Did I really need to put myself into the right box ?

[Underdressed]

Am I a transvestite, crossdresser, underdresser ? Should I try to pass as a woman, be androgynous, or accept me as I am ? Why do I do it, sexual, fetish, stress relief , or it just feels good ?
These are the questions that we have all asked ourselves at some point in our journeys to wherever we are today. As for myself, at this time I only underdress, in stockings, suspender belt, silky slips and heels with smart men's shirt and trousers presented to the world.
As for the reasons why I do this, I like the feel of the materials on my skin, and the heels? well in truth that's probably down to a fetish ! Who really cares !
It's taken me about fifty years to come to these conclusions and a lot of beating myself up for not falling into the right boxes that society expected me to fit.
As many others here have already said we are all different, we have different needs and different circumstances in our lives, and as I look back, my only regret is that I spent so much time trying to fit in and not enough time just being me!
Sorry for rambling on but sometimes I just have to get things out of my head and down onto the page for them to make any sense , well it made sense to me !
Anyway thanks to you all for just being there and giving me the space to ramble on !

[Nikki A.]

Good for you. You just need to satisfy yourself.

[Wildaboutheels]

No, not at all.

Unless of course, you are like most that water here and feel better about finding and USING the right acronym for yourself. Which basically puts one into a GROUP where they are no longer rowing alone. Safety in numbers - our primal Instinct.

Maybe you simply have not found the right box...YET?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...les&highlight=

[Amanda L.]

I guess like most we are conditioned at an early age to 'rough and tumble' where girls traditionally had a 'softer' up bringing. What I mean is that boys are taught different values and even at an early age this may conflict with the inner person. As we grow up most of us would take the path of provider, protector, being a man amongst men and it seems to me that the deep seated urge to CD is buried so deep in the psyche that it becomes forgotten until we hit the dreaded middle age. There then seems to be an awakening which we feel we have no control over but conflicts strongly with the wiring that has been routed in our heads. We have a lot of WTF moments and whilst we try to resist or control the situation the inner girl, who has been asleep for so long is awakened and has this "ok buddy move over its my turn" kind of attitude.
I have spoken with others about this and we share very similar stories (thanks Donna).
We think we are unique, certainly different to what we have been conditioned to believe but the truth is our stories are so similar and this forum will testify to that.
So we go through the stages of denial to acceptance, find the plateau we want to reach and live happily ever after......?
Amanda (no sleeping beauty)

[Persephone]

What a great post!

Few of us (meaning everyone on the planet) really ever find that moment when we accept ourselves. You've arrived! Enjoy!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Tina G]

Enjoy yourself, remember only you can make yourself happy. Love your post.

Tina

[Eryn]

We seem to have a natural need to find our proper place in society. Unfortunately, for people like me there is no proper place so we try our best to fit in, either by mimicking the gender associated with our physical characteristics or by adopting the physical characteristics of our desired gender and trying to fit in there.

As far as pigeonholing myself, I just call myself TG. That leaves plenty of room to explore.

[Underdressed]

No, not at all.

Unless of course, you are like most that water here and feel better about finding and USING the right acronym for yourself. Which basically puts one into a GROUP where they are no longer rowing alone. Safety in numbers - our primal Instinct.

Maybe you simply have not found the right box...YET?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...les&highlight=

Good Point. maybe I should make my own box !

[Katey888]

Nicely put, Underdressed...

You've encapsulated nicely what I think a lot of us think and feel - especially that it's really society's expectations that cause us so many issues, and it really should be society that sorts itself out and just accepts us for who we are...

So Yaaay! to that!!

And please don't apologise for rambling... you're not even halfway there yet by the standards of this forum...

Katey x

[colleen_cd]

...as I look back, my only regret is that I spent so much time trying to fit in and not enough time just being me!

I think this quote really resonates with me as well. When I first tried on women's clothing I had the full range of emotions often talked about on here: exhilaration, confusion, arousal, sexy, comforted... I don't know, but mixed in there somewhere was fear. Fear about who I was, why did I felt the need to dress, being caught... For many years I think I pushed any urge to CD way down. It was dormant for there for quite some time but, oh boy, did it come back! and I feel I'm in a much better place now to deal with the feelings and simply enjoy the ride

[JocelynRenee]

I like to classify myself as "human". That seems to perfectly describe the real me.

[Marcelle]

Never been a big label gal/guy so I agree . . . be happy with who you are, live in the moment and let the rest of the world deal with their own baggage.

Hugs

Isha

[CynthiaD]

Boxes are for shoes. (Lots and lots of shoes. ) Just be yourself. Later, if you need a word to describe yourself, choose the one that fits you best, or make something up.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi UD, If you EVER get this program figured out will you PLEASE let the rest of us know.

[Underdressed]

Hi UD, If you EVER get this program figured out will you PLEASE let the rest of us know.

Sorry I got a headache from banging my head against the wall, Looks like we will all have to sort it out for ourselves! Good Luck.

[Nadya]

Great post. For some reason, I've put a lot of thought into what box I belong to with no success. I thought that maybe finding a box to belong to would help me find figure myself out and gather some insight but it has only led to frustration and confusion. Simplifying things I guess can really make it easier to just live your life rather than focusing on labels.

[Kate Simmons]

Some folks have need of a "box" to be in. I find them too limiting myself as I am always re-defining who I am as I evolve as a person.

[Teresa]

Underdressed welcome to the CDers rambling club ! Some of us think we know where we're going and others keep falling over those dam boxes no one seems to fit in ! Others are still tangled up in closets !!
Seriously I hope the forum does help you, like me fifty years of guilt and shame had to stop and I'd like to thank the members for that !!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Do we really have to put our selfs in to a box , why , what if your different and know it what then what difference does it really make when all said and done,

dont get me wrong i know many have and are finding it hard to work them self s out , or figger who they are or what they should be ,as concerning them selfs or others,

Now Conditioned to belive what we were taught, Hmmm.....in my case not so i was not forced in to a box and had to be this way or that , I knew i was different age 10 and thought every one was like myself , so i did not have any issues , it was years later i found out that.... they .... people were not quite like i was and by that time it did not matter age 15, really it was age 17 i knew ooops i am the one who is different , so it was,......Oh well . ill not say any thing .

till over 21 years ago , dont matter now of cause its all sorted,

One comment youv made is, not enough time for your self ... okay ...and not fitting in. Oh that part,

I sort of tryed to fit in though really it did not work as i was more a loner so did not care much about it , I had lots of things i enjoyed and with my pets so if people cared to be around myself my pets had to approve them horse.s goats and bee,s so you see i spent lots of time with them ,

dont get me wrong i did have some lovely neat friends so i did not miss out on much and i was allways happy ,my real friends were a lot older than i so the took me under thier wings and spent time with me , yea and that was really just so neat.

When i look back i got the feeling and still do it was not wether i was boy or girl they just accepted me for my self and thats what is so importaint , well to me it was and is and holds true today ,

...noeleena...

[Krisi]

By "box" do you mean "label"? We have to label things (and people) so we can communicate with each other. For example, you might asl your wife to bring you an apple. Without the label "apple" she wouldn't know what you wanted.

I label myself as a "crossdresser" because I think that fits what I do and how I feel. For a long time I denied that but once I accepted that I was a crossdresser it was a big relief to me.

You can look at your own self and decide which label or labels (or "box) you fit in. You don't have to stay in that box forever, you may move from one to another over time.

[Beverley Sims]

Don't think about it, as Isha has said, labels are for soup cans.
Might have some now.