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Thread: The rollercoaster of crossdressing

  1. #1
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    The rollercoaster of crossdressing

    For me it seems that crossdressing is a roller coaster of feelings.
    Before I get to spend some time as Laura I am excited that I can express myself freely soon
    Initially when I dress I am happy and satisfied that I am dressing
    Then I realise that I can never look like I feel. I just look like a guy in a dress. The list of things I need to change about me gets longer. I try to change some things, but none of it seems to work. The list is too long anyway.
    I then I have to stop being Laura (or the mockery of her I can achieve) because my time is up. Then I begin to look forward to the next time I am Laura.

    Does anyone else have a similar experience?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    I share your feelings. I can't explain why the feelings come and go, or alternate between being thrilled and shamed, or happy and ridiculous. You are not alone.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Nikki Love's Avatar
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    Yep. To look in the mirror and try to reconcile the image of what the model's photo looked like when I clicked 'buy it now' with the reflection of what or who is looking back at me is sometimes less than encouraging.

    I have found well styled wigs will always help. I realize some of my body features are an issue as a male or female. And I am more more critical of my appearance when dressed as a woman, but that's part of the territory. So I try to enjoy the moment, accept what is, and learn what tricks will work for me when I am Nikki. Don't be too hard on yourself.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
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    It is a roller coaster!!! First i dont like to dress up. Then i get urges to dress. Then i get super excited to be Mia. Then i am dressed up and happy as ever!!! Then i feel ashamed after undressing... i dont want to do it again. Then later on i accept it. But then maybe i dont. Its almost never the same day to day... But ive been coming out to people about it. And they help me through it And now its almost the feeling of accepting and loving it Im getting there!!!

  5. #5
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Laura . . . I believe we are the most critical of ourselves because we aspire to achieve what cannot be achieved and that is to look like a woman. Very few (minutia percentage) truly pass as we (men) have too many tells to not be seen as a "guy in a dress". However, that should not stop you from enjoying every moment you spend as Laura. I found for me it was easier to accept I will never look like a woman regardless of how well I hone my make-up skills but I will try to present as close as possible and when I go out, I just own the moment and enjoy being me.

    Hugs

    Isha

  6. #6
    Careful I bite <3
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    Roller coaster is always there for me, although I normally don't fall into shame. Only time I kick myself is when I've just spent too much money.

  7. #7
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    I think Isha summed it up very well. You can only play the cards you're dealt, and you can only play them as well as you can play them. You need to get to that point where you love yourself for just being you and be OK with just being you.

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    It's nice to know I am not alone.

  9. #9
    Member Nadya's Avatar
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    For me, the rollercoaster is the desire to dress. Sometimes I can go weeks or more without doing it and then other times I can't wait to get home from work to do it. Shame seems to be a difficult emotion to deal with on your own. Having people that support you can help deal with that.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Requal Jo's Avatar
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    The day I stopped trying to look like a woman was the day that I felt like a woman. I to do not have as much Requal time as I would like. I get excited when able to dress and feel down when the time to revert to "male mode" arrives. Over the years I have become use to and easily control the emotional feelings. But I would most certainly enjoy more Requal time that is possible at this time.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    I'm surprised none of our GGs have responded. I suspect that every one of them has looked in the mirror and thought "That's not what I wanted to see!"
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  12. #12
    Junior Member Miss Interpretation's Avatar
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    I know exactly what you feel. The whole act of crossdressing, including the time leading up to it and the time immediately after it are just a huge mixing bowl of different feelings.

    I get excited and a little scared when I know I'm about to dress. Afterwards I feel relief (kind of like scratching an itch), contentment, shame, happiness, sadness, stuff I can't even describe. During, I have the same feeling you get. Once I get all "dolled" up, I feel very pretty, but my mirror image will never be what I feel I could've been if I were born a girl. That being said, I've recently come to terms with how I look, I think there's beauty to it, and I'm starting to like it more and more.

    I've never felt as many strong emotions in such a short period of time as when I'm dressing. It's both a blessing and a curse, because sometimes I never feel like I'm truly "alive" until I've dressed.

  13. #13
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I am experiencing this "rollercoaster" right now...currently I am somewhere on the way down, with my hands in the air , quite nauseous actually...i hate this part...I have been feeling this way since Tuesday...or Wednesday..(I lose track of time ) on my way down from a fun 48 hour bindge of selfish me time ...what goes up...must come down and nothing is left but a headache, dehydration,sore muscles, and a pile of dirty clothes...in fact i just found my mini skirt I lost under my bed today...but I can see the next incline...I am counting the hours at this point....and if I look a bit further...I can see a few loop-dee-loops mixed in there too.... hold on tight...enjoy the ride...

  14. #14
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    Laura the rollercoaster for me was living with the guilt and shame of CDing and what it nearly drove me to !
    I'm dressed at the moment writing this reply, no wig and just lipstick, it's been a while, but does it feel good !!
    I don't give a **** what I look like, I hope I can spend the rest of the day like this !

  15. #15
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    For me it's if I know I have a day coming to myself, and I wait and wait and plan on what I am going to wear and what I am going to do. Then finally the time comes and I dress and think I look my best and then I stop "now what" all dressed and no where to go.

  16. #16
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Laura - I think many will echo those thoughts and feelings...

    For those of us who only can or only want to dress occasionally, the roller-coaster runs in the background to normal life so I think Adriana's closing comment is a sage one... "Enjoy the ride.."

    If you can worry less about changing the things you can't, focus on the areas that perhaps you could, and then find a way to convince yourself to enjoy the whole process of anticipation and planning (I think I wrote about this a while back...) then the good feelings are spread over a longer period and a variety of activities... It just makes everything more enjoyable and it should be fun!

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  17. #17
    GG/SO to a CD Amylou2014's Avatar
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    Hello Laura,

    I'm a GG, and I watch my husband deal with this over and over. I always give him tons of compliments but not matter what I say it's always a "roller coaster".

    My thought behind it is, and I always tell my husband this as well, it's just another struggle being a female.

    I look in the mirror everyday and sometimes it's "ok I look good" 15 mins later it's "why did I put this on" , "I look fat", "why does my face look like that today", "girrr my hairs a mess", "ewww theses shorts fit like two days ago wtf", and so on and so forth.

    There is always room for improvement however don't be to hard on yourself.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    Even thou i do and have learned to try to accept my crossdressing i still have that rollercoaster of emotions at times and i have been doing this a long time .So you are not alone Laura just take it as it is and try to enjoy it if possible !
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  19. #19
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    So you look like a guy in a dress. Is a guy in a dress something to be ashamed of? Or is it something to be proud of? You tell me.

    Some GG's look like a guy in a dress. Is that something to be ashamed of? I don't think so.

    I'd rather be an ugly old woman than a young handsome man. (I've been both.)

    Don't worry about things you can't change. Dress well. Dress in a way that says you're proud of yourself. Try to look the best you can with what you've got. And be proud of it.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amanda M View Post
    I'm surprised none of our GGs have responded. I suspect that every one of them has looked in the mirror and thought "That's not what I wanted to see!"
    Oh lord, Amanda, don't get me started on the mornings when my littlest hasn't slept well. Mirrors are the enemy!! lol. I assume though, that the roller coaster spoken of here is because crossdressing is something built up and built up, much like a wedding day, and when it doesn't go exactly to plan (does it ever??) then the disappointment and shame sinks in.

    At least a crossdresser gets to try again. Brides...not so much!! Well, not unless you're Liz Taylor

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    Then finally the time comes and I dress and think I look my best and then I stop "now what" all dressed and no where to go.
    Keep praying for where to go and eventually an answer might come to you. My prayers usually get answered, I think.

    My roller coaster doesn't include shame. Maybe mine is a bit boring ride. It doesn't go real high and doesn't go very low. The lows are just disappointment that I don't look better or that I don't go higher.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  22. #22
    Careful I bite <3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG View Post
    Oh lord, Amanda, don't get me started on the mornings when my littlest hasn't slept well. Mirrors are the enemy!! lol. I assume though, that the roller coaster spoken of here is because crossdressing is something built up and built up, much like a wedding day, and when it doesn't go exactly to plan (does it ever??) then the disappointment and shame sinks in.

    At least a crossdresser gets to try again. Brides...not so much!! Well, not unless you're Liz Taylor
    Tinkerbell, I always love your perspective, and I think you hit a lot of it right on the nose. I've had the "nowhere to go" feeling many times, and it took my SO saying that once when our plans changed after someone we knew was ready and she said that GG's feel that way. It was one of the things that she just COULDN'T see from my perspective for quite a while.

  23. #23
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    Thanks for the comments everyone. Everyone has their own battles.

    I am something of a perfectionist, just not good at being perfect. I don't want to be a good looking woman, average or ugly would do..

  24. #24
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Laura, Yes! I can sure relate. perfectionist here too, and one reason i hardly ever, ever go out, besides being six foot six in pantyhose feet! A very wise old man on some late night radio, has said, of any compulsion, or addiction. " Every high, is a new low."

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
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    You know, I used to feel exactly as you describe but lately it seems Christen and I are more comfortable with each other (this sounds weird!). Maybe it's an age thing, maybe it's so many years of ups and downs, and thinking too much, dunno, but my roller coaster has had the really scary bits taken out. Hmm, a not so scary ride for those with a Seniors Card.

    Christen x
    “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.

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