely leave the house en femme (and only at night when I do), and for the longest time I would only present en femme in safe places (i.e., TG gatherings). After many years, this helped me build up the confidence for a daytime excursion, but only in a city far away from where I lived. But then, I am a relatively cautious person by nature.

[BeckyAnderson]

There's also the possibility that she is testing you to see just how far and how fast you are going. If it were me, I'd pull back a bit to let her digest what has happened already. I'm a firm believer in not pushing to far to fast with an SO. If she is truly okay with it no harm done in backing off a bit. If she is not truly okay with it then backing off will show her that this is not consuming you to the point where she might back away. Just a thought.

[~Joanne~]

I think she is feeling a bit guilty that she is going out for the night and your staying home. She probably couldn't think of anything else to suggest other than you just sitting there watching TV. Of coarse I don't know your wife but my SO would suggest the same thing in the same kind of senerio. I don't know if I would see it as a sign that she's coming to terms with you going out or not as she didn't sound all to pleased with your third trip out.

[MsVal]

I'll pass on to you a piece of wisdom I picked up in a recent therapy session.
Don't assume, don't guess what your wife wants or doesn't want. Instead, ask her. Talk about it. Let her know that it was on your mind. Make your decisions based on what you know about her feelings, not what you assume they may be.

If you are not already there, get to a point where you can have an open, honest, and complete dialog about anything, including but not limited to crossdressing.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Bria]

Both Isha and MsVal have offered very sound advice that I will echo. I sounds to me like you wife may feel a little sorry that she snapped at you previously, but ask her about it,

I think she is moving in the direction of greater acceptance, good luck with it and go slow!!

Hugs, Bria

[Desirae]

I agree that the most likely reason for this apparent "reversal" is that your wife would rather have you explore Maria while she is out doing her own thing so that it doesn't cut into your "couple" time. I do think its as simple as that. It lessens some of the sacrifice (for Maria) that she sees herself as making.

[SherriePall]

I see what's going on here. Be prepared to forking over a ton of money when she comes back from that party. You can't say no after having been out dressed, can you?

However, I agree with the others that she feels that since she is going out, she can't hold you to "stay at home and work, work, work!" It's a perfect time because she won't feel cheated on her time with you.

[Tracii G]

I don't think I would be asking a bunch of guys what your wife is thinking because when you assume you will always get it wrong.

[bridget thronton]

I suspect she is viewing this as not taking time away from her and it is evening so perhaps less worried about discovery. I would mention something from my own experience. My wife insisted that if I was going out that I needed to tell our adult children and not have them discover by accident or by gossip. I told them and their spouse's (perhaps not thrilled with the news but accepting and my wife's concerns seem reduced)

[stephNE]

I would be sure to tell her that you really appreciated the gesture, that you love her very much, and you hope the opportunity will arise again soon.
There is nothing I look forward to more, than going out with my SO.

[samantha rogers]

Maria, I agree that just asking her is probably best but then she may not fully understand. Emotions are tricky, and moods change them a lot. Most likely, as supportive as she is and wants to be, she still has lingering doubts and uncertainties in a number of areas, not the least being fear of you being outed and the repercussions of that. If so, she may swing back and forth between wanting to be supportive but also dealing with her own emotions.
Talk to her, honey. She is your best friend. Just talk to her. And really do your best to listen for what she means as well as what she says. They are not always the same thing.
Hugs
Sammie

[Lorileah]

Tonight my wife is going to my sister in laws house,...I can't figure it out, maybe a GG here or someone can shine some light on this for me.

is there something about that word that doesn't make sense to you? She was worried you would be seen, the night is a better cover (most people have tinted windows which make it even harder to see in the dark). I don't think the "going out was the issue, it was the possibility of getting caught. My wife had one rule for me "Do what you want but don't embarrass me"

[DonnaT]

Have you asked your wife to go on one of these drives with you?

[Ally 2112]

It kinda sounds like some of the ladies have said if you go out at night and she is busy with her thing then it could be ok .1 hopfully no one will reconise you (being at night ) and 2 you are not taking time out of your relationship with her which is very inportant always show her that she is the most important person in the relationship ! and communicate

[Alice_2014_B]

It sounds like she might've really been worried about you getting "seen".
But then she mentioned about you going out fully dressed whilst she is out.
Perhaps she got over the "getting seen" part and really wants you to go out fully dressed in your free time and enjoy yourself.
At least it sounds really positive.

[Krisi]

If my wife suggested that I go out dressed, I would ask her if she was sure and then take her at her word and do it.

I would do what I usually do, that is get away from home and then dress so the neighbors wouldn't see me (you may have a different situation like driving out of the garage dressed) and I would go where people aren't likely to recognize me.

And I would be sure to let my wife know how much I love and appreciate her for her acceptance and understanding.

[kimdl93]

Why not ask her?

[Taylor Ray]

Why not ask her?

Yes. That sounds about right.