Coming out

[Delila]

This is probably the hundredth thread on this topic for me. I hope this one will be different. I am fully out now to my SO she knows every deep secret that I possess. We went out last night i was mostly dressed with the exception of makeup and hair. My question is does anyone have any advice to come out as it were to local neighbors and friends? I have little interest in being associated with the kind of people that wouldn't be accepting but most of my neighbors are older. It may seem selfish but this is a very close community so my dressing will be public if it's not already. I suppose the question is do any of you here live in townhome or apartment situations that ultimately require a coming out for any level of public interaction and if you do how do you handle the neighbors?

[Princess29]

I have a neighbour issue that makes it difficult to go out (not impossible but difficult). I live in a block of apartments that means if I want to go out in girl mode, I have to go past at least 2 other apartments to get to my car. One neighbour makes it difficult by leaving his front door open almost all the time when he is home and if I go that way and he decides to walk out the door, I'd pass within inches of him so there is no way I'd miss him.
Now ultimately I don't really like the guy or give two hoots what he might think of me personally but his history makes it hard. I guess I am worried about if he was so inclined after seeing Melissa, he could tell my parents (who don't know). He may or may not (actually, they all could do it I guess) do it. We have communal clothes lines and I often will have dresses, skirts etc hanging on there. When he is not home, I usually just put on my girl stuff, cover up with a guy layer and put on a hoodie to cover my wig and then when I get to my car, I pull over at some point and peel off the layers. In summer that is a lot more difficult as my place is a giant sweatbox and with one layer its sweaty and sticky but with 2 layers....yikes!!

[Delila]

I feel you. It's not quite that tight here but pretty close. Mostly my immediate neighbors are highly religious and very gossipy (old ladies) it makes it a little tough. Where we live isn't quite as advanced as the rest of the state.

[Jaclyn]

I'm a landlord of a duplex and live in the side furthest from the driveway. I would have to walk past my tenants front door and living room window to get to my car. Although I haven't ever left the safety of my home yet, my wife and I have been talking about it. I don't see how I'm going to get out.
I've always been envious of people who are able to first except themselves and second not worry about what others say or think. How do they do it?

Jackie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Delila, That's the great thing about having a connected garage with a remote control door opener.

[Ressie]

I have my vehicle in the garage with the door opener, but the garage isn't connected to the house. So my neighbor in the back and those on each side could catch me walking to the garage (even though it's only a few steps).

I don't leave the house dressed, but change and apply makeup in the car. Rest areas or vacant parking lots seem to work so far. I start by underdressing and can even put on a skirt when covering up with fleece jogging pants. I think custom made loose pants with velcro for quick release would be helpful for changing in the car. haha.

[kimdl93]

I live in a very typical neighborhood of single family residences. Although I've lived here for more than a decade, I'm really only familiar with a few surrounding neighbors. I started coming out rather abruptly a few years ago, and it seems most of the time it was by chance encounter while I was walking my dogs or getting the mail. Since then I continue to have respectful, courteous and pleasant relations with those who know. I have no idea what their 'true' opinions may be, but then, I don't need to know.

[MsVal]

This brings up the question in my mind "What bad thing could happen if they found out?"
If the answer to that is something manageable, then develop a plan to manage it and go on with your life.

Some things to consider:
Are there children involved? The effects of peer pressure and bullying on kids that are not yet equipped to handle them must be considered. Can disclosure affect one's employment? Is there there the potential for physical violence or destruction of property?

Best wishes
MsVal

[JocelynRenee]

I'm a landlord of a duplex and live in the side furthest from the driveway. I would have to walk past my tenants front door and living room window to get to my car. Although I haven't ever left the safety of my home yet, my wife and I have been talking about it. I don't see how I'm going to get out.
I've always been envious of people who are able to first except themselves and second not worry about what others say or think. How do they do it?

Jackie

Jackie's post hits close to home for me in terms of her situation, envy of those who go out, and the question of how they do it. I'm always leery of giving advice about these situations because every situation is unique and every person's risk tolerance varies. So disclaimer in place, this is how I do it.

I remember dozens of times where I spent hours getting ready and, at that crucial moment, deciding to stay in because the neighbors were outside. One day my wife sighed and said, "Put on your big girl panties and get your butt out there! Your family loves you. Why does it matter what they think? They probably already don't like you anyway." That last part was a joke. Wasn't it? No matter because she was right. Here I was, a grown man (albeit a grown man in a dress) deciding that I couldn't leave my own home over what people, who are effectively irrelevant to my life, MIGHT think IF they saw me. Really think about that for a moment. Why do we give control of our lives to strangers, family, and co-workers? Why is it better to have a smiling face in our lives if that smile turns to disgust and we are told that this one facet of ourselves erases ALL possible positive elements?

So, that day I did put on my big girl panties, held my head up, and walked out the door. Nearly 20 years later I can unequivocally state that the freedom I gained in that momentary decision has covered every whispered rumor, every disapproving look, every shouted threat, and every lost relationship.

On top of that when we assume that someone will have a problem with us are we not judging them in the same way we ourselves don't wish to be judged? Worried about the church ladies? Well, I'm a church lady and I would be proud to be your neighbor. Worried that someone will ask if you are a guy? Smile and say, "Not at the moment." Worried that a pack of teenagers called you out? Give 'em an exaggerated twirl and say, "yeah, but don't I look good?" All of these situations have happened to me and more. I'm still standing because I never underestimate the power of confidence and the capacity of humans to be decent.

The question I ask myself is: If person A finds out, how will my life TRULY be impacted? Honestly, your neighbors are already gossiping about you; may as well brighten their day with something REALLY juicy. In fact, after two decades I actually prefer that people know as soon as possible. That way I know if they are worthy of ME!

[Alex Dorset]

I'm a landlord of a duplex and live in the side furthest from the driveway. I would have to walk past my tenants front door and living room window to get to my car. Although I haven't ever left the safety of my home yet, my wife and I have been talking about it. I don't see how I'm going to get out.
I've always been envious of people who are able to first except themselves and second not worry about what others say or think. How do they do it?

Jackie

I think that often the problem is with people who already know you as a man. People who know that you cross-dress when they first meet you will accept it or not, but it won't spoil an existing friendship, nor worsen an existing antagonism. In your particular case, Jackie, how often do your tenants move on? If they've been there a long time and are expecting to stay many more years, then yes, you've some interesting conversations ahead. However, some of my neighbours move every year or so. We get a lot of academics and medical types who do a year at the University or the hospital then move on to train elsewhere or take up a full-time post. If that's your situation, then wait until your next tennants move in and then just mention it to them as being completely normal. That then gets you as far as your car...

[Ressie]

My brother has a good friend that lives right around the corner. My Nephew's best friend is the son of the couple that live a block away. My uncle has lived a few blocks away from me his entire life and knows everyone. If any of my neighbors see me dressed, my family will hear about it through the grapevine. Me and my big girl panties aren't ready to step out of the closet!

[Jilmac]

I live in a condo complex consisting of fourteen buildings, with eight units in each building so there are plenty of neighbors to see me come and go. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really care if the neighbors see me, or what they say or do if they would see me. The way I see it, it's nobody's business but mine what I wear.

[CynthiaD]

I wouldn't formally come out to anyone except family members and close friends. That doesn't mean hide. Just wear what you want, and let the neighbors draw their own conclusions.

[immike]

My name is Michelle? I live in a condo community&I choose to stay in the closet&no one suspects.I keep my windows&doors
locked&my shades closed&I dress as often or as long as I please.I keep a good wardrobe of dresses,skirts,tops,heels&panty
hose&dress as much as I like&play on the computer

[Erica2Sweet]

Hi there! I wouldn't advise anyone to try to control their environment and the people in it if they're serious about coming out. If you're going to be out in the open, be out in the open and just focus on the important things in life, not what gossiping neighbors are worried about.

[JayeLefaye]

I'm a landlord of a duplex and live in the side furthest from the driveway. I would have to walk past my tenants front door and living room window to get to my car. Although I haven't ever left the safety of my home yet, my wife and I have been talking about it. I don't see how I'm going to get out.
I've always been envious of people who are able to first except themselves and second not worry about what others say or think. How do they do it?

Jackie

Wait for a rainy day and carry a big umbrella held low so that your face is hidden. No one will know who the woman with your wife is. Of course you'll have to deal with the rain, and sunshine is a lot more fun, but there will be few prying eyes when it's raining.


A little history. In 2009, I was single and living in a very progressive town. After a decade there, I knew who my friends were and made a few social appearances at parties and church functions and had a blast! But I lived the a converted attic of a HUGE three story house with a staircase running down the middle and had to pass 8 apartments on the way down the stairs. The stairs and walk to the car were the only scary part, and yes, it was terrifying. But I was coming out regardless!

I then met a woman who lived 300 miles away and decided I had to follow my heart, moved to Raleigh, NC and married her within a year. She knew from the very beginning that I was a CD, and it scared her a bit, because she needed to be reassured that I didn't plan to get rid of my "manhood", so to ease her comfort level, I stopped shaving my body and only wore skirts and comfy lounge-ware around the house.

4+ years later, I was looking at myself in the mirror, and realized that I just couldn't stand all the hair!! So she came home from work that evening and found me in the bathtub doing a full-body shave. Her response? "Go for it Honey!" we've been going for it ever since, and she's discovered that she loves doing my make-up, and going out to dinner together. Actually, when we're walking down a crowded street, or out shopping, she'll often drop back several paces and keeps track of how many guys give me the "once over" from behind:-)

But the neighbors...sigh...Yeap, that's still a tough one. Single family homes with long-term ain't goin' nowhere neighbors. Some older, some with young kids. We're on friendly sayin' hi terms, but out of courtesy, I don't want to shock them too much, and especially not freak out the parents of 3 under the age of 6 girls...So I've decided that I'm going to need to simply have a chat with them, but not while I'm dressed. They can think what they want, as people always will, but at least I can try to alleviate any fears.

An earlier poster was right, in that it's easier if people know from the get-go, but the silliness has to stop, at least for me...With a very supportive spouse, and a limited number of years where I can still look good for an old broad, I figure I best show off these legs while I can:-)

But that's me and MY situation. Everyone else's is different, so God bless you for doing the best you can!

Jaye

[Alexis Jade (AJ)]

I've been out as Sara to a gay club a few times and shopping once and a few Halloween parties. In October I'm set to visit my friend in Maryland (the 1st ever to know I dress) and she said to pack nothing but girl clothes. We are gonna force me into the world as me for the first time for 4 straight days and I'm kinda scared to be honest.

[Claire Cook]

So, that day I did put on my big girl panties, held my head up, and walked out the door. Nearly 20 years later I can unequivocally state that the freedom I gained in that momentary decision has covered every whispered rumor, every disapproving look, every shouted threat, and every lost relationship.

The question I ask myself is: If person A finds out, how will my life TRULY be impacted? Honestly, your neighbors are already gossiping about you; may as well brighten their day with something REALLY juicy. In fact, after two decades I actually prefer that people know as soon as possible. That way I know if they are worthy of ME!

Jocelyn, Thank you for posting this. This is very much how I feel, and the angst, anxiety, self-consciousness and worry that I had always felt is so much less once I was "out". I wonder how many others have had the same experience?

[Badwolf]

It doesn't sound like your ready to do it.

It can be very worth it if you can find ways to do it.

Set guidelines for what you want to achieve and work around them. As a lot of people have said, trying to halve it in any way, or even if you do it to the best of your ability, you will always run the risk of being outed. Even being locked up in your house or apartment, there are clever ways people can find out what your doing if they are really bored.