If you tell all your friends you are a woman and that you are transitioning, and then you don't, you will have a lot of very relieved friends and family..., and all of your friends and family will think you are nuts to varying degrees...
and god forbid you do what happens more often than not and decide you need to transition anyway...
end of the world?? of course not, but who said it was??
I'm out to a few and yes those relationships have most certainly changed forever.Originally Posted by stefan37
I've never said that they wouldn't, what I'm saying is that people will get over it and if they don't then it's their own problem.
There are a few life changing things that will forever alter people's perception of you but it's not all doom and gloom, people move on and get over it.
I can't speak to those in relationships though, identity is an all or nothing thing so I can't imagine making compromises in that regard. Honestly I think more people should split if it causes problems, I've seen enough unhappy sham marriages.
Of course this is all meaningless theory without having someone who has actually stopped transition weighing in.
There are two sides to the "it's their problem" response. There is no reason to take in people's judgments or guilt. On the other hand there is real impact to your life when people involved in your life make things difficult. At worst, that triggers divorce and custody issues, work problems, inter-family relationship issues, etc. Those are losses, not just a matter of dismissal.
Views differ on relationships. Part of my identity is wrapped into and taken from my marriage. No, not gender, but it makes the idea of splitting over even serious problems more involved than you suggest. There are few (if any) absolutes in a good marriage. I don't blame anyone for making choices and drawing lines where they will and I'm no different in that regard. I will say that I'll go through hell before I'll give up. And most of those I know will, too.
The other thing to consider is not just failed and broken relationships, but those that are compromised. Reaching accommodation, truce, tolerance, etc. is something you and they live with, not get over.
Lea
It's horrible to be outed involuntarily, yet not moving on with transition. It's was one thing for me to confide in a few people who I really am, as I did when I came to terms with my transness and began making transition plans; even when my high hopes started to curdle a bit, they stuck with me. But it sucks when the word gets out more broadly (not from the people I told, by the way), and through the lens of anger. This happened to me, and involved people very close and very dear to me. I can easily imagine that in their eyes, I'm no longer a man, but I'm not a woman, either. These were people who liked me and respected me a lot, and who now the consider me a pervert. "They still love" me, I hear, but the last time I saw them there was a glass wall between us.
It's the worst of both worlds.
Lallie
Time for a change.
I don't know the answer to the question, or if it is even a relevant question. If you are transsexual it seems to me eventually, one way or another its going to create problems in your life. And even if you were to decide to transition and then abandon the idea before things got to interesting, your still going to have to live with yourself.
It was something that haunted me my whole life and regardless of any decision I did or did not make it was having a negative impact on my life.
Theresa, you are correct ... as long as a TS continues down the path, there will be issues somewhere, with someone,mover something.
The point of the thread is to articulate the risk of getting ahead of yourself. One way is notifying people (other than your SO) prematurely. Completely unnecessary, yet it happens all the time.
Lea
It sounds like to me that you are suggesting that people "engage brain, before releasing mouth". Good advice!
Oh, I understand the internal pressure to come out! For the most part, I've managed to have my brain running my mouth and not the reverse.
But I think the likelihood of someone coming out over time goes up not just because they are, shall we politely say, ill-advised, but because people move from excitement and newness to simply not thinking about it at all. I.e., from such things as self-assurance and comfort.
One common response is that there is a generational difference that is relevant. Specifically, that young people don't have an issue with this … that it's an old person thing. To which I respond that this is true to a degree. The same revelation that would have resulted in my being a pariah in my 20s would not necessarily come down that way today. There WERE things in my 20s that would have been unacceptable to my parents.
Still-a few cautions. One is that the things that are acceptable at one age are often not at another. A second is that if things can change rapidly socially, it can go two ways. Acceptance can unravel socially as quickly as it can come together. Yet another is vested interests. Someone just establishing himself in life has no idea how much these will influence acceptance.
Lea
As I read some threads,I often think about the differences between a young,unencumbered person and an older,burdened person.It is clearly two very different worlds.Very nicely said!
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 07-30-2014 at 07:36 AM.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Posting Permissions
