Are we too self critical?

[Eringirl]

Hi gals... Have been away for 2 weeks with no internet connection, so I have a lot of catching up to do. While I was away, I had a lot of time to think (it is AT&T his point that people that know me express a discernible "sigh" ) . I had lots of time to people watch, at airports, stores, beaches, restaurants, etc. I noticed GGs that we stunning, really put together well, and others not so much. I noticed many GGs that we're not perfect, but still looked like women, no question. Some had more chiseled facial features than me, many that have less of a waist line than me, etc. I saw one that had more muscle tone in upper arms than me and I go to the gym everyday to loose weight and tone. So, my question is, are we too critical of how we look as gals? Al GGs have something that is not perfect, yet they are comfortable with who they are etc when out. Why can't we do this? Just thinking about this. I know it is not as natural for us, but perhaps we need more confidence in who we are?

Hugs to all, Erin

[Adriana Moretti]

yes...i think we all are...even though we dont have to be...we still are........an artist is his/her own worst critic....and we are no exeption to that rule. I just wish more gals would realize this and not let it prohibit them from going out and having fun and enjoying life. Nobody is perfect....NOBODY.....

[Jenniferathome]

..." Al GGs have something that is not perfect, yet they are comfortable with who they are etc when out. Why can't we do this?..."

Because we are NOT women. Now how confident would those women be if they were dressed as men and trying to pass as one? If you are objective, it can only help to "critique."

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erin, I have often said that our Cameras and our mirrors can be our best friend or our worst enemy.

[Wildaboutheels]

YES, most people are. Anyone who reads more than 3 or 4 responses a day will easily recognize this FACT. [POGO was right]

A FACT proved in every single episode of NGC's Brain Games.

But don't trust me, just watch the show and most matters CD related will easily be explained and verified.

So do you really want to know the truth or not?

[Nadine Spirit]

I agree. We are too self critical and lack confidence. (In general as an overall group.) There are many exceptions.

I know I battle with these two items often. The better I am at combatting them, the more relaxed I become.

[Kate Simmons]

We have to learn to be comfortable in our own skin regardless of mode Hon. Otherwise we will knit pick until the cows come home.

[kimdl93]

Of course we are. Each of us has pluses and minuses...things to accentuate and things to downplay. And there are things we notice that no one else would. I personally think that most of us put too much emphasis on covering arms....and can think of lots of women with nicely toned and muscled biceps to illustrate the point.

[LelaK]

I'm not too self-critical. I don't mind being dressed publicly among friends while not looking perfect. But I still strive to look better to approach my internal standard of perfection, though not in a big rush to get there.

[Rachelakld]

Gone beyond caring, I'd never pass no matter how critical I was, but I still like to fit the occasion when I go out. Last weekends outing was relaxed with jeans & tight top.

[Eryn]

We're always too self-critical, but that is the nature of the game. I also have a sense of "this is as good as it's going to get" so I put the makeup bag away and head out the door. Once out there I don't worry about flaws that I can't see.

[Teresa]

Yes Erin we are too critical and try too hard and it's one of the reasons why we don't pass ! We think we need to iron out every male flaw and yet GGs show many traits that we try to hide, as you found from your extra people watching time ! Lets face it if a GG posted this she may think that many of us in male mode need to improve our act, but most of the time we're just guys that blend in and don't give a second thought if we look too fat or too hairy or our clothes don't fit right !

[Krisi]

If we are not critical of ourselves we never get better. This goes for all of life, not just crossdressing. Look at yourself in the mirror or better yet, photos and video. Notice what needs improvement and then work on it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Erin,

I agree that we are too self critical and I fell victim to that when I first started going out "en femme". In my own circumstances, I got so wrapped up in trying to pass (I wanted others to see nothing but a woman), not because I wanted to be a woman but more so that I wanted to just walk in the daylight unnoticed. So I would look in the mirror and see nothing buy "guy in make-up" and think . . . "who are you fooling?" . Still I continued to go out and got more comfortable and then moved to "blending" vice trying to pass. Now I just don't care. Yes I try to blend as much as possible but I never loose sight of the fact that I am a "guy in women's clothing" and that people will always see a "guy in women's clothing". This has helped me to accept who I am and now I am just having a good time being me out in the world. If someone sees a "girl" fine if someone sees a "boy" (99.9% of the time) then that is fine as well.

As others have said, once you get comfortable in your own "en femme" skin, you will stop being too self-critical (let's face it, we will always be a bit self-critical ) and just begin enjoying yourself.

Hugs

Isha

[noeleena]

Hi.

So..... we .....Have it all together , dont count on that , get to know us and you may change your mind as to what we really think being female may seem or appear we have it ,.

Im no different than many of my female friends and i would have a few more issues than many women ,

Confidence selfworth and self assurance and being secure in our selfs as female and as women ,many of us can have those looks you refer to or that walk of confidence because we are out in the public domain we can put on a front ,

We have our struggles our self doubts about our self,s could be how we look or we have been abused been put down just because of who we are ,

We dont have an escape or change into other clothes as many men here can do , we have to live it day by day sorry to say its not easy for all of us ,

many of us have body issues and dont find it easy and some times we would rather just hide away ,

i can only speak for myself , in many ways its lovely and well we are who we are , you wont see my photo in many places only those i cant get out of or okay ill do it though would rather not ,

i never liked how i looked 57 years ago age 10 and i dont now why because i dont look like a normal female yes you are right im very hard on myself ....VERY.... yet im a strong woman confident in who i am my selfworth and self assurance is very high yet i have none with how i look ,

I can dress nicely and look great body shape and all those features just like any nice looking woman , yet facial features ......my down fall or failing , now i know many other women . females who have other details about them selfs i would not think would effect them well it does, so those who as we;d say got it all together are very fotunate ,and yes i would say look very beautifull,

can i say confidence does not allways come as we would like it theres a high price for many of us , and i dont mean in money terms .

Mind you were you to meet myself and i mean..... for real..... you may see a totaly different side of who i am and say i have it all to gether in the many groups im a member of and those many 100.s of people i know and are my friends ,

and no doubt say i have got it together , and that may be true yet you would under stand me better knowing the hurdles and issues and detail i,v had to over come to get where i am now , and like some i know who have had to do similer

So do we really have it all to gether or we just have to get on with life with what and who we are regardless of our failings what ever they may be,

...noeleena...

[bridget thronton]

I look forward to feeling that I am only wearing my clothes (I am getting there)

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW.......

I think part of it for those who present themselves as female in public is a fear of harassment if they were "found out".

Decades ago, I was privy to some really ugly conversations in a bar about what some a-holes wanted to do with a guy they suspected was was actually a female. These were usually very nice guys.
Long story short, Personally, early on, I realized that he was indeed TG, came to his aid and talked some sense into the guys as I was well respected in that bar.
In the end he became basically a regular at the bar and he was no longer hassled. In fact the owner eventually hired an openly gay female bartender and no one cared.

The point is, one must be aware of any potential hassles. .....there is always a first time.

[Tina G]

To quote my therapist.. We are our own worst enemy.. and I do it all the time.

Tina

[CynthiaD]

I ask myself this all the time. Especially when I read posts about ladies who don't go out because their makeup "isn't good enough," or because "they could never pass in a million years." I share these feelings from time to time, but I also know from experience that they really don't matter.

Right now, for example, I'm sitting at home in male mode thinking about how I'd love to dress up and go shopping. Nothing is stopping me, but I know I won't do it. Despite that cute dress I saw at Dress Barn the other day. Sigh.

[Eringirl]

Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies and comments. While my inquiry was somewhat rhetorical, I was curious to hear from other gals on the topic. I realize that I am too self critical, and we all probably have something we would like to improve. But I think confidence and a "just do it attitude" can go along way. That has worked for many other aspects of my life, so I try to do that with Erin as well. One of my best outings as Erin was one Saturday, I had to go to the office to do some work. My SO was out of town with the car and I wanted to go out as Erin. So, I finally said "screw it", got changed, jeans, top and flats, did my make up and off I went. Took the city bus to the office. No one batted an eye. Did an afternoons work(place was empty as we were only Mon-Fri back then) walked around down town, then took the bus home again. No one said a word to me. Make ip and hair must have been working that day, but I also just tried to blend in. For me confidence goes along way.

Thanks again for taking the time to provide your thoughts, it is greatly appreciated!

Hugs,

Erin

[MelanieAnne]

I think to some extent, we all feel a little guilty, and feel everyone is looking at us, and KNOWS! When you come right down to it, most people go through their day, staring and poking at their little devices, like a monkey with something shiney, and totally oblivious to their surroundings.

I was recently looking at some old photos and videos of myself, 10 to 20 years ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked really good. Very passable. What was I worried about? Why didn't I go out dressed more often? Several times while walking down the street, wearing a short dress and heels, guys honked the horn at me. One testosterone crazed kid, hanging out the window, yelled, "I love you", at me, after coming around the block for a second look. I was thinking, if only he knew. The fact is, nobody cares. And if you are wearing a wig and makeup, they won't recognize you anyway. It's not like, "Hey, there's Fred from accounting, in a dress"!

I would make one suggestion. Keep your crossdressing and your employment separate!

[Beverley Sims]

Erin,
When you have your right arm cut off you have plenty of time to muse and evaluate.
I am glad your arm is sewn back on again.
Losing your phone can also be a reality check.

[Lexi Moralas]

A few years back I was in Walmart , looked around and thought , what am I hiding from , they majority of the gg in there are no more fem or pretty then me ,
It was the condense I was lacking ,
So from that day on I went were ever I wanted dressed ( so long as it was far away enough from home that I had no chance of seeing some one who knows me ) just hold my head high and be in the world

[MelanieAnne]

WalMart is always good for a boost to your self esteem.

[NANNETTE]

I definitely think I have been too self critical. As I have always loved wearing hosiery I have always craved to have legs like a model. However, the truth is my legs have always looked fairly nice in tights/pantyhose. They don't look so great at the back but at the front of my legs have always looked reasonably shapely. I will never forget trying on a pair of Pretty Polly tights in a shade called bitter chocolate when I was in my early twenties. I tried them on before putting on a skirt and I my legs looked a like a chorus girls even though I am only five foot five and was not wearing heels. I have often see g.g's who have legs that are not as nice as mine. I have naturally curly hair but it's only in recent years how lucky I am to have it. I have lost count of the number of girls and Women who have said how jealous they are of my lovely curly hair. Nowadays I embrace it. When my hair is very curly I sometimes get mistaken for a Woman even though I am dressed in men's clothes.