Hang 'em, or Hide 'em

[Hell on Heels]

As some of you may know I recently was outed to my SO. We are talking and she seems interested to learn more about my desires, and is trying to figure out if this might fit into our relationship.
Anyhow, we were talking on the phone the other day, she reminded me that our neighbor had purchased some hangers for us and I should pick them up from her.
I jokingly said good I'll need them to hang up my hidden clothes, she calmly said "that's fine, I don't care, what about your shoes? My shoes are all high heels, not her style at all, so I said they can stay hidden.
So my question is... What would you do? Hang your clothes, or keep them hidden?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Anna H]

Most definitely hang them up!

Maybe she'll make a few style suggestions if she gets
to see them!

♥

[Jenny Elwood]

Careful she doesn't burn 'em.

[AllieSF]

Hang a few of your less than showy items in the back or least viewed section of your part of the closet. Don't put them front and center so that they are easy to see and easy to retrieve. let her get used to them and a few weeks down the road ask what she sees and thinks about when she sees them hanging there with your male clothes. If she seems and states that is really is no big deal to her, then gradually increase what you hang there over time. If she asks why you didn't just put all of them in the closet, you can tell her you were going slow and wanted her to gradually adjust to the whole scenario and situation. Good luck and keep talking, texting and emailing.

[Laura in NC]

I'd hang it all in the closet. Luckily myself and my wife share the same size for footwear, and styles.

[marshalynn]

Kristyn, I think I would hang 4 or 5 items up in closet, not in the very front, but not in the back of the closet. I would not say anything about them, let her make the first move about them and go on from there. Marshalynn

[Donnagirl]

Slow and steady.... Hang a few and slowly increase... Careful you don't trigger an over reaction so watch for responses, compare expression and body language to the verbal. And as always, talk, talk, talk.....

[Stephanie47]

I think it really depends on how much clothing you have and the styles. If you're SO does not own but one or two pretty dresses for weddings or funerals and you hang fifty, I suspect she may have something to say about the number. If she is into jeans and tops, really casual, and, you're going to hang drop dead gorgeous LBD's and line up five inch pumps----well, I think you can envision some comments. Again, if she has been penny pinching due to family finances and your wardrobe represents a lot of $$$---well.

Also, a recent outing event without a blow up does not confer any degree of acceptance. I would not go over the top on this. A little caution will go along way.

I have way more bras and panties and slips and dresses and heels than my wife. I'm leaving mine in my storage boxes.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o everyone,
Just so you all know, I do not have an extensive wardrobe.
My concerns are more towards wether it may be to soon,
I have told her that I have bought clothes. And makeup . She didn't comment.
Do you think she's ready to see Kristyn's things?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[paulaprimo]

maybe just hang up a few things at first...kinda test the waters.
you don't want to scare her off with a larger wardrobe than she has...

[marshalynn]

Kristyn, you are in the I don't know what she is going to do land now, I would want to know how she feels now. She will either or not except, but you need to know how she feels, so you can know how you want to go ahead with your life decisions. Marshalynn

[Katey888]

Kristyn, dear... I may still be in the closet, but I've been around women a while...

When your SO says "that's fine, I don't care..." you realise that's probably not what she means...?

I wouldn't come here to ask opinions on whether you should or shouldn't... (no offence, members.. ) go back to her and say: "No - there are some things that you get to make a call on - I don't want whether I do something or not to be a problem between us, so if you don't approve of something, we stay with the status quo..."

Let her know that she both has a stake and some control in how this works for both of you....

Katey x

[Hell on Heels]

I've been fishing for a comment like yours Katey, I think being "Closet Queens" for so long we think alike.
Although I don't want to have to ask permission, she knows I own clothes, and clothes should be kept on hangers in a closet.
My worry is it is to much, to soon? Can she handle seeing reality? She has seen photos, should seeing my clothes be the next step?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kate Simmons]

Hang 'em high Baby. Clint Eastwood notwithstanding.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kristyn,

I echo what Katey suggested. Only your SO can answer that question with any degree of certainty. When I first came out to my wife I had no wardrobe so when I started purchasing (she helped) I asked her how she felt about seeing Isha's things in the closet, drawers, laundry and so on. She said she was fine with it. However, I did not launch with the whole ensemble (really not that much) and introduced it slowly. Now it is no biggie and we share certain clothes and have our own.

My biggest advice to you on all things CDing, if you are not sure . . . ask her. She seems to be accepting to a degree so I am guessing she is agreeable to talking about it . . . capitalize on that willingness to talk and ask your questions and let her ask hers. It will avoid a lot of confusion and second guessing in the future.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Krystyn,
It would be nice to have everything on hangers, at the moment every time I want to dress I have to iron it all !
I don't have that much stuff and my wife knows that some are hand-me-downs. I'm not sure about the maids dresses and the heels may not get full approval ! Then there's the underwear !
It looks like my stuff is staying hidden a bit longer !

Seriously it's a bridge I have to cross if my wife gets her way on down sizing, I really need to know what provision can be made for Teresa and her things !!

[Hell on Heels]

Thanks Isha, You know how I respect your opinion. I had hung everything, but trust me it is not much at all.
I'm thinking to hang it in the second bedroom closet, there are no clothes in there now, it wont be in "her" space, but she can see it if she desires.
Any thoughts on this?
BTW I've met Clint, really a nice guy, but not as impressive as "Dirty Harry" might seem.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Claire Cook]

Hi Kristyn,

Guess I'd agree with Katey and Isha, it's partly her space and should be her call. Our closet has a his and hers side ... hers has only hers, mine has, well, male stuff sandwiched between my other clothes. Just sort of evolved that way. Aren't dresses and skirts meant to be hung?

[mykell]

hell-o kristyn,
good to here from you, rock star status, hanging out with actors and movie directors, so impressed with the movies he has directed, i digress...

katey is "spot on" with her thought, still too soon i think, not in your bedroom for now,

as a closet Queen myself after my reveal i grabbed all my "stash" and put it into a suit case and put it in the office closet, step closer,
after a while i started to hang things up, i have a son who does not know mikell, so i installed a key locked door-nob, keep out my son and any nosy family member that find size 11 high heels, i know she has had to try to get in it and i assume she knows what is in there, if she asks i will give her the key, everything that was in there has been put into the spare room closet.... i did not ask permission and it keeps things just between us.... as she wanted....

[flatlander_48]

We Hu-Mans tend to not like surprises in terms of relationships. How others respond to crossdressing is always a question mark, but having it "thrown in your face" may produce even more unpredictable results. People require time to consider and process this new information. Having everything presented all at once can be difficult to absorb.

[cdrachael]

Big call maybe hang a few items first and see how it goes. I'm lucky I have the wardrobe to myself and hang all my clothes as I would any other item I have.

[Vale]

My experience suggests that Katey has the right approach. When your wife's girlfriend runs back into the closet while helping her experiment with her clothes who will explain the dresses that are clearly not your wife's style?

[Dannigirl]

I would say either talk to her directly about it or just wait another couple of weeks and when/if she asks why you didn't hang anything you can tell her you were worried about her feelings still. If you aren't willing to ask her straight up, this could be a good alternative. However, my SO is very accepting of me and my dressing and I "beat around the bush" about things or kind of hint about things and although I think I am giving her a signal for her to say, HEY you should go dress up, she never has. She has known for many years and not once has she "gotten the hint", communication is key, if you don't get the answer you were looking for i.e. - yes, hang your clothes in our closet by asking her directly then at least you know how she really feels.

[MsVal]

Kristyn, sorry hon, I believe that you're asking the wrong question and asking the wrong people.

You posted a question about hanging your feminine clothing in a place where your wife could see. The question came about because you were not certain what your wife meant. That is a communications problem, and communications is at the core of relationship fundamentals.

This whole disclosure thing came about scarcely more than a week and a half ago. It is all very, very new to you and to your wife. It's very easy and quite understandable to get excited; to get on with the easy, fun stuff, and overlook the tough, scary fundamentals. As in all things: sports, music, and relationships, you've got to work on fundamentals before you can perform well.

At the very least, you both need to develop some mutually agreeable, unambiguous communications and use them. You both need to be able to express your true feelings in matters relating to crossdressing. (This exercise will also benefit your non-CD communications.) It will be difficult at first. We are talking about feelings, after all, and men often lack a close link with their emotions or means to express them*. We've been conditioned to be stoic, to do the right thing regardless how we feel about it, and never talk about how we feel.

Wives are likewise strangers to their husband's core feelings. When we clumsily attempt to express them, they are understandably confused and respond in sometimes unpredictable ways.

Soooo.... To answer your unasked question:
Tell your wife how you feel about hanging your feminine clothes in the closet and ask her to tell you what that means to her. Then ask her to tell you how she feels about seeing your feminine clothes in the closet, and tell her what that means to you. You both need clarity, and neither should accept ambiguity.

Best wishes
MsVal

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*My dear wife and I are working on this and making great progress. We are benefiting from the advice of a therapist that specializes in gender and relationship issues. I get homework a couple times per month. (E.g. In Relationship 'Feeling' Words. There are 35 ways to express insecurity and fear, all subtly different.)

[Annaliese]

Hang'em, the danger is she might like some of them, and then they are lost forever. Take the heels out also.