Living in a shared body

[GailNightshade]

We: The seperate persons He and She.

We do not particularly enjoy each others company nor do we have much in common except for the shared space.
We lead our own seperate lives but She is confined within His. It isn't a bad life but She needs more Her time as he is the dominate personality. He won't share the closet, He won't take her shopping, He won't shave when He is in control.
It's frustrating, He hasn't let Her get dressed in months..
She wishes We could change physical gender at will.
He is like a mean brother and She is the annoying sister.
It's not fair at all

[ReineD]

Hi Nightshade, welcome to the forum!

I'm not a CD or trans in any way, I'm a genetic female who initially joined here in the hopes of learning more about my SO. This was years ago.

Anyway, I think in your situation, the best advice is the same that we give couples who come here and are conflicted about the crossdressing. It's imperative to get your two selves to communicate together and to try to arrive at some sort of agreement. This basically means that you need to give yourself permission to express your femininity. I know it's easier said than done, but it's something that is worth working on, if only to relieve the internal conflict.

My SO also in the beginning wanted to be able to change physical traits at will, notably the ability to have real breasts one day and gone the next when he wanted to be a guy. This was just a phase though, and he eventually realized that having breasts would complicate his life. So he got the best breast forms available, and it's working out very well. As to sharing a closet, it took a long time for my SO to be able to do this, but he worked on it and now it is no longer an issue. Things are much simpler now.

[Persephone]

Hi Gail!

I completely understand what you are saying, but I have come to feel that the gap is more linguistic, a result of our languages that divides male and female. On the other hand, I definitely do have some of the feelings that you do though, "He" sometimes seems to overeat "guy food," seemingly to make me too fat so that he can take control. Also, I seem to constantly adjust the air conditioning differently than he does. Go figure.

Sometimes I wonder if it really isn't "two spirits" contending for the same body rather than simply two sides of one personality. Kinda like a co-joined twin all in one body.

Still, at least in my case, "we" do share the same knowledge and the same memories, so it is hardly comperable to the traditional versions of multiple personality syndrome.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Tina G]

It is much less frustrating now then it used to be now that i have let her take over.


Tina

[Teresa]

GailNoghtshade,
Interesting name, do we call you Gail for short ?
Your talking about inner conflict, accusing him of not letting you have more time but usually he is thinking about outside influences and restrictions . You don't mention a partner, ( sorry I don't use SO, it still feels like I'm talking about an inanimate object ! I find partner covers marital status and either sex ! ) so we don't know what is affecting you life and the restrictions you're living with.
I wish I could be more helpful but I do suggest you take note of Reine's comments, they are well sourced and well thought out !

Reine I'm not looking for a pat on the head, but I do think you make a wonderful contribution and I for one would miss your input on the forum !!

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, no one gets free living space in my place without paying rent.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gail,

I think a lot of us go through this . . . shared space. I found that once I realized I was not two distinct persons but two identities of the same person it got a lot easier to play nice in the sandbox. Now I don't think of myself as boy or girl . . . just me regardless of the clothing I am wearing.

Hugs

Isha

[Lexi Moralas]

Well said ! That about sums it up for me

[Mollyanne]

I think I can identify with some of what you are saying. In the beginning of my cd'ing, I too was conflicted about me sharing me with me. I don't like me in my male gender because I think I have to be macho or some form of it. When I am in feminine mode I like me much better. Being that I have a large collection of lingerie I have had to move a lot of my guy stuff out of my dresser so my lingerie had a place. funny thing though, ALL my lingerie is folded neatly and my stockings or pantyhose are placed in neat rows according to shade. My bras and panties are placed the same way. My closet is being slowly changed into a girls closet with the guy clothes being housed somewhere else. My guy side is letting my female side take over and I couldn't be happier.

Molly

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gail, Your inner demons are fighting for control.

[CynthiaD]

Hey Gail:

Seems that you don't like being weird.

Well, you are, and there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well get used to the idea. Actually, most people are weird in some way or another, so chances are you're pretty normal. Weird, yes. Abnormal, no.

Try adding some obviously feminine items to your male outfits:lacy tops, nail polish, etc. before you know it, you'll be saying to yourself, "Hey, this weird stuff is pretty cool!"

[hope springs]

Hey Gail:

He = societal norms and expectations
She = an opposite gender you wish to express

Give the middle finger to society. When "he" wont let you dress, do it anyway.

[Cheryl T]

Oh my...I suppose I could sum it up with
I used to be schizophrenic, but We're ok now.

[GailNightshade]

I definitely do have some of the feelings that you do though, "He" sometimes seems to overeat "guy food," seemingly to make me too fat so that he can take control. Also, I seem to constantly adjust the air conditioning differently than he does. Go figure.

Sometimes I wonder if it really isn't "two spirits" contending for the same body rather than simply two sides of one personality. Kinda like a co-joined twin all in one body.

Still, at least in my case, "we" do share the same knowledge and the same memories, so it is hardly comperable to the traditional versions of multiple personality syndrome.

Hugs,
Persephone.

Miss Persephone, it's funny how those little things seem so strange and for the two spirits, This has to be true.

GailNoghtshade,
Interesting name, do we call you Gail for short ?
Your talking about inner conflict, accusing him of not letting you have more time but usually he is thinking about outside influences and restrictions . You don't mention a partner, ( sorry I don't use SO, it still feels like I'm talking about an inanimate object ! I find partner covers marital status and either sex ! ) so we don't know what is affecting you life and the restrictions you're living with.
I wish I could be more helpful but I do suggest you take note of Reine's comments, they are well sourced and well thought out !

Reine I'm not looking for a pat on the head, but I do think you make a wonderful contribution and I for one would miss your input on the forum !!

Gail is completely ok, i didn't know spaces were acceptable on this forum..oopsie.
Yes i do have a partner

Hey Gail:

Seems that you don't like being weird.

Well, you are, and there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well get used to the idea. Actually, most people are weird in some way or another, so chances are you're pretty normal. Weird, yes. Abnormal, no.

Try adding some obviously feminine items to your male outfits:lacy tops, nail polish, etc. before you know it, you'll be saying to yourself, "Hey, this weird stuff is pretty cool!"

I'm very ok with being weird, it's the constant battle for control that gets my panties in a bunch

[Beverley Sims]

Gail,
I share my body with no one.
All decisions I make are my own fault.

[Krisi]

Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig does not change who you are inside. You might be acting a part but it's still you. You like or dislike the same foods, your political thoughts are the same and your religious thoughts are the same.

Think about it.

[Desirae]

I understand what the OP is saying, but I've never been one to believe in the two separate entities, or beings, sharing one body theory. To me, that would seem to indicate some "divine" or supernatural nature to CDing, and I just don't believe that. I just can't believe that CDing is some kind of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers-type syndrome. Clothing is a man-made invention. From the clothing it wasn't too far a jump to add in other "normally female" behaviors like makeup, etc.

I prefer to look at it as I'm just me "+". I'm just me with "this" added in. Just to keep things interesting.

[Jamie Hugs]

I think that was a very well written analogy, it probably applies to lots of us on here. Nice work

[Kris Avery]

My SO comment was: "I am very happy to be in a relationship with both a "man and woman" - as long as they are BOTH you.

You see, she likes key attributes of 'man' and the emotional aspect of 'woman'.
But then again, she was always one to watch that nutty 'Sister Wives' show.

[Jamie Hugs]

I've been thinking about this and came up with this: maybe cd's were supposed to be fraternal twins and it didn't quite work out as planned, instead we got a little bit of both genders?