Do you think it's easier being a girl?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Yes, Tink is still here . Given a common thread I read here at the moment, I had to ask a couple of questions that have been bugging me:

1) Do you think it's easier being a girl?
2) And do you think this is the reason (or one of) why you started dressing?

I won't bother refuting why things are not easier for girls as the list would be a novella and I'm pretty sure most here do understand how hard things can be for women. So I guess that's my third question:

3) Was there a particular female (females) in your life who inadvertently or otherwise influenced you to believe that women have it easier? (Or that we are maybe superior in some way?)

Thanks for reading.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I doubt it would be easier to be a girl. But you have to remember we are cross-dressers and we have an innate desire to dress and look like a girl. To do this it would seem to be easier just to be a girl. This would seem to alleviate a lot of stress in our lives. But Yes it causes us to view female lives through rose colored glasses. Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

[LaurenS]

Those are good questions.

1) I don't think so. Men pretty much run society in the west, and women are at best second-class citizens everywhere else.
2) I don't know why I started dressing, but the clothes, hair, and other beauty aspects are certainly fun. The confirmation might come from the objectification of women? I don't know, but it is fun!
3) no one in particular, it just seemed I was predisposed to the lifestyle somehow. Although I did not know it at the time, even when I was 5, I identified with girls really we'll. not that I didn't identify with boys either. I wasn't one of those that didn't play with fire trucks and baseball, it's just that both seemed okay. Never felt like I was trapped in the wrong body either, although I certainly am envious of a pretty girls/woman's body.

Oh my! It's too early to ponder these things!

Take it for what it is, just fantasy.

Maybe this answer would have been simpler!

[Kitty215]

I don't think it is any easier to be a girl. I would say some aspects of life would be much more difficult while others may be easier. As far as crossdressing goes it would be nice if girl life was easier. Unfortunately I think being a girl is much more difficult for crossdressrs.

[mariehart]

1. No absolutely not in sense of women's place in society. When you crossdress you get a small insight into some of the compromises women are forced to make sometimes. Like not walking alone at night. But even to the extent of buying clothes, make up etc, relationships, career decisions. All of these I believe are more complicated for women.

On the other hand if you were to ask if it would be easier for me to BE a girl then the answer is yes. Trying to behave like a man I find difficult.

2. Well dressing as a girls frees me from my difficulty in being a man. But is it easier?

3. I can't think of anyone who influenced me. Do I think women are superior? Sometimes. To me women are the base model humans. Men are a kind of variation who are needed on occasion. But I don't want to be unkind to men either. I like women more than men but I do like some men.

[hope springs]

1. No, of course its not easier being a girl. I would match your novella with an epic trilogy on why. The feminist literature ive read illucidates GGs struggles clearly.

2. The relative difficulty of being a woman never crossed my mind when accepting i was a CD. But ive had long discussions with GGs about whatever unique challenges they face as a woman.

3. 100% of the women ive known go out of their way to explain why life for women is more difficult. All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.


All your questions stem from the tacit assumption we think women have it easier. Other than radical feminists, we may be the one group most sympathetic to GG problems. I may not always act like it, but i do understand your unique problems

[PaulaQ]

1. If you want to give birth to a child, feeling her grow within your body, it's pretty much required that you be a girl. Some of us have wanted this badly. I realize not all genetic women are able to become pregnant - I think they often find that to be a cruel twist of fate, too - at least if they wanted children.

If you want to wear clothes and shoes designed for women, it's generally easier to do this if you are a genetic woman, although the apparel and footwear industry are horrible about supporting women who's sizes or dimensions vary too much from a "norm" that actually applies to a minority of modern women.

In general, if you feel you are a woman, it's a LOT easier to be one if you have a woman's body. It's heaps easier to be cisgender than transgender, particularly for MtF's.

But socially in many other circumstances, men have huge and unfair advantages over women. If nothing else, you pay a 21%+ "tax" on your earning capacity for having a uterus, whether you use it or not.

2. No, quite the opposite. The mismatch between my body and my gender made me feel my situation was hopeless, and that while growing up, I was alone, and had no support of any sort to try to live an authentic life. Crossdressing in secret was as close as I dared hope to come to escaping the waking nightmare that was my life as a man. It's not that, in abstract I had a particularly bad life. But it was a lie, and every single move I made or word I said was calculated to hide who I really was. I lived in fear, hated myself, and those few stolen moments of CDing were like a temporary furlough from prison.

I never really believed I could find peace and freedom in my life until last year. I didn't even know for sure I'd get those things, only that I was so miserable that death was preferable to the private hell I lived in.

3. Yes, I have been blessed to know a number of strong women in my life, and they influenced me greatly. In particular my great Aunt Minnie. She showed me that women could be strong in ways that men just aren't. That women can succeed in doing things men think are impossible. That even in a society that was totally biased against women, that actively tried to keep them DOWN, that women could have undeniable strength and power, and that women could command respect. That men run the game by cheating - stacking the deck so they almost always win, and were it not so, some of these remarkable women could've ruled the world, making it a helluva lot kinder and more sensible place.

If I can be 10% of the woman that these women in my life were, I'll consider my transition a success beyond my wildest expectations.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

All of them say men have it better. Some even said if they had a choice they would rather been born a man.

Yep, I'd agree with this. Throughout my life and through all the groups of friends I've had, there's always been (many!) a conversation about how much easier life must be as a man! My married friends are the worst - they see firsthand, I guess, how much simpler a man's life looks from ours. I'm not saying it is, either. But it sure can look that way when you're juggling as many work hours as your husband AND juggling the children AND keeping up with the family AND...I won't go on. I know many are married here and likely hear this all the time, lol.

Anyway, just wanted to mention that we can also think the grass is greener, whether this is real or imagined. We humans are an unsatisfied lot, aren't we?

It also seems that, so far, the influence has been less about thinking we girls have it easier and more just preferring our company...am I right? And when I say company, I mean the broad range of just enjoying being around femininity because you're men and crossdressing is fairly convenient there...all the way to feeling like you're one of us. Does this make sense??

See? This is why I stay here and annoy you all - great answers like these! It might seem like some of us GG's are just here to wind everyone up - truth is, some of us don't get the answers from our partners that satisfy our endless thoughts and concerns but every question answered here is like this little notch in the road to acceptance. I can't explain it well enough ...but I can say this helps. I know it's helped some others here, too, so thanks.

And thanks Ineke, for the kind words and for answering my thread x

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell your last paragraph says it all, we get answers here that we should be getting from our partners ! I wish I could turn my brain off to the continual stream of thoughts and questions !
My wife asked is Cding all I think about ? I answered it's all I try not to think about !!
Yes you're right GGs were put on this planet to wind up the male of the species ! My wife is in the top ten !!

[Amy R Lynn]

Interesting question....

It really depends on which part of being easier you are talking about. Physically, bodily, etc...

I would say for me, being a man is much easier. I don't have to shave anything unless I want to. I don't have to worry about my mens clothes looking cute or anything. I grab a t-shirt and jeans and I'm done. If I'm dressing up as a man then nice pants and a good ol button up shirt.

When Amy comes out to play it takes a LOT longer to get ready. I have to shave (I swear I share DNA with Sasquatch) and that can take a while depending on how I have been able to maintain it. Then I have to fret over which clothes work better together and make me look cute. Then I have to spend 45 mins - 1 hour putting on makeup.

So for me, being a man is definitely easier.

Now, I know some GG's that don't wear any makeup, don't get dressed up very often. They brush their hair, put something in to hold it in place, put on jeans and a t-shirt and they are all set. And they look GREAT! So.... for them being a girl seems pretty easy.

Now if you take the body into consideration.. I would say Men have it a WHOLE lot easier. When men go through puberty we don't develop boobs (much to my chagrin), which I've heard can be uncomfortable. Men don't have these huge weights stuck to our chests that create back problems and can get sore if you don't have a proper fitting bra. Men don't have to go through PMS, and Men don't have to give birth to have children. Men also don't have all of the medical complications that come with having a natural vagina. There are all kinds of cancers and other issues going on with women's reproductive systems. Bodily..... Men have it way easier.

[MatildaJ.]

It is not easy being a person on this planet regardless of gender.

My feelings exactly.

It really depends on which part of being easier you are talking about....I know some GG's that don't wear any makeup, don't get dressed up very often. They brush their hair, put something in to hold it in place, put on jeans and a t-shirt and they are all set. And they look GREAT! So.... for them being a girl seems pretty easy.

But only if one focuses on trying to attract attention. Many women want less attention paid to their bodies, and figuring out how to minimize attention to one's breasts or hips can be challenging. Also, women bear more responsibility for helping their colleagues get along and thrive and helping family members get through during childhood, illness and old age.

I wish people who were unhappy with the male roles worked harder to bring about the social change they want to see. Feminists changed society's expectations for women (somewhat), and men need to demand a similar flexibility for themselves.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tink, No on ever said that being a lady was going to be easy , But it sure is fun getting all dressed up
in so many soft and pretty fashions, wigs and Hi-Heels and emulating the real ladies.
I like to think that I now have the best of both worlds.

I have been in this program at least 67yrs. now that would put me around 4 yrs. old back then.

As for a roll model I guess that it would've been my mother.

[Katey888]

Tinks' Weekend Puzzler.. always look forward to these...

1) I think it is far easier being male in ANY society, other than exclusively matriarchal ones, which I don't think exist anywhere...

2) On the basis I started at a very young age and had absolutely no concept of what gender really was, no - I don't believe it's had any impact whatsoever...

3) Can't think of a particular female, and as for being superior in some way - yes, you have superior choice in available fashions... and what a wonderful superiority that is for CDers to be able to dip into and pillage a little...

Katey x

[Laura912]

Not easier, not the reason and no one.

[AnnieMac]

1) Yes, very much so!
2) No, not related at all
3) Yes, all females.

If you want hear my more detailed take on it, just shoot me an PM. Good questions Tinkerbell. I enjoy your thoughtful posts.

[Lee Andrews]

1. No way, no how, is it easier being a girl. There is still a glass ceiling, second hand citizen attitude in our society for women. The only thing I see easier is the options they have in appearance, anything goes and no one bats an eye.
2. I love the feel of the clothes, way more comfortable and I wish we had the options to wear whatever we wanted and not be looked down upon. I guess this in part is why I do what I do. I admire the feminine form. I love how my wife can go from a good looking tomboy around the house to a stunning beauty when we go out.
3. I can't remember any females in my life that have said they have it easier. A bunch have said they are superior than us and I believe it . I watch my wife juggle a thousand things at once and watch her pull it off every time. Sometimes I wonder how she does it and I'd be lost without her. LOL

[Ineke Vashon]

Tinkerbell - When you joined this forum gained a valuable contributor.

1) No, I don't think it's easier being a girl. Questions number one and two do not seem to 'compute' for me. I.e. I don't dress because I think it is easier to be a girl. However, women have certain advantages that I sometimes envy. They can touch each other, like combing each other's hair, go "powder your nose?" socializing, cry on each other's shoulder and so on, while men, real men, are supposed to suck it up and be a man and take care of it by yourself. Then society wonders why suddenly meek mannered little Joey blows up. Or puts on a dress.

Perhaps I envy the female years between twenty and ??? when many women have enormous sexual powers.

As for myself, I neither hunt nor fish, have never owned a gun, do not watch sports unless I am engaged in them, mostly outdoors sports like cycling or boating. I prefer a tearoom over a bar. Yet I am a normal heterosexual man attracted to women. Except for, as Frédérique once pointed out: "I am not a crossdresser, I just like to dress in women's clothes." Why, I haven't the foggiest idea.

As for your question #3, perhaps the answer lies somewhere hidden in this post, even if I can't find it.

Thanks for posting the thread.

Ineke

[CynthiaD]

No, it's easier to be a man, which answers all three questions.

Is it better to be a woman?

Unquestionably, YES! It's worth all the trouble to make the transformation. Sometimes I think what it would be like to give it all up and just live as a man for the rest of my life. The prospect is so bleak and depressing that I couldn't even contemplate doing such a thing.

[LesliePinky]

way hard, girls got a lot of things to maintain, to do, to beautify, also the actions very very hard.......but oh well we all love it

[Desirae]

1) I highly doubt its easier being a female in any respect.

2) Since I don't believe its easier being female, there is no way the "easier-nest" of being female might have contributed to why I started dressing. I have no idea why I started dressing. Its just a desire I have from within.

3) I can't think of any woman who has ever suggested to me that females have it easier.

Now, if you want to talk about whether females have it better, that's another story.

[jessicapaige]

Maybe not easier, but sometimes I think it's probably more fun. Of course that could depend on a lot of things.

[Joanna Maguire]

Its not easy But I am happier as a girl and less withdrawn and happier .I come out as my real self as a girl

[Michelle789]

1. It is not easier being a girl. I believe that men and women have different sets of challenges. When I started college, I remember one of my academic advisors told me that if I want to take 12 credits in a semester, I have two choices.
a. I can take four 3-credit classes
b. I can take three 4-credit classes

My advisor told me that taking three 4-credit classes is the easier option. I feel like the differences between being male and female can be summed up in that fashion. Being a woman is like taking four 3-credit classes - there are more things to juggle, but each one is light weight. Being a man is like taking three 4-credit classes - there are fewer things to juggle, but each one is more weight to carry around.

I think that women have more things to worry about than men do, and while most of them are lighter weight than what men have to worry about, there are some heavy weight consequences - namely unwanted pregnancy if you are a cis-gendered woman. On the other hand, men have fewer things to worry about, but there is tremendous pressure put on men to perform, succeed, and financially support the wife and kids.

It's called male privilege and male responsibility. I have no doubt in my mind that male privilege exists in all cultures. I have debated this issue many times on this forum, only to discover that the real debate isn't male privilege. It's whether or not there is male responsibility that comes along with male privilege, and how much responsibility to men have to take to get their male privileges. Male privilege is definitely true. Male responsibility is questionable.

While many men do take responsibility, work very hard, and financially support their wife and kids, there are deadbeat men out there who actually dodge their male responsibilities. Children of single moms who's father walked out on them as a kid, refuses to pay child support or alimony, and the mom had to play both mommy and daddy, will testify that being a woman is MUCH harder than being a man. Children of stay at home mom's will testify that both men and women have different challenges, and that while daddy has male privilege he also takes on a huge responsibility.

Men also have to sign up for the draft in all cultures, and risk dying in war. Women (GG's) do not have to worry about dying in war. War sucks, and is a huge price men pay to be men. We might not think much of war, because we have had no draft since the 1970's, and all of our recent wars have been fought overseas, with minimal casualties compared to earlier wars. But I think had we grown up during World War II or the Civil War, we might be thinking very differently about this question. I think lots of people who suffered through World War II or the Civil War would argue that girls have it easier since they didn't have to fight in the war against their will. War is the biggest curse of being a man, and whether or not you risk dying in war depends on whether or not you are of draft age during a major war where there is a draft - once again something that all of us born after 1955 did not have to worry about, although all of us born after 1955 have had to still sign up for the selective service - it's just that in the USA they haven't used the draft for 40 years.

On the other hand, if you want to fight in a war, it is easier to be a man. Like Paula said, if you want to bear children, you have to be a girl.

Being a girl also requires more time to get ready, more clothing choices, doing hair and makeup, and competition with other females over the body. Men also have an easier time making friends with other men than do women with other women. Women, especially the really pretty girls, may only have one friend, and that is the boyfriend or husband, and that is if he is a companion - many men do not make good companions and are emotionally closed off.

Women have gone from being second class citizens to having double duty. I also believe this double duty is the reason many women feel that we need both equality and chivalry. Equality without chivalry is not equality, and chivalry without equality is not equality.

Walking alone at night, or even during the day, can be dangerous for women. It is freightening to be approached by a man, especially when he starts chasing you for 20 minutes. It just happened to me today, I was walking down the street around my neighborhood today, in broad daylight, and this guy follows me for 20 minutes and sexually harasses me on and off. I finally got away from him. This experience can happen to GG's, to transwomen, and yes, even to CDers out and en femme. So far, my experience with unwanted male attention is in indoor places like the supermarket or Target or the mall, I get little attention, but when walking out on the streets alone I get far more male attention. Today it nearly turned into a disaster.

Even going on a date or being around your own boyfriend or husband can result in rape or sexual assault for a woman. In fact, 80% of rapes are date rapes - committed by a boyfriend or husband. Your own SO can be your own worst enemy if you are a woman.

2. I knew I identified as female since age 5, and I repressed it. I CDed as a way to express the girl within me. Sometimes my perception that girls have it easier was really because, like Paula said, if you wish to be a girl, it is easier to be a girl if you have a girl's body. It is easier for me to be a girl, because I am one, and pretending to be a man was painful and extremely difficult for me - especially in the dating department. I do have some male habits that I will need to unlearn as I transition.

I do give that ciswomen have it FAR easier than transwomen. If you are a transwoman, than GG's do have it easier than us. And keep in mind that transwomen cannot bear children even if we wanted to, and unless you transition really young, everyone one of us had to sign up for the selective service and risk being drafted.

3. There was no female in particular that caused me to believe that women have it easier than men. I never truly believed that women had it easier than men. But I never believed that men had it easier than women. I believed that men and women just had different problems to deal with - and all of us deal with problems because that is part of life.

Finally, I think the ultimate challenge for all of us is having to live inside of boxes, even if we could pick the box, but it's even worse because we don't pick the box, we are assigned a box at birth to live in. I think the world would be a better place if society would let go of the boxes that we have imposed on all of us to live within.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Interesting questions - these are my own personal observations and opinions. They are not necessarily universal truths or even things I find true all the time...

There are things that are easier for women. For people in my generation, growing up in the 50s and 60s, it was usually MUCH easier for a woman to find a casual sex partner than for a guy. We had to struggle, all most of them had to do was ask... Men willingly and happily do things for women that they would only do grudgingly at best for other men. In conversations, men chuckle at things women say that they would challenge loudly if another man had said it. I always thought my father was MUCH tougher and stricter with his sons than with his daughters.

BUT, there are a lot of things that are much easier for men. Just walking down a street near a construction site can be an ordeal for a woman. Being approached by someone asking for money can be a scary experience. Getting paid less than men is no picnic. There is NOTHING a guy can go through that compares to giving birth - if guys had babies, the human race would have died out long ago, because very few men would ever go through something like that twice!

I have no desire to be a woman. But I do enjoy wearing woman's clothes. It started as a sexual thing, but these days, it is just more comfortable. I wish I could wear a skirt and heels to work - as a guy. Maybe that is becoming more acceptable, but again, my generation has a lot of habits to break!

When I have on really nice clothes and walk gracefully in 4" heels (well, I don't actually see myself, so maybe not so much, but it IS my fantasy) I feel very close to my mother. She was a classy lady, and I like to try to look classy.

Deedee

[Teresa]

Tinkerbell,
I was going to say without doubt it's easier being a guy ! I'm now beginning to struggle with the image because it's worn me out trying to live up to it and prove I'm a man. So in that sense it's easier for a girl because she doesn't have to live with that. Maybe that aspect is attractive and is possibly something we try to escape into !
The physical side of being a boy was more appealing than being a girl , even when my CDing started because it was purely sexual, once it was over, the clothes were discarded and I got on with climbing trees or playing rugby.
I don't remember having a female who influenced me, and I don't see a GG's way of life superior, it's just different. It looks more enjoyable simply because we want to dress to sample it.