Losing it

[Michelle James]

As many may know I dressed and lived mostly as female for about two and a half years. What I mean is I dressed totally female except for 5 or 6 days per year. About six months ago I decided to remodel our house in preparation for selling it, and for no reason that I can think of I just started living as male again. I stopped shaving and wearing makeup. I still wore my girl jeans but on top no bra or forms and a polo shirt or plain tee. I told myself it would just be easier to work on the house and deal with any tradesmen that way. (probably bullshit). The house is near completion and here's the problem:

During that 6 month time frame I only went out as female maybe 10 or 12 times. Now that I am almost done I can't seem to get back in the mode. When I think about it I have a deep longing to go back to the way things were but just can't seem get there. I think about it I plan it but just cant get motivated to get dressed. What is happening to me? Seems as if I am spiraling further and further away from Michelle. Anyone else experience this?

[CynthiaD]

Yeah, I understand the feeling.

Some days, I just have to dress, other days I just can't be bothered. Some days when I just can't be bothered I force myself to dress anyway. I'm usually glad I did, but not always. Time will come when you really want to again, but until then, don't worry about it. A little male time can be good for the soul too.

[Katey888]

Michelle, I have given up for long periods of time, but then I never had any sort of extended period living and presenting as female either...

Your reaction does sound very curious and possibly unique... but maybe you've reached some kind of natural limit and balance and part of you needs to move on as a male...? Perhaps you'll come back to it in the future...? Perhaps remodeling a house is a cure...? (No - of course I'm not being serious.. )

As always, just go with the flow and what feels right for you...

Katey x

[hope springs]

Gender, for me, is like a blanket. I have my favorite one which does the job. Every now and then i pick up a different blanket. Its fine too. Then i start wondering why i so steadfastly used just the one blanket for a while. Soon i realized both blankets suit me just fine. Dont be afraid of the new blanket, it serves its useful purpose. Soon enough old familiar blanket will find its way back to you. Hell, go crazy and throw both blankets on at the same time! Ive found it best not to question or force it. Your instincts will guide you to where you need to be

[Pat]

I'd say don't approach it like a guy and analyze the crap out of it -- approach it like a gal and accept it. She'll come back when she's ready.

[Krisi]

I've had several hobbies in my life. Serious hobbies where I've spent a lot of time and money. Eventually things got in the way and I lost interest. Your situation sounds about the same.

Nobody will be upset with you if you don't crossdress so it's entirely up to you. If you feel like dressing, do it. If not, don't and don't worry about it.

[bobbimo]

rest assured my dear. This dressing feeling may subside, but it will NEVER go away.
One day pretty soon you will be just put you panties on and the rest will follow.
Bobbi

[Jodeeuk]

Life can conflict with all kinds of things you enjoy, I built my own motorcycle and dont have time to ride, Ive been struggling with Diabetes and off work, Cross Dressing has to take a back seat for me, and has done for 10 years but now Im struggling from running around my small country Canadian town, claiming to be the only tranny in the village

[sometimes_miss]

I get that way every so often, as I'm not 'out'. Every time I need to leave the house, or interact with the public in any way, I have to remove every bit of evidence that I was ever dressed, and if that includes any make up, nail polish or perfume, that means everything goes, and a scrub down. Even before ordering pizza. It's exhausting. I've accepted that I have to wear my 'boy uniform' whenever I go out to work, shopping or socially, but having to stop being a girl just to leave the house for simple things does get real tiring. However, unless I want to be out, I have no other options. So, sometimes it's just easier to stay in my boy uniform, for all the world to see. The only consolation I make is to keep the panties on if I know I'm soon changing back to girl clothes. But no bra, no stockings, absolutely nothing else.

[Crista]

I live alone, so I dress as often as I like, which is quite often. But let's face it, getting fully dressed (hair, makeup, nails jewelry, hose) is a lot of work. I typically spend three hours getting fully dressed. Occasionally I take a week or so off, just to take care of things that need taking care of. I'm sure you'll get your groove back once the house is fully completed and you can relax.

[Anna Renee]

The best part for is the process of getting ready to go out. It is so relaxing, so much fun! The hair is the last step, and it is happens quickly...I realize I am a woman!

[allisonagain]

I so agree with the earlier posts. It won't go away and will come again when you're ready. Although it is a lot of work to go out, what if 'work' was as fun and relaxing as getting ready is. Getting ready is so therapeutic and once dressed I'm always glad I did. Good luck and patience.

[Michelle (Oz)]

My journeys into the femme world have never been as extensive as yours (out 4 or so days a week) and I still regret having to change back to my male world but there are days that it seems so much effort. May have got to bed late or have pressing work commitments but I still dress.

Those are often the best days Something special happens ... might be meeting some friends, a compliment, being included in a group conversation, or just feeling that the makeup and clothes look good.

If not wanting to dress truly troubles you (which it seems it does) put in the effort and dress and see if the magic returns.

[MissTee]

I think that's normal. There's no rule that says if you're prone to CD that you H-A-V-E to do it. I feel it's rather blissful to flow through life dressing or not as desired. Enjoy!

[Michelle James]

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. Despite my current state of mind my SO and I are about to embark upon our annual Longest Yard Sale road trip. This is our fourth year and it has always been a girls weekend. My SO is looking forward to it. We are planning on me going in Michell mode as I have every other time. That being said, part of me is hoping for a rain out. I have had my eyebrows waxed and a mani/pedi. (so far color only on the toes). I have to say that at this point it all feels "forced". Like I'm trying too hard. It should be noted that there has been no sexual component to my CD'ing for many years. At least not since the 70's. This current episode has me rethinking (read over thinking) all of this.

[CarlaWestin]

I've already been through the years and years of over analyzing the whole universal gender experience and have come to some conclusions. I sometimes get in that dreaded crossdressing malaise, that depressing whatever, why bother feeling that tends to minimize and berate crossdressing. And I've found that in general, if I just start into the process, sort through bras or dresses or lingerie or something, the warm fuzzy feeling comes right back. You know how right before you dive into the pool your only thoughts are how cold the water is? But, once in, you glorify in the sensation. That's how femming up works for me. I did a renovation once and it was great fun to get dressed up like construction girl. Going to H-Depot in bib overall with big boobs, bandana, full makeup and hoop earrings. And then there were days that I didn't.

In general, I've had few times when dressed up that I desired to be back in drab. Actually, I can't remember one time.

[mechamoose]

Gender is fluid, and is linked to how your feel at the time. If I have a 'sweaty' task to perform, my male side steps up. If I have a nurturing task, my female side steps up. This is absolutely (for me) related to how I dress & present.

Some of us wish we could swap back and forth between male & female at will (like me), but those 'modes' are the physical manifestation of that desire.

I tend to dress more in girl clothes when I am stressed/threatened or when I have care-taking roles to perform. If I have to swap out a set of brake pads, it is usually done in guy clothes.

Subtle, but ingrained differences in appearance vs role.

<3

- MM

[Beverley Sims]

Michelle,
It will come back at the moment it is convenient to present as male.
Other interests such as your house and new relationships do take their toll on dressing and it takes a hiatus until you settle again.
Be sure it will come back with a vengeance.