My Coming Out

[Maria Ann]

First a little background about me. I grew up in a very small town in Washington State (there was only three stop lights along main street), with very conservative hard working parents and one younger brother. I have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember, but I have always hidden it. I mostly blame my parents for the fact that I have had to hide this part of my life, but I do understand why they were so against it, it was mainly because of the fact that they grew up in very small towns, and that they grew up in the 40's and 50's. And because of their views and beliefs about crossdressing I was made to feel that it was deviant, unhealthy, immoral, and just plain wrong. But on a good note, I just came out to my wife about my crossdressing in June, to say that I was mortified about it would be putting it lightly. It all started because we were fighting because she had discovered some of my crossdressing stash, and the fact that I was in the denial and hide mode. But to my surprise she was actually somewhat understanding and supportive, just as long as I don't do it in front of her (for now) or our children. I am open to any advice or comments.

[MsVal]

Hi Maria, I can relate to everything you wrote.

Like you, I am trying to come to terms with ... myself, I guess. I disclosed my crossdessing to my wife in April of this year, and it's been a bit of a roller coaster since then. I made a lot of the usual mistakes, I lost my way in a dense Pink Fog, then went too far and too fast for my wife's comfort. I had a couple bad spells of self loathing.

On the bright side, we are seeing a therapist specializing in this, we now have very frank and truthful discussions, even when they hurt, and the trend line, while bumpy, is positive. She has purchased things for me and has given me some of the things she no longer needs or wants. We went recently without kids and stayed in our travel trailer. She was okay with my dressing and I did so nearly every morning that I had opportunity.

I am still battling anxiety and depression over the crossdressing, and I am taking medication that helps. This is foreign to me. I am not a person given to anxiety or depression.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tina G]

Very good read Maria, for myself i just got done with my divorce and i'm on my own now. My oldest son knows but when my kids come over i keep things put away until I feel they can handle it. My ex knows and is very understanding and it had nothing to do with the divorce. For now i'm out and I am done with the anxiety and depression. It's been a wonderful change with all the support i have gotten from close friends.

Tina

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marie Ann, Just go easy and don't overwhelm her with it.
It sounds like she may come around.

[Angie G]

Just don't push it on youe wife. take your time or she may be turned off for good. It's a great start don't blow it being impatient. I started going to fast ad was told I needed to slow down.
Angie

[Jilmac]

Well Maria, the area you're in now is between Milwaukee and Green Bay which are both progressive cities. But getting back to your coming out, you may be facing many ups and downs in dealing with your wife. All I can say is, now that she knows proceed with caution, let her initiate any conversation and try to stay as calm as possible in any discussion about your dressing. I found the best thing is assurance that nothing has changed and you will always be the man she married. It might be a hard sell but it could have a positive outcome.

[kimdl93]

Two accidental outings in today's OPs. I'm glad she is somewhat accepting, now that you've gotten past that first angry episode. As others will say, expect ups and downs and slow progress, if there is progress at all. The best thing you can do for yourself is be honest but don't dwell on the subject. Let time work it's magic.

And a word to this who haven't yet had an 'accident'. Is this how you want your SO to find out? Yes, there are risks to telling, but at least you get to pick the time, the place and can at least begin with a plan for the conversation.

[ptp009]

My wife and I came up with this relationship some several yeas ago when I told her I dressed and wanted to dress all the way not just underneat. She listen to my concerns and said I'll help you buy clothes and you use your own leave mne alone.

She also mentioned that she didn't want to see me dressed fully in the house when she was there and it would be limited to the house so no one in the town would see.

But as time went by she helped me buy panties phose shoes and dresses and blouses, She even at one point started a little to buy and give me small samples of make-up, She read on some womans magazines where mens fashions had changed and silky underwear was in and such. The one area where we were apart is she wanted to help me pick out clothes and always choice what was I thought old lady stuff but what she thought was good. We had debates on this once in a while and it came out that I wanted to expand my exploration of dressing to include wearing under things like panties phose and girls shoes and jeans as a guy very unisex wear. She was okay with it but was hesitate to allow me to dress fully and go public. The saving grace was the Sisters of Boston Club where CD's went out as a group, I would take a day off go to another city and dress and go out shopping and eating, later meeting up with the other crossdressers to go out as a group, this of course led into me getting a hotel room to dress and work out of and stay overnight to be able to go to functions with the other CD's.

She was worried about what happend if I had an accident? I told her there was noting I was doing that was illegal so if I got into an accident I would get care and come home. I was able to convinvce her to let me have these two days a month as Girls Night Out events as long as I remained away from our town.

From that point on I would arrange with her these days away in advance to have my hobby to be free to be Jenn the name I had chosen. It works, My dealing with the girls guys or whoever is completely non sexual, its just that I want to dress and potray myself as a woman my age now 60YO.

I also gave her recently this website to help her get information for her to be comfortable with what I was doing and the ability to talk freely to other CD's and SO's.

That was several years ago thats where I am today, I consirder myself Transgender and have incorporated most of this routine into my daily life. JENN

[Maria Ann]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and great advice. I greatly appreciate it all.

[Missy Tanya]

Maria Ann, I think I grew up and lived in that same small Washington state town. We only had two stop lights forever, now 7. Feels like a big city now. Lived here my whole life and rarely see someone I know well enough to say Hi too. But my dressing is hidden too, live on a one mile dead end and everyone knows everyones cars. But under that oversized tee shirt is one woman ready to get her girly side on.. Lucky for me, my wife has know before we got married 24 years ago and still supports Tanya and all her Quirks. Take it slow and your wife might come around to having another girlfriend to spend the day our shopping or maybe having your nails done together. Tell her that you understand why it takes so long to get ready to go out. I find myself changing three or more times in girl mode, but male just throws on whatever laying around and out the door he goes.

Hang in there and hoping for the best for you, Tanya

[Beverley Sims]

Maria,
Don't push it or rush it.
A little bit at a time goes a long way.
All the best.

[CynthiaD]

Congratulations on coming out. As others have said, take it slow, and see what develops.

[Maria Ann]

Thank you everyone for all of the kind words. I greatly appreciate everything.

[Sallee]

sounds like a DADT situation. They can work

[Kate Simmons]

Once the "cat" is out of the bag, it can't be put back in. What you do from this point onward is mostly up to you my friend. I wish you well with that.

[HelenR2]

Oh Gawd. Now we are comparing stop lights.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria Ann,

All very good advice given especially when it comes to communication with your lovely wife. I am out to my wife and she has fully accepted and integrated Isha into our lives. However, the one word of advice I can provide is never cease being your wife's husband as she needs to know you are the same guy she married. Be there for her and that will pay dividends in the end.

Hugs

Isha