Real

[Suzanne F]

I just need to take a moment to breathe and soak it all in. I shared that I came out to my AA community in my city all last week. I have been to 4 meetings now as Suzanne. I also faced telling more friends back in KY. The word is spreading. Most reactions have been supportive.

However, my parents are not a resounding success story. My sister informed me my mom is not supportive. I thought she was at least accepting. That is not the case and she apparently never wants to see Suzanne. My dad is very confused by it and hung up on me in the middle of our only discussion since he found out. I have tried to keep it out of my mind but I keep obsessing over their reaction.

I am trying to focus on the good things that have happened. This afternoon we had about fifteen people over to celebrate one of our friends returning home. I was free to be me and everyone had come fully knowing who and what I am. That is success! I have also received so many calls and texts from people expressing their support. It has been overwhelming.

I guess I am trying to deal with the reality of this change. It's not all good just like eveything else in life. I would like to just coast for awhile. I doubt that will happen.
Suzanne

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear about the way your folks are taking it. Hope that will improve with time.

Yeah, it is a bumpy road, higher highs and lower lows than many other roads. Stop, take a moment, a few deep breaths, see the flowers.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Kimberly Kael]

Parents find the news particularly challenging, possibly only second to spouses in terms of how much emotional turmoil it stirs up. They have a tendency to look for reasons why. What was it they did that made you this way? Their identity is to some extent wrapped up in yours, as you see so often with parents using bumper stickers to describe their children's accomplishments. My father seems pretty hopelessly wrapped up in wondering how my transition reflects on him (while curiously not seeming the least bit concerned about how his utter detachment looks to others.) I had originally hoped that he'd come around when it became apparent that I continued to be successful professionally, maintained a healthy relationship with my wife, and that we still had a rich social life. Five years later and there's not really any evidence that his world view has room for new information.

[PretzelGirl]

Suzanne, I am sorry you are having these difficulties with your parents. In many ways, I think it is the toughest for them. They raised us from a baby and it isn't uncommon for them to struggle with the thoughts from everyone's posts I have read here. My mother is still hugging me and struggling and I will keep the communications going. I hope for that this turns with the appropriate amount of time.

[Jorja]

Sorry you are having these problems with your parents. Mostly they are worried about you. All this transition and changing gender was around but not often spoke of in their day. You were born a boy or a girl and that was the way it was. For someone to go against the norm was akin to a sideshow freak. It happened to someone else not them.

It is now totally 100% up to you to show them that your life is better now. Show them you are happier in life. Show them you are more focused on your goals. Allow them to see the smile on your face every day.

It is going to take time but I am sure when they see that you are going to be alright they will come around.

[Rachel Smith]

I am happy to hear about your good experiences but sad about your parents. My parents are OK, my daughter is not. I still communicate with her but she doesn't want to see me. It makes it hard for me at times but I think of the good experiences and forget the bad as, their reaction not the people, much as I can.

Hugs
Rachel

[kimdl93]

Like others, I'm sorry to hear that your parents are having difficulty adjusting. It's just the beginning,,though, at least from their perspective. One can hope that they will gain a new perspective with time.

[Megan G]

Suzanne,

I am sorry to hear about your parents having a hard time with it. I am in a very similar position. While my father has passed on so I never had to come out to him I did come out to my mom a couple months ago.

I had a feeling deep down inside that it would not go well and I was right. She knew I struggled with gender issues from when I was very young so I was hoping that it would go a little better than it did. However ever since I came out to her she has distanced herself from me and my family. Conversations are very short, visits even shorter.

I am hoping she comes around but only time will tell.

Megan

[arbon]

Sorry about your parents, but it give some time. If you are consistent and confidant in yourself they will likely come around to accepting you for who you are eventually. Until then its one of those things you learn to let go of, you can't control how others will react or think of you. With my mom its taken several years and she still has a hard time being seen with me in public and refers to me as her son and my by old name a lot.

[Dianne S]

Suzanne, I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I hope that with time, they realize you need to live as your authentic self and that your new exterior simply reflects the same child they have always loved.